JIMIN’S POV

When I woke up the next morning, I first registered surprise at the fact that my wife was up before me. I then noticed that she was perusing Jin’s letter, her chin thoughtfully placed in her hand.

I watched her for a while, half my face planted in the pillow. Trying to wake up to talk to her like a reasonable person, not like a worried, easily jealous, insecure husband.

I’d always been a little insecure about her. It wasn’t healthy at this stage in the relationship. We weren’t newlyweds, and she was very heavily pregnant with our second child.

But God, Jin’s letter had given me pause. He’d loved her for as long as I had, without any reason to keep on loving her.

Unrequited love had always seemed so sincere to me. Many people believed that mutual love was the only true form of love, because “love is a choice” and “real love requires a relationship,” but I felt like unrequited love had always seemed a little selfless to me. Strange, but unconditional in a kind of way. My wife and Jin had never even kissed, but he loved her even when he saw us kiss on an almost daily basis.

I felt intimidated by that kind of love.

“What are you reading?” I asked her in a hoarse whisper. She didn’t acknowledge me at first. I tapped her knee, but she shifted it away from me.

“Baby,” I tried again, “what are you reading?”

She cut her eyes at me; a steely glance that set my heart beating rapidly in nervous anticipation.

“You knew about this.” She accused softly, gently shaking the letter in her hand. “You knew about this, but you let him become a part of our family.”

I pursed my lips and burrowed further into the pillow. I was not quite awake enough to have this conversation.

“Seokjin loves me.” She said in an almost incredulous voice. “And you’ve known for years. How could you keep this from me?”

“It wasn’t my secret to tell.” I mumbled unhappily.

“He’s our family, Jimin!” She exclaimed, her voice strident. “He’s our family and you kept this from me!”

I watched helplessly as she started to cry. She covered her face with her hands, shoulders shaking as sobs coughed from .

“Do you know what I’ve done to him?” She choked out. “Jimin, do you have any idea what I’ve put him through? I asked him to be Haru’s godfather, for ’s sake, Jimin.”

“It’s not your fault he loves you.” I sat up and cradled her in my arms, tucking her head underneath my chin. She flung her arms around my neck and wept against my loose t-shirt.

“Jimin, he’s our family.” She kept repeating the phrase, growing more desperate each time. “He’s our family and now he can’t be anymore.”

“Seokjin will always be a part of our family.” I whispered as I played with the ends of her hair.

“Bu-But he dreams about ki-kissing me. He just wants to kiss me, Jimin, but he can’t, and it makes me so sad.” She sniffled and wiped her nose on my shirt. “And he thinks I’m sweet. He thinks I’m sweet, Jimin. No one thinks I’m sweet.”

“I think you’re sweet.” I held a curl to my lips and kissed it.

She loosened her grasp around my neck and pushed against my chest so we were face-to-face. My pretty wife looked absolutely miserable with red-rimmed eyes and a trail of snot hanging down from one nostril. I plucked a tissue from my nightstand and cleaned her face.

“Jimin, I’ve made Jin so sad.” She gazed up at me with puppy dog eyes. “And now I can’t be friends with him anymore, because I’m married and I don’t want you to be sad. But sweet Seokjin thinks I’m perfect and I’ve broken his heart.”

“It’s not your fault.” I repeated quietly, holding her tightly. “He should have confessed sooner. When he actually stood a chance.”

“When would that have been? Should he have shoved in front of you at the restaurant to ask me out?” She asked, her voice a little harsh.

I shrugged. “We broke up enough times. He could have swooped in and stolen you from me.”

“He loves you, though.” She sadly patted my cheek.

“Yeah.” I kissed her nose. “Jin sacrificed his chance at love for us.”

“Don’t say that!” She wailed, eyes filling with tears again. “God, Jimin, don’t say that.”

“It’s not true, baby. Jin told you how much he likes Anjali. He told you so he could get over you, not to make you sad.” I cupped her cheek in my palm. “He doesn’t want to hurt you. Why don’t you give him a call and talk it over? Maybe chat over a cup of tea, hmm?”

“You must really feel secure in my love for you.” She turned her face and pressed a kiss to my palm. “And I don’t know if I can face him. Jin loves me, Jimin. He loves me.”

“Well, just don’t kiss him.” I ruffled her hair and she scowled at me.

“You’re gonna up my curls.” She tugged on a lock of my hair, a tear slowly carving a trail down her cheek. “Stupid straight-haired man. You don’t understand curls at all.”

“I should, with how much you about yours.” I said, fondly caressing a loose tendril hanging in her face.

She blew her hair out of her face. “I’m still sad. I don’t feel like going out. Do you think Jin will just come over here?”

I raised an eyebrow at her. “Do you really want your husband here while you reject Jin, who loves you?”

Her lower lip trembled, but I quickly soothed her to distract her from tears.

“Baby, it’s okay, it’s okay. I’ll stay, okay? Haru and I will watch a movie on your laptop in her room while you and Jin talk, okay?”

She shook her head and bit her lower lip, struggling to control herself for a little while. “No, I’ll go over there. No need to force him to travel home sad. I might as well be the only one who has to be sad in public.”

I kissed her forehead. “I love you. When you get home, I’ll make you a nice bath and you can eat a pint of almond milk ice cream in it, how does that sound?”

“Good.” She whispered, ducking her head down. “It sounds good.”

I rubbed her shoulders, hating to see her so sad. I hoped this would all blow over soon.

I hoped Jin would be happy one day soon.

When I kissed her goodbye later that afternoon, she clung to me for a little while.

I hoped she would come home happier.

HER POV

I took a deep breath and knocked on Jin’s apartment door. I heard a muffled curse from inside, and then Jin quietly opened the door.

His blonde hair looked disheveled, in a handsome kind of way. His long-sleeved boatneck tee exposed his collarbones, and I noticed several hickeys of various shades dotted across his skin. Purple bags hung low under his eyes and a cigarette dangled from one hand.

“Hey.” Jin greeted me rather breathlessly. “I didn’t expect it to be you.”

I lifted my shoulders in a delicate shrug. “It’s me.”

As we stood there staring wordlessly at each other, I found my attention fixed on Jin’s features. On his clear, bright eyes surrounded by long lashes. His long nose, high cheekbones. The graceful curve of his chin. Jin always looked elegant and refined, even when wearing cutoff white demin shorts and a slightly wrinkled grey shirt that had a stain or two.

He took a drag of his cigarette before turning on his heel and walking inside, leaving me standing there on his SuperMario Bros. doormat.

“Darling, you better come in before you let all the air-conditioning out.” Jin called back to me, never once turning around.

I brushed the hair out of my face and followed him in, gently shutting the door behind me.

Jin’s soft footfalls echoed throughout the apartment. I found him in the kitchen, pouring himself a glass of gin. He liked to drink gin as a sort of dad joke. “My name’s Jin and I drink gin.” He’d always whip this kind of line out in bars, and all of us would simultaneously groan.

All joking aside, drinking gin in the morning seemed like cause for concern.

I took a seat at the kitchen table as Jin threw his cigarette in the garbage disposal and flicked on the faucet. He stood with his arms braced against the countertop, broad shoulders lifted into the air. He looked stressed and I felt sorry towards him.

I heard him sigh out my name as he turned the water off and took a sip of his drink.

“Jin. Come sit next to me.”

He glanced over at me as I spoke, his eyes narrowed so they looked sharp, disenchanted.

The ice clinked in his glass as he leisurely made his way over to me. I’d only ever seen Jin like this when his mother was hospitalized and he’d missed the news because he’d been performing.

He slouched in a chair across from me and fumbled to light another cigarette, his shaking fingers betraying his nonchalant attitude.

“Your letter was beautiful.” His eyelid twitched when I mentioned the letter, but he blew smoke out of the side of his mouth and took another drag. “Thank you, Jin.”

“Don’t mention it.” He said softly, drumming his fingers on the tabletop. I placed my hands on the table and his eyes darted to my wedding ring. He took another long sip of his drink, staring fixedly at my ring.

I leaned over and plucked the cigarette from his fingers, then put it out in his glass of gin. He glanced up at me with a mutedly outraged expression.

“That’s expensive gin!” He cried.

“Your health is expensive.” I reprimanded. “Stop smoking.”

Jin sighed exasperatedly and dropped his head into his hands, blonde hair pushing through his fingers.

“I can’t have this conversation with you.” He said in a low voice. “I can’t do this. I can’t even look at you sober, so please let me drink my gin and smoke my cigarettes.”

“You’re being very melodramatic.” I brushed my fingers through his hair out of habit, not even realizing until he suddenly grasped my hand tightly in his and looked up at me with narrowed eyes.

“Why do I even love you? You’re infuriating.” He tangled our fingers together and placed the softest little whisper of a kiss on my knuckle. “And lazy. And you can’t even cook.”

He sprinkled kisses across my arm, soft little whisper kisses that I could hardly feel. He stared at me with dark eyes curved under thick eyebrows.

“Jin, I don’t…” I trailed off as he placed one last soft kiss on my palm. 

“Love me.” He finished my sentence. “Sweetheart, did you think I’d really deceived myself into thinking you did? I know what you and Jimin are. I’ve seen you melt a thousand and one times because of him.”

I stared down at the knotted wood table as Jin nuzzled his face in my palm.

“Anjali’s really lovely.” I offered up lamely. “She’s really just…lovely.”

“You’re perfect.” Jin whispered, lips brushing the skin of my wrist.

Tears pricked the corners of my eyes as I continued to stare at the tabletop. Jin pressed another kiss against my palm.

“Jin, I’m married.”

My strained little whisper caused him to sigh.

“I know.” He murmured. “I know you are. I keep rubbing up against your wedding ring. Your hand is incredibly stiff in my grasp. I’m confessing my love and you’re crying. I know you’re married and I know you don’t love me. I know that this little kiss on your palm is the only kiss I’ll ever steal from you. I know.”

I sniffled; my tears dropped onto the table and left wet indents against the soft wood.

“But I can’t stop.” Jin laughed, a quiet disbelieving little laugh. “I’ve had absolutely no encouragement. I’ve watched you fall in love with someone else, watched you cry over someone else, watched you marry someone else and have his children. It sounds so ludicrous. Why haven’t I stopped loving you? I’ve wanted to, believe me, I have. I’ve liked other women quite a bit, slept with a lot of them, even adored a couple of them. But you…well, I’ve only ever loved you.”

I tried to take my hands back, but he ensnared one in a vice-like grip. I used the other to wipe my tears as he dotted kisses all over my fingers.

“I know it’s unfair of me to tell you this,” He began, taking my face in his large hands and pressing our foreheads together, “but I love you. I wish we could be together. I wish we were married, I wish you wanted to have kids with me.” He leaned in closer and our lips almost brushed. “I wish you wanted to kiss me as much as I have always wanted to kiss you.” He whispered longingly. Our noses touched as he kissed my cheek.

“Jin, my hormones are crazy right now. You have to stop kissing me.” I breathed. “You have to stop, or I am going to kiss you back and I will hate myself and Jimin will be sad, and I can’t make Jimin sad, please, Jin, please.” Tears trailed down my cheeks as Jin ignored me and kissed my other cheek, my nose, my eyelashes.

He nudged my nose with his and I thought about closing the distance between our lips, thought about what it would be like to kiss Jin, who’d loved me for so long. Thought that Jimin would probably forgive me, or maybe he would never have to know. Thought about Sun Jae and Haru and Jimin’s long nights in the studio and Jin’s constant companionship when I needed help or advice or just a sympathetic ear. Thought about how Jin’s lips were soft against my skin.

I thought about Jimin and our wedding, Jin standing in line behind Jimin at the altar, staring at me with a sweet, sad smile on his face. I thought about Haru’s christening, how Jin had stood behind Jimin as the priest said the blessing, tears pricking his eyes.

Jin’s fingers trailed across my cheek as he whispered soft little caressing words to me.

“I’ve loved you for so long.” He murmured. “So, so long.”

“Please, Jin. Please.” I shook my head as tears gathered behind my eyelids, but Jin secured me in his grasp through tightened fingers.

“I love you.” He kissed my forehead, then let out a deep sigh.

Jin let go of me and placed his hands flat against the table, palms down.

“I love Jimin.” I spoke quietly into the silence. “But thank you for your feelings.”

I stood up to leave. He watched me as I came to a stop in front of him, then leaned in to kiss his cheek. Jin turned his head and his lips met with mine in a quick, warm kiss. I pulled back immediately, a deep, dark blush spreading over my cheeks.

Jin stared at me with defiant, embarrassed eyes, then took my arm and tugged me down for another kiss. I pushed against him, but he held my face in his hands and deepened the kiss.

After a few moments, he broke away and I stepped back and ran my hands through my hair agitatedly.

“I’m just going to pretend that didn’t happen.” I said in a shaky voice. “You’re upset, you’ve had a decent amount of gin, and you look like you didn’t sleep at all last night. I’m gonna let it slide. It didn’t happen.”

Jin looked up at me with a calm expression. “It happened, love. I kissed you.”

“Stop.” I said forcefully, holding up my hands. “Jin, you’re my family.” My eyes filled with tears. “God, Jin, you’re my daughter’s third favorite person. You can’t kiss me. You have to help me bake her birthday cake next year. You have to…” I paused to sniffle. “You have to teach me how to make salmon the way Jimin likes it. He won’t eat it when I make it and it hurts my feelings. You promised you would teach me! You can’t kiss me.”

Jin stood and took me into his arms, wrapping me up in a protective, almost brotherly hug.

“I can’t be your family anymore, sweetheart. It’s kind of killing me inside.” He kissed my hair, then released me. “You should go.”

I took a shallow breath. “Okay. I’ll see you later?”

Jin gave a slight shrug. I felt my heart break a little inside at the thought of losing one of my closest friends. Impulsively, I leaned in and squeezed him tightly.

“I love you, Jin. Not in the way you want me to, but I love you. You’re still my family, okay? You’ll always be my family.”

Jin made a noise in the back of his throat, then patted my head. I stepped back and looked up at him, but he turned his face away to avoid my gaze, brushing a hand over his eyes.

I let myself out of his apartment quietly, knowing that I wouldn’t come again anytime soon.

When I arrived home, I found Jimin laying on the living room playing with Yukon, giggling adorably while the little fluffy dog all over his face. I nearly burst into tears at the scene, but instead I lowered myself slowly onto the couch, letting a deep sigh escape me.

Jimin turned to me with a cute grin on his face. “Hey, baby. How’d it go?”

“I need a hug.” I said sadly. “I need, like, a thousand hugs. And maybe a kiss or seven.”

Jimin turned down his plush mouth in a sympathetic frown, then gently set Yukon down on the ground. He clambered onto the couch and plunked his head in my lap, a soft smile on his face. He reached up and trailed his fingers across my face, letting them slide down my neck until they came to a stop on my baby bump. He kissed it fondly.

Jimin took my hand in his and gently kissed each finger while staring up at me with warm eyes. It promptly made my heart melt. I thought about telling him about Jin’s kiss, but instead I opted to bend down as far as I could with my pregnant belly to kiss him. Jimin met me halfway for the kiss. I hummed in satisfaction.

Jimin looked thoughtful when he pulled away. “You taste like gin.”

“Like Jin?” I squeaked in panic.

“Yeah, gin.” His eyes narrowed in suspicion. “Were you drinking? You’re pregnant, you know!”

He his lips, then leaned in to kiss me again, this time probing my mouth with his tongue. He pulled back with a scowl.

“Cigarettes! What the ? Were you smoking?” His eyebrows knotted together in outraged disbelief.

“Of course not.” I huffed. “I don’t smoke. And I wasn’t drinking.”

“Why do you taste like you were, then?” Jimin persisted. “Why do you taste like that?”

I brushed a hand through my hair. “Jin kissed me.” I confessed in a small voice.

Jimin’s features immediately softened. “Oh.” He breathed.

I anxiously watch his expression for any signs of betrayal or disbelief, but he just looks blankly up at the ceiling, refusing to meet my eye.

“Okay.” Jimin says finally, assuredly. “Okay. It’s not a big deal, right? Just a kiss. It’s fine.”

I blinked. “What?”

He looked at me, eyes crinkled in concentration. “It’s fine. Six years, you know? And I knew, for so long. Would just dangle you in front of him like a treat he couldn’t have. I was quite mean about it sometimes.” He placed his open palm on my thigh, rubbing up and down thoughtfully. “A kiss is all Jin can have. I get everything else. You know? I have your babies, I’ve got this home with you. I’ve got you. You, you wonderful, gorgeous, special creature, love me. I can live with Jin stealing a kiss or two.”

I sighed and leaned my head back against the couch. “I don’t like Jin being in love with me. I don’t like it one bit.”

“I know, baby.” Jimin turned his head and kissed my bump. “It .”

“I don’t wanna think about it anymore.” I shuffled my fingers through Jimin’s shaggy black hair. Boy needed a haircut. “I just wanna spend the day with you, thinking about nothing. Except maybe we should buy more diapers. I feel like we should buy more diapers.”

“Let’s go shopping, yeah? Haru’s still got a few more hours before her nap. She’ll be good to go.” Jimin sat up in my lap and kissed me very sweetly. “Go brush your teeth.” He whispered in my ear. “I’m not as cool with you tasting of Jin as I’m pretending to be.”

I nodded and waddled off to the bathroom.

Standing in front of the mirror, I tentatively touched two fingers to my mouth, thinking about Jin’s kiss.

Jimin poked his head in and caught me.

“Baby,” He said in a cool, even tone, “brush your teeth.”

I silently picked up the toothbrush and began to clean my teeth, avoiding Jimin’s eyes in the mirror. He watched me though, I could feel him. As I spit and rinsed, I snuck a peek to see him staring at me with an unreadable expression.

We stared at each other in the mirror for a long moment. Eventually, I dropped my gaze and Jimin leaned against the doorframe with his arms crossed.

As I walked past, I felt his heavy gaze on me. He stretched out his fingers and let the fabric of my dress brush past him, almost wistfully.

“He can’t be our family anymore.” Jimin said softly. “You know that.”

“I do.” I agreed.

“You shouldn’t have told me.” He continued in a hoarse voice. “Jin’s like my brother.”

“You would have found out. You knew as soon as you kissed me, don’t lie.” I glanced up at him from underneath my eyelashes.

Jimin grasped my wrist and pulled me to him. “Did you know all along?” He asked in a soft, accusatory voice. “Did you know that Jin loved you this whole time? I feel like you knew, and I think that’s why I’m getting uneasy about this.”

“Don’t let this create distance between us, please.” I pleaded. “We were doing so well. I can’t go through this again.”

“Did you know?”  Jimin persisted. “Have you been playing dumb all these years?”

I looked into his eyes, trying to determine the right way to word my answer.

“No and yes.” I said finally. “I had a feeling. But no evidence. I’m not good with boundaries, you know that. I only had a feeling recently, when he kept mentioning his first love and it sounded so much like me. And…you started acting weird around him. Getting jealous and saying odd things. So I started to wonder.”

“Why didn’t you ask me about it?” He demanded, slamming his hand against the wall. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

“Because!” I cried out desperately, startled by his sudden burst of anger. Haru gasped from her room and poked her head out, her eyes darting back and forth nervously as she looked from me to Jimin.

“Hi, little love!” Jimin exclaimed enthusiastically, extending his arms for a hug. Haru took a shy step forward and I worried how much she had overheard. She wouldn’t understand, but I didn’t want her to worry or repeat anything.

“Are you fightin’?” She asked in a quiet voice, her socked foot scuffing the floor of the hallway. “Why did you sound angry at Mama? Is you mad at her?”

“Come here, baby.” Jimin crouched down and motioned her forward. She slowly walked towards him and then sat down on his knee as he folded her into his arms.

Haru looked up at me with worry in her eyes. I squatted as best I could and ruffled her hair.

“We’re not fighting, Haru.” I said reassuringly. “We’re just talking. Okay?”

“Wanna go shopping for the baby?” Jimin asked into her hair. “Hmm? Buy baby brother some things?”

“A buddy!” Haru exclaimed excitedly. “Let’s buy him a new buddy!”

“Okay.” Jimin conceded with a smile. He kissed her hair and then sent her off. “Go get your shoes. Daddy will help you put them on.”

Haru scampered away on her little chubby legs and stood ponderously in front of the shoe rack, wondering out loud which shoes went best with her outfit.

I stood and glanced at Jimin, who glared up at me from his crouched position. It was a little unnerving.

“You should have asked.” He said in a low voice. “You should have ing asked.”

“I didn’t want to know.” I whispered.

“You didn’t want to lose him.” Jimin snapped. Haru’s head whipped our way and he beamed at her. It freaked me out, having a serious argument in front of her. I didn’t like Jimin’s fake smile and neither did Haru. She glanced at me and I walked away from Jimin and gave Haru a hug.

“I think these shoes are prettiest.” I said in a whisper, picking up a pair of sparkly silver cat shoes. “And I think they look really good with your dress.”

“Cat shoes!” She grinned at me and I melted at the happy look on her sweet little face. I kissed her nose and she giggled.

“I wish I had a pair of cat shoes.” I pouted and Haru patted my cheek.

“Daddy will buy you some!” She offered. “For you birfday.”

Jimin stood and walked over to us. I reached out to touch his arm, but he shifted away from me. “Haru, love, why don’t you go in your room and pick out a buddy to take in the car?”

“Okay!” Haru clapped her hands together. “I’m gonna bring…Elsa? And uh…Tangled!”

“Rapunzel.” I corrected automatically.

“No, her name is Tangled.” Haru informed me with a roll of her eyes. She flounced into her room, where we could hear her debating which buddies to bring.

Jimin lifted my chin so it was difficult to avoid his eyes.

“That’s cheating.” He whispered. “That’s emotional cheating.”

“It’s not! I didn’t know he was in love with me.” I hissed. “Stop accusing me of things. I love you. If I wanted to be with Jin, I would be with Jin.”

“You don’t want Jin as your husband, though. You want his emotional support. When we’re fighting, when I’m not home and you need help, Jin’s always the first one you call. You need him. And finding out it wasn’t just a ‘best friends’ thing on your side. That’s betrayal.”

“I didn’t know.” I repeated slowly. “I just had a feeling. And by that time, our relationship was already so well-established that it was hard to change my habits. Jin is nothing but a good friend to me. I don’t want a ual relationship with him, okay? Relax.”

“I’m not talking about !” Jimin shouted, losing his temper. “I’m talking about emotional cheating! And why the were you spacing out in the bathroom thinking about him kissing you if you don’t think of him in a ual way?”

“I’m not fighting with you about this in front of Haru.” I whispered fiercely. “If you can’t get your together, stay home.”

“Haru!” Jimin called, fixing me with a level stare. “Do you wanna go to Daddy’s studio? Have a sleepover there?”

“Yeah!” Haru shouted excitedly. “Can I bring my buddies?”

“Anything you want, baby.” He yanked his arm away as I tried to hold his hand.

“Please, don’t do this.” I whispered, tears streaming down my cheeks. “Jimin, please. I’m about to have a baby.”

“I can’t with you right now.” He pushed his hair back. “I just can’t. I’m your husband, but now I feel like Jin’s your side that you’ve kept around for when things go to between us. You knew! You knew he loved you and you pretended that you didn’t.”

“I didn’t know for sure!” I took his face in my hands, but he stepped back with a bewildered expression on his face. He looked at me like he wasn’t sure who I was.

“You should have asked.” He repeated in a quiet, hurt voice. “You should have asked. Our marriage should have been more important to you than your friendship with Jin.”

“I didn’t know you knew! Jimin, please, I thought I was being vain. God, Jimin, could you imagine how you would have reacted if Jin wasn’t in love with me and I asked you if he was? You would lose your friendship with him, too! He’s Haru’s godfather!”

“I’m her father!” Jimin yelled. “I’m her father. I’m your husband. I’m more important than all of the things you just listed. If you had a suspicion, you should have stepped back immediately, even if you didn’t talk to me about it.”

“Just like you did with Gemma?” I shot back.

“ you.” Jimin swore in a low voice. “That’s so petty, I can’t stand it.”

“It’s the same thing, Jimin.” I said softly, taking his hand. He tried to pull it from my grasp, but I gripped tightly. “It’s the same thing and you know it.”

“I don’t need her in my life.” He said hoarsely. “I don’t need her the way you need Jin.”

“But you want her. You want her there, as an aunt to Haru, as your childhood best friend. As the girl you always complain to me about. Don’t make that face, you know it’s always been true. You crossed the line so many times after she confessed.”

“We weren’t married then.” Jimin argued, yanking his hand away from me. “We didn’t have a kid. You weren’t about to give birth.”

“I don’t need Jin.” I whispered, stepping closer to him. I cupped his face in my hands and kissed his cheek. “I only need you.”

“Daddy?” Haru’s soft voice interrupted our fight. “Is Mama comin’?”

“No.” Jimin said, looking at me. He stepped back out of my grasp and reached a hand out for Haru. She took it and they both stared at me. “Say bye to Mama, Haru. We’ll see her tomorrow, okay?”

“Okay.” Haru let go of Jimin’s hand and wrapped herself around my leg. “Bye, Mama. Love you.” She kissed my knee several times.

I her hair. “Bye, baby. Love you more.” I whispered to her.

“Love you most!” She cried. “See you tomodow.”

“See you.”

While we were saying goodbye, Jimin had went into Haru’s room and packed a bag of her things. He came back out with rumpled hair and red-rimmed eyes.

“Bye.” He said to me, waving a hand without looking at me. “See you.”

“Love you.” I said quietly as he took Haru’s hand and led her out the door. He shut it behind them without saying “I love you” back to me.

I sat down on the couch and called my mom.

“Hi, Bug!” She answered cheerfully. “How’s it going?”

“Mommy? Can I come home?” I asked plaintively, brushing tears from my eyes.

“Oh, of course, baby. Want Daddy to come pick you up?”

“Yeah.” I hiccupped. “Is that okay?”

“Yes. He says he’ll be there soon, okay? Is Haru coming?”

“No.” I whispered. “No, she’s not. Jimin has her.”

My mom paused. “I see.” She said gently. “Listen, Bug, everything is going to be all right. Okay? Your father and I have been married forever and we’ve gotten through a lot. You’ll be okay.”

“Okay.” I sniffled. “I love you, Mom.”

“I love you, too. Go wash up and pack. Daddy’ll be there soon.’

I hung up the phone and went into Haru’s bedroom to pack one of her buddies to take with me. In the end, I picked the Hello Kitty doll Jimin had bought for her on the day I told him I was pregnant went into my suitcase, along with a shirt of Jimin’s from the laundry. It smelled the most like him.

Hours later, my dad, who had a spare key to our apartment, found me lying in Haru’s bed fast asleep. My eyes were swollen from crying so much. He sat on the edge of the bed and patted my back soothingly, like he did when I was little and had a nightmare.

“Lovebug, are you going to be okay?” He asked softly.

“I don’t know, Daddy.” I sat up and laid my head on his shoulder. He gave me a squeeze. “I don’t know.”

“Let’s go home.” He helped me off the bed and carried my suitcase down the stairs.

“I’ll be right down!” I called after him. When he rounded the corner, I went into my bedroom and kissed Jimin’s pillow.

Impulsively, I rifled through my drawer and found a letter Jimin had written me when he went on tour soon after we were married. It was a short letter, too full of emotion for me to read it without crying.

The last line always got me, though. I’d sent him a copy of Haru’s ultrasound, and he wrote back this little postscript.

“Our baby is good-looking like me. Can’t you see, it already has my nose? That’s good luck, to have a nose like mine. I hope it has your secretly sweet disposition and your eyes. I love your eyes.

Every time I see your pretty eyes, I feel so lucky to be your husband. I’ll never forget what you said to me when you proposed. ‘I love you and I want to make you my family.’ We’re a family now, babe. And we’ll always be a family. Me, you, and this little baby. And all the other kids we’re going to have; don’t pretend you don’t want a million. That’s what I think about when I’m on tour, not at home. I think about my little family waiting for me. Love and miss you! xx, Jimin.”

I left the letter on his pillow, along with a picture of us holding Haru for the first time. I hurriedly scribbled on a post-it note as I heard my father re-enter my apartment.

“You’re my family, Jimin. You’re my most important family. Please trust me. I love you so much.”