THERE is something that Soojin is keeping from me.

When she came back, I thought she'd be that same Soojin I knew three years ago. She's my first love. Ugh, it's so cheesy to admit it but it's true. I fell in love with her bubbly personality. She's very friendly too. Seungcheol hyung once told me that Soojin and I are both friendy and it's probably our common denominator.

But now, seeing how she panicked on our way to the hospital, I feel like something happened and it changed the way Soojin acts.

I need to know it.

All the hyungs are still in the hospital when I came back. Chan and Seungkwan went back to the dorm because they need to go to school tomorrow.

"Hyung," I pat Jeonghan's shoulder.

He looked at me. They all looked tired. We're all tired but I know Wonwoo hyung needs us more than ever.

"I'm such a worthless hyung to him. I've noticed him being in pain but I neglected it. I should've asked him what was wrong." Jeonghan hyung said.

"Ya, it's not your fault. Wonwoo hyung will soon be okay. He just needs to rest for now." I told him.

Wonwoo is diagnosed with acute gastritis. He can't dance for a while. He needs to stay here in the hospital for further examinations.

I saw Sungjin hyung went out of the hospital room where Wonwoo was resting. He looked at me and smile a bit.

"Mingyu, thank you for driving Soojin home safely."

"No problem."

"She was a bit hysterical a while ago. My sister doesn't want to stay long in the hospital so she reacted that way."

I know I might sound too nosy but I just want to know.

"Did something happen when Soojin and you were gone? And who was that boy I saw in your house? She called Soojin, noona."

He paused for a second and sighed.

"Let's have coffee and I'll tell you what you should know."

Sungjin hyung put the coffee he brought to our table. He sat on the chair and crossed his arms.

"First of all, I just want to ask you why you want to know what happened. Do you still have feelings for my sister?"

I was taken aback. I thought he'd spill the beans once and for all but here he is, asking me the same question I've been asking myself ever since Soojin went back.

"I... uh... I..." Why the heck am I stammering?

Sungjin hyung laughed.

"I was just kidding. I won't ask you that question anymore. I think you have to figure that out yourself without feeling pressured."

I sighed.

"Mingyu, I trusted you to take care of my sister and to never hurt her before, right?"

I nodded.

"But turned out, she was the one who left you. She was left with no choice, Mingyu. Everything was so messed up back then. Our family wrecked."

My eyes grew big. What is he talking about?

"I was the one who found out about this first. Well, I found out that my father wasn't that loyal to my mom. He had an affair with someone I do not know. He even had a child with her. The boy you saw in our house, that's Jaejin. Our youngest brother. We've been taking care of him ever since his mother abandoned him."

"What? You mean you have another brother?" I can't help but to ask. I thought it was just him and Soojin.

"Yes, my father has been supporting him financially but then I caught them both once when I went home to Changwon. I saw my father with him so I got curious and went out of my car. I asked him what he was doing with that twelve year old boy and he said he's just our new neighbor. But of course, I knew from that moment that he was lying to me. So I had that boy investigated. He has our father's surname."

Now I remember the time when Sungjin hyung had to go somewhere and asked me to check on Soojin everyday. I was willing to protect her, of course. She didn't know what was happening until they reveal it to her.

"I was so mad at my father. He lied to us. I was reluctant to tell my mother the truth because I know I'd hurt her. It was a heartbreak waiting to happen. I don't want to hurt the most important women in my life. Soojin was still young. She believes in happy endings because of how she saw my parents' love for each other. And, she was so in love with you."

I felt a weird feeling inside my chest but I try to ignore it.

"Soojin may not tell me that you two were in a relationship but I know simply because I am his brother. I don't want to destroy her view about love and happy endings. But some things are bound to happen. Our mother suddenly knew about my father's other woman. She also knew about Jaejin. It was late at night when she called me and told me to come home. Maybe it was my instict or gut feel but I already had a hint on what was happening in our home in Changwon. So we immediately went home."

"Everything was revealed. Our dad wasn't in the house anymore when we arrived. My mom was so devastated.  She didn't want to stay too long to our house so she asked us to move in Busan, her hometown. We stayed in our grandparents house there. Soojin was crying the whole night and she didn't want to eat. I was so sad for my sister. The perfect family she used to see in our family is gone. It's imperfect and it's totally ruined."

"It's been almost two weeks when I got so concerned about her because she's losing so much weight in a short period of time. She doesn't want to go to school anymore. She told me she wants to see our dad but my mom didn't want to so she had no choice but to stay at home all the time. I thought it'd be better if you were there for her. When she found out that I'll be going back to Pledis to pass my resignation letter, she asked me not to tell you or anyone about our problem. She said she doesn't want you to get involved. Mingyu, you were training so hard back then. And the training rules are so strict. Soojin doesn't want you to stop dreaming just because of her."

I clenched my fist. I was her boyfriend! Of course, I'd care for her. I remember the times when I kept texting and calling her number just to know where she is but she never answered me.

"I don't know what decision will my sister make regarding your relationship but when I came back after resigning, she told she broke up with you."

I nodded my head.

I want to erase the painful feeling inside my chest whenever I remember how she broke up with me through the phone.

Sungjin leaned on the table.

"I know this story sounds so fictional but this really happened. After another, our mother died."

I gasped in horror with what Sungjin said.

"W-what? H-how?"

"She killed herself. The doctor said it was because of depression. We knew she was depressed and lonely but we didn't know she'd commit a suicide inside her room. She drowned herself of different medicine tablets. It was Soojin who found her lying on the floor. And that was the main reason why she was so scared to see Wonwoo lying on the floor. She had a trauma. She remembered our mother's lifeless body on her arms."

Now, it makes so much sense. Soojin experienced too many painful circumstances in her life back then.

"Our father went to Busan and ask for our forgiveness. I was too mad at him to forgive him that easily. He ruined our lives. If it wasn't because of his affair, then we wouldn't be facing so much struggles. It was Soojin's decision to live with our father again but this time, Jaejin's with us too. His mother already left him. I admit, I didn't want to consider Jaejin as our younger brother back then. But Soojin, my ever so caring and sweet sister accepted him and treated him the way a brother should be treated. Jaejin was an outcast in the family but Soojin was able to treat him fairly. Soon enough, they've become close. I guess it was at that moment when I realized Soojin's right. I shouldn't blame Jaejin because it's not is fault that my dad cheated on my mom. He's innocent. And Jaejin was also there to help my sister cope with everything that's happened. She learned to smile again and to accept the reality of life."

I saw Sungjin's eyes tearing up a bit. He stared at the ceiling for a while as if to stop himself from crying.

"I was the eldest but I was the most stubborn one. Soojin was the responsible sister. She has matured so much because of the responsibility of taking care of Jaejin."

"But fate just doesn't want us to live happily ever after, I guess. A year after, our father died of heart attack. He was still rushed to the hospital. I was in the office and Soojin's the only one who was there when the doctors were trying to save our father. She didn't leave him behind. But then, he's gone."

"When I arrived at the hospital, Soojin was all alone. She broke down and cried in my arms. She was shaking terribly. I was so full of regrets not to be there for her once again. I asked God how could He let all these happen. My sister couldn't handle all the heartbreaks she's been facing. Those experiences changed and molded my sister to become what she is now. I am not taking anything against you. I understand that you're mad at her for leaving you but now that you now what happened, I hope you'd consider treating her considerably better. She's been through a lot."

THE next day, we had to practice the same dance but without Wonwoo hyung. We had to cover his parts. It felt so strange to be dancing with one missing member but we had to continue the practice or else the fans will feel worse. I know they're feeling sad right now that the news of Wonwoo not being able to participate in the Dream Concert has already spread.

I had to practice another script because they chose me, Jeonghan hyung and Jun hyung to host the Dream Concert. We're not the main hosts but it's a nice opportunity to promote our group through these kinds of activity.

My eyes kept looking at the door everytime someone enters.

I want to see Soojin so bad.

Is she alright now? I hope she's feeling a lot better now.

I understand if she won't be going to work today. Maybe she excused herself.

Once I see her, I want to have a personal talk with her. I'll inform her that I already know what happened the three years she was gone. I won't be asking questions about the past anymore. I want her to feel that the present is what I cherish now. I want to forget about the bad times and just enjoy this moment I have with her.

TODAY's the last practice for the dream concert tomorrow and Soojin's still not here.

All the members spent the whole night practicing. We had two hours of rest and then we continued to practice again. It was tiring but I need to give it my best. Soojin will be watching me. I hope she's there to see me perform and to host.

"Kids," Hyerim noona approached us.

"I know you're lacking one member for the performance tomorrow but please, don't make it so obvious. All I can see from your eyes is tiredness. We are all tired. But we can't let the people see you like this. Give me one fifty jumps now!"

We all obliged.

I think some members are still affected that Wonwoo is in the hospital. The doctors said he'll be able to discharge on Sunday. Just the right day because we don't have any schedule for that day.

We were still jumping as Hyelim noona counts up to 50.

Suddenly, Soojin enters the room. She's a pile of books on her hands.

I stopped jumping just to stare at her.

She's smiling.

She's able to smile like that. She's able to keep everything to herself.

I remembered Sungjin's words.

Soojin broke up with me because she doesn't want me to be bothered. She doesn't want me to be affected just because something bad's happening in her life. She wants me to keep dreaming and to reach for my dreams.

"Mingyu!" Hyelim noona scolded me when I stopped jumping while the other members laughed.

"What's happening?" Soojin asked when she was already beside Hyelim noona.

"Oh nothing, just Mingyu being mesmerized by you." Soonyoung hyung jokingly said. I glared at him.

Why does he have to make me look so obvious? Am I too obvious?

"Done with school?" I heard Hyelim noona asked her.

"Yup, it was fun! My classmates are nice and friendly."

My forehead creased.

"You're studying, Soojin?" I can't help but to ask her.

She nodded.

"Yup. I enrolled a short-term course in a university." She answered and then smiled. From the way she acts towards me, I guess she still doesn't know that Sungjin hyung and I had a conversation about her yesterday.

"I see. You brought all those books with you?" She had six books she put on the table.

She shook her head.

"Nope, actually, I'll be bringing these books to Wonwoo. I'll visit him at the hospital."

Okay. She really cares for him.

"I'll drive you there." I volunteered.

"Huh? No, I'm fine. We'll use the company car. Some staff will be visiting him, too. You have to practice all day today." She said matter-of-factly.

I guess it's a no, then?

I was honestly nervous when Sungjin hyung asked me to drive her home yesterday but maybe it was because she's beside me that I was able to do it.

What worries me now is that she might not be able to be here in the building because she's assigned to take care of Wonwoo hyung. We'll be having a comeback soon which means we'll be staying in the practice room all day long. I hope she has time for me as much as she has time for Wonwoo hyung. And damn it, we haven't even gotten back together yet here I am dying of jealousy already.

I thought, after three years, I've already changed but I guess I was wrong.

Nothing's really changed. I'm still head over heels for her. Just like what I did before, if ever she starts to like someone else, I'll surely get in the way to get her. I'll chase her endlessly and make her fall. Fall too hard and too deep that she won't be able to rise again.