“Oh my god! Baby, are you okay?” Jimin was at my side in an instant. He reached into the pocket of the hoodie I wore and pulled out some tissues, dabbing at my mouth with one.

“Euch. Yeah, I’m fine.” I sidestepped him and spit into the snow. “I think I got carsick.”

“Morning sickness.” My mom reached over and rubbed my back. “It’s morning sickness, sweetheart.”

“How do you know?” Jimin asked in awe.

“I’ve had a lot of babies and I have quite a few grandchildren.” My mom wrapped an arm around my shoulder. “Oh, Bug! I’m so happy for you.”

“Don’t tell anyone, Mom. It’s still so early. I’m only eight weeks pregnant. I’m not even showing yet!”

“You are. A little bit. It’s how I could tell. Plus, you just have that pregnant aura about you.” She pulled me close to her and my hair. “Oh, my little baby. You’re going to be a mother.”

“I’m already a mother.” I laughed. “You’re being so ridiculous.”

“I’m your mother. Of course I’m going to be like this.”

We chatted for a bit while Jimin got Haru out of the car. She nestled against him sleepily, only on the second hour of her three hour nap. My mom peeked past me to look at her sleeping face.

“Oh, honey, she looks more like you each time I see her.”

“Really? I think she looks like Jimin.”

“Next baby will look like you, babe.” Jimin winked at me. “Can you wake up Gemma?”

My mom kissed my forehead before letting go of me. She and my dad had really relaxed since Haru was born. I had somehow managed to convince them that Haru was a honeymoon baby, so we’d never heard a word from them about illegitimate children or anything. We’d sworn our friends and Jimin’s family to secrecy. Daisy knew, but she was the only one.

My mom went ahead of us to warn everyone to be quiet since Haru was still sleeping. Her birthday party was tonight, so I wanted her to be well rested. She had a lot of cousins to play with. Each of my siblings had had at least one child since Daisy had gotten married years ago. My brother had three sons, my sister Melinda had two, my other sister had had one (she was pregnant at Daisy’s wedding) and Daisy had two (twins.) Haru was the only girl and infinitely spoiled.

Jimin’s family loved to host my family. Jimin was an only child, so we were their only providers of grandchildren. With my huge family visiting, the house was packed. They were all staying at a nearby hotel, thank God, but Jimin and I would be staying in his old bedroom. I fully planned on going through his old yearbooks and figuring out who he lost his ity to this time.

We spent the next few hours catching up with family. Haru woke up and ignored us for the rest of the evening, too busy playing with her cousins. She had so many and they all doted on her. She could roughhouse with the best of them, but they were sweet to her. They played well together, which I was happy about. Haru would never have a big family like I did growing up, but I knew she would always have her cousins.

As always, I’d received the familiar lectures on the “proper” way to raise children and my mother’s sundry list of my failures as a wife. I tried my best to block it out and Jimin did his best to pull me away from these conversations, but literally every member of my family besides Melinda believed them and even she was a stay-at-home mom. I didn’t find anything wrong with that, but I didn’t want to be one.

It was hard to consciously go against everything I’d been raised to believe, but I did it on a daily basis. I had waves of self-doubt from time to time, but Jimin was always there to stem the tide. When my family was around, the waves tended to turn into tsunamis and I drowned in a sea of uncertainty. Was Jimin disappointed in me?

“So…” Jimin locked his bedroom door behind us with a mischievous grin. Haru’s family birthday party had gone really well. My family was polite to Jimin’s family and Haru had thanked each and every person for their presents with a hug. And she only cried twice. A record for my little lovebug. “What do you wanna do tonight?”

“Oh, I had some ideas.” I replied, taking off my sweater. Jimin grinned.

“Damn, even when pregnant you just wanna get laid.”

“Not those kind of ideas.” I backed away from him and opened up his dresser drawers. I was sure Jimin’s parents would never redo his room. I could tell that his mom cleaned it from time to time; it was never dusty, even when I showed up unexpectedly with Haru. I pulled an old shirt of Jimin’s over my head and surveyed myself in the mirror from the side. “I guess I am starting to show.”

“I read online today that women tend to start showing sooner with their second pregnancy because those organs have already been stretched.” Jimin supplied helpfully. He sat down on the edge of the bed and spread is legs, watching me.

“Ew. What is this baby doing to my body?” I ran my hand over my stomach with a disgusted expression on my face. “People say pregnancy is supposed to be beautiful, but I think it’s kind of disgusting. There’s literally a little alien in my body away all my nutrients and then it gets pushed out of my lady parts. Gross.”

Jimin laughed and ran his hand through his hair. “Definitely the kind of enthusiasm I like to hear from the woman who’s carrying my baby.”

I ignored him and stepped out of my jeans. “These feel tight today. Agh, look! They left a mark around my stomach.”

“Time to bust out the maternity clothes.” He rested his chin in his hands.

I groaned and dramatically flopped onto the bed. “I don’t wanna be pregnant anymore. Can you carry this baby instead?”

Jimin laid down next to me, our feet still planted on the floor. “I would if I could, baby.”

“Please? Please, please, please?” I whined, kicking my legs in the air. “I don’t wanna gain a million pounds and wear jeans with elastic bands. You know how awkward it is to gain weight mostly in your stomach? It’d be fine if I gained thirty-five pounds and got a huge or big s, or hell, even some thicker thighs, but just my stomach? Really? Does it have to be this way?”

Jimin had a thoughtful look on his face.

“What are you thinking about?” I pressed the tip of my finger against the furrow in between his eyebrows.

“What’d you look like with a huge and big s.” He snickered.

“I wonder that, too. What would I look like if I had a body like Nicki Minaj’s?”

“I love your body.” Jimin rolled over on top of me and pressed his forehead against mine. “Your body is my favorite body. Your body has my baby in it.”

I smiled and kissed his nose.

“Wanna make out?” Jimin asked, nosing around my jaw. His cheek was scratchy with stubble.

“Who’d you lose your ity to?” I asked abruptly. He sighed, his breath tickling my neck.

“How many times tonight are you going to ask me this question?”

“I’m so curious! You know who I lost my ity to. You know all the people I’ve had with, but now all of a sudden I’m finding out about all these girls you used to make out with.”

He climbed off of me and started undressing. I sat up and crossed my legs, watching him.

“Are you gonna tell me?” I pestered.

Jimin tossed his hoodie at me and it landed on my head, covering my face. I threw it off as he stretched; the waistband of his boxers peeked out above his nice-fitting blue jeans.

“Yeah, I’ll tell you. Better yet, I’ll show you.” He strode over to his closet, shoulder blades moving ily as he walked. Mmm, those baby hormones were getting to me tonight.

He pulled down a box from the top shelf and plopped down next to me. I sneezed as he blew the dust off of an old yearbook. I watched over his shoulder as he flipped through the pages of his yearbook, eventually coming to a stop at a candid picture of him smiling bashfully next to a girl who had her arms around him.

“God, look at you! You’re so young. Look at those cheeks! I just wanna kiss them!” I cooed, kissing his cheek. Jimin swatted me away.

“This girl was my first crush.” He said, tapping her picture.

“Yeah, you look like you’re enjoying that hug.”

“She was so sweet. She used to help me with my literature homework.”

“You guys ever hook up?” I peered closer at her.

“Nah. She had a boyfriend. I got my heart broken daily in homeroom when they would kiss in the doorway.”

He turned a couple more pages and pointed out another girl. “This girl stole my first kiss. You know, the one who ambushed me in the classroom.” He patted his lips with two fingers. I leaned in and kissed him. He curled a hand in my hair and rested my head on his shoulder.

“Oh, there’s Gemma.” I pointed at a candid of her. “And Young Jae! Oh, he’s so cute! Wow, baby Young Jae.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Jimin turned the page.

“Where’s the girl you lost your V card to?” I slung an arm around his waist. He massaged his fingers in my hair.

“Oh, she’s not in this yearbook. No, she was much older than me. She was in college already.”

“You lost your ity to a college girl?!” I shrieked. “Was it even legal?”

“I was eighteen.”

“You were a baby.” I mourned, burrowing further against him. “An impressionable little baby.”

Jimin sighed. “Yeah, true. But now I have great with a beautiful woman whenever we feel like it.”

“I wanna see a picture.” I whined.

He put aside the one yearbook and picked up another. “This is from when I was a freshman before I transferred to the arts school. She’s in this one. She was a senior when I was a freshman.” He pointed out a picture of himself with glasses and a cheeky smile.

“Oh my god, Jimin, that is the most precious picture I’ve ever seen of you. Why wasn’t this in our rehearsal dinner slideshow?”

Jimin smiled at me, his wide, breathtakingly adorable smile. I leaned in and rubbed my nose against his.

“You’re so goddamn cute sometimes.” I whispered, kissing his teeth as he smiled wider.

His hand curled around the back of my neck as he met my kiss, gently pushing open my mouth to slip his tongue in.

“You wanna have ?” I murmured in between kisses. Jimin reluctantly pulled away and rested his forehead against mine. He swept his thumb over my lips.

“I just wanna kiss you, if that’s okay.” He whispered, peeking shyly up into my eyes.

I melted, a slow smile tugging on my mouth. “Yeah, baby.” I nuzzled my nose against his and took a deep breath, inhaling as much of his homey scent as I could. “That sounds perfect.”

Jimin kissed me once more before climbing off the bed and shucking off his jeans. He opened our suitcase and took out two pairs of pajamas pants, tossing me one before stepping into his own. I watched interestedly as he pulled on a white undershirt. The tee hung loosely on his muscular frame, highlighting his beautiful collarbones. Jimin’s body was familiar to me, but it had never ceased to be beautiful. I watched, a little bit in awe, as he lifted his arms behind his head to try and fix the irksome tag in the back, showing off a thin strip of his toned stomach. The plaid pajamas pants hung low on him and were tight in the . All of Jimin’s pants were tight in the . He complained daily about the trials of being thin and having a fat and why didn’t they make pants for boys with butts? I always told him to try being a girl sometime. “Only if I’m as pretty as you.” He’d respond with a cute little scrunch of his nose.

“I love you.” I said softly. Jimin looked back at me in surprise, hair falling into his face.

“I love you, too, baby.” He blew me a kiss.

“No, I like really, really, really love you.” I insisted, scooching closer to him. I placed my feet on the floor and Jimin moved to stand in between my legs. He played with my hair as I wrapped my arms around him and buried my nose in his chest. His shirt smelled like our dresser and his cologne. He’d stopped using AXE a couple of years ago, but I kept a bottle handy for when I was in the mood.

“When’s the last time you washed your hair?” Jimin asked, inspecting my roots. “It’s greasy.”

“Yesterday. I bought some new conditioner and I think it works better than I need it to.”

“Should I wash it for you now?” He offered.

“Nah. It’s too cold. I just wanna snuggle and kiss under the blankets.” I laid back on the bed and pulled him down on top of me.

“Careful. I don’t wanna squish the baby.” Jimin warned, his face inches from mine.

“I think she’s fine.” I brushed his hair away from his face, burying my hands in it. “God, I love your hair. I just wanna do this all day.”

“I won’t stop you.” Jimin propped himself up on his elbows so as not to crush me. I was comfortable holding his body weight, but alas, I was pregnant and we did not want to squish our baby.

“So…do you like keep in touch with Hwasa? Could you introduce me?”

He let out a short bark of a laugh. “You want to meet a girl I made out with? You’re something else.”

“It’s not like you still make out with her. Besides, it’s Hwasa. She’s hot. I’d make out with her.”

“No, you wouldn’t.” Jimin’s warm brown eyes crinkled in amusement as he looked down at me.

I lifted my shoulders a tiny bit. “How do you know? Maybe I’m into girls.”

“I wouldn’t let you make out with Hwasa. We agreed to be monogamous and I’m gonna hold you to that.” He kissed the corner of my mouth. “Besides, you once told me that your uality was me.”

“I said that?” I ruffled his hair between my fingers. “That must have been before that dream with Taeyang.”

Jimin yawned and flopped down next to me. We were sideways on the bed and it was slightly uncomfortable. He laid a hand on my stomach, under my shirt, and gently his thumb across my skin.

“Being in love is weird. I mean, I’ve been in love with you for what, six years? Give or take a couple of months. At first it was all nervous heartbeats and shy kisses and wondering what you looked like , but now it’s like I wonder what I’m going to make for dinner and whether Haru is growing up well and if I remembered to pay the electric bill because I know your forgetful will never remember. It’s comfortable and warm and familiar and sometimes I smell your pillow when you leave earlier than me in the morning because I miss you. I’m still obsessed with you, but it’s in a different way. Before I felt like I couldn’t live without you, but now it feels like you are my life.”

I teared up a little at the last sentence. “, Jimin.” I sniffed. “What are you trying to do to me? I’m pregnant, you know. My hormones are haywire and I’m not really interested in sobbing into your childhood comforter tonight.”

“Aw, baby! Don’t cry!” Jimin turned over onto his side and brushed away a few errant tears with his thumb. “I was just thinking out loud.”

“I know. It’s just so sweet.” He cupped my cheek and I turned my head and kissed his palm, meeting his warm eyes with my teary ones. “I used to dread the idea of marriage because I thought it would be a slow deterioration of a love I used to share with someone. Like you spend your life sharing a bed with someone, but one day you wake up and realize that you and your spouse haven’t really talked in fifteen years and also that he fantasizes about other women while he’s sleeping with you.”

“I don’t.” Jimin whispered. “You’re enough for me. Really.”

“Do you ever think about other women?” I asked quietly. “This isn’t a test. I’m genuinely curious.”

“Yeah.” He admitted. “You know how a thought flits by fleetingly and you’re like, ‘No, don’t think that,’ but since you’re trying not to think about it, you can’t stop thinking about it?”

I nodded.

“That’s all it is. I don’t spend hours fantasizing about women other than you. When we’re making love, I’m really there, thinking about you. I love you, baby. We’re gonna make it. I won’t let us fall apart.” He promised, wiping away my tears with his callused fingers.

“How do you know?” I whispered. “How do you know we’re not going to end up like that? I’m still young and pretty. I’m like a really hot mom, Jimin.”

He laughed, a gentle and sweet laugh. “Yeah, baby. You are.” He pressed his thumb into my dimple. “But you know how I know? Because you’re my best friend. I want to talk to you about everything going on in my head. And I’m so insanely curious about what you’re thinking. This, right here, this pillow talk right before bed? This is the best part of my day.”

He sighed through his nose and rubbed his nose against my cheek. “Plus, you smell so damn good. Even with this unkempt, greasy hair.”

I let out a shuddering laugh as he pulled me close to him, chest against chest, heartbeat against heartbeat.

“My idea of a beautiful woman isn’t just curves and pretty hair. I’ve never seen anything more breathtakingly beautiful than the stretch marks on your stomach from carrying Haru. I’m in love with the cellulite on your thighs because it means you’re eating well and you like the food I make. I’m completely enamored with your big feet because they stretched to hold the weight of the baby we made together. I know I’m young and life is long, but I don’t think I’ll ever find a body more beautiful than yours because I’ve made my life with yours.”

I covered my face with my hands in an effort to stop my tears. “You’re making me sound like a baby machine.” I sniffled.

“Let me love you.” Jimin whispered, hands pressed against the small of my back. “Let me tell you how I love you without you getting scared. Don’t be prickly.”

“I am scared.” I admitted shakily. “Intimacy scares the out of me because you always seem too good to be true.”

“I’m here.” He kissed my forehead. “I’ve got you. I won’t let you go.”

“Are you sure you’re not going to wake up one day and realize what a I am?” I tried to swallow around the lump in my throat.

Jimin simply pulled me closer and pressed his lips against my temple.

“Do you resent me because I make you cook the meals? Don’t you wish you married someone sweeter and more feminine? Do you secretly want me to quit my job and be a stay-at-home mom?” One my one my fears spilled out along with my tears. Jimin kissed them away one by one.

“Hush, my love. You know the answers to all of these questions.”

“I need to hear them.” I pleaded in a whisper. “I’ve got to hear them tonight.”

“I love cooking and I love you.” Jimin answered, tucking my hair behind my ear as I sniffled. “You are the sweetest woman I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. I don’t think you’re a . Not even secretly.” He added as I opened my mouth to protest. “I don’t want you to be a stay-at-home mom. I know you and I know you’d be miserable and I don’t think you love Haru any less because of that. I think you’re the best mom and I’m lucky you’re helping me raise my children.”

“Are you sure?” I whispered.

“Trust me, love. I know you can.” Jimin whispered back. “I’m not going to leave. I promise.”

“It’s hard.” I held his face in my hands. “I’ve got such deep-seated trust issues. I’m sorry.”

“Shh.” He kissed my cheek. “I’m yours. We’re gonna make it. Yeah?”

“Yeah.” I nodded, wiping away the last of my tears. “Sorry for the hormones.”

“Thanks for carrying my baby.” Jimin laid his forehead against mine. “Thank you for loving me.”

He tucked us up into bed and switched off the light. I wrapped my arms around him and laid my head against his sturdy chest, deeply breathing in his scent and reminding myself that he was real and we were in love. The steady rise and fall of his chest comforted me. He laid his hand on my head and sleepily my hair.

“Don’t listen to your mother.” He whispered before he fell asleep. “I don’t want the kind of wife your parents expect you to be. I want you, just the way you are.”

I nodded against his chest, whispering a soft “I love you” as I closed my eyes.

I was lucky to have Jimin in my life. Although I rarely told him, he knew I felt the same way he did.

He was my home.