Y/N

I will wait for you. I respect you. I adore you.

"How is ignoring me shows that he respect and adore me?" I threw my phone on the bed before dropping myself on it while whining. I was searching up about what forehead kisses means. Just trying to get some answers to my question as to why he did that and now we're suddenly back to how we used to.

Baekhyun hasn't been talking to me since that day in the conference room with Sooman scolding me for being flustered around NCT members. He would either pretend to not hear me talk to him or completely ignore my existence at all, like I'm just a gush wind passing by.

It's hurting me.

He never takes his car to work, so we wouldn't have to be alone together. I guess he thought that matters like this would rather be discussed with just the two of us and knowing how curious I get, he knows I'll probably interrogate him once I get the chance to.

Today is Amusement Park's recording, the chosen title for the single track he's gifting his fans. It's Baekhyun's first schedule since he started avoiding me, and since he spoiled about this release, the production is going to be rushed. We'll have to do the recording today and the live video filming tomorrow.

I should be excited about this, but the fact that the song is somehow shows the time we spent together, instead of making my heart flutter, it is hurting me.

Sighing, I got off the bed. Days like this will pass by, maybe Baekhyun's just trying to prove something else and that includes ignoring me. That must be it, that'll be my stance for now until I find the answer.

Since Baekhyun didn't want to see me, I thought of waiting for him at the van and never rang his bell to let him know it's time to leave. Once I reached the lobby, our personal driver was seen waiting for me at the exit.

"Baekhyun had left, he took his car."

My lips parted a bit with my eyes twinkling rapidly. "He left?" it was nothing big compared to what Jian did to him, but I feel betrayed? Disappointed? I don't know either.

He nods at me to answer and did a little gesture for us to go on. I sat on my usual seat in the van, briefly glancing to the empty seat beside me. I'm kinda not used to see his seat unoccupied, we were always together no matter how much we wanted to get into each other's nerves every single day.

"Need someone to talk to?" I moved my eyes to look at the rearview mirror, seeing the driver glancing at me for a second and then back at the road. "It's the face of someone hurt." he added.

I do need someone that I could confide my thoughts to, and he's a trusted person who had seen how Baekhyun and I went from sending death glares to having comfortable conversations in this very van. Despite showing him some suspicious acts that could get me fired in a blink, no word was delivered to Sooman.

I stared outside the window and exhaled, "Baekhyun hasn't been talking to me and I didn't know why."

"Of course, it would be Baekhyun." he chuckles softly. "What happened before that?"

"It was after our discussion for his new song. Sooman told me that I'm not allowed to be flustered around NCT members, unless I wanted to get myself fired for it. And that there's this intangible line between me as a manager and SM artists." my hands would flicker in the air as I speak. "That line thingy had been understandable since I started working for Baekhyun, so why ignore me now when we've been through so much?"

He thought of my statement for a while and I waited to at least get some answers. "Oh, dear. I think it's his way of keeping you beside him." I cocked my head to the side, innocently staring at him through the mirror. "You probably didn't know about this, but when everyone told him that you have been fired, Baekhyun had a hard time trying to pretend that it was fine."

"It tormented him. I was there when he was swearing at you for being exceptionally good at doing your job and that he should get you back, not knowing he was being pranked." he laughs at the memory as the car came into a stop, that's when I noticed that we have reached SM's parking lot. He looks back at me and continued, "Maybe Sooman's words scared him since you two are getting a lot closer to being more than just a pair of manager and idol, it means you're more prone to getting fired and he's trying not to cross that intangible line for you, by getting away from it."

Because it was me who was stepping towards that line, for loving him. So, it was my fault all along? And he was just trying to help me keep this job, the one that I wouldn't trade for anything else in this world... As I what I told him.

He mentioned that I got him accustomed to the feeling of having me around, and that he breathes by fighting me. Sehun also told me how Baekhyun couldn't handle things on his own and that I'm the only one he knows the best for it.

I think I just found the answer to why he's suddenly avoiding me.

I was standing beside the producer, watching Baekhyun from the control room while he's getting ready for recording the song in the isolation booth. He may be keeping his eyes down at the lyrics sheet, but I know he's fighting the urge to look somewhere else other than reading the moments we made, now morphed into a song.

"Ready, Baekhyun?"

He popped a thumb up and nodded his head. Few seconds after that, the instrumental intro of the song was heard. I was intently observing the way he breathed and just when he's about to sing the first line, he unintentionally moves his gaze to meet mine. Startled by that, Baekhyun ended up breathing out instead, missing the timing to sing his line.

"I'm sorry," he clears his throat and apologetically looks at the producer beside me. "I wasn't really focusing."

I stared at him for few seconds as I feel my breathing getting unstable. I see that you're trying your best to keep me around you, Baekhyun. I thought to myself, then I turning around, and walk out of the studio without saying a word.

----

"I have been trying to get you to the merry-go-round with me because I thought you'd look pretty on it."

You look beautiful on the merry-go-round.

Is that why he chose to stand and sing the song... In front of the merry-go-round?

No, that must not be it. That made me sound way too delusional, everything is not about me. The merry-go-round is kinda like the trademark of an amusement park, it was to say that the song is literally about going to that place and make cute memories.

"A penny for your thoughts?"

I flinched out of shock and snapped my gaze at the man standing beside me, it was Sooman. "Good evening, sir." I inclined my body to show my respect.

"By the way, I'm sorry about the last time. I wasn't really in the mood and vented it out to you and Baekhyun." Sooman waves off, chuckling. "I didn't mean that because of the line between you and SM artists, you can't interact with them or be friends. I just don't want the romance and fangirling part, that's the actual line that shouldn't cross as a manager."

Another bow, accompanied by a careful smile. "I understand that a long time ago, sir."

In a distance, he gazes Baekhyun, who's still getting ready for the filming. "You can never be too careful, considering after the incident with Jian." he says regretfully, followed by a sigh. "Seeing how Baekhyun's career didn't have a great start, I never paid much attention to him and was so reckless when I hired Jian as his manager. Just so he could have his own manager, I'm gonna hire whoever it is, blah blah." it was as if he was mimicking himself at the end of his statement and even laughed.

I didn't know what to say, so I just listened while my eyes are at Baekhyun's from afar.

"Since the day you found out about Jian and never said a word to Baekhyun when I told you so, you already gained my trust. I guess you wouldn't fail me?"

"I... Of course I shouldn't, sir."

"I will be really heartbroken if you do. Baekhyun once personally thanked me for hiring you, and it was the first time he did that since I fired Jian and then resenting me for it." he shakes his head as he laughs. "You sure do great things as his manager, not only about his schedules but also to his development."

Hearing those only pushes me, motivates me to step further away from the line that's separating us. If Baekhyun's scared of losing me, so I am on losing him — not this job. I'm going to do my best to stay...

Even if it means I have to get rid of this love for him, just so I could stay, as his manager. The world is so cruel. Can't I just have a straight up great love, do I really have to suffer like this

The director's cue was heard and Amusement Park's intro followed shortly after. When Sooman and I turned our attention to Baekhyun, he was staring at me.

All throughout the entire intro, our gazes locked, my heartbeat intensifying. There it goes again, everyone else seems unrecognizable and unclear, like I was taken back to that enchanting moment from our amusement park date. Even when I'm watching him from a distance, I could vividly see this glint in his eyes that I can't just understand, like a message he can't say to me after his tongue tied itself, refraining him from saying reckless words.

Working with him for serval months now, I've grown to know Baekhyun deeper than anyone else in the fandom. I can tell when he wants to say anything or something's running in his mind.

It took hours before the filming was wrapped up. Now that Sooman cleared that I could still interact with SM idols, Baekhyun has to know that. He didn't have to ignore me, we just have avoid crossing that certain line and be friends. If he's scared of getting me fired, that's the least that we could have for now.

Okay, I'm talking to him. I took a deep breath as I walk towards his direction, it felt like as if this is the first time I'm seeing him.

I was getting closer. He's thanking the staffs involved in the filming, without knowing I'm approaching. "Baekhyun," I muttered once close enough and was about to give him a tap on his shoulder, but he quickly walks away to another staff.

Baekhyun, I swear I'm going to smack your head once you realize that you didn't have to do this just for me to stay, I mentally noted and turned away from him, only to see Doyeon running up to me.