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Title: Beyond

Author: KangminBread

Reviewer: Baekhyun_Biased


Title: I usually oppose one word titles. I think the title “Beyond” is very vague, and a different title would tell a lot more about the story. However, I think your title does raise a lot of questions about the story, like “beyond what?” Or “what is beyond?” It also creates an impact, and directly relates to the description, so I'd say the title is very fitting.


Description: The description establishes the motif of the word ‘beyond’. As for the layout, it adds to the angsty mood of the story. The description itself also adds to the gloomy and despairing mood, and establishes a bit of mystery. But other than that, the description says nothing about the story itself. The reader has no idea what to expect from the story, besides the fact that it will be full of angst and despair. Descriptions are supposed tell the reader about the story and, and other than angst, I know nothing of the actual storyline.


Poster: The poster showcases the genre of the story very well. I can clearly tell the story will include angst. It showcases the feeling of isolation and struggle very well. Overall, it flows and is very pleasing to look. Very good!


Plot: The overall plot of the story is interesting and very original. I haven't read another fan fiction like it, and for that, I commend you. However, there were some parts of the story I didn't find very realistic. Of course, the whole story is supernatural and fantasy, but what I mean is that some things that happens in the story really didn't make sense. Like in chapter five when Jungsoo said he had finally realized what the ritual was supposed to do. I find it a bit unrealistic that he wouldn't already know what the ritual was for, he being from the tribe and all. I also didn't find it very believable that Sungmin would stay with Youngwoon the whole week he refused to move from his bed in the beginning of the story. I know they are lovers and their souls are meant to be, but I still find it hard to believe Sungmin wouldn't leave Youngwoon in those seven days, just for a while to try and figure out the situation more. Another thing I didn't quite like was that the story had no read . The only thing that could be considered a was when Kyuhyun confessed, and that still came very late in the story. Let's just say I was slightly hoping for more. That being said, I thought the quotes at the beginning of each chapter contributed to the plot of the story very well. They clearly represent the struggles Sungmin and Youngwoon face being together, but at the same tone how their love for each other allows them to persevere.The way each character represented a trait of the god was very clever. I felt the epilogue finalized the story perfectly, and I was glad to see everyone got a happy ending. The characters deserved it after all they had gone through.


Grammar: There were a few simple grammar mistakes I noted:

“‘Since the end of your sixth life, this has been his way of mourning,’ Leadership replied.”
After ending a quote, instead of putting a period, put a comma if the sentence continues, like it does here. The only exceptions to this rule are punctuation marks like exclamation points and question marks. 

“Could it be? Kyuhyun was already in love with Youngwoon? How?”
Questions like these should be italicized since they are Sungmin’s thoughts.

“Youngwoon didn't do anything for her to change her mind. He was even careful to make everything in his power to challenge her and keep his love.”
I noticed there were quite a few run-on sentences in the story. Like here, this was all one sentence, when it should have been divided into two.


Style: The way you worded some things was sort of hard to understand. I actually had to go back and reread things sometimes. 

“The reason why he kept arriving earlier and earlier, closer to Youngwoon's death, then before Youngwoon's death, closer to Sungmin's death, and now before Sungmin's death; he had truly been searching for the both of them.”
This would be an example of something I had to reread. I think it could have been worded better. For example: “The reason why he continued to arrive earlier and earlier in the couple’s lives was clear; he had truly been searching for the both of them.” 

I would also work on using more imagery in your writing, however. The settings weren't described as much as they should've been, and I think it would definitely improve the story if some descriptive terms were used. I also really wished you would talk about the characters feelings more. We all know that they are hurting, but I would've liked to see more of their thoughts. This would contribute to the angsty theme of the story, and I feel like it would engage the reader more.


Characters: The characters showed dynamic and round personalities for the most part. The only character that I didn't find round or dynamic was Jungsoo, but I suppose it wasn't really his place in the story to show much of his own personality. The only thing I thought needed improvement was Youngwoon. For the entirety of the story, his life basically revolved around Sungmin. I wished to see more of his personality show itself. Kyuhyun stuck out as being the most dynamic character to me, because of how he grew from being obsessed with Youngwoon to being the secret hero. It made him my favorite character. And even though I said all of your characters were round and dynamic, I still feel you could've gone more in depth with them. Showcase their traits and personalities more, because that was somewhat (and I mean only somewhat) lacking. 


Flow and Pace: Overall, the story was mostly paced well. In the beginning however, I thought you could've go a into more detail when describing Sungmin and Youngwoon past lives. Those first few chapters where Youngwoon was reading the comics about their past could have been paced better in my opinion. There were also some spots where I thought the flow of your writing could have been improved.

“Taking the elevator to climb down thirty floors made more sense.”
I found some of your word choices a little odd. Like here, the phrase ‘climb down’ doesn't really make sense. I might replace this phrase with something like ‘go down’. Or maybe change the sentence completely into something like, ‘Taking the elevator thirty floors down made more sense.’

“The young man drove downtown, to an apartment building that was certainly very exclusive. Sungmin felt quite baffled to learn he indeed had been a rich man. He had lived in a duplex apartment, all the furniture inside screamed luxury.”
There was no real transition from when Youngwoon left the urn to when he arrived at his house. It didn't show how Sungmin got there, and there wasn't a lot of detail. 

“It was full of comic books, all drawn by a 'Kangin'.”
I noticed some of your sentences were choppy. There were some sentences, like this one, that could have been combined to make one flowing sentence, instead of two short and choppy ones.


Overall Enjoyment: I enjoyed this story more than I thought I would. Yes, there were improvements needed, but I very much enjoyed the plot of your story. From what I've seen, I think you have a lot of potential as a writer, and will go far. I was very displeased to see how many views this story had, compared to how little subs you got. I was even more displeased to see that chapter thirteen only had one view. I think this story definitely deserved more. To be perfectly honest, I think the reason not many people read the whole story was because the foreword was misleading.It made it seem like the story was about simply a cartoonist and his husband, and that's where I'm guessing people lost interest. [And just so you know, I'm not really even a big SUJU fan, and you convinced me to like your story based nothing but your work alone. Feel proud;)]


Tips: Just work on correcting some minor grammar mistakes, and getting your words to flow better. Those were the two main things I think needed the most improvement, so just get those down and you'll be good! Aside from that, just make sure to go more in depth with characters in future stories, and work on creating a writing style that is more descriptive.