Xiumin was waiting. He had been for a few weeks now. He knew how Luhan felt and knew the boy had made his decision. He also knew that it was probably to leave. He had talked to Yixing about his concerns, finding comfort in the rational and sweet boy. Yixing had told him to let Luhan admit it himself. Xiumin had agreed, not sure what else he could say. 

~

Xiumin was helping D.O. prepare breakfast when Luhan came to him with a nervous expression. "Minseok-ah." He called out. Xiumin turned and took in the nervous expression on the boy's face. "What's up?" He asked the boy, trying hard to keep his voice casual. "Could we talk?" Luhan asked softly. Xiumin turned to D.O., who was pretending to be busy with the pancakes. "Go ahead." The younger boy said, exchanging a confused look with Xiumin. 

Xiumin followed Luhan up the stairs and into the bedroom. When they entered, Luhan bit his lip and glanced downwards. Xiumin's heart began to sink but he kept his face neutral. "So, what is it?" He asked nonchantly. Luhan glanced up. "Well, I-" Just as he began to speak, Suho entered the room. "I knew I'd find you two here! I need your help Luhan, for the Chinese translations!" He explained quickly, grabbing Luhan's hand. 

Luhan turned to Xiumin. "I-" He began. Xiumin shook his head. "We'll talk later." He called out after him. Luhan just managed to nod before he was pulled away from the room. Once they had left, Xiumin sighed deeply, falling onto the bed. "What do I do?" He asked out loud. He didn't know how he was going to reply when Luhan told him that he would leave. 

I don't know. The best thing to do would be to support him. That's what Luhan would want, would need. The thing that he wanted to do was scream and cry and beg for the boy to stay. He sighed once again and got off the bed. It was time to face this problem. To get it over with. 

~

They were in a coffee shop and everything was going too quickly for Xiumin to comprehend. Nothing seemed to go through his mind as Luhan began his speech on how he was feeling and how he didn't want to leave the members. He wanted to leave the company. He kept on insisting that it wasn't Xiumin's fault, it wasn't any of the members' fault. It was him. He was choosing his own happiness. Xiumin didn't say anything, letting the boy speak. Letting his words wash over Xiumin as he tried to focus. Tried to think about something other than the reality. 

Luhan was leaving. 

And really, Xiumin had known. He had known for so long. But he'd still had a tiny hope, a silly wish, that Luhan would stay for him. But that was selfish and dumb and childish and Luhan didn't deserve someone who acted like that. So Xiumin nodded along and smiled and pretended everything was alright. He assured Luhan that everything would be fine. Everything was going relatively good when Luhan popped the question. 

"What about us?" He asked. "What about our relationship?" His voice was soft and knowing. Xiumin didn't need to reply. Because they both knew. If Luhan left, they wouldn't be able to see each other, for at least a few years. SM wouldn't allow them. Luhan sighed. "I'm sorry." He said. Xiumin hugged him, whispering that it was fine, everything would be okay. 

And he was thankful that they were hugging because that meant the boy couldn't see Xiumin frantically blinking, trying to stop the tears. In the end, he managed to hold them back and they walked back to the dorm, their hands clasped together. 

Xiumin tried to remember everything in those few minutes. Because, once they reached the dorm, Luhan would let go. 

~~~

ugh