sylviaplant
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Title: Anti-HeroAuthor: Sylviaplant
________ **Aww any story is worth a shot ^^
First Thoughts:
- Title: I feel like going off only titles isn't a fair judgement, and therefore, I don't like to criticize too much on this topic. I like it when the title embodies the story in a good way, which for this story, is a thumbs up from me! As a reader, I don't look at titles as much as I do at descriptions.
- Description: In your desc. it is aboely vital to maintain perfect grammar so that readers don't get automatically repelled from your story. There are few grammar mistakes here and there. I can point them out for you! (I'm considering your Foreword part of the description; I'm not sure whether it's supposed to be read combined, or one as a prologe to the story.)
"Throughout Jungkook's life, he had always believed that a thrilling adventure in a world of magical fantasy is worth more than a million-and-one superhero ability..."
What I think you mean to say is: Throughout Jungkook's life, he had aways believed that a thrilling adventure was worth more than having a million-and-one superhero abilities...
Nice desc. overall
In addition to grammar, I think you have all the facts that you need in there: thumbs up! However, I think conveying those facts may have to be a little bit clearer, for example, instead of 'being birthed' maybe go for something like, 'they called him'. I think instead of fateful incident, maybe say 'fortuitous' because this word conveys more of a postive change. (Unless it isn't a positive change) Which brings me to my third point: I don't get this last sentence. As an English speaker, I don't really understand what the subject of the sentence is; is it that his dreams of ailens crash-landing crashes, or do they actually crash? That may be a point of confusion for readers. I enjoyed you foreword; it was quite good, nothing wrong with it: Thumbs up!
Poster: It's a visually appealing poster-- I like it very much, and it looks like a comic book! How neat and lovely. It matches the theme completely, although you could go for a little more lightness and posteristic features to showcase the comedy.
Plot: Your plot idea is great so far! I think now, all you have to do is plan out a good action story. Your execution in terms of everything else is quite good. I can't say much on this topic because the story's only a few epsiodes in anyways.
Characters: Jungkook is first portrayed as 'not being sure to what to feel when his friend went into a crash landing site' and then becomes extremely concerned right after. That little quote throws off his personality a bit. Again, apparently he's just not aware of his concernedness? Jungkook seems to have a lot of mood flips? Is this part of his character. I can't clutch onto a specific characteristic for him, he seems really bipolar. Overall, I think that Jungkook's character is quite confusing: he believes that Rapmon got superpowers, but in episode 2, claims that he would have called the police on someone who was crazy enough to say so. From earlier on in the chapter, I got the feeling that he might of been quite gullible, so I'm confused now why that he would call the cops. Other than this, I think in the first and second episode, Rapmon is portrayed nicely :)
Flow and Pace: Namjoon explaining took a bit of while, the entire first epsiode was just this, and explaining the story. (Was this on purpose to match the 'comic' theme?) Also, to introduce the second chapter, maybe in the beginning of the first chapter, add a little note like: 'but the little flame in Jungkook's heart grew a little larger,' or something like that to foreshadow his interest in the story in order to keep the story going. I think the pace overall is a tad bit too slow for me. Maybe combine the first two episodes into one with a few subtractions to some of the paragrahps?
Overall Enjoyment: While I thought the story was going a bit slowly and needed to be a little more clear, overall, what stood out to me the most, was that you had excellent imagery throughout. While the imagery wasn't used in the most effect placement, it absolutely does have potential, and I definitely liked your usage of words, just maybe (not for me, but for other readers) not have too many words that are not known so that we don't have to search them up! :) Love it, keep going girl!
Tips: You had a few tense problems, which is a common writing problem. Articulativeness in writing could be improved a little more, but it's okay, I completely understand. It's a little hard to do that when English isn't your first language ^^
Thank you for requesting. I apologize terribly if there is any words that you take on account for harshness. I sincerely say that I do not want to be harsh! If you want any more help, feel free to message me privately!
**I did not read this over for any mistakes, so please forgive me if there a few random errors that don't make sense! ^^
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I sincerely apologized for being gone for too long. I promise I will try and be more active :)
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