Kibum's POV:

I am nervous. No, I think I am in panic mode. What to do? No. Kibum. Breath. Breath. Today is the second day of the concert and you have to show that you are feeling better than yesterday. Just think about Jjong and breath.

I closed my eyes and remembered his smile. I remember the feeling of him comforting me. I took a deep breath and released it. With a smile I opened my eyes feeling better.

"Ready Key?" I looked at the side where Minho was standing.

"Yeah. We can do this" I said giving a hug to him.

"We can" he said hugging me back.

Letting go off each other we walked to where Taemin and Jinki hyung was standing. I saw the nervousness on both their faces..

"Let's do a group hug and give strength like we always do" I suggested our regular hug since there was just a few minutes before we go for stand by.

The four of us came closer and put our hands around each other and hugged. Then put our hands in the middle and we did our chant adding a new line.

"For Jonghyun" we said together.

The stage director called us for standby. We gave each other a assuring smile before we stood in our positions waiting for the barrier between us and SHINee World to be lifted up.

The music started and the gate started going up. Just before my eyes met with the beauty that I can never stop admiring I said

"Give me strength Jjong. This is for you" 

With that our stages started.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Back at the dorm

Laying on bed I kept looking into the space. Specific nowhere. Today was a better day. Atleast the concert was. The practice was how it has been since the first day. Tears. Lots and Lots of tears. Yesterday I was not able to talk about him at all but today I did. I wish you were here to hear my heart.

I sat up on the bed. Getting frustrated. Feeling the need of fresh air I stood up. I needed to go out. Changing my clothes into something warmer and putting on a coat and scarf I got out of the room.

The dorm was silent. The members must be asleep now.

Quietly I put on my shoes and left the dorm, not forgetting the car keys.

I was in no hurry. My moments were slow. From the elevator ride to the walk to the car everything felt slow. When I reached the car I got in and started the engine driving away.

I was in no mood to face anyone or risk anyone recognizing me so I drove out of the crowd. To a place that gives me peace the most. Ocean.

The ride was long. But very necessary. I needed the quietness.

When I reached the destination I have been driving to, I got out locking the door securely. No one was around. It was just me, the sky and the ocean. When I have a lot in mind, I always feel better when I see the ocean. It's weird.

There is a reason why I came to this specific spot. This spot holds a special meaning. We came here. Even before we became we. The last time I came here was also with him, which is The last time he came with me. The last last time.

I walked closer to the view. To the spot. As I did a breeze passed brushing me. Involuntarily I closed my eyes. Feeling you. Feeling your presence. Remebering the conversation, the moments that I spent with him on that last night I felt tears run down my cheeks.

"Jjong" I called his name to the empty air.

Another soft breeze passed caressing me.

"I miss you." I said hoping my words would reach him.

Closing my eyes, I let the last memory I have with him here take over my thoughts.

Flashback

Taking advantage of the emptiness of the night Jonghyun and Kibum stood in each others arms looking at the ocean.

The feeling of his body warmth made me feel cozy. Jonghyun being Jonghyun, he had put his arms around me back hugging me. Our fingers were tangled in a way neither of us can let go. He made sure of that. The now and then feather light kisses he kept leaving on my neck and shoulder was making me go crazy.

"Jjong?" I called him name.

"Hmm?" he responded.

"Don't ever leave me" I don't know where that came from but I just wanted to say it.

"What?" he asked confused.

"Don't ever leave me" I repeated.

I felt him untangle his hand from mine and let me go. He turned me around to face him.

"Why did you say that?" he asked.

"No reason. I just wanted to say it" I said avoiding his eyes.

"Lie. Tell me the truth"

There was no point in hiding so it's just better if I say it. Taking a deep breath I looked at him. Right at him.

"Sometimes I get scared. Thinking, what if one day one of us is not on stage. Do you remember that one time you were not able to do a concert with us because of your stomach. That day I really missed you. Even though I knew you will be with me, us for the next stage I still missed you. That day I realized that I cannot bear the thought of loosing any of you. Specially not you. Never." I had started crying at this point.

"Oh Bummie. I cannot tell you that it won't happen. Because one day everybody needs to leave. But I promise you one thing. Until it's time for me to leave and even if I leave, I will always be with you. All you will need to do is close your eyes and feel me. I will always be with you. Always and Forever. As long as you keep me alive in your heart"

"Always Jjong. Never will come a day when you won't be." I said hugging him tightly.

"Did you really missed me that day?" Jjong asked into my ears.

"What?" I asked pulling away to look at him.

"I am asking whether you really missed me that day?" I saw a teesing smirk forming on his lips. That's when I realized what he is taking about.

"Did I say I missed you?" I asked playing with him.

"Yeah. You just did. So tell me. Did you really miss me?" he asked again.

"You heard wrong. There is no way I said that" I said taking a step away from him.

"Yes you did. Now tell me Kibummie" he said taking a step closer.

"No I didnt" taking another step away from him, I was about to turn away when the evil person decided to use my weakness against me. He started tickling me. Which resulted in me laughing out loud and begging him to stop.

"Stop" I cried laughed.

"Not until you accept that you did say that you missed me"

This evil person!! I am so going take revenge for this.

"I am not accepting"

"Okay then. I will not stop tickling you either" he said tickling harder.

The laughing and the begging was making me feel out of breath. Just accept it Kim Kibum.

"Okay okay. Now stop." I said giving in.

"So you accept?" he asked.

I could not form words so I nodded in answer.

When I did he stopped instantly and let me go. I waited a few seconds to catch my breath before I looked at him with a smirk.

"I don't accept"

When I saw shock written all over his face I ran. I ran laughing.

"KIM KIBUM!!!!" his loud voice boomed in the air.

I looked back to see him runnning towards me. And damn he was fast. And was close.

I sped up but I was not able to run further. He caught up. He grabbed my hand and pull me towards him, slamming hard.

"Oof."

"You are fast" I said looking into his smiling eyes.

"Hahaha. I am. So don't try running away again"

"I won't do that mistake again, Sir. Hahaha"

"I love you" his words stopped my laughter but not wipe my smile.

"I love you too."

Putting my hands behind his neck and playing with his hair I leaned in and kissed him. The feeling of his lips on mine is a feeling I will never get used to.

His hold on my waist got tighter as he pulled me more into him, kissing me back.

Feeling out of breath both of us pulled away, resting foreheads trying to catch our breaths.

"So did you really miss me?" he asked again making me laugh.

"What?"

"Just tell me" he said.

"Yes. Yes I missed you. Very much" I said looking into his eyes lovingly.

"Better"

His childish grin made me start laughing again.

"Oh god Jjong. You so child like"

"Only for you"

Our laughter filled the air. Making the night atmosphere more lighter than it was. I love it. Laughing with him. Hearing him laugh is music to my ears.

Flashback ends

I opened my eyes. With a smile on my lips and a happiness in my heart. I looked up to see the moon shining brightly.

"Jjong" I called his name. A part of me hoping I would hear him respond from beside me.

"I opened your album last night. You looked so beautiful in every picture. Angel like. I have been avoiding opening it because I did not feel like I was ready. But last night I did. Maybe that's why today I got enough strength to talk about you." I talked looking up at the moon.

"Did you hear it? I said I love you today. I haven't said I love you to you infront of our fans in a long time. But today I did. I wanted to tell you that I was missing you. Tomorrow we are going back to Korea and we will go to visit you. Today is the 18th. Second month since you left us."

"It has been two month already. But I still cry and it still hurts. Don't be sad that I cried on stage today and yesterday. Be patient with me. It will take time for me to not cry when I hear your voice on stage but don't see you. But I will get better. I will live better. You know, I am making a debut into the big screen. I have been casted to be in a movie. I know if you were here you would hug me and tell me that you are proud of me. So I will just pretend that you are doing that right now."

It was silence once again. For another long time I let the sound of the wave crashing, the feeling of the wind and the presence of the moon comfort me. The feelings made me feel like you are right next to me.

Breaking the silence I looked up to the moon the last time for the night. And whispered to the air. Hoping it would carry my heart to you. Getting in the car I drove back into the place where I have to continue walking on the path without you physically.

"Thank you Jjong. I love you. Forever"

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It's a new update. I hope you like it 😊😊

Lots of Love,
From Me.