pickup for TwiceAzeline

Title: Quandary

Author:TwiceAzeline

Reviewer:spark931

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First Thoughts:

 - Title: I like it! While simple, being one-worded, it's not cliche, and the word quandary is not that widely used of a word, so it makes me curious as to what it means. 

 - Description:I'd recommend putting your actualy desc. above your chart there. You have a few subscribers, but you could get more just by  putting your desc at the top so that interested readers could see it right away.

 - Poster: It looks like a 'home-made' poster? I have nothing against it, but maybe  if you're later looking to improve your story, also think about getting a cover from a shop as well?

Plot: I really like this idea! It's unique (as far as I know) and quite honestly, something that everybody knows. I like how you didn't just write a story about romance, but something different for a change.

Grammar:-- no complaints

Style:-- no complaints-- although I do have one thing to mention. While you are writing, I feel like you go on little tangents, that accidentally make the style less impact ful. For example: "She was not. She was just plain old Ahn Heeyeon, also known as EXID's Hani." While it's not a tangent, the phrase after the comma is taking away from the sentence as a whole. The impact is in Ahn Heeyeon, and everything after that should be a period, so that the impact is present and noticable.

Characters: You requested me to focus on this on your request. Actually, your characters are a strong part of your story. Each of the members have their own unique personality. Hani, on the other hand seems to be really self-demeaning? You are trying to describe Hani when she's at her lowest/highest point, but Hani is known for being all smiles and cheerful. I guess you're trying to write a story about what it's like to take off that mask, is my consensus. Also, is Yooji actually friends with Hani in real life? I'm jut curious. Is that a fictional part of the story? The one problem that I have with the characters is the scene with Hani and Ken, where she forces out a smile. Whereas Ken could tell she was having a bad time before, there's no reason why he couldn't now. That just seemed like a part in the story that was an excuse for him to leave Hani alone. If he were so close to Hani for him to percieve that she was feeling less than sad, why couldn't he have percieved that her smile was forced? Another problem I didn't like with your characterization: you might want to take a look back at Sehun's character. When Hani first met him, he seemed like one of those cassanova guys who every girl likes. Like the cliche story in which the average girl who realizes that the cute guy is a jerk, and gets him in the end. (hem hem boys over flowers) I have no problem with this, but later in the story, you end up breaking off his set characteristics. ""Nah, not so fast. Why do you keep avoiding me lately? Is there something wrong?" He blinked innocently as if he really didn't know precisely why I was avoiding him." || Innocently is definitely not the right word to be using in this scenario. Especially when he has already been established as a bad guy who thinks love means a challenge.

Flow and Pace:-- no complaints; although maybe more drama at the beginning? Okay, yeah, that's sort of a shaky suggestion, idk what I'm really going at. What I'm trying to make a point at is that your good angsty loveable chum chum stuff is a distance away from the beginning. To be quite honest, the beginning was getting a little repetitve.

Overall Enjoyment: This is a strong story! I enjoyed it immensely. I'm actually not too sure why you have such a small amount of subscribers. I think it may be due to the fact that 1) it's not romantic, nor with an OC, which is what users mainly read. 2) The cover's not as eye-catching as many other stories. Many stories are not as well written as yours, but with more views. Why? Probably cover. Also because your description is covered by that chart thingie. Fix those things and little more advertising for you story, and I think you'll get bigger amounts of visitors and views and subscriptions!

Tips:

-""Nah, not so fast. Why do you keep avoiding me lately? Is there something wrong?" He blinked innocently as if he really didn't know precisely why I was avoiding him." || This is c+p from your story. You accidentally switched persons while writing (i). 

-"When she was vulnerable, she wasn't even treated as a proper human. She was only seen as air. So now, she was going to regard them as air too. Guys like them were beneath her..."|| I disagree with this statement. Hani was not seen as air. I feel like it was more along the lines of: she was seen as property. However, it's your story your choice, just like to give my opinion here.

-this is a little nitpicky, but when Hani snaps because of Sehun, it doesn't seem like enough is built up. Try to make it more spread out. Not enough pent up anger while you were writing. (this actually kinda relates to style)

-"She flipped up her phone cover and saw her best friend's name.

Yooji. I wonder why she's calling me..." || Also a little nitpicky, but it relates to characterization. So when you're writing, it's whatever is going through Hani's mind, right? During this time, Hani is really mad at Yooji for using her to gain popularity. No matter what, I don't think she'll still think of Yooji as her best friend. Or at very least, think of the word 'best friend' while seeing that name. Do you get my gist? 

Final Notes: YESH! YOU ARE A NICE AUTHOR. I LIKE YOUR STORY. KEEP GOING. These are my final words before I go do other work. Hwaiting!

*Reactions I had while reading your story:

Thank you for requesting. I apologize terribly if there is any words that you take on account for harshness. I sincerely say that I do not want to be harsh! If you want any more help, feel free to message me privately!

*This is a fun category I added on. I'd like to think you would have fun seeing my reactions! ^^