I think I must have alarmed a nurse with my sudden sobbing, because soon enough, Doctor Seo entered the room with a glass of lemon water.

“I know it’s upsetting, but you have to calm down. It’s not good for the safety of the baby.” She handed the lemon water to me and brushed my hair back. I wasn’t used to such warmth from a physician, but I appreciated it. “Where’s your husband?”

“H-He left.” I hiccupped. “He…he had a per-performance.”

I took a sip of my water as she looked at me quizzically.

“He’s an idol.” I explained. “You ever hear of Bangtan Sonyeondan?”

“Ah. I thought he looked familiar.” Doctor Seo nodded. “I knew he wasn’t so handsome for no reason.”

I laughed shakily. “He’d be so pleased to hear you say that.”

She sat down in the chair next to me and watched me drink with a sympathetic smile on her face. “This is your second child, right?”

I nodded, wiping my lips and my eyes. “We were so excited to be pregnant. But then, Jimin got an offer for a solo album and I’ve been stressed ever since.”

“It must be hard to have an idol for a husband, huh?”

I played with the hem of my sheets before answering. “It didn’t used to be. Jimin always made time for us. It was hard when Haru was first born, because he had a tour going on. I spent so many weekends at his parents’ place in Busan because doing the five hour drive felt easier than being alone with an infant for the entire weekend. He was home a lot for a while, had been since Haru was eight months. He still has tours and concerts and everything, but nothing crazy had come up until this solo album.”

“Are you worried you’re going to be left raising this baby alone?” Doctor Seo asked gently.

I pondered for a moment. “Sometimes. Not always. We’ve been going through some things, but I thought we were okay again.” My eyes suddenly filled with tears. “But Jimin’s never done anything like this before. I mean, our baby could die and he left me here, all alone. I can’t trust him. I feel like I can't trust him.”

“Is he coming back?”

I brushed her question off. “I’m sure, but that’s not the point. He shouldn’t have left in the first place! I’m his wife. I always thought his family was most important to him, but I suppose when push comes to shove, we’re not.”

Doctor Seo listened in silence and I wondered if she thought me selfish.

I didn’t care if she did; I didn’t care if anyone thought me selfish. Jimin was my husband, and I needed him in times like this. Giving up his career for me was the last thing I wanted to ask of him, but I didn’t feel safe or taken care of at the moment. I felt shunted aside and forgotten, lost in the face of his passion and ambition. He loved me, but he left me here in this hospital, scared and alone.

What if our baby didn’t make it? I would have to listen to that news alone and comfort myself. I’d have to break the news to Jimin and relive the pain all over again.

Jimin was mine, but I had to share him with his fans.

He was never fully mine, never just Park Jimin, my husband. He was Park Jimin of Bangtan Sonyeondan.

I felt proud of him most of the time, but at moments like this, I wished he could have been just a regular man with a normal job.

After a few hours and several tests later, a nurse helped me into a wheelchair and took me back to my lonely hospital room. A man’s jacket lay draped across the back of the chair next to my bed and my heart filled with hope that Jimin had returned. I waited eagerly in my bed, scanning my phone for any text messages from him.

When I heard a male’s step walk inside my room, I glanced up hoping to see Jimin. Instead, Jin stood staring at me, his mouth hanging open in shock. I tried to hide my disappointment.

“Sweetheart,” he cried, rushing to my side, “how are you?”

“I’m fine.” I mumbled, brushing the sudden tears from my eyes. “How are you here? Don’t you have a show?”

“It’s over.” He sighed and plopped down in the chair next to mine. “Jimin’s getting scolded. That’s why he’s not here yet.”

“Did he send you in his place?” I asked dryly. Jin looked up at me, hurt.

“No. I just wanted to see how you’re doing.”

I took his hand. “Sorry, Jin. I’m a little on edge today. I appreciate you coming.”

He interlaced his fingers with mine and pressed my palm tightly against his. “I hate to say it, but you look like .”

“I feel like , too.” I laughed. “Trust you to tell me the truth.”

Jin smiled, but I could see the worry in his eyes. “How is everything?”

I let go of his hand, which he let me do with some reluctance. “Everything is .”

“Any other adjectives to offer?” He rested his chin in his palm and leaned closer to me, hair falling down into his eyes. Pretty Jin, always watching out for me.

“Why’s Jimin getting scolded?” I changed the subject. I didn’t want to drag Jin into my marital woes once more.

“Ah…he fought with our manager and made the concert start late.” Jin’s cheeks turned pink with embarrassment as he explained.

Jin and I fell into companionable silence for a while. I rested comfortably in my bed, covers up to my chin. I patted the bed and Jin perched on the end.

“Don’t be dumb.” I pulled him down so he laid next to me. “Get comfortable.”

“I’m not comfortable like this.” Jin replied tensely, arms rigid at his sides. “I’m afraid of hurting you. Or pulling your IV out.”

“You won’t.” I said confidently. “Why are you being weird? We’ve been friends for so long; this is hardly the first time you’ve laid down next to me.”

“You’re in the hospital.” Jin’s voice held a note of tenderness. “You’re broken and it makes me sad. I feel sad and uncomfortable. I just want you to be okay.”

I rested my head on his shoulder, my bun flopping onto its side. “Thanks, Jin. Thanks for caring about me.”

“Well, I’m a very caring person.” He teased as he slung an arm across my shoulders.

Doctor Seo walked into the room, examining a clipboard. She looked up at me with a smile.

“Your husband is back, I see!” She chirped.

I felt Jin tense beside me. “O-Oh, I’m not her husband. Just a friend.”

I giggled at his awkward behavior. “Yeah, this is Jin. A coworker of my husband.”

“Ah, another idol? Not so handsome for nothing, see?” She winked at me. “I have your test results here. Perhaps you’d like to hear them alone?”

I took Jin’s hand in mine. I would need the emotional support if I heard bad news. “No, it’s fine.”

Jin squeezed my hand and rested his head on top of mine.

“Alright, well, everything has come back normal so far. If things continue to progress at this rate, I’d say your baby has a high rate of survival.” She beamed at me.

I didn’t feel as relieved by her declaration. I wanted my baby to be okay at that moment, right away.. I wanted a healthy baby and a fairly easy pregnancy. I wanted to feel safe.

Jin kissed the top of my head. “It’ll be okay. I promise.”

Doctor Seo explained a few more medical details to me and told me about the tests scheduled for the next day, then left.

I fell asleep on Jin’s shoulder, lulled to sleep by his large, comforting hand in my hair.

JIMIN’S POV

I wanted to avoid my wife. I knew I’d hurt her by leaving. How could I face her again so soon? I’d practically abandoned her for my career. Our baby was in danger, but I left. I just left her crying on that hospital bed.

After being berated by my manager and coordinators, I jumped into my car and headed to the hospital. I wanted to see Haru, but I knew she could wait. I turned some soothing music on the radio and directed my car towards the hospital.

Jin and my wife were lying in her hospital bed when I came in. At first, I didn’t realize that she had fallen asleep, since Jin was murmuring to her in a hushed voice. The familiar pang of jealousy gripped my heart as I noticed the way his fingers wrapped around her curls. Those were my curls to play with, not his. I cleared my throat and he stopped, cheeks turning pink.

“Do you normally talk to sleeping people, or just my wife?” I asked, voice low.

“She asked me to tell her a bedtime story.” Jin’s whole posture screamed defensive. Or was it just me? Did I feel defensive for leaving my pregnant wife in a vulnerable state?

“What are you doing here?” I questioned him coldly. I knew I shouldn’t treat Jin like this; he cared deeply about my wife and daughter. But the sight of him in my place next to my wife killed me inside.

I knew he was just a good friend to us, but I didn’t like the way she relied on him when I didn’t come through for her. I wished she could call someone else, like Ji Eun or her mother. Not Jin.

“I’m here because your wife is in the hospital?” Jin returned, cocking an eyebrow. “Is it an issue for me to visit my friend?”

“I don’t…” I tried to swallow my anger. “I don’t want you guys to snuggle.”

Jin laughed, further inciting my rage. “Jimin, you’re so childish.”

“Just wait until you get married one day and you see your wife snuggling with someone else.” I plopped down in the chair and ran a hand through my messy hair.

“I’m probably not getting married.” Jin said softly, still my wife’s hair.

I wanted to shout at him, wanted to fling him off the bed and out of the room. Wanted to curl up next to my wife and bury my face in her neck and whisper unheard apologies into her skin.

“How is she?” I changed the subject. “Did you hear anything new?”

“Yeah. Doctor said the baby should be fine if everything keeps progressing as normal.” Jin smiled reassuringly at me. I didn’t feel very reassured.

“Jimin, she’ll be fine. Absolutely fine.” Jin used his soothing voice, a tone that had often eased my worries. I suddenly felt sorry for my irrational anger towards him; Jin had been a good friend to me for a long time.

I stood and positioned the chair on the other side of the bed, so I faced my wife. I sat down and brushed her hair back from her forehead.

“She’s sleeping a lot.” I fretted. “And I made her upset before. I should have been here with her. I shouldn’t have left her alone.”

“I’m sure she understands.” He said gently. I just looked at him. He turned pink and rested his chin on top of my wife’s head. “All right, maybe she doesn’t. Probably she doesn’t.” He snuggled deeper into her hair.

“That’s it, get off. Stop touching her.” I stood and reached out to tug him away. Jin laughed and sat up, his fingers still buried in my wife’s curls.

She stirred in the small hospital bed. Jin’s hand stilled in her hair, but she soon turned and blearily blinked her eyes open.

“Why you wake me up?” She mumbled. “I was sleepin’.”

Jin patted her head in apology. She rolled over and hunkered back down into the blankets, closing her eyes before she could sneak a peek of me.

“Hey.” I said softly. I curved my palm against her cheek, holding her small face in one hand.

Her eyes fluttered open at the sound of my voice. We looked at each other for a moment before she turned away from me, choosing to face Jin instead.

He kissed her forehead and whispered, “See you later, sweetheart.”

I glared at his broad-shouldered back as he left the room.

Stony silence settled into the room once the door swung shut behind Jin. I wanted to ask her forgiveness, but I knew she wouldn’t grant it to me so easily. She never did. It was one of the things I loved and hated about her.

“Hey.” I tried again.

She pulled the covers further over her head so I couldn’t see any of her dark curls. I hunched forward on my chair and put my head in my hands.

“Baby, I’m sorry.” I whispered.

“ you.” She whispered back, but there was no real venom behind her words.

“What do you want me to do? What can I do to make this right again?” I asked into my hands.

“Nothing, Jimin. What’s done is done.” I heard her shift towards me and pull the covers down.

 I lifted my head to look at her. She was watching me with her dark brown eyes, curly eyelashes in a disarray. She probably hadn’t taken off her makeup since the accident happened.

“Do you need makeup remover?” I asked softly.

She made a face. “What? Yes. What does that have to do with anything?”

“I don’t want you to lose any of your pretty lashes.” I reached out a hand to curl it into her hair. She smacked it away with a scowl on her face.

“Don’t touch me.” She snapped. “Go caress your career. Maybe it will give you children and keep you warm at night.”

I drew away from her, unable to stop myself from feeling hurt.

“You know how much my career means to me.”

“Yeah, and I know how much I mean to you, too.”  She sighed and turned to lay on her back, wincing. “I’m so ing uncomfortable. Got goddamn bruises and sore spots all over my ing body.”

“Here, let me make you more comfortable.” I adjusted the pillows behind her head.

“ off, Jimin.” She flipped me off in irritation.

“I was gone for five hours. Five hours. You’re still alive.” I leaned back in my chair and pushed my hair away from my face.

“But the baby might not have been!” She shouted suddenly. “Our baby could have died and I would have been alone with that news! you, Jimin! you, you, you!”

She burst into tears. I crawled into bed next to her and snuggled her into my body. She struggled against me, wiping snot and salty tears all over me.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” I whispered into her neck. “I’m so sorry.”

She gave up trying to push away from me and rested her forehead against my chest, weeping.

“I’m so sorry.” I placed kisses in her curls. “I’m sorry.”

She half-heartedly slapped a hand against my chest. “You always tell me sorry, but you keep doing that makes me upset and unsafe.”

“What do you want from me? You want me to give up my job for you?” I demanded. “What did you expect me to do?”

“No, I would never. Cause you probably wouldn’t ing choose me, or Haru, or this baby over your job.”

“Yes, I would! How could you even say that? What the hell, that’s so ing hurtful.”

She scoffed. “Don’t act hurt and indignant when you literally abandoned me in the hospital today to sing about how ing dope you are.”

“I’m sorry you’re upset at me.” I said quietly.

“I’m sorry you’re ty and selfish.” She wrapped her arms around my waist and held me tightly.

“I’m sorry I love my job and my family.” I mumbled softly into her hair.

“I don’t wanna share you.” She let out a shaky sigh. “I want you to love only me and Haru and this baby and Yukon. And like, your friends and family. I want you to hate your job and hurry home to me and you can about it over dinner. I want you to groan about how you wish you could stay in bed with me instead of going to the office or the garage, cause in my fantasy life you’re a mechanic. I wish you could take days off to stay and snuggle with me. Or to take Haru on her field trips or, I don’t know, long shot here, to stay with me when I’m in the ing hospital. I wish you could take sick days and that you had paid vacation. I wish you were, like, regular or something.”

“I know, baby, I know.” I patted her head. “I know.”

“I love you, Jimin. I’m like, really ing hurt that you just left me. Like, you, Jimin. you. I’m so sad.”

“I know, my love. I know.” I pushed her bangs back from her forehead with the palm of my hand so I could see her face. Her eyes had filled with tears again and she clutched on to my shirt.

“Also, like, your fans are so y to me and they call me fat and tell me my skin’s bad.” She sniffled.

“I don’t think they know you’re pregnant yet. Also, your skin is fine.”

“No, it’s not! It’s terrible because I’m pregnant and I am fat.”

“You’re adorable. I like your pudge. It’s cute.”

“ you, Jimin.”

“Don’t get so upset. The doctor said it’s not good for the baby.” I tried to soothe her.

“Oh, now you care about the baby.” She said sarcastically.

“I love you.” I tilted her face up and kissed her.

“You’re an .” She murmured. “You’re, like, really ing selfish and all the kisses you give me aren’t going to make me forgive you.”

“I know, but I just want to kiss you. Because I love you.” I rubbed my nose against hers.

“Don’t smooth talk me into forgiving you.” She kissed me a couple of times. “I’m still really hurt and angry at you.”

“But you also still love me.” I reminded her.

“I’m going back to sleep.” She whispered, snuggling into my shirt. “You little .”

“I love you.”

“I hope you get fired.” She kissed my chest. “But I don’t want you to be sad.”

“Shh, go to sleep.” I her head until she fell drifted off into sleep.