mykimnini
Orchid Story Review Shop \\ Status: Closedpickup for mykimnini
Title: Too Cute, Too DumbAuthor: mykimnini
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First Thoughts:
- Title: I'm going to assume from the front cover that the title is labeling Yerin as 'stupid' (ahh) and Jungkook as 'cute'. I'm looking forward to seeing those themes later in the story!
- Description: Looking at the description, it is a bit short. It looks as if you're introducing the plot here, which is good. I would personally also add the characters' introduction, maybe lowkey. I think that maybe you're going for the impact here, but the execution isn't too good. Maybe try giving contrast: 'they've been in love for this many years, but now they're in a fight, blah blah.' Foreword notes: Good luck in improving your English!!! Hwaighting <3
- Poster: Cute and matches the fluff theme, nice! All's good.
Plot: Your plot (I think you were expecting this already) is definitely not very original, but I was completely fine with that. In looking at this, I think that your story has a lot of potential. If you were to add a little more detail, a little more depth to the characters, etc... the plot wouldn't be a problem at all to me. I don't mind reading an unoriginal plot, I just expect that author to make it so that the plot is presented in an interesting and appealing way. Good luck! If you need any more tips and help, feel free to pm me! (I don't mind being a co-author to help too if that's what you need!)
Characters: Throughout the story, I'm confused as to why everyone is calling Yerin 'dumb.' Because it occurs so many times, and it's in the title, I'm going to assume it's on purpose. It's cute, I guess, but I find it unrealistic. I think you might be using this as a sort of trademark for the main character, but maybe use something that's less offensive. I don't think that anyone would call their girlfriend or bestfriend dumb. Since it's fluff and a oneshot, I get that characters can't really become 3D that quickly, however there is still more work to be done in this area! ** ADD ON AT THE END: In the end she finally does react to being called dumb?
Flow and Pace: Nice pacing, nothing wrong in my op! ^^ It kinda gives off the feel of a mini-drama. In terms of your flow, I see you're trying to make a one shot, but instead of this, how about adding more detail in each scene you're making, and then making it a separate chapter? I feel like I, as a reader, would enjoy that more, and relish each chapter for its own plot and feelings.
Overall Enjoyment: Oh my goodness, this story is definitely coming from an ARMY, right? I can totally see it in your story. And your little comments in between the lines showing the closeness between members and how cute Haneul is puts a little smile on my lips. I noticed that in this story, you've taken a particular liking to the word 'plastered'. Let me give you a little tip: Plastered is used when the smile is unreal, and it is like they are just pasting a fake smile onto their face, whether it is to suppress another emotion, or want to show a smile although they don't feel happy. If the character feels genuinely happy, I wouldn't use 'plastered', just because it's out of context.
Tips: Some scenes are a bit unrealistic, which is typical for fluff dramas. You can make them seem more realistic by adding words. I wish I could add an example, but I can't highlight the text, and I'm terrible because I'm way to lazy to copy it out at the moment. Sorry! I'll just paraphrase: In the part where Haneul lets out a bit more of her love life than she wants to, Jungkook automatically knows what she wants dealing with Jimin, but I doubt that would happen realistically provided there wasn't much context, and also, Jungkook is already portrayed as a more dense character. Maybe in working on your English, learn more about specific context of words, and definitely read more English literarturem like maybe YA books. I could tell you even as a native speaker, if I hadn't read books, I wouldn't be as good in English as I am now. I'd reccommend not reading fanfics to improve English, because, as you know, grammar is not always top priority. If you want to get ahold of some books, I can suggest a few later. Just PM me! ^^
Thank you for requesting. I apologize terribly if there is any words that you take on account for harshness. I sincerely say that I do not want to be harsh! If you want any more help, feel free to message me privately!
**I DIDN'T READ MY NOTES OVER; SORRY IF THERE ARE MISTAKES OR SOMETHING THAT I ADDRESSED THAT DID NOT NEED TO BE ADDRESSED! THANKS FOR YOUR UNDERSTANDING :D
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I sincerely apologized for being gone for too long. I promise I will try and be more active :)
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