I had fallen asleep in Haru’s bed last night. The sun woke me up now, and I blinked, struggling to adjust to the light. Haru’s small hand rested on my arm, her forehead against my forehead, her curls touching my curls.

I kissed her nose. Touched my hand to her chest and felt her heart beat. Haru’s heartbeat was one of my favorite things.

Sun Jae had recently begun sleeping through the night. I’d thought it would never happen, but a few weeks previously, I’d put him down at seven p.m. and he stayed asleep until five a.m. A record for our little love.

I supposed my son’s newfound love of sleep was why my husband hadn’t woken me to bring me back to bed. Why bother, when I didn’t need to worry about Haru waking up in the middle of the night when Sun Jae did, screaming for milk? It was nice, waking up like this. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d been able to do it.

Sometimes, when Jimin was on tour, I’d let Haru sleep in our bed. Yukon, too. We’d all pile in and snuggle up close. Wouldn’t it be cute when Sun Jae grew old enough to join us? A few years and he would be.

Haru’s breath smelled. Had we brushed her teeth before bed? I couldn’t remember. Jimin had made kimchi jigae for dinner and afterwards we all snuggled up on the couch to watch a movie. Moana. Haru had fallen asleep with her head on Jimin’s lap. She woke up when he tucked her into bed, but she’d cried out for me instead of him.

I guessed we hadn’t brushed her teeth.

Sun Jae would turn six months old soon. Jimin had said the other day that he couldn’t believe our baby would be half a year. Where had the time gone? He still refused to crawl, instead rolling his small body around wherever he wanted to go. It was disconcerting to watch; one moment he’d be lying next to me, dark, bright eyes staring into mine, and the next he’d be halfway across the room, rolling without any real sense of direction or coordination.

Recently, I’d started to feel like I wanted another baby. Wasn’t sure why, but I wanted to experience once again the feeling of a life swelling within me, the early morning infant snuggles, the way Jimin looked at me in the hospital room after I’d given birth.

I had always thought that he’d be one of those husbands who lavished more affection on his children than his wife. Sometimes, that was true, but more often than not, I felt like he fell deeper in love with me, watching me be with them.

Haru sighed in her sleep. I gathered her body to mine in a warm hug, wishing we could stay in bed and snuggle all day. Haru would never let me do that; she was much too energetic to be my daughter. Totally got that from Jimin.

The doorknob squeaked as it turned. I didn’t look up as Jimin’s footsteps approached, my eyes too focused on Haru’s adorable sleeping face.

He crouched down next to me, my back to him. “Good morning, sleepyhead.” He whispered, voice hoarse from sleep. “Did you have a nice nap?”

It was what he said every time Haru woke up from her nap when he was home.

“Come in with us.”

Jimin gracefully jumped up and swung into the bed, landing on Haru’s other side. She stirred in her sleep, brow crinkling, then smoothing out as the disturbance passed.

“Where’s Sun Jae?”

Jimin’s eyes flicked to me as he played with Haru’s hair. “Sleepin’.”

Soft, tiny footsteps padded our way, followed by quick, heavier ones. One of the cats, Maya, slunk into Haru’s room, trailed closely by Yukon. Poor puppy was still getting used to having two new animal friends in the apartment. The other cat, Hollis, liked to keep to himself. We often found him lying on top of the refrigerator, tail curled around his body.

I hadn’t adopted regular sized cats. I’d adopted Maine Coon cats, which could weigh up to twenty-five pounds. When I’d first brought them out on Christmas morning, Jimin had let out a shriek. A manly shriek, to be sure, but still. A shriek.

Maya weighed a little less than Hollis, her frame a little more delicate than his. She enjoyed our company, especially Jimin’s, but steered clear of visitors. Hollis only liked Jimin. And Maya, of course. They were cat friends.

Yukon rested his head on my side and let out a soft sigh, looking up at me with bemused eyes. Almost like he was saying, “Why did you bring these cats home?” Maya jumped up onto the bed and batted at his ears until Jimin scooped her up.

“How’s my pretty Maya girl this morning?” He cooed, rubbing his nose against her whiskers. She struck out at him with her paw, pushing it against his chubby cheek.

I always prayed that Jimin’s chubby cheeks would never go away. Even when we were eighty and covered in wrinkles, I still wanted his cheeks to be chubby.

“What do you think couples talk about when they’re eighty?” I asked Jimin. He glanced at me, amusement dancing in his eyes.

“Probably discuss which senior couple they’re going to swap spouses with next. I hear swinging is big in the senior community.” He grinned. Maya squirmed from his grasp and laid down next to him, tail gently swishing. She stretched and placed her paws on Haru’s head. Her ears twitched when Jimin scratched behind them, a gentle, indulgent smile on his face.

Yukon whined, so I gave him a few ear scratches, too.

“What do you think we’ll talk about when we’re eighty?” The sheets bunched under me when I rolled onto my back. Haru yawned and stretched her arms and legs, squishing me with her feet and Maya and Jimin with her arms.

Jimin didn’t reply. I stared at the ceiling and idly wondered about the people living in the apartment above us.

“Do you like your nickname?” He asked, changing the subject. I blinked in surprise.

“Nobody’s ever asked me that before.”

“Yeah, it never really occurred to me before. It was just a given. Ji Eun said something like…you got mad at the sun in the morning?” He chuckled to himself. “You still do that.”

“It’s just! So unnecessarily bright!”

“So? Do you like it?”

I felt a tug on my hair and looked over to see Jimin smiling at me, fingers tangled in my curls.

“Mm. I don’t know. At first, it annoyed me because everyone said it ironically, like I was this huge grump instead of an actual ray of sunshine. But then, I don’t know, I liked it. Liked the way boys said it. Rolling off their tongues, wrapped in affection and admiration. Tae Joon used to always follow it up with a hair tousle or something like that.” I paused, suddenly swept up in memories. “There was a boy I had a crush on my junior year of college. He was like sunshine. On the baseball team and in my Anatomy class. I used to sit behind him and to the left and just stare at his smile all during class. I almost failed, you know. Had to cheat on a few online quizzes. Anyway,” I took a breath, smiling as Jimin started to scowl, “the first time he called me sunshine, my whole heart jumped. I’d dropped a pencil or something on my way out of class and he ran after me, tapped my shoulder, and smiled this dazzling smile at me. ‘Here you go, sunshine,’ he said to me. Then smiled again at me like he was the ing sun himself.”

“Didn’t you have a boyfriend at that time?” Jimin demanded grouchily. Eyebrows scrunched, plump mouth twisted into the poutiest of scowls.

“I don’t remember.” I said lightly. “Probably.”

He rolled his eyes and I giggled in delight. “Little devil.”

“You still can’t call me that.”

“Why not?” Jimin whined, pulling harshly on a curl. “Everyone else is allowed to call you that.”

“Exactly! Only one person on God’s green earth can call me baby, and you know that’s you. So don’t even complain. Everyone can call me sunshine, but only you can call me my favorite nickname.”

Jimin looked a little taken aback. “Baby’s your favorite nickname?”

I smiled at him. “Duh.”

He stared at me wordlessly, warm brown eyes melting me from the inside out. I could feel my smile growing, contentment b over.

“You’re like the sun, you know.” Jimin murmured. “When you look at me like that…I feel your warmth, deep in my body. Like you’re filling me up with sunshine.”

I let out a good-natured scoff. “That’s so…mushy. It’s just a lot of mush.”

He shrugged. “I don’t know how else to express myself.”

I took his hand from my hair and grasped it, threading our fingers together and placing our entwined hands against my cheek.

“How am I supposed to write an entire book about BTS? It’s just gonna be biased towards you.” I batted my eyelashes at him.

“Oh, I wanted to ask you something.” Jimin cutely crinkled his nose. “Um…how do I say this? Well, okay. The president recently called me into his office and told me he wants me to release my album. And that he wants me to go on a world tour. Start with Asia, then add some European and North American dates.”

Ah, I didn’t like the sound of this. Touring all of those countries could take weeks, probably months. And not just a couple of months, probably like…half a year.

Jimin hesitated, voice catching in his throat. “Do you…do you wanna come with me?”

He looked up at me from underneath his eyelashes, hope shining on his face the way Haru’s did when I had a piece of chocolate in my hand. Begging for a special treat.

Silently, I weighed the options in my mind. Staying in our apartment alone for six months and taking care of two children and three pets, or going on tour with my husband, taking care of two children. Who would take care of our pets while we were gone? Would the cats even remember us? Would Yukon become depressed?

If I stayed, would Jimin and I survive?

“How long is the tour?” I asked carefully, trying to keep any sort of inflection out of my voice.

“About four months. I thought we could hire Isabel to accompany us. You can work on your book during the day, and at night, I’d do my show. We’d have breaks, too, not just a concert every night. I’d get some time off in between places. We could sightsee. Show the kids the world. You could see the world.”

Jimin spoke quickly in an enthusiastic, nervous effort to persuade me.

I could see the world.

“Who would watch the kids at night when you’ve got concerts? Me?”

He raised his eyebrows. “Did you want to go to my concerts or something?”

“Well, yeah. Duh.”

“Oh.” Jimin’s eyes widened in surprise. “Um…yeah. It’d be you. Isabel’s gotta have time off, you know. Unless you wanted to switch time with her some days. And me, obviously. I won’t need to prepare sometimes until mid-afternoon, so I could watch the kids while you work and Isabel could take time off in the day.”

“What about the pets?”

“Wait, are you seriously thinking about this?” Jimin’s voice rose in excitement. “Seriously, baby? You wanna come?”

I held up my free hand. “I didn’t say that. I’m just figuring things out.”

His face fell. “Okay.”

“So…who would take care of the pets?”

Jimin bit his lower lip. “Um, Hoseok could take the cats. And Taehyung loves Yukon, so he could take care of him.”

“Four months is a long time.” I said softly, rolling over onto my side. Jimin’s eyes met mine and we stared at each other for a while.

“We could see the world. Together.” He coaxed. “And you could write.”

“About you.” I scoffed. “I love you, so no offense, but your idol group’s official biography is not what I had pictured as my lifetime achievement.”

“No, baby, I meant that you could write. The you love. Get inspiration from seeing the world, learning new cultures.”

“Jimin, staying in a hotel and sightseeing is hardly ‘learning new cultures.’”

He reached out and pinched my cheek. “You know what I mean, sass.”

“I know what you mean. I just…I don’t know. On the one hand, I don’t want you to be gone for half a year, and on the other, I don’t know if I want to go.”

“What’s holding you back?” Jimin asked in a low voice. “Work? The pets? Your sense of identity?”

I shrugged. “I don’t know, Jimin. I just don’t know if I want to go.”

“Okay.”

Jimin made me pancakes before the kids woke up, while I sat on the squashy green living room couch, idly flicking through a book. The sun started its gradual journey up to the center of the sky; the room was soon filled with purple, pink, and orange light. A stereo in the kitchen played the CD Jimin had given me for Christmas. James Arthur’s “Say You Won’t Let Go” sounded sweeter sung in my husband’s voice.

I closed my book and listened Jimin sing along as he flipped pancakes, harmonizing with himself.

“I’ll wake you up with some breakfast in bed. I’ll bring you coffee with a kiss on your head. I’ll take the kids to school, wave them goodbye. I’ll thank my lucky stars for that night. When you looked over your shoulder, for a minute I forget that I’m older; I wanna dance with you right now. You look as beautiful as ever and I swear every day will get better. You make me feel this way somehow.”

He came out with a plate stacked high with pancakes, still singing.

“I’m so in love with you, and I hope you know. Darling, your love is more than worth its weight in gold. We’ve come so far my dear, look how we’ve grown. I wanna stay with you until we’re grey and old. Just say you won’t let go. Just say you won’t let go.”

Jimin set the plate on my lap and kissed my forehead. “I love you.” He whispered, smiling against my skin.

I wound my arms around his neck and pulled him closer, so close that he fell into my lap and knocked over the pancakes. Yukon promptly pounced on the scattered food, but I didn’t care.

Jimin’s lips tasted like maple syrup. He could never resist sneaking some from the bottle whenever he made pancakes. I stuck my tongue in his mouth for a better taste, and he moaned against me.

“Baby, I love you so much.” Jimin said hoarsely when we broke away for air. Forehead pressed against mine, eyes closed as I kissed his jawline. “I love you, love you.”

My fingers threaded through his thick, soft hair. He released soft sigh, then pushed me down onto my back and hovered over me.

“Come with me.” He pleaded. “I don’t want to be without you.”

How could I resist those smoldering brown eyes? Jimin pulled me into his embrace, smelling of pancake batter and Haru’s room.

“Okay.”

Jimin blinked in disbelief as I caressed his face and smiled at him.

“Okay? You’ll come?”

“Yeah,” I grinned, “I’ll come, baby. Also…what would you think about going on tour with Jay Park? Think you could do that for me?”

Jimin burst out laughing and I smothered him in kisses as I giggled myself. We were going to wake up the kids, but I didn’t care.

“I love you.” I whispered to Jimin in between laughter. He quieted down and stared quite seriously at me.

“I know.”

My heart thrummed with happiness. Not, “Do you really?” or “Do you still love Jin?” (I never loved Jin), but “I know.”

He knew.