Title: Perfect. It is so relatable, especially in today’s society. How many young people had this very thought cross their mind on the nights when they felt ugly?

Description: I love short descriptions, especially when they are well written like this one. We get an introduction of the main characters, not enough to give too much away but plenty to intrigue. We can see here how the characters have different personalities and thus, this story will likely features two different points of view. To me, that’s really exciting. 

Spelling, Grammar and Punctuation: This story is an easy read for me and you can take this as a positive or negative feedback. While I had no difficulty following the story, you can absolutely tell a more vivid story with better structuring/word choices.

Some suggestions for the earlier chapters:
1. Expand your vocabulary! There are many tools available for you to choose from. My current favorite is Vocabulary Builder app, which can be downloaded for free on Google Playstore.
2. Watch your contradictions – Jongdae carefully slams Minseok’s laptop, for example. Slam is a forceful word while careful is softer. The contrast is sharp and in this particular case, unnecessary and out of place. This is only an example.
3. Describe things more. There are lots of missed opportunities in this fic. For example, I know Jongdae smirked, but what does it really look like? Tell me how his eyebrows arch and how his lips tilt. It’ll make visualization easier for your readers.
4. Don’t repeat yourself too much. You have a tendency to use the same words over and over again. Find other ways to say the same thing will spice up your subscriber’s reading experience.

That said – your writing actually improved as the fic went. Sentence structure got better and so did word choices. This is a clear indication that you are capable of wonderful writing and just need to continue working at it.

Plot: I don’t know about what your other reviewers said but I love the idea of this fic. I think it is a pretty unique story and commend you for writing it. It is important to me on a higher level that people understood the struggles young men and women have with body image. I like the fact the story is on Baekhyun and Minseok too, because we mustn’t forget that men can also feel insecure about themselves, it is not just an issue women face.

The pacing of this story is very slow. Not enough excitement in the first chapter and too much repetition (though I understand sometimes when people are depressed, the same negative thoughts repeat in their heads). The first chapter is the one that should hook readers in and there just wasn’t enough in this fic for me. You did very well in description and foreword but must remember to follow up!

I expected the pace to pick up eventually but…

The fifteen chapters I read deep into did not have any satisfactory es. Reading this story is like walking on a concrete street instead of riding a roller coaster, which is what I prefer. This is part of the reason I decided to review only fifteen chapters because I really can’t make myself read more. I am sorry but I really felt like I was reading the same sort of material over and over again. I don’t want to say that I was bored because you clearly put a lot of feelings into this fic but nothing in all of those fifteen chapters really surprised or shocked me.

In fact, let me predict the ending just from the chapters I’ve read and the tone of the story. Let’s see, I think both of them will wind up dead. Nothing in the story so far suggested to me that they are getting better or want to help themselves. Those around them, while concerned, are likely not going to be able to assist them in time. I predict Baekhyun will die first just because that’s realistically how things would go. He’s smaller and tendency of self-harming won’t help. Minseok will die after him, I believe, because he still has another goal besides getting skinny, which is controlling himself and the environment around him. His secondary goal in life will keep him going a little longer but if these characters remain as they are so far, this is the only ending I can see.

The rest of EXO would shed a tear and the fans would regret being so cruel but what happened already happened. The dead cannot come back to life; EXO would have been ruined from the loss of its members.

If I am wrong, thank goodness because that means the story kicked it up and some drastic events happened that changed the direction of the fic.

This is where my review would have originally ended, but since I decided to keep reading, let me make a few more notes. First of all, the ending I predicted is not far off. Minseok is still alive and is committing himself to treatment but he is still not better yet. The tone in the last chapter of the story was hopeful but since it was an open ending, there’s no certainty. Baekhyun did die and since Minseok quit EXO, the group did lose two members. Though it was never mentioned, I do imagine people cried at Baekhyun’s funeral. 

I want to love this story and say it had an amazing plot but I just can’t. This felt like reading a patient’s file or diary, not a story.

Characters: Beautiful raw emotions. Even without complicated language and cleverly structured phrases, I can feel the characters and their inner struggles.

Initially, the difference between Minseok and Baekhyun’s personalities are not clear since they are extremely similar in terms of self loathing, depression and struggles. Eventually, as the story went on, they became slightly more distinct as individuals.

The characters feel extremely realistic, to the point where I am almost concerned for you because a part of me feels like you can get into the heads of these individuals way too well. That need for perfection and that need to measure out every lettuce leaf...

Unfortunately, while the characters’ internal thought flows and conflicts were very well written, their development is not significant. I am on chapter fifteen and these two have not really changed in any way. So far this entire story is about them hating themselves and avoiding help and while that is very realistic, it also gave the story this monotone feel. What I really want to say, I guess, is that I can take chapter fifteen Baekhyun’s traits and compare it to chapter one and they wouldn’t have changed that much. We are at the half way point in the story and something should have happened but the main characters remained rather static. It would have been interesting to see them change rather than remaining mere manifests of their diseases.

Side characters were alright but they felt similar to me: concerned, confused, wanting to help. You could probably substitute Sehun for Kyungsoo a few times and I'd not notice a difference. We didn’t catch a background on any of them either and I wished there was at least one side character that had a more vibrant personality. In addition, if realism is what you wish to achieve, you should have explored different reactions from these characters to Baekhyun & Minseok’s self destructive behavior. Weren’t any of them super angry? How about annoyed? Because that happens in real life – we get burned out by our ‘mopey’ friends and stop wanting to hang out with them. We get tired of caring for people who won’t care for themselves. There are so many ways a loved one could react to eating disorder and you had the opportunity to explore them all. 

Overall Enjoyment: I appreciate the topic you chose and the realistic approach you took. Characters can be very relatable to those who had experienced eating disorders and I thank you for letting us into their heads. Unfortunately, the story was just too slow for me. Every chapter felt similar to the last and I wished there was more dynamics.