Jonghyun's POV:

Today is the day of the concert. I feel weird. I am excited but I don't know.

There is still around 10 minutes left till our manager comes to pick us up for us to go to the concert venue. It has been 2 days since I last talked to him. It felt more like 2 years. I miss him.

"Jonghyun"

I looked up to the sound of my name.

It was the manager. He was telling me to come. I walked to the van and got in. Minho, Taemin and Jinki hyung was in the fan. I greeted them.

Next stop was to pick Kibum up.

When Kibum got into the van I looked away. Because he got into the seat next to the driver nobody questioned my action.

~~~~~~~

When we got to the concert venue the SM idol groups had already arrived. Idols who were designated as the host of the night were rehersing their lines.

We followed our manager to the backstage where the concert director was talking to his staff members with charts in hand.

A assistant director came to us with mic ear piece set with our names pasted on it.

Group after group in line we rehersed. The rehearsal it self went on for almost three hours. We were performing 6 songs and a solo stage for me and Taemin. 

Through out the rehearsal I tried my best to not think about the other things. I talked and laughed with my friends from the company. Other members were doing the same too. Kibum too. He was taking pictures and making videos. He looked like he was having fun. But it felt weird.

I do not look at him when we are in public. Atleast not for more than a minute. People's talk. People's suspect. But because we are seniors nobody asks us or talk to us about those things. Thankfully I don't think any senior groups thinks anything about it.

"Jonghyun-ah"

"Hi, hyoyeon" I greeted the long time girl group friend I have.

"What are you doing standing alone?" she asked.

"Nothing. Just excited. Today is our first stage in Korea after a long time" I said.

"Aah that's right. Same here. We are very excited too and nervouse too" she said.

"Hahhaha... Don't worry. SNSD is the best" I said making her laugh.

Chatting for a bit more she left cause their manager was calling once again leaving me alone to my thoughts.

My eyes again landed on the guy who I was deeply in love with.

Wait? Did I just say was? I do still love him. But it's weird. I am not getting the fluttery feeling I get when I see him. It has been like this for a while now. Even before me and Kibum started our arguing I felt weird. When I see him I would always want to be close to him and kiss him and make him out of breath. But I don't know.

When he asked me about me being distant I told him to not make it such a big deal. I did not realise it back then. But I have now. I feel strange. I know he was worried about me when I did not call or text for two whole days.

I do love him. But....just something is wrong.

"Hyung" I heard Taemin call.

"Yes"

"Let's go. We need to get ready." Taemin said walking towards.

I noticed that the others have already gone so I follwed Taemin.

~~~~~~~~~~

The concert has started. All the seats were full and it looked so beautiful. So many fandoms in one place. But my eyes were on the aqua blue section. It has been a while since we met our Korean fans through stage.

There is still two groups to go before we are to be on stage. Me and Taemin has gone on stage already for our solo performances.

Waiting in the waiting room was boring so we were all standing at the backstage watching the performances. The concert was being recorded live.

The members were chatting with other colleagues from the company. Just chit chatting.

"Jonghyun hyung"

I looked away from the screen and to him, a bit surprised to hear his voice.

"Hello" I was not sure what else to say.

"We need to talk" he said.

"Okay. Let's talk" I said turning to him and giving all the focus.

"Not now. After we are done with our performances." he said.

I wanted to talk about the performances. During 1 of 1 we are playful and if he is still play with that.

"Ah I almost forgot" he suddenly said.

"What is it?" I asked.

"About the performance..." he trailed.

A smile formed on my lips. He just said what I was about say.

"Why? Why are you smiling?" he asked.

"Nothing. You just said what I was about to say" I said not wiping my smile.

"Oh. Hahaha. So we are okay with it right? I don't want the members to find out about any of this" he said.

"I agree. I don't want either. Yeah I am okay with it" I said with a reassuring smile.

He did not say anything back but just gave me a smile and left.

~~~~~~~
Finally it was our turn. We started with 1 of 1. Making it playful as it always have been. Next was replay. I can't believe Taemin actually just pushed Kibum on stage. I saw the smile on both of them. You may thing being idols for almost 10 years would make us more serious but it's the opposite. It makes us do silly things in stage even in the middle of a powerful performance, but we are always careful not to make a mistake in between.

During our introduction the five us did it in a dramatic way. Always extra.  On the stage everything went normal. We all missed SHINee world so much. And they did too. How I know? How loud they were. That's how I know. That's how they show their love and how much they missed us.

After the talk we performed Sherlock and everybody. Two powerful choreographies. When we first did this we could do this couple of times without getting tired but now......Hahahaha, it's emberassing to say this but age is catching up with us.

When the stage light went off we walked off the stage so the other group can come up. When we were going down Kibum was going to touch my hand but he didn't but I slid my hand on his back in a supporting manner.

Our next performance is Lucifer but there is again two more groups to go meaning around 6 performances. We still have 30 minutes to go before our turn.

We were all ready, wearing a different outfit. Just cooling ourselves under the AC.

When it was our time we got on stage once again having a blast on stage.

Back in the waiting room I started feel a little bit cool. The stylist was giving us our next outfit which we are wearing for view. I was wearing a sleeve cut white shirt and black long trousers with a white stripe on the sides.

15 minutes for the performance me, Kibum Taemin went to the backstage near the entry stair case.

I sat on the stair case while the other two were standing and watching the performance on stage. It was getting a little warm so I was faning myself. That moment I just looked at the person infront of me. I knew that he know I was looking at him. He looked really nice is the florescent green long sleeve sweatshirt, a matching color cap and blue shorts. I kept wondering what I will be hearing when we talk.

By the time the director called for us to be ready Minho and Jinki hyung came too. We wore our ear set and got ready. When the group on stage got off we got on and performed.

After the performance we went back to the changing room. Changing our shirts to company logo shirt.

Make-up person did some retouches. I was checking myself in the mirror when I saw his reflection on the mirror. He was standing right behind me. He didnot say it verbally but by sign asking me to step out with him. He walked out of the room and I followed him.

He kept walking and walking until we came to a place there was nobody. It looked like the place where they were keeping the equipments. I am not surprised how he found this but I asked anyways.

"How did you find this place? It's not that I am suprised but curious." I asked.

"I wanted to talk to you in peace without being alert the whole time" he said.

"Okay. Let's talk" I said as calmly as I can. But inside I was really nervous.

"Honestly Jjong it's my fault. I don't know what happened or what was happening to me. I was getting angry over small things and my insecurities kept coming up day by day. You know how it is. I was the one who always starts the argument and I am the one who ends up crying too." he stopped taking deep breath.

I was happy that he was talking to me but sad that his insecurities that he had pushed so deep has come up because of me. I know how difficult it was for him. But he did it anyways. And I got a different kind of aura from him since that day.

"I love you Jjong and that's never going to change. But I think we should umm..... "

".......break up" I filled in for him.

"Is that what you want?" he asked surprise.

"No. That's not what I want. Isn't that what you were going to say?" I asked back.

"Actually no. I was going to say let's take a break" he said.

"Isn't that the same and breaking up?" I asked.

"No. Breaking up means we are ending our relationship. But by taking a break I mean just a break. Away from each other. Not seeing each other or calling each other unless it's work or members related. Having our own lives, the way we were before I confessed my feelings to you." he said all those things but the whole time  his eyes was shut. It sounded forced but he meant every word he said.

"Is that what you really want?" I asked.

He did not look up or answer.

"Bummie look up?" I said.

I saw his shoulder lift up as he took a deep breath. Opening his eyes he looked at me.

"Is that what you really want?" I asked.

"No and Yes." he answered.

"What does that mean?" I asked. I know what he means but I wanted him to say it loud.

"It means all we do is argue and I keep getting insecured about me and our relationship and that I love you too much for us to spend another day arguing. I can't do that anymore. No that does not mean I am giving up on us. I am not. I just need time away from you, away from all this. I may sound a coward to you. But I really need time. And you too. To think about everything and nothing." he explained it to me.

"I don't think you are a coward" I said.

"What?" he asked. I took him offguard with that.

"You are not a coward  You are right. We both need time away from each to think. To figure out our own internal conflicts. But do you think you can do this? Without calling, sleeping alone, and missing each other. Do you think I can do it?" I asked.

He took a step closer to me. And another step. Close enough for me to feel his breath on me. And he looked at me. Straight into my eyes and soul.

"Our 13 years of friendship Jjong. Whenever it gets hard I will think about our friendship and the moments that I have spent with you. The moments that has made me feel like the most happiest person in the world." he said a smile forming on his lips as he remembered them.

Next what he did was unexpected but something I needed. He put his hands around me and hugged me. Instantly I circled my hands around him and hugged him back.

"Our 13 years of friendship, all the good things and the memories" he whispered in to my ears.

I felt myself relax to the sound of memories and the good time.

"We can do this" I said. More like to myself. But he heard it.

Slowly he pulled away. My hands were still around him holding him and he made no attempt on moving. Instead he just stood still. He was looking into me. I saw something. It was like he was asking for something. I am not sure what but what I know is that I wanted to kiss him. At least just once.

He looked away and pulled himself out of my arms and away from me. He was about to walk away. He almost did. But I grabbed his hand from behind. My back was facing to him right now.

Turning around still my grip on his hand I stepped closer to him. Leaving the grip I looked at him asking for his permission. He sighed as he nod. It was not a sigh of annoyance. It was a sigh of relief. He wanted me to kiss him. He wanted me to intiate the kiss even if it maybe the last time. And that's what I did.

Slowly and lovingly I circle my hand around him and pulled him towards me. I took of his cap and put it on a different way. So it won't be on the way. Placing my other hand on his left cheek I leaned in closer. I saw his eyes close. His parted lips that was letting out already panted breaths was making me want to do more than kissing.

I admired the sight infront of me. Then I did it. Our lips touched. We both sighed into the kiss in sync. That's how the kiss was. In sync. The feeling of his lips made me forget everything around me.

Removing my hand from his cheek I put my hands on his neck and I pulled him more closer. I felt his hands on up on my chest and go up circling around my neck as he pulled himself more into me tightening his hold around me and deepening the kiss.

I wanted to do so much more but I did not want to ruin this by taking a wrong step.

I don't know for how long it was but we were no longer standing in the same spot. Now his back was leaning to the wall, my hands as a barrier between his back and the wall. In between we pulled away to catch a breath before leaning back in. The kiss was filled with so much emotion that made my heart ache.

His hands were no longer on my neck but his fingers were tangled with my locks. I felt his grip tighten every time I deepen. I felt his hunger and love for me. I put all my emotions into the kiss hoping he would get my message.

We needs to stop. It's difficult but we had to. But I waited for him to stop.

Just like every other time we both pull away out of breath at the same time. But I did not move away. I placed my forehead on his catching my breath. I felt his heart beat with sync to mine. It made me smile.

"I love you" he suddenly said.

I kissed his eyes, then his nose, both of his cheeks then on his forehead lingering the kiss a bit longer.  Lastly a simple breathtaking kiss on his lips.

"I love you too" I said meeting his eyes. I saw both sadness and happiness in his eyes and mostly a smile on his bow shapes but bruised lips as a result of the kiss.

I removed my hands around him as he did the same.

With a smile on both of us we had the same thing in mind.

It's going to be okay.

Not saying anything else he turned around and walked away.

I felt sad but at the same time a new hope was formed in my heart. We both need time and once we miss each other two much we will both find each other in each other'a arms and I know it will happen.

I turned the opposite side thinking to take a walk around before the ending stage since there is no one around. But I when I did turn around I was met with someone who had shock written over her face. It made me freeze on the spot.

"Taeyeon"

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I hope you like it because as a writer I had successfully written the way  I wanted it to be.

Enjoy and if you do enjoy it don't forget to leave a coomment.

😊😊😊😊😊❤❤❤

Lots of love,
From me.