JIMIN’S POV

The couch was uncomfortable. I could hear my wife crying from the bedroom, but I knew she didn’t want me in there.

After an hour, though, I threw off my blanket (it was much too early to sleep, anyway) and knocked on the door. I heard a couple of sniffles before the crying abruptly stopped.

“Can I come in?” I asked softly.

There was no answer. I hadn’t expected one.

I opened the door and walked over to her. She had the covers up to her chin and Yukon lay curled up next to her, pointy white ears tickling her chin.

I laid down next to the two of them. Yukon my cheek before snuggling back against her. She patted his head and avoided my eyes. I reached out and tucked a stray curl behind her ear. Her lower lip trembled and she burst into fresh tears.

I scooted closer and laid my forehead against hers, Yukon in between us.

“Baby, please.” I kissed her cheek. “Please stop crying.”

Yukon stood on his front paws and away her tears. She let out a soft, tearful giggle.

“That tickles.” She picked him up and cuddled him in her arms.

I took the opportunity to pull her into my embrace. “I’m so sorry, my love.”

“I want you to have a solo career.” She whispered, curls falling into her face as she rubbed her eyes with her fist. “I want you to be successful. I just wished you had talked to me first.”

“It was a very spur of the moment decision. My manager came up to me and asked if I could have a meeting with the president mid-December and I said yes. It was later that I found out that it was Haru’s birthday and when I asked her to change it, she said it was the only day she could offer me.”

She tried to turn away, but I wouldn’t let her out of my arms.

“Don’t be mad at me. Please, baby.” I pleaded. “I hate it when you’re mad at me.”

“She’ll be crushed if you miss her birthday.” She whispered. “You’re her favorite person. You have to be there.”

I pressed my lips to her forehead. “I’ll figure it out.”

“She’s not going to love us like this forever, Jimin. We have to soak it in while we can.”

She pushed against me and I let her slip from my grasp. I flopped over onto my back and stared up at the ceiling, thinking.

“You and Haru are my world. I love you more than I love my own self. I know my career puts a strain on our family, but we knew that going into marriage.” I glanced at her. “Babe, I’m not going to be an idol forever. I’ve got maybe four good years left before I’m ‘too old’ for younger fans to get into my music. This is my one chance.”

“I know.” She said softly. “I know it is. It’s just bad timing since I’m pregnant.”

“I had given up on a solo career when I suggested we have another baby.” I absentmindedly played with my wedding band. “And Haru’s growing up. I didn’t want them to be so far apart. Besides, it seemed like the right time, anyway. We’ve been married for three and a half years. Haru’s turning three in a few weeks. We’re financially stable and we’ve got enough room in the apartment for another baby. And I miss that soft baby smell. Like powder and milk and baby hair.”

I heard her set Yukon down on the ground. She laid her head on my shoulder and rested her legs on top of mine.

“Will you even be around for it?”

“Why are you so sure that I’ll be too busy to watch my children grow up?” I threaded a hand into her hair. “Hmm?”

She let out a shaky sigh. “I just miss you when you’re gone.”’

I turned my head and studied her. A couple of tears found their way down her tired face. A few freckles dotted her nose, stubbornly remaining despite the passing of summer. An unruly curl rested across her forehead. She looked so familiar. I’d spent years with this face. Memorized all of its expressions, watched the slight wrinkles form around the eyes, woken up next to it literally thousands of times.

She opened her beautiful, kissable, sassy mouth to say something.

“You’re honestly just the cutest person in the whole wide world and I just want to spend most of my time with you.”

My jaw dropped. I’d never heard something like that out of before.

“Are you drunk?” I asked, blinking in disbelief.

She flushed. “No, I’m not drunk, . God. Just trying to be honest.”

I laid a hand across her forehead. “You don’t have a fever.”

She smacked me. “Damn it, Jimin. You complain I’m not sweet enough, but when I say something nice, you make such a big deal and embarrass me.”

I brushed the curl away and kissed her forehead. “I know, baby. I know.”

She let me hold her for a little while. I tucked her head against my chest and played with her curls. As I breathed in her familiar scent, I wondered if a solo career was worth causing her this much pain. I hadn’t seen her cry in such a long time.

“Jimin?”

“Hmm?” I bent down and tucked my head in the crook of her neck.

“I’m not going to ask you to stay, but I don’t want you to go.” She whispered. “I don’t want to do this alone.”

“I’m not going to leave you alone.” I rubbed my nose along her jawline.

“Yes, you will. You think that you won’t, but I’m the one who knows what it’s like to be left alone at home with a baby while you’re touring or spending late nights in the studio. I didn’t spend so much time with your parents in Busan because I liked taking long drives every weekend. I did it because I couldn’t handle Haru on my own.”

She wrapped her arms around my waist.

“I need you, Jimin.”

Haru woke me up the next morning by smacking my chest. I mistakenly thought we’d cured her of coming into our room and jumping on us, but I supposed the new “big girl bed” made her feel like the rules had changed.

“Daddy!” She pulled on my cheeks. Her fingernails scratched me. “Good morning!”

“Morning, Haru.” I gently took her hands in both of mine.

“I love you, Daddy.” She kissed my cheek and snuggled up against my neck. Her face was sticky with some unknown substance, but I didn’t care. Haru’s snuggles were worth it.

“I love you, too, little lily.” I tugged on one of her unruly curls.

We snuggled for a while. Haru on her thumb and I closed my eyes, drifting in and out of sleep. My alarm rang at 6:30 and I quickly shut it off, not wanting to disturb my sleeping wife.

“You leaving, Daddy?” Haru asked me softly, sadly. She patted my cheek.

“Yeah, sweetheart. I’ve got to go to work.” I hugged her tightly to me. “I’ll see you later, okay, Haru?”

“Okay, Daddy. Come back later!”

A hand s out and grabbed my wrist. “Jimin.” My wife turned and looked at me through bleary eyes. “Don’t forget I have a gynecologist’s appointment this afternoon. I’ll come pick you up.”

“Okay.” I kissed her and then stood. Haru clung to me, but I tucked her in next to her mother and went to go feed Yukon.

By the time I came back to get dressed, Haru was fast asleep again, clinging to her mom’s shirt. I took out my phone and snapped a picture. I uploaded it to Instagram, with the caption: My two sleepy girls <3. Luckily, my wife didn’t follow me on Instagram.

“You look like .” Yoongi commented later when I arrived at the studio. We were working on new music together. He’d written a song for me. “Did you sleep last night?”

“Not that much.” I said ruefully, running a hand through my hair. “I had a rough night last night.”

“Why? You sick or something?” He took his headphones off and let them hang around his neck. I sat down in the chair next to him and tapped my fingers against the table.

“No. I just have some things going on at home.” I said quietly. Yoongi met my eyes, a glimmer of concern peeking through the sleepy-eyed veneer.

“You guys fighting?” He straightened the collar of my hoodie.

I exhaled loudly through my nose. “She’s pregnant.” I said flatly. “And I’m missing Haru’s birthday party for a meeting about my solo career.”

Yoongi’s eyebrows rose in surprise. He ruminated for a while before speaking. “How do you feel about the pregnancy?”

“I was the one who suggested having another baby.” I told him. “But she’s stressed because she thinks I’m going to fly off around the world and leave her to raise Haru and the baby alone.”

“Well, she’s not half-wrong.” Yoongi said. He turned away from me and started tapping away at the computer keyboard.

“Okay, but here’s the thing. A solo album will take about a year to write all the songs and record them and figure out the choreography, right? And then a few more months until the tour starts. The baby will be sleeping through the night by then.”

“Yeah, but you’re going to be the one staying late working on the album while she’s home with the baby.” He pointed out. “It’s not really fair to her.”

“I know.” I said softly. “I realize that. But I don’t want to miss this chance.”

I laid my head on the table. Yoongi ran his fingers through my hair.

“You know how it is. Wanting to stand on stage.” I continued, closing my eyes and imagining the sight. “I want to see what I can do by myself.”

“Well, let’s get to work, then.” Yoongi pointed to the recording booth. “Get in there and sing.”

We spent hours practicing the song. I wanted to perfect it by the time my wife came around, but it was slow going. Yoongi was patient with me; he kept reminding me that he didn’t expect me to get it the first day. I was frustrated with myself. I was a professional; of course I should get it immediately.

“You sound good, Jimin.” Yoongi played back my latest recording. I just nodded, too disappointed in myself to agree. “Let’s try it one more time.”

“Alright.” I took a sip of water and placed the headphones over my ears again.

I closed my eyes and began to sing, pouring my conflicted emotions into the song. A light click that I recognized to be the door opening distracted me; I looked up in the middle of the verse and saw my wife standing there, watching me.

I continued to sing, training my eyes on her. She didn’t look away and I wondered how Yoongi felt witnessing our silent conversation. I was willing her to understand how much I wanted this.

I didn’t want there to be any bitterness between us, but I didn’t see how it could be avoided.

Yoongi clapped when I finished singing. “Best one yet, Jimin. Great timing.”

I stepped out of the booth and waved hi to my wife. She smiled back at me, an unreadable expression in her eyes.

“I’ll see you later, Yoongi.” He patted me on the back as I gestured for my wife to follow me out of the room.

We didn’t talk even when the door closed behind us, lending us some privacy. By the time we made it to the car, I was a nervous wreck. What would she say? How angry was she? Would we be able to recover from this?

I glanced at her as she buckled her seatbelt, pulling her hair out of the way. She seemed calm, although that was no indicator of her true feelings. She tended to be calmest when she was feeling the most. Positive or negative emotions, it didn’t matter. She usually just set into a determined pout and kept it all bottled inside until I said something.

“What are you thinking about?” I held my keys in my lap. I wasn’t willing to start the car without at least figuring out her mood.

“Nannies.” She replied vaguely.

I looked over at her. She was gnawing on her lower lip and scrolling through her phone.

“What about nannies?”

“I think we should hire one.” She looked up and met my eyes. I just looked at her, a bit puzzled. “If you’re going to have a solo career, I’m going to need the help.”

I stared at her blankly before starting the car. We drove in silence for a while as I tried to process her words.

I broke the silence at a stoplight, clearing my throat awkwardly before I began. “So, you’re okay with me having a solo career?”

She let out a tiny sigh and rested her hands on her stomach. “I don’t know, Jimin. But I don’t want to hold you back. I don’t want there to be tension between us.”

“I don’t want to leave you alone with two kids. I want to be as there for them as you are.”

“That’s impossible if you have a solo career.” She said in her quiet voice. “You won’t be there. It’s just a fact that you have to accept, Jimin.” She looked over at me, a gentle sadness in her eyes. “You can’t have it all.”

“So, you’re telling me to choose?” I revved the gas a little more than necessary as the light turned green. “You want me to choose between my career and my family.”

“I’m just stating the facts, Jimin. You won’t be home if you’re away on tour or in the studio. It’s as simple as that.”

I sighed and lightly hit the steering wheel with the of my palm. “Let’s not talk about this right now. Let’s just go to your appointment and just be happy we’re having another child.”

“Are you happy we’re having another child?” I saw her shift away from me out of the corner of my eye.

“Do you even need to ask that question?” I quickly glanced at her, a warm smile on my face. “Do you even know me at all?”

She lifted her shoulders almost imperceptibly into a shrug. “Well, things change.”

I reached down and took her hand in mine, holding her fingers tightly. “Don’t get cold because you’re scared.” I said softly. “Don’t do this to me.”

“You started it.” She whispered. “I thought we were in this together. You should have told me, Jimin. You should have told me.”

I murmured in assent, somehow feeling that I had ruined everything.

We could get through this, I knew we could, but she was right. Things changed.

We were at an impasse. No matter what I chose, one of us would end up getting hurt. There were going to be bad feelings between us.

I kept hold of her hand on our way into the gynecologist’s office. She didn’t shy away from me, but she was quiet. Quiet and upset and it was my fault. I could recognize that.

“Hey.” I bent down to whisper in her ear. “Wanna make a bet?”

She looked over at me in surprise, a small smile on her face. “What kind of a bet?”

“If we’re having a girl, you have to take me out to the restaurant of my choice. If we have a boy, which I know you secretly want, I have to take you out to do whatever you want.”

“I don’t secretly want a boy.” She laughed, eyes shining in amusement. I smiled, pleased with myself for putting that expression on her face.

“You do. I know you do.” I kissed her cheek, smiling against her skin.

She turned to smile at me.

“I love you.” I whispered.

“I know you do.” She replied softly, interlacing our fingers. “I know.”