BloopBlop
Orchid Story Review Shop \\ Status: Closedpickup for Riverdale
Title: RiverdaleAuthor: Bloopbop
Reviewer: Spark931
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First Thoughts:
- Title: Nice! I guess? I'm guessing that this is the name of the town that Sehun died in? I'm good with this title. OH I see. It's based off of Riverdale. (By the way, in your description, you put based of CW show, and it should be based on CW show or based off of CW show)
- Description: You conveyed the 'mystery' kind of feeling nicely! It feels like I'm actually reading a hard book's summary on the inner front cover. It has that kind of feel to it, so although it's not original in terms of how it was created, it's perfect for your story. No complaints, and I'm definitely curious to read into this mystery!
- Poster: OH MY GOSH. It's so pretty. Nice; Thumbs up!
Plot: LOVE THIS IDEA. I've never watched Riverdale, but I'm sure this would attract a lot of people if they have watched the show. I'm not sure if you're taking the plot straight from Riverdale, or just basing your story of the location, but I think it's a pretty nice idea! You wanted me to focus on this, but I'm not sure what you really wanted me to comment on. Your plot seems realistic at this point, and makes sense to me. OF course, the myseries are only beginning to unravel, and the story is no where near it's , so I can't say much. Good luck writing this story! It has a ways to go ^^
Style: I'm just curious, but is there any reason why some chapters are in bold and some are not? Does it correlate to the mystery in any way? I'm curious. Grammar: No complaints. Nice use of vocab here and there. There are some tense mistakes, but they are sparse. If you have time check them out, if not, don't worry about it.
Characters: I honestly do not have complaints for your character. At this point, since so little of their past has been revealed, there's isn't much to say, but I can tell that each has a unique personality, and I like that. Your characters seem like a 2.5D, like halfway to a 3D personality. I would say the only reason I'm not giving it a full 3D is because their personailties aren't displayed quite enough yet, but it seems like you'll have no problem with that, so I have got no complaints in this department. I hope that some characters, like Jiae, will have some time to shine though, and let readers get to know why she's acting so bossily, because my general rule is, unless it's fluff, characters should have realistic motives and personailties based on their motives. Like, Jiae can't just be mean because she's that type of person (unless, you explain that she is a bully, and likes to have power.) Do you get my gist? Like villains aren't villains for no reason. Jafar wants power (Aladdin) Ursula wants revenge (Ariel) Let's not stick with the good and evil here and get some real dramatic stuff in.
Flow and Pace: I know this is one of the areas you wanted me to focus on, but truly I have no complaints. I was reading your story in sections, so my brain doesn't really remember every note I made, and since I want to get this review out as fast as possible, I won't dwindle. Flow and pacing is important, but I wasn't bothered as a reader really. The one thing I'd like to note is that your chapters are a bit short, and
Overall Enjoyment: I enjoyed this. One of the better stories that i've read. There are quite a lot of ships to choose from too >.< *squeal* (Ships are like a sign of a master fanfiction writer, right?) I TOTALLY LOVE SECONDARY COUPLES. (I think other readers do too, because it makes it more like a drama, yknow? Keep this is mind while writing; it could make your story a lot more interesting) <- not for this story necessarily, but just writing in general.
Tips:
-some of the words or phrases that you used are out of context or affect the way that you convey the story. In this sense, you can improve upon that. Here is an exmaple: "It was then that Jiae attracted Boy Scout troop leader Cha Hakyeon." || In the phrase 'It was then that', you are emphasizing that instant. I'm not sure if you're aware that that phrase conveys this, but I'll let you know of it. It seems that in this sentence you're not really emphasizing that moment for impact, so I think word choices could be changed here. While this is a minor detail in the total of your story, my point is to make sure that you pay attention to these mini things, because if you do, you can improve as a writer as a whole.
- In your prologue, I think you should differentiate the first paragraph from the rest of the boy because it's (kind of) introducing the rest of the prologue. When I was reading the prologue, I thought the story would continue with the tone of the first paragraph, but it didn't so it made me take a double-take at it. If not dividing it with a line, maybe but like a: __ years earlier, or something like that.
- centered asterisks when time skipping (just a suggestion but I think it looks nicer than your '~'
- In the interaction between Chanyeol and BTS, some words don't add up. I recommend checking back there (chapter: riverdale high) to see if you should fix anything
- "Tryouts for the dance team were a week later, they took place in the school’s gym in front of Jiae and her two cronies." || Instead of the comma, but a period. Generally, you use commas to connect an independent clase with a dependent, and here you have two independent clauses.
Final Notes: I enjoyed this very much. So sorry for taking FOREVER TO GET THIS REVIEW DONE ITS ALMOST SUMMER THANK GOSH.
*Reactions I had while reading your story: 1) Ms. Grundy sounds funny PFffttttt. It rhymes with undies. I KNOW IM SO imMATURE T^T XD XD XD
Thank you for requesting. I apologize terribly if there is any words that you take on account for harshness. I sincerely say that I do not want to be harsh! If you want any more help, feel free to message me privately!
*This is a fun category I added on. I'd like to think you would have fun seeing my reactions! ^^
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I sincerely apologized for being gone for too long. I promise I will try and be more active :)
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