sunflowerpots
Orchid Story Review Shop \\ Status: Closedpickup for sunflowerpots
Title: BlueAuthor: Sunflowerpots
________
First Thoughts:
- Title: Going for the impact here, huh? Nice! And I like how it connects to the foreword. I especially like it when authors do that. Makes the reader feel like they're in on something. I don't generally base my entire first judgement of a story of the title, so I wouldn't say much. To be honest, if I did, everything would sound really, really boring.
- Poster: It's very clean cut and modern, and the title itself is blurry, which is really nice! I like it.
- Description: I feel like I've seen your story somewhere, and I've read that exact description. I can't pinpoint where. I can just remember reading the description and having the sentence structure bother me. However, I think someone changed it, or I've read it one too many times, because it makes sense at first glance now. *shrug* And aside from the word order, I really like your description. It makes me go "wooah kewl" and I get a feel for the story without it losing its engimatic touch.
Plot: I read until the end. WOW THAT WAS QUITE AN ENDING. Still going for the impact are we? XD Your plot was executed greatly. If you were going for the impact here, I'd give you a really high score! The only thing I'd reccommend is, give a little foreshadowing. Throughout the entire story, I wasn't really sure where anything was going. It was like: oh, this happened, yes, yes, yes. Kinda like you were just explaining things and then boom. He was 7. I'd appreciate it there was just a little something that kinda will lead the readers on. Not really foreshadowing that a big surprise will come, but something that will lead the readers to anticipate something although they don't know what it is. That will keep them reading. As a reader, I find it hard to focus on stories with a boring plotline. However, your execution kept me reading, I was able to read through the entire second chapter without adding something, which was nice. Good job! What an unique plot! 좋다 좋다~
Grammar: I saw no evident grammar mistakes. Only thing I would say is read back over it, because there are some places where you're missing commas and it makes the maening of the sentence a little confusing. There are a few tense mistakes, might want to check back.
Style: Your style is nice. To be honest, I can't really say much, as your style really varied within itself, and didn't change distinctly throughout the entire story. However, you kind of want the style to change, because it will show that Wonwoo changed from before. In the beginning, he was secretive, at the end, he decides to reveal his past. Besides this, he really didn't change as a character, so all in all, I'd say the style is fine. It's not a strong point nor a weak point. In terms of imagery, I really did enjoy reading your story. It was delightful to read a story that had nice imagery. There are a few places where I don't really like the word choice used to describe things. (ex: "The unmistakable smell of bacon invaded his nostrils... " why are you using the word invaded? It has a negative connotation, this is a positive flasback for him, no matter what he tells himsel.)
Characters: You requested for me to provide reccommendations on Wonwoo's realisticity, however, I'm confused why. In the plotline, can readers already not see that Wonwoo is not normal? Even from the beginning, I'm getting the gist that he's a a unique character. That was one of the things that made the story appealing to me. When he didn't let Jun even comfort him by putting a hand on his shoulder, which even made him tremble, it's obvious Wonwoo is not 'normal'. Instead of making him try to be normal, I'd just reccommend going with what you, as the author, made him out to be. Based on his past, his experiences, what would he do? There's nothing unrealistic. Humans are unpredictable. I wouldn't worry about that with a character like yours. Afterall, he's at a mental recovery center (I think). Overall, in terms of Wonwoo, nothing really popped out to me as: 'wow, no one would do that.' He was pretty realistic to me, I mean, as any person with trauma like that could be realistic. He was portrayed nicely as a whole.
Flow and Pace: Nice! It definitely made me want to keep going! Nothing much to say here.
Overall Enjoyment: As I said a bunch of times, this was a really nice story overall! Now, I'm gonna go all biased here and say a few disclaimers: I'm not personally a Seventeen fan, so I definitely do not know all their names! >.< That really didn't take away from the story for me though, except that I couldn't imagine their faces without having to search them up XD. The second thing is, I don't really like or , but again, I think that didn't really take away from this story at all. Since the story isn't necessarily focused around their love or , rather on Wonwoo himself as a character, I think it didn't take away from the story, and therefore, I really enjoyed this.
Tips: (DOWN)
- "The guy never stops talking and lording them over, or so he calls it that." || The guy never stops talking and lording them over-- or so he calls it that.
- "He looks at Jun sees his wide smile but he didn't fail to notice a hint of sadness laced with it." || Where is the punctuation in this sentence?
- "The shorter whips his head back to Wonwoo's direction with a small frown and the latter right then felt smaller than Woozi right at that moment. "Why? Even if I tell you, you won't understand how I feel. You're an only son and you don't have a brother. Don't even try putting yourself in my shoes like Jun always does." There's this small crack in his voice but Wonwoo isn't going to be an and point that out." || How did Woozi know that Wonwoo was an only child? He doesn't say anything at the meetings, and I doubt that Jun would just randomly say that out for the group to hear.
- A few minor unrealistic points: red bull and kitkat scene. Why would Woozi get that if they didn't want the inmates or whatever having that? How did they get that in the first place? This is really minor though.
Final Notes: I really liked this! I mean, as much as I could with limited knowledge and love for the members, hem hem. Two things that I'd just leave here as a suggestion:
1) When you're narrating from Wonwoo's point of view, it's not his realisticity that's a problem. If the readers are seeing the story from Wonwoo's eyes, they should understand what he's doing, why, etc.. so instead worry about if readers get it, and what is character is like for him to do things like this (decide he wants to spill everything.)
2) Your focus of the story is on Wonwoo, right? Yet, as a reader, I can't understand why Wonwoo suddenly decided to reveal everything. I think I need more of something to show me why he suddenly decides to reveal everything at this moment. Woozi's conversation on the phone all of the sudden convinced him? Why were his dreams becoming worse and worse? This is the most unrealistic point of the story. His sudden decision to spill his past to the others because of dreams, an unseen force.
This point (above) wasn't really a big to problem for me overall though. I have to say, good job!
*Reactions I had while reading your story: I had nothing to say until the end. SEVEN YEARS OLD. O.O I don't even know what to say. It was normal until then. Wow. Okay then.
Thank you for requesting. I apologize terribly if there is any words that you take on account for harshness. I sincerely say that I do not want to be harsh! If you want any more help, feel free to message me privately!
*This is a fun category I added on. I'd like to think you would have fun seeing my reactions! ^^
Like this story? Give it an
Upvote!
Thank you!
I sincerely apologized for being gone for too long. I promise I will try and be more active :)
Comments