On this afternoon where the first snow is falling
If only I could call you, I’d be so happy
A year has already passed but I’m still not over you
So I talk to myself, “I’m lonely”

(Turn back the block) if only I could go back one year
(Turn back my heart) would we be different now?
Yeah, it’s a stupid thought, but still, what if

If I met you, would tears rise up?
The foolish me wouldn’t be able to say anything
Tell me, Merry Merry Christmas, hi, how have you been?

When the snow falls, would my bruised heart get covered whitely?

.........................................Now playing-The first snow by EXO!

December 25,2016

2:27 am

Ri Na's POV

Yesterday night I saw him.I saw him in my dream.

In my dream I was kissing and hugging him frantically.And it felt so good.

When I woke up and realized it was only a dream-it hurt.It hurt a lot.

It hurt because it was only a dream.And even if it was only a dream-it could last a bit longer.If possible,forever.

But it didn't

I miss Chanyeol

................

When I was 'dating' Kai,I felt so guilty thinking I was using him only to forget Yeol.When Yeol approached to me and I responded back-I felt gulitier because actually I kinda cheated on him at that time.

But now I think Kai cheated me the whole time.And I feel so disgusted.

You won't believe how much I actually hate Kai.

I thought he was my true friend.

My friends always cheat me.

......................

It's Christmas Eve.The snow is falling.And cold breezes are coming inside my room piercing the long,thick curtains.

On this night,everyone is happy.Everyone has to.Tomorrow is the Christmas after all.Santa is coming,granting all people's wishes................................

Except mine.

Everyone is happy,tomorrow will be a beautiful day.People everywhere will be full of happiness and delight.

Everyone is happy.

Except me.Because tomorrow is my engagement day with Kai

..........................................

Has it ever happened to you that someone very close-no,the closest to your heart is dying-and then,you can't do anything for him?

I mean anything????? 

Like going to see him at least for once or knowing his whereabouts from his kith and kin every now and then?

Honestly please tell me is it even possible to survive without knowing that whether my Chanyeol is still alive or not?

Well, trust me I really don't know! I don't know anything about him. And I'm still breathing!

...............

D.O left the country that night,saying he'll inform me as soon as he reach the hospital.But trust me,that liar didn't even contact with me after that.Till now!! I can't believe D.O is doing this to me!

I'm dying inside and no one is informing me about him! 

No one!

I don't know how am I still breathing,but I am! Life was never so ugly and cruel for me and I live every second of it in high anxiety.Every moment I pray to God that he must be alive,that he has to be alive.That he needs to get well soon.

He needs to.

.....

Because I've so many things to tell him.I've so many things to do with him.I need to tell him again and again that I love him. 

Only him. Only Chanyeol

And before any of them-I need to hug him tightly.

I need to hug him.I need to feel him.I need to love my Chanyeol again.And I need to tell him that I love only him.

Only him,he is my everything.

Everything

........... 

But I don't know whether I can say it to him or do any of them with him at all or not.Heck,I don't even know whether he is still alive or not.I'm holding my cellphone all day long in my hand, waiting for someone to inform me about him since that day-but there's no call from D.O or anyone else's,only Kai's.

Kai wanted to tell me about him, but I didn't listen.

Because I don't believe Kai.Not at all. 

Not anymore

....... 

I can't believe my mom's still supporting him even after all this, even after knowing that my Chanyeol is dying.

I can't believe human can be this much cruel and selfish. And I'm practically helpless in a situation like this.

And you won't believe but Kai is still firm with his decision of that engagement thing, and my mom