loveyoukpop
Orchid Story Review Shop \\ Status: Closedpickup for Loveyoukpop
Title: Crushing on Jung EunjiAuthor: Loveyoukpop
Reviewer: spark931
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First Thoughts:
- Title: Fluffy title. Typical fluffy title XD Cute.
- Description: Don't put that poster credit in your desc. Put that in your foreword. If you put it there, no one will be able to see your story summary until they click on your story, and they won't do that. For your actual description, capitalize the 'e' in Eunji. I think it's enough to use one question mark per sentence, and no need to put 'read to find out.'
- Poster: It's very cute, and conveys your fluffy theme well. Love the font choice.
Plot:
Grammar: So in terms of your grammar, you don't necessarily have missing words, or wrong articles, it's more of a punctuation thing. You are missing commas, dashes, and you aren't captializing names or beginning of sentences. Sometimes, you are missing a space after periods. The best way to solve this problem is to learn more about English grammar, and get a beta-reader who can help you. I can provide you some links for you to learn about punctuation, correct usage of punctuation. If you fix this, a lot of your better points in your story will shine through. You also should consider getting a beta-reader who can fix your word usages, and tell you what could be better in its place. There are a lot of places in your story where the word usage is too strong. It's a little hard to grasp as a non-native, but if you read more books in English, you'll slowly start to grasp it.
Characters/Flow: As your story is so short, it's virtually impossible for me to write anything for these two sections.
Style: Your style is really, simple. There's not much to it, and I honestly think that it sort of conveys a kids' story book! I've actually never read a story with chapters quite as short as yours, and I'm not sure if that's a bad or a good thing. Personally, I don't have anything against it, but it's not something that would leave a lasting impact on my mind, or cause me to recommend it to anyone. This style does make me want to go to the next page of the chapter though. I recommmend you not to switch POV's in your story. As you're still developing as an author, I think it'd be better for you to stay in third following Eunji as you have been doing in chapters 1-3.
Tips: Work on your English and grammar! Also, I recommend reading books about how to better tell a story. Right now, your chapters are very short, and contain a lot of bare fluff. Read about imagery, detail, and other things that make stories a lot better! Also think about what your will be, the emotions in the story. Right now, it's only fluff, and no substance. However~ I like those cliffhangers. Keep those; they are really cute >.<
Overall Enjoyment + Final Notes: It took me less than 3 minutes to read what you've written so far. While this doesn't really make me hate your story, it's not something I really like either. It's not something that you really typically see. I think that you should try to make your chapters a bit longer. I understand that you're trying to end with a cliffhanger, but try to add more in between. Suggestions to add more: imagery, how characters feel, more foreshadowing (if you want, but meh), MORE CUTE FLUFF INTERACTIONS.
Thank you for requesting. I apologize terribly if there is any words that you take on account for harshness. I sincerely say that I do not want to be harsh! If you want any more help, feel free to message me privately!
Reactions I had while reading your story: Oh! The format changes each chapter! Currently, I think your 4th chapter's format is the most visually appealing, so change all your chapters to match it!
I'm so sorry this review is short. Since your story is really short right now, and you just started it, there wasn't much to review on!
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I sincerely apologized for being gone for too long. I promise I will try and be more active :)
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