JIMIN’S POV

I came home from the studio one day to find my wife and daughter dancing to Jay Park’s “Me Like Yuh.” I had to admit, Haru looked hella cute in her cutoff jeans and classic Timberlands. My wife also looked adorable with her hair in two thick braids, a red beanie perched atop her head. She’d carelessly tied a flannel around her waist and denim shorts left her thick thighs on full display.

I stood in the doorway and watched them for a little while. Neither of them had heard me come in; the music was much too loud for that.

What would it be like if I came home and they weren’t there? If my home were empty and my wife wasn’t my wife anymore?

Ah, what if we got divorced and she really did leave me for Seokjin? What would I do?

I kept imagining scenes where I would pick up Haru and Sun Jae from Jin’s apartment, where they lived. My wife would answer the door and Jin would pop up behind her. Their smiles would fade when they realized it was me. Haru would give me a hug, but then refuse to leave with me because she wouldn’t want to be away from her mother and her “other daddy.” Sun Jae wouldn’t know me that well, because we split up when he was still young. Jin would be more of a father to my son than I would be.

What if they had a child together? My kids would have half-siblings and I’d have to see them at birthday parties. A blend of my wife and my former friend, happily living with both parents while I watched from the sidelines. My children wouldn’t want me, anymore. My wife would probably tell them that Daddy loved his career more than he loved his family. Maybe she wouldn’t do that. Would she? Would my children grow up feeling bitter towards me?

And…would I ever be able to fall out of love with my wife? If we saw each other all the time, sharing custody of our children, how could I get over her?

Or, even worse, what if I didn’t get shared custody? What if she got sole custody?

She’d always promised me that no matter what happened between us, she wouldn’t keep my children from me, but would she stay true to that? If it wasn’t court-mandated, would she really keep up with the awkward encounters and probably my uncontrollable bouts of jealousy? What if she and Jin wanted to move to a different country to avoid the negative publicity of our divorce and her remarriage to my band member? It would probably ruin Bangtan and I might never get to see my kids again.

My family and career destroyed, in one fell swoop.

I watched her move her hips to the music, head thrown back and eyes closed. She’d become more graceful since beginning her yoga practice, and more confident in the way she could move her body. Danced quite well nowadays. I wanted to take her out dancing, maybe to a club or a hotel. Hotels sometimes had dances. Actually, there was a charity dance that Bangtan had to attend, and I’d thought of asking her. None of the other members could bring dates since they were still dating secretly, but we were already married. But, Jin would be there. I didn’t want them to meet.

I still didn’t know for sure if he know. I hadn’t asked and she hadn’t volunteered the information.

She swung her head and wild curls popped out of her braids, hanging down around her face. I wanted to take her into my arms, unthread her braids, and bury my face in those curls, but we’d been tentative and shy with each other since her confession. Neither of us wanted to stir the pot. I wasn’t sure I could control my emotions; to be honest, I wasn’t sure what I felt half the time. Betrayal, resignation, crippling sadness, and strangely enough, hope. I felt hopeful that we could still turn our marriage around.

I missed her.

It was an odd sort of missing. She was always here, in front of me, talking to me, smiling at me, teasing me. Crying to me, because of me. But she was always a heartbeat off from mine. We’d shared a degree of intimacy when she told me about Jin. Broke the barrier between us, just a little bit. I missed her, though. Missed her giggles and her pouting, and her penchant for stealing my clothes. She stuck to her own wardrobe these days, except for some pajamas. She recently bundled up in layers when going to bed, and there were fewer and fewer nights when I’d gently slip her out of all those clothes. Our rhythm was off, and every part of our marriage suffered the consequences.

It killed me to walk into BigHit and see Seokjin that morning. I hadn’t seen him since before my wife’s confession a few days prior. He nodded at me like nothing was different, but I felt like he knew. How could I know, though? Maybe paranoia had started to set in, and soon I would suspect all of my members of being in love with my wife.

Still…I caught him staring at me in the mirror after we finished up dance practice. With a look of concentration that unnerved me. Like he was planning on how to ruin my life and make it his.

Or, you know…could just be the paranoia.

“Jimin!” My wife cried happily, finally spotting me. “You’re home early!”

I pushed down all my depressing thoughts and smiled at her. “Yeah. I wanted to come home and see my gorgeous girls.”

“Sun Jae’s a boy, Daddy.” Haru reminded me.

“Right, he’s my gorgeous boy.” I scooped her up into a hug and kissed her cheek. “How’s my favorite Haru?”

“Good.” She giggled. “Daddy, did you know Mama and me love Jay Park?”

“I did know that.” I kissed her other cheek, then her forehead, then her nose. She giggled and threw her head back as I tickled under her armpits.

My wife looped her arm in mine and held my hand, twining our fingers together. Suddenly, I didn’t want to touch her. The thought of her with Jin made my skin crawl, so I hastily broke away from her and set Haru down on the floor, rushing off to the bathroom and ignoring their questions.

I splashed water on my face in an effort to get a clear head. I only succeeded in drenching my hair and shirt and worrying my wife. But still the thought of Jin and my wife together haunted me.

What if he took her away from me? What if I never got to touch her again? Or wake up next to her curls in my face, in my mouth? Her sleepy caresses and sweet smiles? Morning breath kisses and the occasional toothpaste kiss, when I caught her by surprise in the bathroom? She always hated toothpaste kisses, but I loved them.

But I loved that special shared intimacy. I liked the clutter of skin care products on my bathroom sink. Liked the rusty razor full of her hair in the corner of the shower, in a spot where I always knocked it over and nicked my toes. She always put it there, even though I’d asked her so many times to move it to a safer place.

I liked sharing towels with her. Liked running out to buy her tampons when she was holed up in a pile of blankets on the couch, too drained and crabby to want to go out for herself. I didn’t even mind the period stains on our sheets, although she did.

I took it as a token, a little symbol of sharing life with the woman I loved.

There was so much intimacy in marriage. I used to be able to say or do anything in front of her without fear of judgment. She even took care of me when I had food poisoning and couldn’t really leave the bathroom for a day. Hell, she’d pushed my children out of her and I’d watched it happen. Could life get any more intimate than that?

But what if…what if she one day shared all this with Jin, and not me?

The door opened quietly behind me and my wife slipped into the room. She didn’t look surprised to see me standing there with sopping wet hair.

We met eyes in the mirror. I could see what I looked like: desperate and sad, with red-rimmed, miserable eyes. She stepped closer, never breaking eye contact, until we were shoulder to shoulder. She placed her hand on the counter next to mine and I found myself staring at her wedding ring.

“Are you okay?”

Our pinkies touched. I wanted to curl mine around hers, but hesitated.

“Yeah.” I took her hand in mine. She smiled when I lifted it and brushed my lips over her knuckles.

“It’s nice that you’re home early.” She pulled her hand from my grasp and pulled the ties from her hair. I watched as she threaded her fingers through the braids, gently freeing her curls. “Gives me more time to get ready.”

“Get ready?” I asked, puzzled. “Get ready for what?”

She peered into the mirror and rubbed at an eyebrow. “I’ve got plans tonight. Did you forget?”

I thought for a moment. She cast me an amused glance. “Dinner? With…Ji Eun?”

“Yup.”

I stepped aside as she reached past me for her makeup bag. “So, just me and the babes tonight?”

“Mmhmm.” My wife dug around in the bag, searching for something. “Have you seen my tweezers?”

“No.” I said, pouting a bit. She tried to shrug me off when I stood behind her and put my arms around her waist, but I only held her closer. “Do you have to go? I’m gonna miss you.”

“Don’t guilt trip me when I’m trying to enjoy my first night out in a while.” She grumbled. “We need to hire a babysitter, because I’m literally stuck at home every night while you’re gone. No one to talk to but a child who can’t use verb tenses correctly and a three month old who mostly uses screams to communicate.”

“Whatever. It’d still be more fun if you were here.” I kissed her hair and she fluffed it in my face.

“Yeah. I’m a pretty fun girl.” She winked at me, then leaned forward to swipe some eyeliner across her lids.

I watched her carefully, committing each little familiar movement to memory. What if I never got to watch her put her makeup on again?

God, what if she left me?

HER POV

Taehyung opened the door to Ji Eun’s apartment. I decided not to question or comment about his presence.

“We’re getting drunk tonight.” He said firmly, even before greeting me.

“Okay…” I said slowly. “Ji Eun didn’t tell me you were coming.”

“Why? You mad? Wanna talk about Jimin but can’t because I’m his best friend?” Taehyung cocked his head at me.

“Not exactly.”

“Jimin already told me you’re in love with Jin, so no worries.” Taehyung patted my shoulder. “You can say anything you want, I’ve probably already heard it.”

“I’m not ing in love with him!” I exclaimed. “I have a gotdamn crush, so just back off and leave me the alone.”

“Well, I’m not in love with you either!”

I swung around in surprise and spotted a very tipsy Jin pointing at me from the couch.

“Just kidding.” He said with a bright, cheerful smile. “I love you soooo much.”

“Oh my god.” I said under my breath. “Okay, I’m going home. Nice seeing you guys.”

“Wait, sunshine!” Ji Eun ran out from the kitchen, trying her hands on a dish towel. “I didn’t expect them, I swear! I can kick them out, okay? Don’t goooo, I miss you!”

“Is everyone here already drunk? Am I the only sober one right now?” I demanded.

The all looked at each other. “Uhh…yes.” Ji Eun answered. “You are. Have a shot?”

I did a couple of shots and then sat down on the couch next to Jin.

“Hi.” He said, flopping over onto me. His head rested on my chest. Could hear my heart racing?

“Hi.” I replied warily. Jin yawned as I gingerly shifted his head to my shoulder.

“You’re so pretty.” He tugged on one of my curls.

“Shut up, Jin.”

An hour later, I was still the only sober one while the rest of them descended into drunkenness. I wanted to go home and I was kind of mad at Ji Eun for suggesting we get together for dinner and then not feed me any dinner and invite stupid boys.

Stupid, beautiful boys.

Seokjin looked like a ing angel and I wanted to die.

“Did you know that you have a freckle right here?” He asked with his head in my lap. I said I had no idea where he was talking about, so he reached up and tapped a spot on the underside of my chin. “It’s pretty.”

“Stop calling me pretty.” I demanded. “I don’t want to hear it anymore.”

“But you’re pretty.” He moaned, closing his eyes and biting his lip, like I was causing him some kind of personal injury. “I jus’ wanna call you pretty.”

“I’m married.” I reminded him.

“But you like me.” Jin whispered sleepily. He turned his head so his lips rested near my stomach. “You’re pretty and you like me. I jus’ wanna hug you.”

I rolled my eyes as he clumsily wrapped his arms around my waist.

“Why are you sober?” Ji Eun shouted at me from across the room. Taehyung rested his chin on her shoulder and wouldn’t stop smiling at her. “You look grumpy.”

“I’m hungry!” I shouted back. “You haven’t ing fed me dinner yet.”

“I’ll feed you.” Jin sleepily volunteered.

“Just go to bed.” I patted his head. “You’re drunk.”

He giggled. “You’re drunk. I’m not drunk.”

I pushed him off of my lap and went into the kitchen to find some food. A few minutes later, Ji Eun followed me.

“Why you so sad, little raincloud?” She threw her arms around my waist and hugged my back. “What’s got you looking like that?”

“Why is Taehyung here?” I dodged her question with one of my own.

“He just showed up with Jin and said it would be fun. I’m having a good time so far, but I can clearly see you aren’t.”

“I want to go home.” I mumbled.

“So, go home. No one’s stopping you.” She tousled my hair. “Sour little sunshine.”

I took a shot instead. Ji Eun rummaged around in the fridge and tossed me an apple.

“You love Taehyung.” I said around a mouthful of fruit. “You wanna marry him and have his babies.”

“I wanna have a baaaaaby.” She whined, hanging onto the fridge door. “Joonie isn’t proposing to me and we barely ever sleep together. I don’t know what the his problem is.”

“Be childless for as long as you can.” I advised, taking another bite of my apple. “Motherhood is hard.”

She giggled at me. “Sunshine, you always act like you got pregnant at sixteen. You were married and twenty-five.”

I hopped up onto the counter and swallowed the rest of my apple. “Ji Eun, I got married because I was pregnant.”

She squinted at me, trying to absorb my words through her drunken haze. Unfortunately, I was still stone cold sober, despite my empty stomach and low alcohol tolerance. Too sad to get drunk?

“Thought you got married because you wanted to.” She walked over to me and poured me another shot. “That’s what you always said.”

I downed the alcohol, wincing at the burning sensation in my throat. “Yeah, I did. I proposed to Jimin because I very sincerely wanted to marry him, but I always thought we would have a long engagement. Thought we would be together for like six or seven years before we got married.”

“What’s the point of waiting if you love each other?” She stole my apple and bit off a huge chunk. “Wish Joonie wouldn’t wait so much.”

“So you can be your own person and live your own ing life.” I replied, reaching for the bottle of vodka on the counter. “Ji Eun…I haven’t left the country in, like…I can’t even remember. I wanted to live in Italy, ya know? But now I’ve got these kids. I love them to death, I swear, but I’m just Mama now. I’m barely even a wife, cause Jimin’s never ing home. Or if he is, he’s all moody and doesn’t seem to want to be with us. Well, I guess that’s not really fair, cause sometimes he’s really happy. It’s just like, why can’t we do it all? Why can’t I be a person and a parent? Why does Jimin get to do that, but he’s pressuring me to stay home, saying that it’s what I really want?”

I broke off mid-rant to take a swig of vodka. So much for sober.

“How the does he know what I really want? I wanna be a good writer! That’s what I ing want! I wanna travel the world at the drop of a hat like he ing gets to. He’s just suggesting I stay home because it makes him feel less guilty for constantly being away. He said he doesn’t want our children to be raised by nannies, but that just leaves me! He’s not ing doing it anymore. I take Haru to school, I’m up all night with Sun Jae, I cook all the goddamn meals, I have to deal with the emotional breakdowns and the temper tantrums and Sun Jae’s constant screaming when he’s hungry. Me. All by myself. I’m not even a single mother, Ji Eun.”

Ji Eun nodded in commiseration.

“This is gonna be your life with Namjoon.” I warned. “Jimin wasn’t like this when we found out we were pregnant. Said he was all in and we were in this together, but look who’s raising the babies now? Me. Co-parenting is the biggest myth of modern times.”

Taehyung and Jin wandered into the kitchen and joined the conversation.

“Ji Eun, you want kids?” Taehyung jumped up onto the counter across from me.

“Yeah, we talked about that when we were dating, .” She buzzed her lips in a long sigh. “Namjoonie’s never gonna change, is he?”

“Nope.” Jin popped his lips on the p. “He is an old-fashioned type.”

“A misogynistic type.” I corrected, pointing unsteadily at Jin. “Ji, he’s told you a dozen times that he wants you to give up your job and raise the kids at home.”

“And you do his laundry.” Taehyung commented, taking a sip of his beer. He stared over the rim of his glass at Ji Eun. “Still.”

“Sunshine was happy with Jimin until last year.” Ji Eun said defensively. “She’s just got a stick up her because of his solo album.”

I tsked. “, listen. Jimin left for three weeks when Sun Jae was just a newborn. We’d barely stopped being separated when he decided to just up and leave without even asking me or even telling me in advance. This solo album is literally the most selfish thing he’s ever done.”

“Ah, but it’s his dream.” Jin said softly.

“I gave up all my dreams the moment that stick had two ing lines!” I cried heatedly. “I got married, I stopped writing, and I settled for being an editor. I’ve published a book, but there’s never been a follow-up! I had a career started, and I gave that up so Jimin could be an idol and Haru could have some semblance of a normal life. You think I could be writer when I’m up all night with an infant? I’d have just been a stay at home mom with no time to write. Babies are ing hard, and how am I supposed to stay up writing when inspiration strikes if Jimin’s gone? Or got an early flight, so I have to take Haru to daycare? And all the judgy moms whispering about me because I’m still working even though I have a rich husband, leaving my daughter to be raised by daycare. Don’t ing talk to me about dreams, Seokjin, when you’ve got the world at your fingertips.”

Everyone in the kitchen fell silent. I poured a glass of vodka and mixed it with some cranberry juice Ji Eun had set out.

“I love my children.” I said softly, feeling a sudden rush of guilt. “I wouldn’t trade them for the world, but I don’t want to have to sacrifice my whole self to take care of them. I thought Jimin understood that, and he doesn’t. It feels like a betrayal.”

“Have you told him that?” Ji Eun asked, resting her head on my shoulder. Jin looked up at me, dark eyes framed by thick lashes. He looked soft and pretty and I thought about kissing him.

“Somehow, I don’t think it’s the right time to bring up betrayals.” I murmured, still looking into Jin’s eyes.

After that, the conversation lightened considerably. I could feel myself getting tipsier and tipsier, my worries floating away as the alcohol entered my bloodstream. Taehyung put some music on and we laid in the living room, talking and giggling and snuggling.

“M’ phone’s ringin’.” I slurred, reaching over Taehyung to pick it up off the floor. I had my head on his chest, and his arm was flung around my shoulders in a friendly way. Jin was on my left and Ji Eun laid on the other side of Taehyung. “’S Jimin. You wanna answer?”

Taehyung picked up the phone and spoke to Jimin for a while. Eventually, he turned to me.

“Chim says that you need to come home.”

“Nooo.” I whined. “I don’ want to.”

“He says you have to pump or else you could get an infec-infection.” Tae hiccupped. “You should go. That sounds…serious. Sounds serious, sunshine.”

Jin’s hand found its way into my hair. Soft fingertips sent sharp tingles down my spine. “’S fine. I can’t feed this to Sun Jae anyway, it’s all tainted.”

Taehyung told this to Jimin. “He says you still need to pump.” He told me.

“I don’ wanna go home yet.” I murmured, snuggling into Taehyung’s side. Jin wrapped an arm around my waist and tugged me back closer to him.

Tae stared at me with a serious face. “You shouldn’t do this, sunshine.” He scolded drunkenly. “You’re married. Chim wouldn’t like this.”

I could hear Jimin’s sudden raised voice on the other end of the line, but I didn’t understand what he said. After a bit, Taehyung hung up.

“ChimChim’s coming to get you.” He said, tousling my hair. “You should be good. Don’t make him sad.”

I closed my eyes. Jimin would be mad at me, but I didn’t care yet. Jimin would also be sad at me, and that made me sad.

Jin’s lips made contact with the back of my neck. I kept my eyes closed as his hair brushed my ear. Taehyung didn’t see; he had turned away to talk to Ji Eun.

I let Jin kiss all along my neck, enjoying the heady sensation of drunken sensuality. One of his hands slipped down to my thigh and squeezed gently. A soft sigh escaped me, causing Jin to let out a quiet moan.

Jimin would be sad.

When we heard the knock on the door, Taehyung wrenched me from Jin’s embrace and into his own.

“Don’t tell Jimin.” He whispered into my hair. “I know you’re going through right now, but don’t break his heart like this.”

“Ah, my stubborn baby girl.” Jimin’s affectionate voice said, close to me. I felt hands under my armpits and then I was hoisted into a standing position. “Come on, get on my back. I’ll carry you to the car.”

“I don’ wanna goooo.” I whined. “I’m having fun.”

“Well, I don’t want you to get sick, so come on. Say goodbye to your friends, sweetheart.” He patted the top of my head, shooting me a teasing smile.

“Bye.” I muttered sullenly. Jimin crouched down in front of me and I clumsily climbed onto his back.

“Don’t be sad, baby.” He said, hooking his arms around my legs. “We’ll see them soon.”

I laid my head against his back and closed my eyes, feeling sleepy and warm.

JIMIN’S POV

She had a hickey.

A hickey I knew that I hadn’t put there. A tiny little raspberry red mark on her neck, right below one of my favorite freckles.

“Baby, ‘m tired.” She tugged on my t-shirt. “Put me to sleep.”

She sat perched on the edge of the bed. I stood in front of her, gently patting her hair while she leaned her head against my chest. She smelled like Jin, too. I knew his cologne; we’d lived together for years and he’d never changed it.

“Did you have a good time tonight?” I asked, feeling tender towards her. Sleepy, sad, little drunk wife. “I missed you.”

“Yeah.” Her hands found their way to my thighs. “, you’re so hot. Look at these thighs, oh my god.”

I pecked her hair and then gently pushed her into a horizontal position on the bed. She watched me through lowered lids as I ed her jeans and slid them off. Her shirt came next, then her bra. I grabbed a t-shirt from my dresser and slowly helped her into it.

She whispered a quiet “thanks” and then slid underneath the covers. Sun Jae slept peacefully in his bedroom, and I’d set up the baby monitor on my nightstand. It would be me, him, and a bottle later that night when he woke up crying.

I climbed into bed next to her and switched off the light. She curled into my side, breath smelling of alcohol. I placed my hand lightly around the back of her neck, wondering how that hickey had come to be there.

Wondering if Jin had kissed her in other places besides her neck. Wondering if he’d found my other favorite freckles, scattered like stars across her entire body.

I didn’t really want to know the answers.