Jonghyun's POV:

The whole day I was mopping around the apartment doing nothing. I was going to call him but could not.

When night came I had taken a shower and ordered some food. It was pretty late for a dinner. I did not feel any hunger until I took a shower. While digging through the food I kept thinking about him. Today marks a month since that day. Maybe I should call him. Taking the phone on hand I unlocked it and dialed his number but like always I got stuck.

Urghhhh.... I almost threw the phone in frustration.

You know what! I can't do this anymore. I just can't.

Putting a plate on the food covering it I went to my room and put on appropriate clothes with the hat and mask in hand I walked out. I sat on the little porch area to wear my shoes. I had stood up to leave when I heard the password to my apartment being dialled and the door opened.

To say I was shocked to see him there would not be a lie.

"Kibum" his name slipped off my tongue easily.

"Jjong" he called my name entering fully and closing the door behind.

"Jjong" he called again. I was about to say something when he crashed his body to mine hugging me. I stood frozen for a minute before I got out of the shock as I heard his sob.

"Bummie, why are you crying?" I asked trying to make distance so I could see him.

"Please" that one word made every sense in the world.

Not saying and not trying I circled my hands around him making my hold tighter letting him cry.

I don't know for how long we were standing at the same spot but he has stopped. His breathing was calm and I could feel his heartbeat. It was going pretty fast.

I heard him say something.

"What?" I asked not leaving.

"I missed you. I miss you and...... I am sorry" he said.

This time it was my turn. I have been dying to hear him say those words for a month now. Not the sorry part the I miss you part.

Tears started running down my cheeks. With my difficulty I said it back. "I miss you too"

"Jjong, are you crying?" he asked.

"No" I said making it sound as convincing as I can.

I felt him pull out of the hug and I let him. As he made distance my hands fell on his waist and his hands still around my neck.

"You are so not crying" he said with a teasing smile on him. I missed that.

"Don't cry" he said wiping away the tears.

Removing my one hand from his waist I placed it on his palm that was wiping my tears. Bringing his hand to my lips I placed a kiss on it.

Being this close to him I wanted to kiss him but it did not feel right to do it in our vulnerable state.

So Instead I asked him to come inside in which ofcourse he said yes. Holding his hands and getting the shoes off I walked into my apartment.

"Were you going somewhere?" he asked.

"Yeah but that reason came to me" I said to him. For a couple of minutes he was confused before his eyes widened in realization.

"You were going to come to my place?" he asked.

"Do you want something to drink?" I asked walking towards the kitchen area.

"Do you want to go out?" he answered with a question. I stopped walking and turned around.

"Out? Like where?" I asked.

"Out like anywhere. Some place quiet and free" he answered.

"Or maybe a drive?" he said it more like a question.

I thought for a minute before a place came into my mind. It's the perfect place to talk and let everything out but is he ready to do it. Does he want to do it?. There is only one way to find out. Ask him.

"Well then Kim Kibum, would you do me the honor of going on a ride with me?" I asked with double meaning to it.

"Yes and yes" he answered. He figured what I was asking through the question.

I went inside my room, taking my car keys I came out.

With Kibum following behind we left the apartment. Our masks and hat was on. When we reached the car both of us got in. Seconds later we were out and away from the building.

"Do you want to get something to drink?" I asked.

"Something like this?" he said showing a black bag on his lap.

"From where did you......?" I asked surprised since I did not see a bag with him.

"While you were in your room I took two can from your fridge and tada" he said.

"Oh. Hahahaha. Thank god you did" I said laughing and his following behind.

"Ah that's  right. How did you come? I mean did you bring your car?" I asked.

"Yeah. I don't think I have drove that fast in my life" he said looking at the road.

The car fell silent. Not a awkward silence. Just silence.

I was not sure how long we drove but the destination came into the view.

"The beach" I heard Kibum say more like to himself.

"Oh my god the beach. We are going to the beach?" he asked looking at me. Excitement and surprise clear in his eyes.

"Yes." I said chuckling at his reaction.

The beach was pitch dark. Driving a bit more I found a spot with a bit light and dark at the same time. Let's just say I found a comfortable looking spot.

Parking the car not too far away we got out and I lead Kibum to the spot that I had found. Getting closer I recognized the bench. This is the same spot I was when I came to the beach the last time. Thinking about the promise I made here made me smile.

"Why are you smiling like that?" Kibum asked. I turned to him and shook my head saying it nothing.

"Later. I will tell you some other time" I added.

"The bench or the sand?" I asked.

"The bench" he answered.

Sitting on the bench he opened both of the beer cans for both of us.

"Cheers" we said clashing the cans.

Once again a silence fell in between. This time it was a awkward silence. Both of us were probably deciding on what to say. At least I was.

I was not liking the silence so I decided to break it.

"Why Kibum?" I asked turning to him but his face was turned the other side and I did not get a response.

"Why did you start feeling insecure about our relationship?" I asked this time more clearly.

Again no answer nor did he turned my side.

"Bummie. Tell me. What happened? You have to tell me for us to take a step forward" I pleaded.

I saw him take a deep breath before I turned around meeting my eyes.

"Because I got scared." he answered.

"What?" his answer did not make any sense.

"Do you remember the night when I asked you to leave and the next day you found me sick?." he asked reminding me.

"Yes I do. I was going to ask you what happened but I didn't" I said.

"Before I got sick for a while I was getting this sinking feeling that something bad is going to happen. It increases specially when I talk to you or when I am with you. And that night it was more. Usually seeing you makes me happy but that night I wanted you away from me. The feeling was enough to suffocate me. You can't even imagine how hard it was for me to tell you to go. When you walked out of the door it was like a part of me walked out with you. " By now tears were streaming down his cheeks. I wanted to wipe them but I let him say everything he wanted to instead.

Taking a deep breath he continued.
"The night I could not sleep a wink until the sun came up. And when I woke up after I dozed off I was having a high fever. When we were practicing the reason I almost fell was not because I stepped wrongly, it was because I felt weak and dizzy suddenly. Jinki hyung was about to ask me what's wrong before I told him not since you may hear him ask. When you came over I wanted you to leave but I did not have enough strength to do so. The other day I woke up earlier than you and just looked at you and I realized by letting this feeling inside effect me is affecting both of us. So I pushed it way behind and became normal again" he stopped again to take a breath.

"Then suddenly everything started becoming weird. I did not notice at first but then I did. A whole day goes by without you calling. Even if you do you talk so less. At first I thought maybe it's because you are you tired to talk. But then I found out you were home doing nothing the whole time. For a while I did not question it. Like usual I went to your apartment one day and that's when I actually noticed it. You sat close to me but you were not there. I spent the night watching a movie with you and I can actually count and tell you how many words you said to me. When I was going to leave neither did you stop me like you usually do nor did you kiss me. And the next day when you came over that's when we had our first argument. I was angry at you. When I told you about my concern you brushed it off like it doesn't matter. After that day again the sinking feeling started coming. I tried ignoring it but I knew that the bad thing was already happening. Like that for the next few days all we did was argue. I could not understand what was happening. That day when I said I needed time I actually went over to talk to you but like it had been for the past couple of days we fought. The thing that snapped was seeing you lost into something else rather than listening to what I was saying. I thought about it a lot Jjong and I need the space and time and you needed too." he said everything that he was bottling up inside.

Without interupting I listened till the end.

"So Jjong, let me ask you?" he began before stopping in midway.

"Hm?"

"What happened? Answer honestly" he said looking straight into me.

"Honestly I have no idea what had happened. It was like I had gone on a slump. You know like how we had when we were trainees. I did not realize that I was distancing myself from you. I did not realize I had lessened my calls. I did not realize I was hurting you by doing so. No amount of apologies would make it go away and I don't think you are looking for apology. I don't know what happened. I did not have the want to be close to you or kiss you or talk to you. And I won't lie it scared me. It's just I did not feel anything. That night at my place when we were arguing, I mean when you were talking I admit I was not listening. I was thinking. But when I heard you say that you needed to leave something snapped inside me bringing me to the real world. After you walked out saying you needed time everything came crashing to me. That is when I realized it was because of me. Even though I half knew what your decision would be I waited. When you said you wanted to take a break a part of me knew it was the right decision and the other part wanted to disagree." I told him everything inside except one.

"Thank you for not disagreeing." he said simply. Saying that he looked away and started moving and kept looking at my side in between like he wanted to say somthung.

"You are hiding something aren't you?" I asked.

"Maybe, Maybe not" he said avoiding looking at me.

"Spill it. Come on." I encouraged him to say it.

"I may have almost told Nicole about us" he said. I thought I heard wrong.

"I am sorry what did you just say?" I asked.

"I may have almost told Nicole about us." he said this time a more clearly and looking at me.

"How did that happen and what does almost mean?" I asked wanting to know.

"On the trip Nicole and I were drinking and it had almost slipped my tongue. But I got sober instantly when I realized what I was about to say. She asked me couple of times but I told her not to ask me and she said okay. And I trust her not to so it's okay for now. " he explained.

"Oh. That's good then" this time I turned around avoiding looking at him. Do I tell him? I should. No more hiding.

"Jjong, you are hiding something too aren't you?" he asked.

"Maybe, Maybe not" I answered

"Spill. Come on" he encouraged to say.

"Taeyeon saw us" I said.

"What?!!!" he stood up from his seat. I looked up at him to see shock written clearly on his face.

''She saw us" I said again.

"When and what did she see?" he asked sitting back down.

"That night when you told me about your decision. She saw us kissing. After you left I thought of taking a walk before heading back but when I turned around she was there. During the stage ending I asked to have a talk and the next day she and I talked. Neither did I agree or disagree but I did not say anything more. There was not point in denying when she saw. She told me to be careful next time and promised me she won't tell anyone about it." I told the whole thing to him.

"Well that's good then. I don't know if I should tell Nicole about us or not. Should I?" he asked.

"You can I guess. But not everything. You can tell when you think it's okay. But if you do the number on the list will increase." I said.

"List?"

"Yeah. The list of people who knows about us." I said.

"Oh. Hahaha. Thas true." he started laughing.

"Do you know I love your laugh?" hearing him laugh makes my day.

"Do you now?" he asked with a smirk.

"No I don't." I said smirking myself now.

"You just said you do" he said the smirking leaving.

"I don't like you anymore" he said standing up and walking towards the water.

"You liked me? Wow I did not know." I asked playing with him. You are not the only one who can play the game my dear bummie.

"What does that mean?" he asked turning around crossing his arms on his chest.

I stood up from the bench and took a step walking towards him slowly.

"It means I thought you loved me" I said smirking.

"Don't flatter yourself Jjong. I just liked you" he said and sticked his tongue at me.

"Oh my god. I can't believe you just did that" I could not help laugh but at his childishness.

The sound of his laugh reached my ears with wind that blew taking away the emptiness and loneliness that my heart was carrying leaving me with a hope that everything will be okay.

When I reached his steps I circled my hands around his waist and just looked at him.

"I love you Kim Kibum" I said softly.

A drop of tear fell from his eye.

I placed a kiss on both of his eyes.

"I love you too Kim Jonghyun" he said coming closer and placing a kiss on my cheek.

"It's taking everything in me to not kiss you breathless" I did not want to do everything together. This time I wanted to be careful.

"Slowly. This time slowly" he said with a soft smile.

"Slowly" I repeated the word agreeing him. Happy that we had same thing in mind.

Removing my hands I sat down on the sand and pulled him down. He settled in between my legs leaning his head on my chest and getting comfortable. Enveloping him in my arms we just sat there. Feeling the wind surround us.

"You were right Jjong, I was not looking for a apology" he said

"I know"

"But I got more than what I wanted"  I smiled at his words.

Placing a kiss on his head I rested my head on his.

Just like how the darkness has covered the brightness of the sea infront of us and the waves that's crashing one another our journey is still dark and unknown. This is just the first step taken out of the darkness together. Just like how it takes time for the sun to come out and touch the sea and land bringing light it will be the same for us. It will take time. And I am ready take all the time the world would give me just so I could be with him..

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I really hope you will love this chapter. I took a lot of time and ideas to write this one. Since the decision making chapter I have been really eager to write this chapter.

So don't forget to Vote and give lots of love. Share Jongkey Love and SHINee love.

Lots of love,
From me.