krissica15
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Title: F**KAuthor: krissica15
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First Thoughts:
- Title: Impactful, although for some reason I'm oppsed to having a cuss word as a title. That's just my problem though, and if you're looking for a really powerful impact, this is it! (However, I think a lot of stories have a cuss words as titles now? Maybe? XP) Looking back now and seeing what your story is about, I'm not getting really any feeling from the title. I think it's too out there and not specific enough to your story. While you did encorporate the word many times in your story, it still feels like just a word, not an important part. However, don't worry about it, because I know it's hard to change titles ^^ (Just my thoughts here)
- Description: While there are a few things I'd like to edit, I get the gist of your story from the desc. There are also a few grammar mistakes you might want to read over for. Here are a few things I'd like to point out:
- It seems your description is quite long. You may want to hone it down a little, and I suspect part of the reason it's long is because there are a lot of unnecessary words that dampen the impact that a desc. should have.
- You seem to have an aversion to using periods? Think of it this way: Commas are for less impact. Periods are for more impact. Using periods are not bad! "" LIFE!" that what she said yelled,. Natasha grew up in a very wealthy surrounding household. She always got what she wanted,. Bbut she never wanted it,. Sshe wanted to live how everybody else is."
- I would take out the second part of your description, meaning this entire part: "Her childhood best... from a wealthy family."
- I think there's a better way to describe the story than what you put in your news section, which I'm going to assume is from the story. I feel like in this case, too much of the plot is poking out, not leaving too much for the mystery of emotions that you will later be portraying. What I reccommend is maybe also either taking it out or rephrasing it a better way; so include information about Sehun and Natasha's past, and then about how Sehum marries Yoona, but don't reveal too much otherwise.
- Poster: It matches with your angst feeling! :)
Plot: While it's not original, it's something that can definitely used in an angst story. It's pretty clear in the first chapter, so thumbs up for that! This plot can be used as a base for words and (AHH) that will give readers an emotional rollercoaster.
_______THIS IS A NEW THING I DID FOR YOUR STORY, PLEASE READ
**I've decided that I'm going to make this review for a single chapter(ARRANGING), because there are a lot of things that I think could help improve not only you first that chapter, but just all of your story in general. I'VE ONLY READ CHAPTER ONE IN THIS REVIEW.
Grammar: Something we can work on! While it's not really a problem of how it affects the meaning of the story, I had to read several times over to get what was going on, which signifies that something needs to be fixed. (Feel free to PM if you want help ^^)
Style: Because of grammar, your style isn't really showing through. In the parts that are, I'm getting a really strong satyrical/comedy or unrealistic feeling. The thing I like about angst is that it's very emotional but based on realsticity. A lot of your story doesn't seem realistic to me, and that's because of a combination of reasons. In addition, to comment on your notes about : especially angst stories, I expect a lot of to be really emotional, meaning while making out, characters are crying, happy, head-first in love, etc., and it's the author's job to sort of show that emotion. Also, just in general, in angst, I feel, should be used almost sparsely because it shows the times of emotional peaks in the story. While I get why you included the --- scene with Sehun in the beginning for contrast and irony, I really don't think it's the best place to have . (THESE COMMENTS WERE MADE WHILE I'D ONLY READ THE FIRST CHAPTER (for ref.))
Characters: I'm getting that Sangchul is a egotistical psycopath from the first chapter, good job? XD hehe. I don't like him very much and I think that was what you were going for.
Flow and Pace: Nice flow and pace! Although things didn't start where I would necessarily prefer them, I think the build up and end were pretty nice!
Overall Enjoyment: As stated before, I think grammar really affected my enjoyment of this first chapter. In general, as a reader, I don't think I would have read the entire chapter solely because of grammar problems. While I don't mind a little, habitual grammar mistakes do drive away readers. When I read angst on this list, I was really excited. I love crying when I read angst stories (YES I'M GUILTY o.o) However, I feel like even in the first chapter, I wasn't really into everything already because te style really affected how I read the chapters. I didn't feel emotion, I kind of felt an indifference during the scene. I also did not like how Sangchul kept on calling his wife a . Nopenopenopenoepneop (I think you meant for that reaction XD)
Tips: Work on your grammar! Feel free to PM me for help. In fact, after this, I'll be sending a PM over to you! I really want to help you on this story, and angst is something that takes hard work, but there are a lot of benefits!
Final Notes: As I mentioned before, I have only read the first chapter of your story. There was a lot I wanted to talk about regarding style in that first section, and comment on, so I didn't want to take up too much space. I also don't like my comments to become bothersome to you, since they're supposed to be helpful. All in all, I'd say that you should work on your grammar so that your style will hopefully shine through and really give readers that emotional shaking that they want.
*Reactions I had while reading your story: 1) WAOOWWW is this Sangchul guy a psycopath?! OMOMOMO He's crazy!
Thank you for requesting. I apologize terribly if there is any words that you take on account for harshness. I sincerely say that I do not want to be harsh! If you want any more help, feel free to message me privately!
*This is a fun category I added on. I'd like to think you would have fun seeing my reactions! ^^
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I sincerely apologized for being gone for too long. I promise I will try and be more active :)
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