NSN_Sabrina
Orchid Story Review Shop \\ Status: Closedpickup for NSN_Sabrina
Title: Angel's MaskAuthor: NSN_Sabrina
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Hello, counterattack here. I decided to review up to chapter six of this fic, just because that's how much I got through in one sitting. I think the six chapters I've read gave me a pretty good idea of the story and it is enough for a decent review.
- Title: I really love the title and here are a few reasons why. First of all, in today's society, it is usually the 'devil' who has to wear the mask, not the 'angel'. This title, for me at least, suggests that even angels have to wear a mask sometimes and that's very interesting. I also think this title hints at the main character's true personality. She is not without kindness inside (hence angel) yet she has a mask on the outside because of the feelings she has towards Sehun. I don't know, maybe I am overinterpreting everything but yeah, I just really like the title.
- Description: Fantastic. I am not a fan of OC fics because most of the OCs I see on aff are boring, docile, lusterless Mary Sues. The description you wrote promised me a different type of girl and that's enough for me.
- Poster: Great! You chose a great poster shop & a very talented artist.
Plot: It is not my kind of story but I have no doubt others who have a taste for romance would appreciate it. There are no surprising twists or turns, nothing unexpected happened and this fic's plot is very much what I would see in a typical Korean drama.
Characters: Not all of the characters' personalities are very clear. I can see a basic shape for all of them but my understanding remain on a superficial level. There are four main characters in this fic and the only person that I feel like I have a real grasp on is the main OC. The boys really need to be developed more because right now, I just see a conflicted Sehun and a playful, -driven Luhan. I am sure there are more to these two than what's presented so far and I can't connect to these characters unless you reveal those other layers to their personality.
Also, I have a question for you, please don't take offense in it. You don't have to answer me, but just ask yourself. Are you, at any point in the story, self-inserting as Ami? Read your story again and think over your answer. I am not accusing you of anything, just suggesting that you give your main character another analysis. I feel her personality and it is very vibrant in comparison to the others in the fic. It could be because she is the main protagonist and you focused development on her or it could be because you relate to and understand her on a personal level.
Grammar:There's not much I can say grammar wise because I think you actually did a good job. There are a few things here and there but nothing that would interrupt the flow of the story, which is all I am looking for. As a nonprofessional writer, what you demonstrated in your story is enough to satisfy me.
Flow and Pace: I think the flow was nice. You did not rush through the emotional parts and usually left chapters on cliffhanger.
Personal Enjoyment: This story had excellent flow and is very easy to visualize. I am a fan of your writing style but this type of story is just not my cup of tea. I suggest you work on developing your male characters more and dig deep to find other sides to their personalities. Your main OC has a vibrant personality, which is something most OCs in fics lack so good job on that.
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I sincerely apologized for being gone for too long. I promise I will try and be more active :)
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