Today has been just too tiring. All I want to do is now go and cuddle with Jjongie.

I was walking to the door when I remembered that today is the last day of the week that he had decided to stay for and tomorrow morning I am leaving for portugal.

That thought made me feel sad. The happiness going away taking the smile with it.

Feeling down I entered the password and opened the door. As I entered my head was down, not looking inside until I had closed the door and got out of the shoes.

When I finally lifted my head to look up what happened next was not what I was expecting cause it really almost stopped my heart. But instantly relaxed when realized it just him. I got too startled at first for my mind to work.

"Jjong" I called his name touching the hand that was covering my eyes.

"Haii" he whispered into my ears that send chill down my spine. How his voice affects me like that is still a surprise.

"What are you doing? Why did you cover my eyes?" I asked getting more and confused.

"Patience Love" he once again whispered but this time my heart melted and my knees got weak. I would have really hit the ground if Jjong had not put his hold on me right on time.

"Are you okay Bummie?" He asked. I could hear the worry in his voice.

"You should really stop calling me Love"

"Why?" He asked.

"Cause when you call me that it melts my heart and make my knees weak" I answered clearly knowing that by now he is smiling.

I didnot get any response from him but the gentle kiss he placed on my shoulder gave out everything he wanted to say.

"Okay now lets go" he said breaking the short silence.

"Where?" I asked but only to laugh inside to the dumb question I asked.

He did not answer but led me forward. He was being careful that I dont mis-step or hit any where I shouldnt. How I know? Cause he was telling me how to move and what to do. It felt weird cause I know how to walk in the apartment even if its dark and he knows that too. I am really curious now.

After few more steps he stopped with me. Telling me not to open my eyes he removed his hand from my eyes. As asked I stood without opening my eyes while he took the bag that I was holding and also took off my jacket.

What is this guy doing?

"Okay now you can open up your eyes"

As soon as he said it I opened my eyes to see something breath taking. Well two actually. I looked around the apartment only to be awe strucked.

"Kibum"

I looked back at him to the sound of my name. He looks so handsome and beautiful. My apartment doesnt even look like mine. Its so beautiful. How did he do this? Did he do all this alone? How did he turn my this extremely huge apartment into what feels like a picture from a dream?

I looked at him. I saw a nervousness in his eyes. He was worried I didnt like it because I wasnt smiling or saying anything. Its because I dont know which one to do first. Cry or smile? Because I feel like if I talk then two things will happen at the same time.

But I cant keep him like that.

"Are you sure we are in my apartment? Cause it really doesnt look like that?" I asked.

He chuckled and smiled. That smile of his has always been my weekness.

"Yes we are" he answered.

"Well it doesnt look like so. I had never seen this place like this and never thought I would" I said still surprised.

"Well it can and you are seeing it now. So ho---

"---its beautiful. Its really really beautiful" I cut him in the middle and gave him the answer that he has been waiting for. As soon as I did, his lips curved into a big and handsome smile.

"Now come. Even though I can, I dont want to spend the whole night holding out the chair for you" he said.

Giving a smile to him I went to the table and took a seat on the chair he had pulled out for me.

After helping me sit, he took a seat at the other side facing me. As I sat patiently he took of the lids and showed me the food that was prepared.

Everything looked so tasty.

"Did you cook?" Him cooking is not something new.

"Yes I did. Just for you. I did so many things today including cooking." He said with a proud smile which made me smile.

"Okay then. Shall we eat? I am really hungry" I asked taking the fork and spoon into my two hands.

"Hehehe. Yes we may. You go first"

Without waiting even one more second I took a bite of the tasty looking pasta that was infront of me.

As soon as I put the bite in my mouth, my taste buds went crazy and I melted. God! This is so tasty and creamy and saucy.

"This is sooooo tasty Jjong" I said enjoying the creamy and saucy tasty in my mouth.

"Thank you. Lets eat then."

Through out the dinner Jjong talked about what he had been doing the whole day. I had told him about the filming for the reality show with BoA noona and other things. When I talked he listened, smiled and nodded when needed. When he talked I listened carefully, smiled and felt happy.

How long we have been talking? I dont know except that our plates and wine glasses were empty now.

I was about to say something when he suddenly stood up leaving the table. I looked at him curiously, watching where he was going. Got more confused when he stopped infront of the bluetooth that was on the kitchen counter.

A slow but very peaceful music filled the place. Leaving the area he was standing, he walked back to me. But with a smile on him. A very soft heart melting smile.

By now I had turned in the chair facing him. When he stopped right infront of me, he put his hand out to me. What is he doing?

Listening to my heart I put my hand in his. As I did, he gently pulled me to him.

I looked at him meeting his eyes.

"What are you doing Jjong?"

He did not say anything but took my other hand and placed on his shoulder. And place his hand on my back as he corrected our holding hands.

"Something that I have been wanting to do"

"And what's that?" I asked

"Dancing with you" he said swaying to the music with me.

"Don't we do that on stage already?"

"Yeah. But thats with the members. I wanted to dance like this. With you in my arms, swaying to slow music, holding you close" he said.

"You are so cheesy Jjong"

Letting him envelop me fully, I rested my head on his shoulder hiding my blushing face. Its so easy for him to make me a blushing mess.

It was times like this with him that I enjoy the most. When we get in one place, we talk a lot but we both always enjoy this silence. He had said it one day. That he loves the silence that surrounds us when he is laying with me in his arms.

This time it was not just plain silence. A peaceful music was dancing going hand in hand with our silence, making us sway with them. The feeling of his warm embrace makes me feel protected and loved. Everytime I hug him, I always want to make him feel the love and warmth that he makes me feel.

This moment with his arms around me, My arms around his, my head resting on his shoulder, close to each other and moving to the music is something I am going to treasure forever.

"Je'taime"

I whispered into his ears.

"I love you too"

His whisper reached my ears. His response made me face him.

"How did you--

"---- I just searched it up. You said the same thing that day and I asked you whether you said something but you said you didnt. I heard you. I just didnt know what you said so I asked."

I was shocked to know that he had heard. But does that mean.....

"No. I didnt know what it meant during that time. It was just recently".

He answered before I could even ask the question leaving me once again suprised that he read me. I will never get use to him reading me.

"I am never going to get use to you reading me" I said.

"And you dont have to. You are not easy to read so I love that I can read you even though.... I was not able to do that when you wear hurting"

He said looking away, hiding the guilt and anger that was forming in his eyes. But even if he tried I had already heard it in his voice. Its already going to be two years but still he blames himself for the pain that I had gone through. I had told him and tried to assure him that Its okay and that now I have him. But still from time to time he blames himself.

Moving my hand that was resting on his left shoulder I gently and lovingly placed it on his cheek and made him look at me.

"Jjong look at me" I tried making him look at me. But he kept looking away.

"Jjong look at me". I asked again.

"No" this time he said shaking his head.

Wanting to try one time before I say something that I know would make him look at me I asked him again.

"Please Jjong. Look at my side." I asked again.

But again I got a no.

"Jjong look at me. If you love me you please look at me" I said the last thing I had wanted to say. I didnt say it because I had doubt on his love for me. I said it cause I know hearing it would make him look instantly. And thats what happened.

"You really cant use that on me Bummie. Ofcourse I love you" he said meeting my eyes and pulling me more closer to him. Its something that he always does when he wants to assure me something.

"Thats what I want to tell you. I know you love me. You love me Jjong. I have you. Right now I am standing in your arms and looking at you. You are mine and I am yours. The pain that I had gone through is now just a faint memory to me. And I want to remember that cause its a part of me loving you. It a part of a journey that took me from being one sided love to standing here in your arms. You have to stop blaming yourself. Please. For me. It pains me more when I see you blaming yourself for something that you had no control over. I love you Jjong. I love you so much that it hurts now too. But I just love you. So please. For me. Promise me. For me every single second of that pain was worth it. So promise me."

Moving my hand from his cheek I put it infront of him so he can put his hand in mine and promise me.

When I had looked away for a moment and again looked at him I saw a mixture of countless emotion go through him. The most radiant emotion was love.

"Jjong..."

Without breaking his eyes contact he placed his hand on mine. The warmth from him radiating into my hands filling every nerve of mine.

"I promise" saying it he pulled me to him hugging me. Nuzzling into my neck he whispered those words to me again and again. When he promised, I heard it and felt it. That in that moment he had really stopped blaming himself. The certainity in his voice was more than the hesitance that I have heard and felt in his voice at every other time when I had asked him to stop blaming himself and he would say yes he would stop.

Once again we enjoyed our closeness and warmth of each other letting the music envelope us and move to the music slowly.

The silence went on for a while until he broke it.

"Thank you Kibummie" he said leaving a kiss on my exposed skin. The slight touch itself making me shiver.

He faced me. Looked at me. Like deep into my soul making me freeze and melt at the same time. Holding his gaze he continued.

"Thank you for everything. Thank you for not giving up on me. Thank you for not giving up on your feelings. Thank you for confessing to me. Thank you for waiting. And most of everything, thank you for being my friend even though you found me annoying at first. Thank you for warming upto me...

"I have said this once before and I want to say it once again. The luckiest day of my life is the day I met you. Through out the years I have gotten the chance to see you grow. And getting that chance to see you grow from so close is something that I feel so lucky and grateful about. I have seen you break, fall and stand back up stronger than ever. I have seen you slowly build a unbreakable wall around your heart so no one can hurt you. I have seen you be safe about who you let in. I have seen you rise from the bottom to who you are now. You have grown into this ,well respected, kind hearted, well loved, amazing, georgouse and handsomely beautiful man and person...

Stopping for a minute he leaned in and placed a loving kiss on my forehead which made me involuntrily close my eyes. Moving back and looking at me again he continued.

"And there is no one else who can be prouder than me for what and who you have become...

"It had taken a lot of time and patience but the biggest success for me is that, you had learnt to love yourself and be yourself. And now you are the one who encourages others to be themselves. You have become someone that many look upto. You have become a role model to many peoples. Since trainee days we have been through a lot. And we have grown with it. You have grown so much.  Now I dont have any worries. Since the first day I met you starting from trainee days, I have always wanted to keep you safe and protect you. No matter what happens for me your safety comes first. The urge to protect you was always there and still is. But now I am at ease. Cause you are your own protector now. Now even if I had to lea---

"Stop right there. Dont finish that sentence. Dont even think about it" I said covering his mouth interrupting him. How dare he even say that! No. How dare he even think that!

"But Kibum" he took off my hands away slowly.

"No Jjong. No buts. Just dont say it. I dont want you to say things like that or even think like that. Please."

"But Kibum, we have to talk like this. Let me finish what I wanted to say."

"No Jonghyun. Dont. You are right. We have been through a lot and we have grown up but still I need you. I will always need you. In every time of my life I have needed you. You have always been there. Since trainee days you have been there. When ever I needed you. When ever I felt down and needed someone I have had you. I could always go to you. We have known each other for 13 years now. Just like how you have seen me grow, I too have seen you grow. I have seen you fight yourself every single day of your life. I have seen you break down, fall and then get up.

"When I lay with you in your dark room, I have felt your inner monsters. Even though you have said to me that you want me to be in the light always, I lay there with you cause I want to give you some from the amount of comfort that you have given me. Through out these 13 years, I have seen you become this amazing person. Passionate about music. Someone who thinks deep about life. Someone who loves everyone around him and treasures every moment of his life. I have seen you pour your heart into your songs. I have seen you. Countless times I have looked into your eyes when you sing on stage...

"Its not just me who has become someone that is respected or someone who others look upto. You have too. You are someone so many people love and respect with their full hearts. I am not just talking about our fans. You are someone so many look up to. Yes I know, many still and always have said mean things to you which made you scared to show yourself. But you know what Jjong, you have always been yourself. You have showed yourself. And peoples have loved you for who you are. There will always be those who will look down on you or me but there is a truth that will never change. And that's you have come this far because of your hard work and your passion and love for music. That you are the kindest, the most loving and most handsome man I have ever laid my eyes on. I love you Kim Jonghyun. Always remember that. I will listen to everything you would say but not this. I cant. The thought of spending the rest of my life without you scares me. So please dont--

"No Kibum! This talk is also important. I know that even if one day like that does come, you will be able to live. You are such a strong person. So promise me Bummie. Promise me that even in a place I am no more, you will live. You will live your days smiling and one day again you will let love again"

"No. Please dont make me promise that. I cant"

By now I was a crying mess.

"Please promise me. Please for me. I dont want to live with the fear that you wont love again or live lively. So please. Promise me you will always be happy. Promise me you will smile. Promise me you will love and let in love. Promise me that....."

I heard the plea in his voice. So I promised him. Meaning every word from the bottom of my heart.

"I promise I will never forget you. I promise I will always be happy. I promise to smile. I promise to love and let love in. I promise to love you till the end of my time. I promise. I promise and I love you so much"

Promising him all his wishes I hugged him. A bone crushing hug. I held him tightly. And when his hands embraced me I finally lost it. My heart burst. I dont know when was the last time I had cried like I am doing right now.

I cried. I cried until there was no tears left. I dont know for how long we have been standing, but the whole time he stood with me in his arms comforting me.

When I had finally stopped I faced him. I looked at him.

As I met his eyes once again, everything that had just happened came to me in full force. And before I could control myself I felt my eyes fill with tears making his image look blurry.

Hoping that the action would make it everything a dream, I closed my eyes.

I opened my eyes to his gentle touch on my cheeks as he wiped away the tears.

"Dont cry Bummie. I dont ever want to see those tears in your eyes. I promised you didnt I? I am really sorry." He said.

"No no. Dont say sorry. You are right. We needed to have that conversation. Thank you for just like always getting past my stubborn side and making me talk about it. But it just hurt me. Cause you sounded like someone who was leaving. Thats why I wanted you to stop."

"I am not. I will always be here as long as you keep me alive" He said leaning in and touching our foreheads together.

"Always Jjong. Always and forever. I will never stop loving you. You will always be the one in my heart. Its my eternal promise to you"

A soft but genuinely happy killer smile formed on his lips.

"Me too. I love you. I will always love you. I am all yours Kibum. Always. But tonight let me love you and show you my love."

It was my turn to smile at his words.

"Promise me Jjong, you will never stop loving me"

"I promise"

Just like that night in my apartment where he had promised not to break my heart as he sealed his promise and began our journey as lovers with a kiss, he once again connected our lips sealing that eternal promise to always love me. I kissed back sealing my eternal promise to always love him and even in a place where he is no more, I will live for him cause he would want me to do that.

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How was it? There were some things that you were not expecting right? It took me such a long time to write this and now its was time to release it. So i hope you are not crying but smiling. Cause these two deseverse smiles and no tears. So smile 😊

And thank you Kim ❤

Lots of love,
From me