When you lose someone who means a lot to you, you go through a very tough time afterwards, especially if the loss was against your will. Losing someone special, someone who has a place in your heart, someone who is the reason why you exist, makes you lose faith in everything in life. It changes you as a person and your view on life. It makes you into a cold hearted human being who doesn’t trust people anymore and that requires a lot of effort in changing which is also really hard.

Once again, you didn’t know how Yongguk felt right now because you never got to experience such a thing but you did fully understand him and his actions. You were still standing behind his tall figure in the door opening and watched the scene in front of you. In fear.

There was a long silence after his father spoke and it was only then that Mrs. Kwon acknowledged your presence. She slowly stood on her feet while smiling weakly at you, and walked towards you to take the plate you were holding. When her pale hands accepted the plate, you would feel how cold they were. She was worried. She mouthed a thanks and sorry before walking into the kitchen.

”There is a freaking reason why I didn’t answer your calls,” Yongguk let out bitterly after a while before clenching his jaw, “Leave. Us. Alone.”

His father looked at him with hurt yet apologetic eyes. He looked around in the room before taking a couple of steps closer. “Listen son-“

“Don’t you dare calling me that!” Yongguk blurred out in anger, making his father widen his eyes.

You took hold onto his shirt and pulled it slightly as a sign for him to calm down. He clearly ignored your action but you didn’t mind. You tried your best to help him in any way even though he didn’t want it.

“Yongguk-ah please ju-“

“Leave this house right away,” he pointed towards the front door. “I don’t need you in my life, so just leave!”

The elder looked at Yongguk in disbelief although he more or less expected this reaction from his son. You scanned his figure from top to toe and from what you could see you could tell that, that man went through a lot in his life. He looked like one of the people who made lots of wrong decisions in his life just to regret some of them now. Visually, he reminded you a lot of Yongguk. The fully plumb lips, the sharp edged eyes and thick eyebrows, and the chubby cheeks. The two males looked a lot alike only that his father looked much older with lots of wrinkles. Yet he looked younger than what you assumed he really was.

A lot of people say not to judge a person from the first appearance, but you couldn’t help it. Although this time you could see that the man didn’t mean anything bad with his exposure.

“Can you just let me talk everything out?” his father tried again.

“Talk? There is nothing to talk about!” finally he walked a couple of steps into the living room, “There is nothing for you to say either. Every ing thing is crystal clear to me okay?!”

“Please..” the elder lowered his head and whispered with a shaky voice.

You were still standing at the door opening and looked at Yongguk, who met your eyes right away, and gave him a sad expression. It maybe was none of your business but you felt sorry for his father. He flied all the way from another continent just to talk to his son and maybe sort out some things. You were still on Yongguk’s side but in your opinion, he should let him say what he wanted.

He took a very deep breath before turning towards his father again, “Speak.”

The older one’s head turned immediately towards his direction with hope written all over his face. He gulped down once before opening his mouth and slowly turning towards your direction.

“Can… can we talk about this alone?” he asked him while still looking at you with sad eyes.

“No,” Yongguk replied determined and gripped your hand just to drag you over to one of the couches and slightly push you down to take a seat. “Whatever you have to say, you can say it now. Now or never.”

“Yongguk, I can go if yo-“

“Shut up,” he interrupted your whisper and turned towards his father again, not saying a single word.

His father blinked a couple of times, not knowing what to say, before looking away from the two of you. You sat there in silence and just watched the scene in front of you. You felt really awkward sitting there in the middle of something that you have nothing to do with. Mrs. Kwon was still in the kitchen and you knew that she sat there just to avoid this situation as much as possible.

“I know that a single sorry won’t help at all so that’s why I won’t say it either. At least not yet..” his father started off, “But there are a lot of things that I regret doing and one of them are leaving you, my son.”

You were dying inside out of awkwardness because you really didn’t feel like being there when very sensitive topics were about to be discussed. You looked down at your lap and pretended not to listen to the conversation.

“Are you serious?!” Yongguk blurred out once again, clearly not having any patience when it came to his father’s words.

“There aren’t any words that can describe the regret I’m feeling!” his father raised his voice too, “I know that you’re really angry at me and I understand that you hate me but I’m a human being too, Yongguk. And humans make mistakes!”

Slowly but surely you could feel your blood coming up to your face, turning you into a nice reddish tone. You gulped down your own saliva while slightly tapping your cheeks with one hand in hope to cool yourself down a bit. Normally, you would have kicked Yongguk’s right away for dragging you into something you clearly didn’t wanted to be dragged in, but this time you couldn’t do anything. Not at the moment at least.

“Look at you, son…” after Yongguk’s silence his father continued, “You’ve turned into a man. A beautiful man. And I hate myself for making you go through so many things without me. Your first day in school, your puberty, your graduation, your...” there was a silence again which made you look at his father for a second just to see him smile weakly towards you, “girlfriend.”

From that, you turned your face immediately towards Yongguk just to see him as expressionless as he was from the beginning, just this time there wasn’t hatred involved. Just when you thought that your face couldn’t get redder than it already was, you could feel another load of hot blood pump through your veins towards you face. Fresh air was something your body begged for and you needed it right now. 

“Your loss,” Yongguk said coldly after a while, making his father look at him with sad eyes.

You couldn’t believe that he just ignored the last word his father said but then… there were more important things to think about at the moment. Suddenly you felt this kick inside of you which made you jump up from the couch and head towards the door. You turned around to bow once in apologize and ran out of the living room. In the hallway, you said a quick ‘bye Mrs. Kwon’ before putting on your shoes and opening the front door.

One second you were on your way out, the other you were pinned onto the wall in the hall by a very angry yet disappointed Yongguk. He searched for your eyes while holding tightly onto your arm.

“You can’t leave me with him!” he whisper yelled.

“I’m sorry but I can’t be here. This is none of my business…” you whispered.

“I don’t care! If I say that it’s okay to be here then it is. Don’t leave me with this selfish bastard!”

You tried to pull away but his grip was tighter than you expected.

“Just let him talk everything out!” this time it was you who whisper yelled. Partly because of the anger you suddenly felt, but also because you could see that his father was serious about his emotions. “Maybe… maybe he has a point! And you need this Yongguk, I know you do. This is the chance to ask him whatever you want. He will answer everything, I’m sure he will.”

“I can’t believe you’re saying this..” he lowered his head and that’s when you took advantage of the situation and pulled away from his grip to run out. You turned around while walking backwards.

“I’m sorry,” you mouthed before rubbing the back of your neck with one of your hands, “I’ll call you tomorrow. Go talk to him now.”

He shook his head in disbelief and closed the door without even looking at you. He was mad. You rubbed your temples before running home to take a cold shower.

***

He didn’t answer your text messages for days and you refused to call him although you said to him that you would. If he didn’t answer your messages than you can forget about the calls too. Days went by and you didn’t see him. You have watched his house this whole time in hope to see him leave the house but he never came out. Nor did his father. You and the rest of the crew hung out in the skatepark and enjoyed every minute of it yet you couldn’t stop thinking about Yongguk.

Somehow you started feeling guilt inside of you but you still did the right thing. Firstly it was the first time you met the man so you had no right to even say a word against him and secondly, you gave Yongguk a chance to finally speak to his father after all these years.

“Jin Ah noona!” Zelo’s voice interrupted your train of thoughts, “You keep zooming out from reality. What is going on?” he skated up to the bench where you were sitting, leaving everyone behind at one of the ramps.

You watched his facial expression for a minute or two before smiling to yourself from noticing something weird. “Yah, can you stop blinking so much!”

At that, the pure boy blinked even more in shock, totally not expecting something like that to come out of your mouth right now. “Aish, what is wrong with you noona?” he smiled and pushed you jokingly, “Seriously now, is something worrying you?”

You looked down at the ground and wagged with your feet around. Zelo was one of the first friends you met when you moved to Seoul so even though he was the youngest of all of your friends, you could still trust him. He was by your side from the whole beginning and you were sure that he wouldn’t leave it any time soon.

“Have you talked to Yongguk?” you asked slowly.

He looked around once before turning towards you again, “Actually he called me this morning…”

“Really?”

“Yeah.. He said that he had a rough week full with emotions an-“ he stopped midsentence while watching your waving feet.

You waited for him to continue but he remained silent. You stopped your feet and asked firmly, “And what Zelo?”

The younger looked up with worry written all over his face, “Promise me not to tell anyone this, especially not Yongguk hyung!”

“I promise,” you arched one eyebrow.

“Noona, please…”

“I promise!” you raised your voice a bit, “Now tell me!”

He took a deep breath, ”He told me about everything that happened the other day between you and him… and even his father. He said that he hated the fact that you left him with his father yet he was thankful.”

“Thankful?”

“Yepp, he said that the two of them had a very long talk the first night. He even told me that he cried in anger for a minute but after a couple of more days, he started giving up and slowly accepting his father’s existence again. And this was all thanks to you, for convincing him to talk to his father.”

“But I didn’t do much. I just told him to give his father a chance and talk to him,” you furrowed your eyebrows.

“And that’s what he did. I think you have a huge impact on him, noona. Even though he doesn’t want to admit it,” he winked, earning a slight slap on his left cheek.

“But why didn’t he answer my messages?”

“He was afraid that you might call him if he answers.”

“So what if I did?”

“He didn’t want to talk to you because he didn’t want you to see, or hear, his weak side.”

“Bull!” you jumped up from the bench in anger.

Zelo followed you with his eyes in fear. “What are you doing?” he asked with a hint of panic in his voice.

“Me and you are going to make a visit to his house,” you said determined and gripped his shirt to pull him up.

“Are you serious?!” the younger panicked in your grip.

“Dead serious.”

***

You pushed the doorbell twice and waited for someone to come and open it.

“He will kill me,” whispered Zelo out of nowhere,”Noona, I love you but I’ll kill you if you give out anything you shouldn’t.”

“Calm down,” you rolled your eyes before you heard the doorknob.

Both of you watched the door open before a very tired Yongguk showed a very annoyed face. “Zelo I knew it was y-“ he stopped talking when he saw that you were right next to Zelo with your hands in your pockets. “What are you doing here?” he asked coldly.

“Save that macho attitude until later,” you said as coldly as he did, “why didn’t you answer my messages?” you asked although you knew the answer.

“I didn’t have time,” he looked away to avoid any eye contact.

You rolled your eyes at his stubbornness but decided not to take this kind of conversation any further. You wanted to talk to him and seeing him just like this made your heart beat faster than usual. You missed seeing his face, regardless which expression he had.

“What are you doing here?” he turned towards Zelo.

Zelo blinked a couple of times, not knowing what to say, before you put an arm over his chest. “I dragged him with me.”

“And why is that?”

“Because I can.”

“Yongguk, who is that?” all three of you turned your heads towards the direction of the voice that belonged to Yongguk’s father. Just seconds later, he was standing behind Yongguk, opening the door even wider.

The man smiled upon seeing you stand there and raised his eyebrows at the tall male beside you. “It’s her,“ he said with a bright smile while looking at Yongguk.

You wrinkled your nose in secret from his father’s comment, not really knowing how to react or behave. Before you could decide on what to do, he turned towards you again and stretched his arm and hand out.

“We had a very bad beginning which started in a wrong place at a wrong time, so I would like to introduce myself properly. Hello, I’m Mr. Bang and I’m Yongguk’s father.”

You looked at his hand and then at Yongguk, waiting for his approval. He just nodded once towards the hand, motioning to you to shake it. You did as awaited and smiled weakly.

“Hello Mr. Bang, my name is Jin Ah.”

The man shook your hand firmly, “I wish I could say that Yongguk told me a lot about you, like every parent does, but I can’t. He refuses to say anything about you.”

You had a confused look on your face and turned towards Yongguk, once again not knowing how to react. You didn’t even know how to interpret the fact that he refused to tell anything about you. You and Yongguk were just friends, yet you still felt a little bit sad. On the other hand, you were happy for them to develop their relationship because you were sure that Yongguk told him some stuff, like his interests and things he likes and dislikes.

“Oh, and you must be Zelo!” the man interrupted your handshake and turned towards Zelo.

The younger male shook Mr. Bang’s hand while smiling. “Yes.”

“Your name is not leaving Yongguk’s mouth. He really cares about you!”

With that he earned a glare from Yongguk, which startled him right away. He broke the hand shake and laughed nervously. “Do you want to come in?” he motioned with his hand but was immediately interrupted by Yongguk.

“There were just about to leave,” he lied naturally.

“Really?” Mr. Bang’s face fell, “Why?”

“They are busy at the moment,” he said and eyed the two of you. You watched him in disbelief before turning towards his father again.

“I’m sorry Mr. Bang, but me and Zelo have some important things to take care of,” you lied, playing along with Yongguk against your will, “But I’m sure we will have some time to sit and talk,” you finished and grabbed Zelo’s arm, who nodded in agreement.

“Goodbye,” you said without looking at Yongguk, whose eyes were burning a hole in your face, before turning around and walking away.

“It was nice meeting the two of you!” you heard Mr. Bang’s voice call after you.

You looked back one last time to smile towards him and shout out an “It was nice meeting you too!”

A couple of blocks later, Zelo stopped walking and eyed you. “What the hell happened?!”

“I have no ing idea,” you shook your head. “Oh well, I was right. It was none of my business.”

“Don’t say that noona. Maybe there is a reason why hyung behaved like that…”

“Just drop it,” you said and headed towards the skatepark again, with him right behind you.

***

The day of JB’s and JR’s departure has arrived. You met up with them and the rest of the group in the skatepark to hang out a bit before their flight. Gyuri was in the park too but she was with her friends so you didn’t have to see her y face. You skated on one of the lower ramps so you could still have a conversation with the others. JB skated right beside you with Zelo’s skateboard that he borrowed.

“When are you leaving?” asked Daehyun while looking at his watch.

“My dad will give me a call when he arrives with his car in front of the entrance,” he explained. “He has all our stuff because we packed everything yesterday.”

Daehyun nodded at the information he just received.

“I want to go too,” Zelo cried out.

“One day, baby boy. One day,” Amber tapped his back slightly and addressed him in a way people address little children.

“What is the prize for winning this whole thing?” Youngjae asked curiously.

JB and JR exchanged looks before JR turned towards him to answer his questions, “Cash.”

“No way!” Jongup jumped up, “How much?”

“Much,” JR smiled.

“It’s not only cash, but a contract and fame too,” added JB, gently slowing down his pace to sit down.

“What does the contract say then?” Youngjae arched his eyebrows.

“I don’t remember exactly everything, but something about joining their team and stuff,” JR scratched his head.

“That sounds nice,” nodded Himchan.

“And that’s why I want to go too,” Zelo cried again which was followed by Amber tapping his back once again.

“But wait, everything is in the U.S. If one of you wins, does that mean that you have to stay there?” Luna asked with a hint of worry in her voice.

You nodded at her question because she clearly had a point. The question took everyone off guard. Even the two participants. They exchanged looks again before shrugging at the same time.

“We actually don’t know…” JR shook his head.

“It would be really nice if one of you won but then… It would if you were required to stay there too,” you commented, making everyone nod their heads in agreement.

“Don’t worry,” JR laughed, “The chance is minimal for us to win this whole thing.”

“You never know,” said Jongup while shrugging.

Just then JR’s phone started ringing. He checked it just to see that it was his father. Everyone’s face fell because it was time for them to leave. The whole group stood on their feet and headed towards the entrance. JR called Gyuri and you saw her and Hara walk after you.

“We will see you guys in… one and a half week,” said JR after everyone walked up to the car.

You waved quickly to his father, who waved back, before turning towards the rest. Everyone started saying their goodbye’s to both of them and when it was your turn to hug them, JB crushed his body against yours. The hug was way tighter than you ever received from him. Yet you somehow didn’t mind. You hugged him back and said a ‘good luck’ while tapping his back.

“It’s still not too late to register yourself Jin Ah. You can do it today and take the next flight after us,” he tried to convince you one last time. “I can pay!”

You laughed at his attempt and shook your head while breaking the hug. “Just go now silly.”
You hugged JR too and gave an expressionless look to Gyuri. The three of them entered the car and waved constantly while JR’s father drove off.

It was silent right after they left with everyone’s thoughts somewhere else but even that silence didn’t last long because it was interrupted by a dark voice that everyone recognize.

“Has someone died?” everyone turned their heads towards Yongguk and saw him walk up to you with Mr. Bang right next to him.

The group started looking at each other because this situation was about to become awkward. You decided not to look at him and just bowed to his father once before walking back into the skatepark. You could hear everyone introducing themselves to Mr. Bang and him doing the same. You walked all the way over to one of the circular ramps and jumped on your skateboard just to let yourself roll down the ramp and shift from one side to the other.

***

“Firstly, you don’t even check up on me anymore, then you even found someone else,” you heard Yongguk from behind.

After the whole group introduced themselves, they walked into the skatepark with Mr. Bang to show him around. You were still skating everywhere, avoiding Yongguk as much as possible but yet, he comes after you. The ramp you were skating on right now was on the other side of the park, further away from the benches.

You glanced over at Yongguk once before turning your attention back to the ramps again.

“And now you’re ignoring me too.”

You looked at him and gave him a confused look, “What is wrong with you?”

“What is wrong with me? Why?” he crossed his arms.

“When I text you to see how you’re doing, you ignore me, yet you are here still complaining. And what do you mean with ‘found someone else’?!”

“I saw your and JB’s hug..” he said irritated.

“Yeah, so what?!”

“I didn’t like it.”

You slightly widened your eyes at his statement and you could feel a sudden heat collecting on your cheeks. There was some kind of jealous feeling you could sense from Yongguk but decided not to say anything. You looked away and continued on skating.

“None of your business,” you said coldly and this had two meanings.

“I can make it mine,” he smirked.

“Go ahead.”

“You don’t think I can do it?”

“No, it’s…” you looked at him quickly, “..almost impossible.”

You saw him smile at that before letting out a short laugh, “Really? Do you want to bet about this Lee Jin Ah?”

You glanced at him once and started skating towards another ramp, in hope to forget this conversation. Just then you met your friends and Mr. Bang halfway. The whole group, except Yongguk’s father, had shocked expressions on their faces but you could see that it was a good kind of shocked expression. Yongguk ran after you and stopped at the sight of the others.

“What is going on with you?” you pointed towards everyone.

“Hello Jin Ah,” Mr. Bang greeted you instead.

“Hi,” you said shyly because you felt bad for not greeting him properly before.

“I have some good news,” he said with a bright smile.

Yongguk took a step forward and looked at his father, “What news?”

His father scanned through everyone’s face when suddenly Zelo jumped out with the hugest smile you have seen on him in a while.

“Mr. Bang invites everyone to the skating festival!”

“What?!” you and Yongguk let out at the same time.

“That’s right,” the man started laughing, “I want to treat my son and his friends to an interesting trip!”