Jimin sat perched on the kitchen counter, clad in a black hoodie and ripped jeans, blonde hair messy. His eyes were rimmed with red and he kept wiping tears away with the cuff of his sleeve.

I stood a little ways away from him, feeling rather helpless. He had been on edge since the night before because of the reality television show. The film crew were due to come soon and Jimin said he didn’t want them to see our house in a mess after our life was already in a mess. He didn’t want it to be aired on national television, but what could he do? His own wife didn’t love him anymore and the whole nation was about to find out. I tried to hug him and tell him that I loved him, but he pushed me away and started to cry.

It was odd, seeing Jimin sitting on the counter, looking small and fragile and heartbroken. He pulled the sleeves of his hoodie so that they covered his hands; he picked at threads instead of making eye contact with me.

I looked at my husband, crushed and inconsolable, tears slipping down his chubby cheeks, and wished I could take back everything I’d ever done to hurt him.

He suddenly seemed five years old.

“Why are you being so mean to me?” He croaked. “What have I done to you?”

I opened my mouth to answer, but Jimin snapped his eyes towards me and held up a hand. “Don’t answer that. I don’t want to hear a long list of my faults.”

“Jimin, I’m sorry.” I whispered, walking over to him. I hopped up on the counter next to him and placed my arms around his waist. “I’m so sorry.”

He sniffled and buried his head in my shoulder. “I just want you to love me.” He said in a small voice.

“I love you.” I murmured into his hair. “I’m so sorry.”

Jimin pulled me into a hug, throwing my legs over his. “Baby, love me. Just love me.”

“I do love you.” I wiped the tears away from his eyes. “I love you so much. I’m sorry.”

He sighed and snuggled closer to me. My heart squeezed as he let out a soft puff of air and closed his eyes. He looked like he would fall asleep on me, so I his hair to try and lull him. But, he opened his mouth and spoke, his razor-sharp words a contradiction to his soft, fluffy appearance.

“Don’t let the cameras see your lovesick face when Jin comes over today.”

I held Jimin closer and kissed his hair, his ear, his jawline. He lifted his face to look at me and I kissed away his tears, pressing my parted lips over every salty drop. His hand curled in my hair, pulling me down to kiss my mouth.

When we broke away, I touched my forehead to his and stared down into his tired, bloodshot eyes.

“Go to sleep, Jimin. Just sleep for now, okay? I’ll finish cleaning the place and get everything ready for the film crew. Don’t worry.”

Jimin held my face in his hands and kissed me once more. “I love you.” He whispered. “I love you so much.”

“I know you do.” I murmured, rubbing my nose against his.

“If you know, then please stop breaking my heart.”

I found him a half hour later, passed out on Haru’s bed while she played quietly in her room. His phone rang and rang, so I finally answered and spoke to his manager. The crew wouldn’t be coming for another two hours, so I could let him sleep for a bit. The makeup team would be arriving in a little while, but I still had time to snuggle.

I laid in bed next to Jimin. Haru watched as I brushed the hair out of his face and kissed his forehead.

“Mama?”

“Yes, little love.”

“Why d’you look so sad?” She climbed up onto the bed and laid in between her father and I. Jimin let out a snore, and Haru giggled.

“I’m not sad, sweetheart. I’m just a bit tired.”

“You should take a nap.” She advised. “When I’m tired, Daddy tells me to take a nap. Daddy loves naps.”

“He does.” I agreed. “It’s because he never sleeps enough at night.”

Jimin’s low, rumbly voice startled us both. “Can you two be quiet?” He s his arms around us and pulled us close. “I’m tryin’ to sleep.”

“Shh.” Haru pressed her finger against her lips. “Stop talkin’, Mama.”

“Okay, I’ll be quiet.”

After about thirty seconds of lying down quietly, Haru grew restless and wriggled out from between us to continue playing. Jimin groaned at the interruption, but pulled me closer to fill the space that Haru had left.

“I’m sorry for losing my .” He whispered as he tucked himself against me. “I’m just so tired.”

I carded my fingers through his hair; he made little humming noises to show his pleasure. “You don’t have to apologize, Jimin. Everything you said was completely warranted. You don’t have to be nice to me, you know.”

“I want to be nice to you.” He mumbled into the crook of my neck. “I love you. I don’t want to be mean to you.”

I wrapped my arms around him and held him close. “I don’t deserve you, Jimin.”

He left soft little whisper kisses along my neckline. “Stop saying like that. That’s not what this is about. I’m tired of all our power struggles. I’m forgiving you, a little bit at a time, and that’s that. We’re not going to heal if we continue in the same patterns, so just let me love you without feeling guilty about it.”

“What can I do to make you feel better?”

Jimin sighed; his breath sparked tingles across my skin. “Just stay with me.”

“Always.”

The apartment was possibly cleaner than it had ever been. Jimin had unpacked the last of the moving boxes last night (they had lain forgotten under our bed) while I cleaned Haru’s room and the bathroom. All that had been left this morning was the kitchen, so I finished washing the dishes while Jimin napped. He’d fallen back asleep a little while after our conversation.

A key turned in the lock and I dried my hands and walked into the living room, expecting Jimin’s manager to walk through the door. Instead, Jin let himself in, looking sheepish.

He stood awkwardly in my living room, looking soft and mussed and sleepy. He had on a pair of light-wash jeans and a soft pink sweatshirt. His blonde hair looked wet; it was slicked back from his forehead so his thick, perfect eyebrows were on display. He wouldn’t meet my eyes.

“I didn’t expect to be this early.” He said to the space right above my head. “I thought everyone was supposed to be here by now.”

I swallowed, then took a deep breath. “Yeah, they should be here soon. Make yourself comfortable; Jimin will be out soon.”

Jin fumbled with his key ring with rosy cheeks and awkward fingers. “H-Here’s your key. I don’t need it anymore.”

Our fingers brushed each other’s as I took the key from him. I tried not to make eye contact as I slipped it into my pocket.

Jimin was still asleep when I went back into Haru’s room. She looked up from her dollhouse to ask me a question.

“Mama, where’s Sun Jae?”

“He’s taking a nap, little love.”

“Oh.” She crinkled her eyebrows in confusion. “Who was you talkin’ to?”

“Uncle Jin.” I said resignedly. Haru let out a gasp of surprise and bounded out of her room and into the living room.

“UNCLE JIN!” She screeched at full volume. I winced; she had better not wake up her brother with all that noise.

“Princess Haru!” Jin’s voice was soft, but equally enthusiastic.

The sounds of their joyful reunion stirred Jimin from sleep. He groaned and mumbled my name, so I climbed into bed next to him and gently rubbed his back.

“Baby, what’s all that racket?” An adorable little wrinkle appeared between his eyes as he frowned.

“Jin’s here.” I murmured.

Jimin rubbed his eyes and yawned. “Can you…” another yawn interrupted him, “can you stay here with me for a little while?”

“Yeah.”

He sighed sleepily and nuzzled his head into the crook of my neck. I giggled.

“Shh.” Jimin complained, squeezing me.

“Your hair is tickling me.” I laughingly explained.

He rubbed his head back and forth against my skin, causing me to shriek with laughter. I moved to push him away, but he grabbed my wrists and pinned my arms above my heads, crooking his fingers and tickling underneath my arms.

“I’m trying to ing sleep.” Jimin playfully scowled down at me. “And you’re disturbing me.”

I became helpless with laughter, giggling uncontrollably and smacking Jimin in various places in an attempt to get him to stop.

“Ow, baby, stop hitting meeee.” He whined. “You know I bruise easily.”

I took a ragged breath and threw myself back down onto the bed, my hair splayed across the pillow. Jimin’s fingers caressed my cheek before he pinched me.

“Ouch!”

He smiled. “You look so pretty and flushed; I just wanted to bite you.”

Jimin bent his head and pressed his lips against my neck. I gave a little start when I felt his teeth scrape my skin, then sink into it.

“Are you ing biting me right now?” I couldn’t believe it.

His thick lips curved into a smile; I felt it on my skin. “Yeah. Givin’ you a lil’ hickey so everyone knows you’re mine.”

I threaded my fingers through his hair and gently tugged. “That’s kinda cute.”

“You’re kinda cute.” He whispered.

Jimin lowered himself onto me, forehead pressed against mine, arms resting on either side of my head.

“Do you love me?” He asked, nudging his nose against mine.

“I love you.” I answered in a whisper. “Love you more than anyone, besides our kids.”

“Always gotta throw in that qualifier. But good.” Jimin leaned in and kissed me. “Remember that you love me.”

He rolled over onto his side and tugged me into his embrace. We quietly kissed until he broke off in the middle of a kiss and rested his forehead on my shoulder. I felt a little disconcerted until he yawned and reached over to place my hand on top of his head.

“Pet my hair.” Jimin requested sleepily. I obliged with a tiny smile.

He still loved me. My heart felt lighter than it had in weeks.

Our moment of silence was interrupted by the arrival of Jimin’s manager and the make-up crew. Haru cried in fear at the sheer amount of people entering her home, so Jin had to comfort her until Jimin appeared and rescued her. The noise they all made woke Sun Jae from sleep, so I hid in his bedroom for a while, nursing him and trying to prepare myself for the upcoming events. I stayed in there even after he finished eating. Filming a reality television show had seemed like a cool idea to me at one point, but now that it had begun, I just wished it were over.

A knock at the door caught my attention.

“Um…sunshine? Can I come in?” I could tell Jin sounded uncomfortable even through the thick wood of the door.

“Sure.”

Jin slipped in, looking incredibly beautiful with his hair dried and styled, his bangs away from his forehead. He was still wearing the same outfit as before, but it looked like it had been ironed.

“Jimin’s getting his makeup done, so I was asked to come tell you it’s time to get your makeup done.” He scratched the back of his neck.

“Oh, okay.” I stood and held Sun Jae out in front of me, wondering what to do with him.

“Wow, he’s so big.” Jin remarked with awe. “And so cute! He looks just like you.”

“You think so?” I skeptically smoothed Sun Jae’s hair. “I feel like I look at him and see Jimin.”

“I mean, he looks like Jimin, but he looks a bit more like you.” Jin reached out and ran a finger along one of Sun Jae’s chubby cheeks. Sun Jae smiled at him. “Oh , he’s got your smile.”

“Does he?” I examined Sun Jae’s face intently.

“Yeah.” Jin touched the corner of Sun Jae’s mouth. “It quirks up right here, just like yours does. He’s got thick eyebrows like yours, too.” He continued, running his thumb across one of Sun Jae’s brows. “And your eyes. He’s definitely got your beautiful eyes.”

He glanced at me; our eyes met for the briefest of moments before I dropped my gaze.

“I can hold him for you, if you want. While you get your makeup done.” Jin offered, voice low and cheeks pink.

“Ah…I’ll see if I can hold him first. I’ll let you know?”

He nodded. I moved to leave, but he grabbed my arm and opened his mouth to speak. I waited while he hesitated, opening and closing his mouth, his eyes searching mine.

“Are you okay?” Seokjin finally asked.

I shrugged, offered him a small half-smile. “I’m trying to be. I’m going back to work, you know. We hired a nanny, finally.”

“Oh, good for you!” Jin beamed at me. “That’s excellent news.”

“It’s nice that you think so. Jimin and I fought about it for so long that I was beginning to wonder if it was even worth it.”

“Hey, it’s your career. You love what you do.” He smiled encouragingly at me. “Besides, Sun Jae will be fine. He doesn’t seem like a fussy baby.”

“He’s not.” I kissed my son’s forehead. “He might start to teethe soon, so I think we’ll lose this bubbly demeanor for a bit, but it’ll be cute to see him smile with some teeth in his mouth. I’m worried, though. We’re close now because we see each other all the time, but I don’t want him to become more attached to our nanny than me. I don’t want to fail him as a mother just because I selfishly want a job again.”

Jin patted my head. A rush of warm tingles flew down my spine. “You’re a great mom, sunshine. Your kids are going to love you. You don’t need to be a stay at home mom to prove anything to anyone, not even Jimin. Wanting a career and your own sense of self to stay intact is not selfish, okay?”

“It feels selfish.” I said doubtfully. I bit my lip and looked down at Sun Jae, who uncoordinatedly reached his arm out and tried to grab my hair. His head fell back and he looked up at me with wide, scared eyes as he lost his equilibrium. I rocked him back and forth for a bit to get him to settle down again. Jin looked on with a fond smile.

“You’re a good mom, sweetheart. You obviously love your kids, and if anyone has a problem with that, just send them to me.” He ruffled my hair.

“Thanks, Jin.” I smiled at him.

I appreciated Jin’s words, but I wished my husband had been the one to say them. I felt like he still wasn’t behind my decision to return to work, which made me anxious. Anxious about returning to work, that mine and Jimin’s relationship would suffer more, and that maybe I was a bad mom for wanting a career. I’d never seriously had those kinds of thoughts before, mainly because Jimin had always supported me and I knew what I wanted in life. These days, I didn’t know, and other people’s opinions affected me more than they had before. It wasn’t just my mother trying to convince me to be a stay at home mom, but my husband, too, and most of society. Jin, Ji Eun, and Yoongi were the only people who had encouraged me to go back and do what I loved.   

Jimin had conceded about a nanny, but only on the threat of me leaving him for another man. He hadn’t taken my decision to consider divorce as an option seriously until I told him, “Hey, I like Jin.” After that, he started honestly listening to me and actively doing things to make me feel more secure in our relationship. It rankled with me that this is what it had taken for him to listen to me. My feelings for Jin. Feelings that had sprung up from the loneliness I felt, and frankly, the abandonment I dealt with from Jimin on several occasions.

He was right about our marriage; it was full of power struggles. I wanted to be treated like an equal, wanted to have an egalitarian marriage. We’d always had one before, but then Jimin got all weird after I got pregnant and his solo career started. Things had spiraled out of control, but we both had to let go of things and forgive each other.

The problem was starting over. How could we start fresh, turn over a new leaf, when resentment bubbled beneath the thin veneer of forgiveness?

I wanted us to be happy, I just wasn’t sure how to make us that way.

The filming began around lunchtime. The first few scenes were of Jimin trying to teach me how to cook, which was kind of unnatural for us. Jimin rarely taught me how to cook, because these “cooking lessons” usually ended in a fight or , or both. Often both. Jin had always been the one to teach me. It was a bit awkward between us because Jimin was trying to be patient because one, I at cooking, and two, I at being on television.  

It was weird! I didn’t enjoy having people stare at me while I tried to chop carrots into tiny bite-sized pieces. Also, I didn’t feel like getting from viewers for not being able to feed my husband. It was the twenty-first century, but I knew I would still hear about it.

“No, baby, not like that.” Jimin scolded. “You’re cutting the carrots all weird.”

“I’m about to cut you all weird if you don’t stop criticizing me.” I threatened, wielding my knife at him. He looked up at me in open-mouthed shock before bursting into giggles.

“Who’s going to feed you if you cut me up? Hmm?” Jimin flicked my forehead with a teasing smile. “Our kids will starve without me.”

“There’s always takeout.” I shrugged, a small smile playing about my lips.

“Ah, but wouldn’t you miss the taste of my home-cooked meals full of love and care?” Jimin threw an arm around my shoulder and laughingly kissed my hair.

“Yes! So you cook this meal! If I cook it, it will taste like bitterness and frustration.”  I handed him the knife and nudged the carrots towards his side of the table.

Jimin pulled my cheek. “Go wash the rice, you bunch of sass.”

I kissed his cheek before going over to the sink.

“Good, this is good!” The director called out to us. “Keep it going.”

“Can we put some music on?” Jimin asked. “It’s too quiet in here.”

The director nodded and Jimin flicked on the sound system. Miguel’s sweet, sensual voice drifted through the speakers. Jimin sang along, sometimes over his shoulder, directing the words towards me.

“You’ve gotta know, baby, you’ve gotta know that I adore you. Love never looked so good, oh, put it on, baby. Let my love adorn you.”

“This is sweet.” The director commented to Jimin’s manager. “Are they always like this?”

“Mm, mostly. They’re either fighting like you wouldn’t believe or they’re incredibly sweet. I’ve never seen them really…oh, I don’t know, calm, I guess? What’s the word I’m looking for? …Balanced. I’ve never seen them balanced. For a time after Haru was born, they were both kind of stagnant with each other because of the stress, but they worked that out pretty quickly.”

“What about the divorce rumors?” The director asked in a low voice, tucking her hair behind her ear and leaning in close. “Any truth in that? I see Jimin’s not wearing his wedding ring.”

“He lost it somewhere.” She murmured absentmindedly. I turned off the water from the sink and turned to meet her eyes, trying to warn her not to say anything more. “They’re a little concerned the dog might have eaten it.”

I came up next to Jimin and placed the container of washed rice next to him.

“What are you doing?” He asked impatiently. “Go put it in the rice cooker.”

“Does it look clean enough to you?”

He made a small, disbelieving noise. “I know you know how to wash rice. I’ve seen Jin teach you before. I gave you the easiest job in the kitchen and you can’t even do it properly?”

“Jin is nicer when he teaches me.” I grumbled as I snatched up the container and marched over to the rice cooker.

“Daddy!” Haru wandered into the kitchen holding her stuffed dog, Floppy. Yukon followed her in and nudged at Jimin’s calves, hoping for some scraps.

“Yes, lovebug.” Jimin answered, still focused on chopping the vegetables.

“Where’s Uncle Jin?” She pulled on Jimin’s pants. “I wanna see him.”

“Mm, he’s supposed to come in a minute.” He replied with a smile. A rather forced one, but I hoped I was the only one to notice.

“He’s still in makeup.” Hobeom, Bangtan’s manager, told the director in an undertone.

“Don’t know why it’s taking such a long time. He’s got such a beautiful face already. How much makeup could he need?” She replied.

The tips of Jimin’s ears turned red as he overheard her comment. It had taken him over an hour to get his makeup done, but Jin had only been in makeup for twenty minutes.

I put the rice on and walked over to Jimin, who was currently chopping the carrots with a vengeance. Yukon and Haru were at his heels, pestering him, so I shooed them away and put my arm around his waist. He leaned into me automatically, a tired sigh leaving his body.

“I don’t know how we’re going to cook all of this food for Haru’s birthday party.” He said into my ear. We were both wearing microphones, so I was sure the camera picked up the sound. “We’ll never have enough time.”

I patted his head. “We can always order takeout.”

Another sigh. “Last year all the food was homemade, wasn’t it?”

“I don’t remember. I do remember that she had fun and she loved the giant stuffed bear you got her.” I wrapped both my arms around him and he put the knife down to hug me.

“All right, let’s wrap it up.” The director called out. Jimin looked up in surprise.

“I’m legitimately trying to cook for my daughter’s birthday party tomorrow.” He said with a smile. “Is it okay if I finish chopping these carrots?”

“We want to do a couch interview with you two before Jin’s out of makeup. We’ve got about, say, twenty more minutes? Can you put the ingredients in the fridge until we’re done?”

Jimin shrugged. “I suppose.”

“Takeout.” I mouthed to him. He ruffled my hair.

“Okay, just sit next to each other. Like that.” The director instructed. Jimin put his hands in his lap and smiled at me. I awkwardly fidgeted, feeling unusually uncomfortable, until he took my hand and gently ran his thumb along my skin.

“Yes, perfect.” The director said. “Just like that. I’m going to ask you some questions and just respond like we’re having a conversation. Like those interviews in When Harry Met Sally, okay?”

We both nodded.

“So, how did you two meet?”

Jimin laughed and turned red, ducking his head down in an embarrassed manner. I grinned. I loved this story.

“He harassed me while I was out eating lunch.” I said teasingly.

“I did not!” Jimin snapped, lifting his head to look accusingly at me. “You liked it. You said yes to a date with me before you even knew my name!”

“I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: you were gorgeous. Like, it was flattering that a boy on your level of attractiveness was asking me out.”

He rolled his eyes. “Whatever. Don’t act like you weren’t a player. On one of our first dates she took me to this bonfire and I met like five or six guys she’d dated.”

“Wow, okay.” I held up my hands. “It was like, one or two. Maybe one.”

Jimin pouted at me. I pinched his cheek with a smile and he laughingly swatted my hand away.

“Anyway,” he continued with the story, “my parents own a restaurant in Busan. My mom wanted to set me up with her and kept texting me pictures of her and telling me stuff about her without her knowledge or consent.” He took my hand again and interlaced our fingers.

“Were you into the idea of being set up with her?” The director asked.

“Was I into it?” Jimin paused to consider. “I was, what, twenty? When we met…I was busy then.”

“You’re always busy.” I interjected.

“Yeah, but I was busier then. We were still a new group, so I was always working hard to improve. I didn’t get a lot of sleep at the time, always practicing dancing and singing. I told myself I didn’t have time for a relationship, but then…well, then I saw her, and everything changed.” He smiled fondly at me. I felt a warmth spread through my chest at the look in his eyes. He hadn’t looked at me like that in so long.

“Yeah, cause I was so pretty.” I tossed my curls over my shoulder.

“You’re still so pretty.” Jimin murmured, tucking a curl behind my ear. “Prettier than the first day I saw you.”

Normally, I would have pushed him away with a blush and a smile, saying something about how cheesy he was, but I just sat there and soaked in all the warm affection he blessed me with. I wasn’t sure if it was for my benefit or the camera’s, but I needed it.

“How long have you two known each other?”

Our attention was turned back to the interview. Jimin kept a close hold on my hand.

“Oh, almost seven years.” He said carelessly. “It’ll be seven years in April. We celebrate the anniversary of our first date.”

“When was your first date?”

“The night we met.” Jimin smiled. “I guess I never finished telling the story. Bangtan had a vacation, so we all went to eat at my parents’ restaurant before splitting up. She was there eating lunch, like she apparently did every day. She’s terrible at cooking, so she ate out a lot. I kept staring at her, and Yoongi, ah, Suga, spotted me and bet me to go talk to her.”

“What did he bet you?”

Jimin’s face flushed. “I had to ask her out with a line from one of our songs. He chose Boy In Luv, so I had to ask her if I could be her oppa. It was so humiliating.”

“You didn’t seem humiliated. You were so greasy, didn’t you like take my hand and kiss my fingers? And didn’t you kiss my cheek when I tried to get your number or something?”

“Yeah.” Jimin said, looking proud and pleased with himself. “I did.”

“What was your first impression of him? Did you know he was an idol?” The director addressed me.

“Did I know he was an idol? You know, I can’t remember.” I looked to Jimin.

“No, you didn’t. Why can’t you remember? I tried so hard to convince you that I was famous, and you thought I wasn’t. I made you watch my music videos and tried to get you to become a fan. You’ll never be my fan.” He shook his head at me.

“You’re not his fan?”

I blushed. God, all of his fans were going to kill me. “I am Jimin’s biggest fan. I’m just not…you know, um, Bangtan…isn’t my…style?” I said reluctantly, uncertainly. How to be tactful about this? “Jimin’s incredibly talented and I admire his work ethic and dedication, although I wish he was home more, but he’s an excellent artist. I’m his fan in that way, but ah, well, some BTS songs simply aren’t my taste. I like their fashion, though. Oh, except for those little schoolboy outfits they wore after I Need U came out. With the ribbons and the little berets?” I laughed. “Jimin came home in that one time and I couldn’t stop laughing at him. He tried to kiss me and I wouldn’t let him.”

“Hey, I don’t pick the promotional outfits.” He muttered, rubbing the back of his neck.

“You’re cute in everything you wear.” I ruffled his hair. “Even when you wore that neck scarf paired with a V-neck for Blood, Sweat, and Tears, you still looked gorgeous. You were dressed like my mother for church, but you looked damn fine.”

“Stop!” Jimin laughed, smacking my thigh. “You are so damn rude.”

“What’s your favorite BTS song?”

“Cypher Pt. 3.” I answered immediately. “Oh, and Jin’s solo track, Awake.”

“Not Jimin’s song, Lies?”

“I like Lies. Jimin’s voice sounds amazing on it, and he did a lot of hard work on that track. I was so proud of him when it came out and was popular.” I placed my hand on his leg and gently squeezed. “Listen, I love Jimin’s work. His upcoming album is full of all my favorite songs, but that’s a secret, so you have to wait.”

“You’ve only heard like three.” Jimin muttered, embarrassed, but pleased.

“And they were amazing. Everyone, buy his album. You won’t regret it.”

Jimin leaned over and kissed my cheek, whispering “I love you” in my ear. The managers cooed and I felt my face flush hot.

“Has Jimin’s career ever put a strain on your relationship?”

The next question made us both fidget.

“Yeah.” Jimin answered honestly, surprising me. “I’m really busy. And it’s hard, with a new baby and a four-year-old. Our kids are amazing, don’t get me wrong, but I barely have time to shower and sleep with everything that’s going on. I love my job and I love my family, but it’s been hard to balance both. And I know it’s been hard on my wife.” He squeezed my hand. “I’ve done some things I’m not proud of this past year for my career, sacrificing a lot of time with my family for my personal goals, but we’re working on it. Right, baby?”

“Right.” I smiled down at my lap. Holy , this was the best interview ever.

“What about when you guys first started dating? What was that like?”

Jimin thought for a moment. “Well, I had like a month off when we first met, so we hung out all the time. When I left for Seoul, we kept in touch. She came to a fansign once, completely surprised me. Hoseok was so sure we were going to blow our cover; he kept pinching me under the table. And she stayed for the concert. Afterwards, we snuck off to an empty room and made out until my manager called me.” He snickered, then looked a little sentimental. “She was…she was the first girl I ever fell in love with.”

“Um, better be the only girl you ever fell in love with.” I grumbled. “Seeing as how we’re married and all.”

“You are, you are.” He grinned at me. “Anyway, I was so far gone for her. Stressed out about every call she didn’t pick up, wondered if she was going to like me back because of my busy schedule, worried that she didn’t like me as much as I liked her.”

“Did he like you more than you liked him?” The director asked me.

“Ah…I knew I was in love with Jimin a couple of months after we started dating. I don’t…I didn’t fall in love easily. I’d been hurt before, so I tried to be cautious with my feelings, but dating Jimin, well, he was very loveable. So shy, but then so flirtatious. The sweetest boy I’d ever met. You know he bought me a puppy for my birthday, right after we started dating? I’d asked for one as a joke and he showed up with a fluffy little puppy in his Givenchy backpack. That’s our dog, that’s Yukon.” I pointed to where Yukon was curled up on the floor next to Haru.

“Oh, that Givenchy backpack.” Jimin said reminiscently. “How could I forget about that thing?”

“Because I don’t wear it anymore.” I laughed. “I keep it tucked away in a safe place.”

“What’s the deal with the backpack?” The director asked curiously.

“I had this Givenchy backpack when we first met that she wanted me to give her. I refused, of course, but she kept pestering me for it. When we first moved in together, she would always steal it from me and I’d get so mad! I always let her borrow all of my clothes and things, but I just didn’t want to share that backpack and she couldn’t let it go.”

“It’s a bombass backpack, alright?” I shrugged. “Anyway, the rest of the backpack story is kind of sad.”

Jimin shot me an incredulous look. “Are we talking about this on television?”

I bit my lip. “Well…why not, right? You can always edit it, right?”

The director nodded. Jimin shook his head next to me.

“They’re not gonna edit it if they think it’s a good story.”

“He’s right.” Hobeom said. “Careful what you say.”

I looked at Jimin. “Well, what do you think?”

He reached out and my hair. “Just keep Italy out of it, okay?”

“Okay.” I agreed with a smile.

“So, what’s the story?” The director looked at me expectantly.

“Alright, so we were living together for a while, had been together for about, what, almost two years? Not quite. Jimin, um, well, he asked me to marry him.”

“Yeah, you guys got married a couple of years after dating, right?”

“Right.” He nodded. “But she originally turned me down.”

“To be fair, it wasn’t like, a very clear proposal. We were getting ready to go to my friends’ wedding, and he said, like, ‘That could be us someday’ and I wasn’t very enthusiastic about it. And then we got into a fight and broke up. The next day he came back and we had another big fight and he gave me an ultimatum: marry him or break up. He didn’t feel like we could go back to dating each other after that, but I felt like I needed more time. Less than two years didn’t feel like enough time for me to know if I really wanted to marry him or not.”

“But you were in love with him, weren’t you?”

Jimin shifted. I shot him a glance, but he didn’t look at me.

“I, um…I never wanted to get married. Or have kids. At the time, I was struggling in my career and trying to make it as a writer. I had a lot of dreams about traveling the world, but I couldn’t see myself being able to do that as a wife and mother. I haven’t been able to, actually. Anyway, I loved Jimin, but marriage just wasn’t on my radar at this point. I also felt that if Jimin didn’t feel secure enough in our relationship, marriage wasn’t going to fix it, but make it worse. It just wasn’t the right choice at the time.”

“So, Jimin and you broke up.”

“Yeah.” I said quietly. “Yeah, he left me. Moved all of his stuff out of our apartment, except for his toothbrush. I used to wake up every morning and cry when I saw it. I thought about throwing it away, but I hoped that he would come back. So, like, a few weeks after he left nothing smelled like him anymore, so I went on a hunt to see if he’d left any clothes behind. And in a closet, I found the Givenchy backpack, and it was filled with some of his t-shirts and boxers, which I used to sleep in. And an engagement ring, with a note. What’d the note say? I can’t remember now.”

“That I loved you and I was sorry and I didn’t want you to forget about me.” Jimin said softly, staring at his lap.

“This is hard for you guys to talk about?”

I nodded. “Yeah. It’s hard to talk about times where we made each other sad. We’re married now, but that’s still a time I look back on with sadness. To be honest, I try not to think about it.”

“I think about it all the time.” Jimin ran his hand through his hair. “Not having you in my life…I don’t want to experience it again.”

“Is there a chance you could experience that again?” She asked carefully, looking at both of us.

“If one of us dies.” I said, glancing at Jimin. He smiled gratefully at me. “But we like being married to each other. I don’t think we’ll break up.”

“How’d you guys get back together?”

Jimin suddenly laughed. “Ah, you know, that was a surprise. I had been slacking in my performances, so my manager had sent me away to hang with my parents for a month and recover from my heartbreak. I walked into the dishroom of their restaurant, and there she was, washing dishes. I said something to her, I don’t even know what, and ran off to have a heart attack in my dad’s office. He told me that she was dating someone new! So I quickly realized that I obviously still loved her and wanted to be with her no matter what, so I did my best to win her back.”

“We weren’t dating.” I snapped. “God, Jimin, how many times do we have to get into this?”

“You went on a date with him! Actively flirted in front of me! You. Were. Dating.”

“You were dating.” I retorted.

“Anyway, she fell for me almost instantly, and then we got married, like three weeks later.”

“Oh! That’s a surprise. What changed your mind?”

I contemplated for a moment. I couldn’t very well say that we thought maybe I was pregnant, one because I was still lying to my parents that Haru was a honeymoon baby, and two, because that wasn’t the whole truth.

“I loved Jimin.” I answered honestly. “And I learned what life was like without him in it, and I decided I didn’t want that again. I wanted him to be my family.”

“And now you two have a beautiful family of your own.” The director smiled.

“Yeah.” Jimin turned to look at me, warmth and loving shining in his eyes. “We do.”

God, that look made me fall in love all over again.

I didn’t need a fresh start. I just wanted him to love me like he used to.