“Chim, what are you doing in the bathroom? Shaving your entire body instead of just your face?” I called through the thick wooden door. Sun Jae rolled into the hallway from the living room, zigzagging this way and that. “Can you come out? Our baby’s being creepy as .”

Jimin laughed. “Is he rolling around again? It’s so ing weird. When is that kid gonna learn how to crawl?”

Sun Jae peered at me from the edge of the hallway, his body oddly contorted into a half-roll.

“Ba!” He called to me. “Ba, ba, ba!”

“What’s that, baby?” I cooed. “What are you trying to say to Mama?”

Jimin came out from the bathroom and wrapped his arms around me, his chest pressed against my back, chin tucked neatly in the space between my neck and shoulder.

“Good morning, baby.” He said, softly kissing my cheek. I melted a little into his touch, feeling him smile, the curve of his lips tickling my skin.

“Morning.” I languidly reached back my arm and caressed his fluffy hair. “You smell good.”

“Aftershave.” He kissed my cheek once more. “Are you hungry? I can rustle you up some breakfast.”

I hummed noncommittally. Hollis, one of the cats, pattered into the hallway, his tail flicking into Sun Jae’s little face. Sun Jae’s body jolted in shock, his eyes opened comically wide.

Hollis wound himself around Jimin’s legs; Jimin let go of me to crouch down and smooth the fur of the cat’s back. I wished he hadn’t.

Jimin scooped up the cat in one arm and Sun Jae in the other. He carried them off into the kitchen, leaving me standing in the hallway, inexplicably struck with sadness.

I wished we were alone, then. Wished he’d have swept me into his strong arms and carried me off into the bedroom for some soft, romantic morning snuggles.

Instead, I heard him chattering to the cats. Sun Jae made small, gurgling interjections into the conversation, punctuated by aggressive taps to his highchair tray.

Jimin would be leaving again soon, and I knew it was melodramatic of me, but I didn’t want to say goodbye. Couldn’t we just stop working? Stay nestled in our tiny apartment like a cocoon, only venturing out for trips to restaurants and friends’ houses. Haru could still go to daycare sometimes, because she liked her friends and teachers, but Sun Jae would stay at home with us, living his lovely baby life. We could spend our life cuddling.

I wasn’t sure what prompted the sudden wave of loneliness, but I surrendered to it. Jimin had left on tour before and I’d been fine. Okay, maybe not in recent times, but I’d been pregnant and we’d been going through a hard time. We weren’t now, not really. I should have been fine.

I sat slumped against the wall, knees to my chest and head hidden between them. Was I PMSing? Had I recently eaten too much soy and upset my hormone balance? Did I just require snuggles to be well this morning?

“Pancakes, baby!” Jimin called from the kitchen. “Come and eat!”

A beat later, “Hey, do you want some orange juice? Or sausage? I can cook you up some sausage.”

After my silence became prolonged, I heard him mutter to himself, “Did she fall asleep again?”

He loudly yelled my name, then apologized to Sun Jae for startling him.

Jimin’s footsteps sounded impatiently on the hardwood floor, but stopped short as he rounded the corner and caught sight of me, tucked up against the wall with tears dripping onto my knees.

He crouched down in front of me and cocked his head. Strands of his hair tickled my cheek as he leaned in close and tilted my face to look me in the eye.

“Are you sad today?”

I nodded.

“Do you need a hug?” Jimin half-smiled at me. “I give really good hugs.”

He enfolded me into his arms, falling back onto the carpet; my legs were sprawled between his. It was uncomfortable in a vague way, if I thought about it. But I didn’t think about it, just enjoyed the feeling of his heart beating against mine, the smell of his aftershave, and the warmth of his breath on my neck.

Sun Jae made small noises in the kitchen and Haru whined sleepily from her room. She was waking up, I realized, but I didn’t want to break free from Jimin’s embrace.

“Why are you sad?” Jimin whispered in my ear.

“PMS.” I mumbled.

“Baby, you haven’t gotten your period in over a year. Don’t lie.”

“Well! Maybe it’s coming back. It’s supposed to, any time now.”

He hummed low in his throat. “Are you sad because I’m leaving soon?”

I nodded.

Jimin hugged me tighter against his chest. I sat up and shifted so my legs wrapped around his waist, then leaned my forehead against his. A small smile appeared on Jimin’s face as he tucked a loose curl behind my ear.

“Want me to sing you a song?”

I nodded, and he kissed me.

“I wish I could do better by you, ‘cause it’s what you deserve. You sacrifice so much of your life in order for this to work. While I’m off chasing my own dreams, and sailing around the world, please know that I’m yours to keep, my beautiful girl.”

Jimin sang in a low, sweet voice.

“And when you cry, a piece of my heart dies, knowing that I may have been the cause. If you were to leave and fulfill someone else’s dreams, I think I may totally be lost. But you don’t ask for no diamond ring, no delicate string of pearls. That’s why I wrote this song for you, my beautiful girl.”

I tucked my face into his neck and kissed it, feeling the vibration of his voice as he sang me another song.

JIN’S POV

“You could have the sun, you could have the water; this I’d give you. You could be the moon, you could be the harbor I arrive to. You could come over, uninvited. You said I’m the one, the one to hold you. Does that go for the others as well? No surprise.

Yesterday around four a.m., I thought about you for a second or two. I know it’s no good. I feel so lonely, sleeping without you. How come your arms are not around me? I said you’re the one, the one to hold me. But I guess he said that, too. No surprise.

How come your arms are not around me?”

Anjali lay in bed next to me, quietly sleeping through the music playing from my phone. She always slept deeply; she never giggled in her sleep or asked me where the chocolate milk was, like Jimin’s wife did.

I didn’t love Anjali; I knew I never would. I wanted to love her, I supposed. I wanted to want to love her.

But I didn’t.

Was it so wrong, to covet another man’s wife? I rarely thought of her like that, as Jimin’s wife. I thought of her as herself, the girl I’d slowly fallen in love with over the years. Was there any way to let go of that love, when a small, bright spark of hope had been lit?

I pushed myself out of bed, careful not to wake Anjali. It was still dark outside, would be for another couple of hours. Jimin had left the day before for a trip to California. Jay Park had asked him to feature on a track and to participate in a concert out there.

I knew she’d be awake. She always had trouble sleeping the night after he left.

The key to their apartment dangled from my key ring. I’d stolen Namjoon’s copy one day in the practice room, not for any particular reason.

Just slowly losing my mind over her.

How could I not? I kept picturing our life together, kept hoping she would leave him one day. Anjali wanted to be with me and talked about our future together, but I didn’t picture her face when I thought about the woman I wanted to marry.

When I let myself into her home, I spotted her sleeping on the couch, wearing only one of Jimin’s shirts. It was long on her, but not long enough to cover her underwear. Once my eyes adjusted to the dark, her sheer lace caught my gaze; when I started to feel desperate with thwarted desire, I took a blanket that hung on the side of the couch and draped it over her.

“Jimin? What are you doing home?” She mumbled, rubbing her eyes.

“It’s not Jimin.” I ran my fingers through my hair. This had been a terrible idea. I’d broken into her house for what reason, exactly? How could I explain myself?

She didn’t move, but went rigid. I realized that she probably couldn’t recognize me in the dark, and spoke again.

“It’s Seokjin.”

She huffed out a sigh, which I interpreted as both relieved and irritated. “Seokjin, you scared me half to death. What are you doing here?”

Her voice sounded hoarse. Was it from sleep or had she cried last night?

“I don’t know.”

She sat up, gathered her hair in a bun with a flick of her wrist, and motioned for me to sit down. When I did, she the lamp on the end table, next to the couch. I’d given them a matching set for their wedding.

“Jin, you can’t go around breaking into people’s homes in the middle of the night.” She said with a wry amusement.

“It’s morning now.” I looked down at my phone to check the time. 4:23 a.m.

She leaned over to look, too, then groaned. “. Jin! What the ?”

I shrugged sheepishly. “Sorry.”

“Make me some coffee.” She ordered, leaning back against her pillow. “And some breakfast, while you’re at it.”

While I rummaged around the kitchen to make her something to eat (I noticed Jimin had prepared several meals for her and left them in the fridge), I heard her on the phone. I couldn’t hear what she said, but I assumed she had called Jimin. The time difference between South Korea and California was sixteen hours, so it was afternoon for him there. He might have been eating lunch.

She sauntered into the kitchen, her hair down again, long and loose around her shoulders. I ached to run my fingers through her curls, but I was soon distracted when she yawned and stretched, lifting her arms above her head so her underwear and most of her stomach was exposed to me. Her beautiful, thick thighs, the stretch marks tapering along her waist and disappearing into her underwear, the small scar from when she used to have a navel piercing, before she met Jimin.

“Jimin knows you’re here. He said to tell you that you should break up with Anjali if you don’t wanna marry her, but to stay away from me and find a nice girl.”

She plopped down into a chair and drew her knees to her chest, looking soft and sleepy. Her head rested against the back of the chair, framed by loose curls.

“You’re a nice girl.” I said quietly, still staring at her underwear. Like a ert.

She hummed, not really listening to me. Her eyelids fluttered closed.

Jimin woke up to this sight whenever he wanted to. Did it grow old, or did he appreciate each individual morning with her?

“You should go back to sleep.” I went and retrieved the blanket from the living room and draped it over her. She snuggled gratefully into it, but opened her eyes to look at me.

“Sorry. I forgot I wasn’t wearing pants.” She whispered.

“It’s okay.”

I set down a plate of waffles in front of her. I knew she liked pancakes better, but I knew Jimin made her pancakes. It was something special between them.

She looked at the waffles, then looked at me. Her hair fell into her face, so I brushed it back behind her ear.

“Jin,” she spoke so softly that I had to tilt my head closer to hear her, “why are you here?”

I turned away from her and walked towards the sink, where I began to wash the waffle iron. “I don’t know.” I glanced at her, hoping this was enough of an answer, but she looked expectantly at me.

“I woke up and thought of you. Listened to some City and Colour, then somehow found myself here.”

“What song did you listen to?”

I turned off the water in the sink and stood there staring at my wet hands. Absentmindedly, I dried them off on a dish towel. “How Come Your Arms Are Not Around Me.”

“That’s very emo of you.” She said, straining for levity.

The chair scraped loudly against the kitchen floor when I went to sit down. Both of us looked towards the hallway, listening for any sound of a waking child. After a moment, she turned back to her waffles and I watched her eat.

“What do you like about me?”

The abrupt question made her pause in her chewing to dart a glance at me, then back down to her waffles. She swallowed, then stubbornly avoided my gaze.

“I’m not telling you.”

“Please?” I wheedled.

“No. I’m not telling you. For your own good, Seokjin.” She was silent for a moment. “And for mine.”

“You still like me?” I guessed, and the hopeful lilt to my voice made her sigh.

“Seokjin, please.”

“Please. I want to know.”

She set down her fork and looked at me levelly. “No, because you’re going to take every word I say incredibly seriously and ponder them in your heart and never get over me.”

“I don’t want to get over you.” I said softly, realizing it was true.

“Why? You like having your heart broken? You like watching the person you love live a life with someone else? Do you like feeling hurt and hopeless, Jin? Because that’s all I can ever give you.”

I traced over a knot in the wooden table with one finger. “Not so hopeless.” I whispered.

“Jin,” she pushed back her chair and wrapped the blanket around herself, “it’s late. We’re tired and you’re irritating me. Just go home, okay? Get some sleep.”

I followed her to the couch.

“Go home.” She told me, but when I didn’t, she rolled her eyes and flicked on the television.

We watched two episodes of Adventure Time in silence before she fell asleep, snuggling unconsciously so her head rested on my shoulder.

I clasped her hand in mine and imagined like I always imagined, that we belonged to each other.

Was it so wrong, to covet another man’s wife?

HER POV

I hadn’t realized I’d fallen back asleep until I woke to the sound of Sun Jae’s cries. Half-awake, I stumbled off of the couch, causing Jin to slump down, taking the space I’d just vacated. I’d forgotten he’d showed up; it seemed like a dream. But there he was, sleeping peacefully on my couch.

Once I retrieved Sun Jae from his crib and nursed him, I went back into the living room and sat down on the floor near Jin’s head. Sun Jae reached out his tiny hand and grasped Jin’s hair. He gave it a hard tug before I managed to extricate the blonde wisps from his fingers. Jin looked around blearily.

“Anjali?” He croaked, then cleared his throat.

“Nope, it’s me.”

I watched his expression change from confusion to surprise, then soften into warm delight.

“Well,” he said softly, a lock of my hair, “this is nice.”

Sun Jae smiled and gently tugged on the same lock of hair, which made Jin laugh. He plucked my baby from my arms and rolled over onto his back, holding Sun Jae so they were nose to nose. Sun Jae giggled, and Jin soon joined in. I surreptitiously took a video of the two on my phone, hoping Jimin wouldn’t get curious one day and go through my photos. They just looked so cute.

“Ba, ma, ma!” Sun Jae exclaimed loudly as he grabbed Jin’s lower lip and pulled hard.

“Mama.” Jin repeated, in a low, sweet voice. “Where’s your mama?”

He laid Sun Jae against his chest, where the baby gratefully snuggled. He loved snuggling.

“I can’t believe he’s six months already. Can’t believe I’ve only met him a handful of times. I’m pretty sure I was Haru’s favorite person in the world by the time she was six months old.”

“Sun Jae loves me the most in the world.” I grinned, petting Yukon, who lay asleep next to me. “And Jungkook is his favorite uncle.”

“Ah,” Jin flashed me a rueful smile, “that’s to be expected.”

“You look good with a baby.” I told him.

“I look good all the time, baby.” He replied.

Haru’s door opened and her heavy, sleepy footsteps padded our way. She stood in the entrance to the living room, rubbing her eyes.

“Daddy? I thought you wasn’t supposed to be home yet.”

“Surprise.” Jin turned to smile at her. Haru stared at him for a moment, then looked at me.

She walked over and climbed into my lap, burrowing her face in my chest, but shyly peeking out to look at her Uncle Jin every so often.

“What are you doin’ here, Uncle Jin?” She yawned and I caught a delightful whiff of her morning breath.

“I’m hanging out with your mama.”

“Mama’s not wearin’ any clothes.” Haru sat back on my thighs and lifted my shirt. “Mama, I see your ies!”

I yanked my shirt down and pushed Haru off of my lap. My scorching red face didn’t compare to Jin’s, which had turned purple.

“Mama, you need to wear pants like me.”

“I think Mama looks nice with no pants on.” Jin mumbled into Sun Jae’s hair.

It was something Jimin would say.

“You should go.” I drew out each word, blinking as I came back to reality. What was I doing, letting Jin see me dressed like this? How had I forgotten about my scant pajamas?

Jin stretched languidly, one hand on Sun Jae’s back to prevent him from toppling off the couch. “Should I?”

“Uncle Jin, you can live wif us.” Haru offered.

“Where would I stay?”

She pondered for a moment. “In my bed. Daddy sleeps in there a lot. He says we’re snuggle buddies.”

“I’m taller than your daddy, though. I don’t know if I’d fit in your bed.”

“Well, Daddy can sleep in my bed and you can sleep in Daddy’s bed wif Mama.”

Jin laughed, low in his throat, and I felt a tingling sensation in the palms of my hands at the sound of it. I clapped them together decisively.

“Goodbye, Jin.”

He groaned and flung an arm over his eyes. “Scorned by the only woman I love.”

“You’re damn right. Now get out of my apartment.”

As soon as Jin left, I called Jimin. I knew he’d be waiting for my call, and sure enough, he answered on the first ring.

“Nothing happened.” I said immediately. “Except he saw me in my pajamas.”

“He’s seen you in your pajamas before.” Jimin sighed in relief.

I hesitated. “Well…I wasn’t wearing pants. Or a bra.”

He said nothing.

“And Haru made some inappropriate comments. Oh, and I fell asleep on the couch while watching tv. He wouldn’t leave but I didn’t want to continue the conversation, so I the tv and we fell asleep while watching it.”

“Okay.” Jimin said after a pause. “I’ll be home soon.”

“I love you.”

“Yeah.” He replied. “Talk to you soon, okay?”

Jin’s cigarettes and lighter had fallen out of his pocket and were wedged between the couch cushions. I walked over to the bay window and opened it, leaning out as I lit the cigarette with fumbling fingers. I wasn’t a smoker, but something in Jimin’s tone made me crave the soothing hit of nicotine.

Below, a voice called out to me.

“Sunshine!” Jin yelled, holding his hands up in the air, “throw me down those cigarettes!”

If I were twenty-two, I would have responded with some quip about coming up and getting them himself, and we’d end up making out on my couch, but instead I tossed the cigarettes out the window and quietly stubbed out my own on the windowsill.

“Who wants to go and see Daddy in California?”

“ME!” Haru screamed in elation. Sun Jae let out a startled little coo.

“Me too. Let’s go pack our bags!”

When Jimin and I were younger, he used to call me up in the middle of the night, just to tell me he loved me. He always said it on the phone, like a good luck charm. I knew something had to be wrong for him not to say it back to me, so I would go and assure him in person.

And then, I’d get the locks changed on our front door.

The song he’d sung to me before he left rang in my mind.

I wish I could do better by you, ‘cause that’s what you deserve.

If you were to leave and fulfill someone else’s dream I might totally be lost.