"Overdose has once again sweeped the charts as EXO continue to stay in the spotlight. Despite the recent news of a member leaving, they have still got one of the largest fanbases in KPop and continue to amaze and inspire other artists. EXO, fighting!" 

~

All Zitao knew was anger after Yifan left. It was the only emotion he could feel. Anger at the boy himself for leaving Zitao alone. And as he sat in his bedroom at 1 am, staring at the pictures he had put up of him and his friends, he looked at the one with him and Yifan. It had been during their debut party and they had all gotten drunk. The picture had been taken by Sehun and in it Kris and Tao had their arms around each other and were smiling at the camera, completely drunk. 

He peeled off the picture and stared at it. He looked so happy in it, both of them did. "How could you be so selfish?" Zitao said through gritted teeth as he crumpled the paper up. His eyes teared up and he rubbed at them angrily. That was the one thing he didn't understand. He didn't understand why he had been crying so much. He was angry. He wasn't sad or upset. So why was he crying? 

" you!" Tao threw the crumpled picture on the floor and stepped on it. His tears fell quickly as he glared at the paper on the floor. "You betrayed us." Zitao choked out before turning around and walking out of the room, heading straight for the dorm's bathroom. Once inside, he realized the lights weren't on. His tears quickly stopped and his face paled in fear as he quickly scrambled to turn the lights on. ", ." He repeated until he finally found the light switch and flicked it on. Light filled the bathroom and he sighed, calming down once he realized nothing was there. 

As he checked cautiously (bravely) for ghosts behind the curtain of the bath, he was reminded of a memory. 

"Yifan-ge! Yifan-ge!" Zitao yelled out as he walked into the tall boy's room. "What is it, Zitao?" Yifan was listening to music and relaxing, making good use of their free time. "I need your help." Zitao began. Yifan sighed. "What is it now?" He asked exasperatedly. "Well, it's kind of, uh, embarrassing." Zitao said, suddenly feeling shy. "Spit it out." Yifan said, getting up and gazing at him expectantly. "Can you shower with me?" Zitao blurted out. Yifan's eyes widened in shock. "What the - Zitao!" He exclaimed in shock. "It's just, that I'm scared there might be ghosts in the bathroom but I really need to shower! Please, gege, please?" Zitao pleaded. 

Yifan let out a deep breath. "Oh. Ghosts? What even.. Uh, yeah, I guess." He said, seeming slightly dazed. Zitao jumped excitedly and cheered before grabbing the older boy's hand and leading him quickly to the bathroom. "Thanks gege!" He said enthusiastically. Yifan gave a small smile. "It's alright. What are brothers for anyway?" He asked. 

"Brothers?" Zitao scoffed. "Brothers don't leave each other." He said to his reflection in the mirror. He the tap, splashing water on his face. The cold water refreshed him instantly and he closed his eyes, feeling slightly better. "Who's in there? Come out quickly!" He heard Jongin yell from the outside as he pounded the door. Zitao quickly opened the door. Jongin looked surprised. "Oh, hey Zitao. You alright?" He asked uncertainly. 

Zitao glanced at the dancer curiously. It's not like he wasn't close with Jongin, all the members were close to each other having to live in the same dorm. It's just, he hadn't really talked to the boy alone himself. Everytime they hung out, it was in a large group. The only thing they really had in common was that they both hung out with Sehun on a regular basis. So, it was kind of weird when the boy asked that question.

"Uh, yeah." Zitao replied hesitantly. Jongin nodded. "Well, uh, I'm going out for boxing. Wanna come?" Jongin asked. Zitao paused. "Boxing? You don't do boxing." He said. Jongin nodded. "I'm just going to try for fun." He replied. "So, are you coming?" He asked. Zitao nodded. "Yeah, sure. Why not?" He said casually. 

Boxing turned out to only be two of them and two bags full of sand hung up. "So, what do we do?" He asked Jongin. "Uh, just punch it? I guess?" Jongin said awkwardly. Zitao nodded. This was a total waste of time. He punched it halfheartedly as Jongin next to him tried out different moves. As he did the repetitive movements, he couldn't help but think about Yifan. He left you. Even after all the promises he made. Even after all the memories you two shared. 

He began to punch the bag harder as he thought more and more about the boy leaving. He didn't realize he was crying until his vision blurred. He continued hitting, his hits becoming more and more powerful, all the years of wushu training coming into play. Jongin stopped from next to him but Zitao didn't notice as he continued beating the sack up. 

Eventually it fell, breaking open as sand spilled out and Zitao stood there numbly, staring at the mess that had been created. He sank to the floor, sitting in the sand as wracking sobs took over his body. He felt Jongin wrap an arm around his shoulder and leaned into the boy's touch, wanting to be comforted. "I was tired too." He said quietly. Jongin patted him on the back too. "I was homesick as well!" He said, louder this time. "My body's broken as well!" He continued, louder and louder. Jongin listened to him, continuing to pat him on the back. 

"WHAT GIVES YOU THE RIGHT TO LEAVE US?" He burst out, exploding, his voice as loud as thunder as he yelled out the words. After that, he didn't know what else to say and sat there, his crying slowly stopping and his vision clearing once again. It was then that Jongin spoke up. "There are two sides to everything." He said. "What?" Zitao asked dumbly. "We can't know how he felt." Jongin explained. Zitao sighed. "He should have said something then. I would have listened. Anyone would have listened." Zitao replied. "But would we have been able to do something about it?" Jongin retorted. 

Zitao froze at those words. Because they were right. They wouldn't have been able to do anything. SM wouldn't have listened. With this realization came feelings that he didn't want to feel- guilt, sadness, despair. "Why does it feel like none of this is worth it?" Zitao spoke softly, almost afraid someone would hear his words. Jongin smiled bitterly. "Because, a lot of the time, it's not." He said truthfully. 

Later, when they went back to the dorm, Zitao picked up the crumpled picture and smoothed it out, fixing the tears with tape. He then folded it and put it in his wallet, keeping it safe. The next time, we meet I expect you to get down on your knees and apologize. But don't worry, I'll say sorry first. 

~

"As the leader, it is your responsibility to make sure that the EXO members stay in line." "Watch over them and make sure they are doing what they are supposed to do." "Be more responsible." "Stop being immature." "Be a leader." "Be the example that they should follow." 

All of the things that had been said in the meetings remained in Joonmyun's head as he walked back to the dorm. Ever since Yifan's departure, the managers had been extra strict, almost as if they were afraid someone else would leave. Someone else might. Who knows anymore? Joonmyun nodded o one of his seniors politely. The man glanced back at him with a slight look of disappointment. 

Ah, Disappointment. It was reflected on every face he saw these days. They all blamed him, not completely but partly. You're the leader. Why didn't you realize sooner? When the news had been confirmed, Joonmyun had cried for 2 days. He had sobbed and cried and wallowed in sadness and despair for the lost friendship and the lost member. After those three days, he had gotten up and showered, getting ready to get back to work. 

He didn't have a choice. He didn't have time. He was the leader of EXO. He couldn't afford to be so weak. He knew that the younger members had been disappointed in his initial response (crying) and somehow, that had been worse than the disappointment he faced from other idols and staff members. He reached the dorm and stood outside, waiting. It was only after a few minutes that he realized the doorbell hadn't been pressed. He quickly pressed it. 

It was always you who pressed it, when we came back from those horrible meetings. Now, it's only me. Who's going to be there for me now? Joonmyun quickly let go of the thought as the door opened and Baekhyun glanced at him. "Hello, hyung. Welcome back. How was the meeting?" He asked casually. Joonmyun walked in. "Boring as hell." He replied dryly and Baekhyun snorted in response. 

"You want coffee, hyung? Minseok hyung's making some for all of us." Chanyeol said from where he was sitting at the couch. "It's fine. I need to do some work first." He replied walking up the stairs quickly. "We'll save you some anyway!" Chanyeol called out from downstairs. Joonmyun opened his bedroom door and walked in, placing his stuff down. He sighed, leaning against the doorframe. 

The members were trying so hard, to make everything normal. They were all dealing with the situation in their own ways, Joonmyun could see it. Baekhyun had cried, thinking no one knew. Zitao released his pain through anger, doing lots of wushu despite his injured body. Kyungsoo used distractions, watching movies and volunteering for acting (something which had shocked all of them) to forget the loss. 

Joonmyun didn't know how to deal with it. He'd already cried, but it hadn't done anything. He'd tried to be angry, writing mean things about Yifan but he had felt no satisfaction afterwards, just guilt and remorse. He'd pushed himself into doing activities and interviews and projects but the distractions didn't help; they just tired him even more. 

No, he couldn't let go that easily. Yifan had been there with him for a long time, long enough for Joonmyun to have understood the boy's feelings through simple gestures and twitches. He knew how to recognize when Yifan was upset, homesick, happy or enraged. He knew how to deal with the fellow leader when the boy was feeling any of these emotions. 

So why hadn't he realized what was happening with Yifan? Why hadn't he noticed anything? That was something which had made him question their entire friendship. Was the Yifan I knew the real Yifan? Were we really friends? Joonmyun walked over to his bed and sat down, staring at the blank wall. He hadn't been lying about work. He had a lot to do now, being the only leader left.

The only leader left. 

He wondered if he had ever truly acknowledged Yifan as a leader. Everytime Joonmyun would mention Yifan's role, the boy would make a joke about it or shrug it off like it was nothing. It was a lie. Joonmyun knew that Yifan liked being a leader. He was good at it. He was, in truth, far better than Joonmyun. Joonmyun could admit that. But had he ever told Yifan that? He couldn't remember. 

He sighed once again and picked up the laptop in the corner and opened it up to glance at the work he had been given regarding their promotional activities and individual activities. It was going to take ages to sort out. He cracked his knuckles and began. 

Even though it may not mean much, I always considered you to be a true leader.

~

Yixing wasn't stupid. When he found about Yifan leaving, he hadn't been particularly surprised. Yifan had become restless during the last year or so, and had mentioned hating idol life to Yixing casually. Ever since then, Yixing had prepared himself, knowing it was only time before the boy cracked. Why didn't he stop Yifan when he knew? Because it was selfish. Yifan needed to be free from this. For his health and for his heart. 

Yixing had been ready to let go and when the news was confirmed, he had. His only regret was not being able to say a proper goodbye. He was in his room, playing the piano mindlessly as he sat on the stool. He had wondered, briefly, when he had watched Joonmyun cry and Zitao get angry whether his apathic reaction was normal. Was it bad that all he felt was worry? 

Worry for whether he would see Yifan again. Worry for the fans who seemed to be so affected by it. These worries seemed small in comparison to the reactions of the other members. But then, he would be reminded of when he had cried. The time when Yifan had said he hated idol life. The moment when Yixing had realized that maybe, something would go wrong. It had scared him at first. 

Not knowing what was going to happen and having to deal with all alone, it had been horrible. But as months passed, he realized why. He understood why. And when the news had been released, he didn't think it was right for him to cry just yet. He had to take care of everyone else. He had to remain strong for the fans. 

The fans; they had been affected by it. Yixing had never seen them cry as much as they had in the recent fanmeetings and concerts. It concerned him and he felt slightly responsible for it. After all, it was partly their fault that Yifan had left. And so, Yixing had tried to be more kind, more helpful and caring towards their fans despite all the bad things that their fans were often represented as. 

Yixing let his fingers dance over the keys as he continued to think. He had wanted to contact Yifan for days now but couldn't build up the courage. He was afraid that the managers would catch him and get angry. He was afraid that the members would get upset. But most of all, he was afraid that Yifan might not accept his call. But he had decided, when he woke up this morning, that he would do it tonight. 

And it was night time. Yixing stopped his playing and glanced at his phone which he had set down on the sidetable. He slowly got up and walked to it before picking it up. He took a deep breath and went to the contacts list. He scrolled down until he saw 'Yifan'. He pressed it and hovered over the 'call' option. "Now or never." He reminded himself before pressing the button and holding the phone to his ear. 

The phone rang, once, twice before it was picked up. "Hello?" Yifan's voice was slightly groggy, as if he had just woken up. It was also in Mandarin. It sent vibrations through Yixing's chest as his heart remembered the voice, as he remembered the boy. "Hello, Yifan-ge." Yixing spoke into the phone. "Yixing!? Is that you?" Yifan's voice was slightly more awake now and shocked. "The one and only." Yixing replied calmly, going against his erratic heartbeat. "Xing, I'm so sorry. I wanted to say goodbye first but the lawyer released the statement without consulting me first and after that it just escalated and I-" Yifan rambled on. Yixing smiled and interrupted gently. "It's okay. I'm not mad." He said truthfully. 

There was a short pause. "You're not?" Yifan's voice was filled with disbelief. Yixing giggled. "Nope. I, uh, actually kind of knew you were going to leave eventually. It was just a matter of time." He said softly. "Wow." Yifan replied. "Yeah." Yixing wasn't sure how to reply to that. "So, are we still friends?" Yifan asked hesitantly. Yixing smiled. "Nope." He said into the phone. "Huh?" Yifan asked, sounding a bit hurt. Yixing grinned. "We're brothers." He said simply. 

Yixing could almost see Yifan's smile. "That means a lot, Xing. Thanks." Yifan said into the phone. "It's fine." Yixing replied. "I don't have a lot of time, though. I'm kind of busy, these days. Trying to sleep as much as possible." Yifan said and his voice was filled with regret. Yixing sighed slightly. "It's fine. I just.. you're happy right?" Yixing asked him. Yifan's reply was almost automatic. "Yes." 

"Good, that's good." Yixing replied honestly. Yifan sighed. "There'll be something coming to you guys." He mentioned suddenly. "What?" Yixing asked, confused by the sudden comment. "A goodbye of sorts. Uh, you'll understand when it gets there. Forget I said anything now." Yifan said awkwardly. Yixing laughed. "Alright, gege. Whatever you say." Yixing replied. He heard muffled voices before Yifan spoke. "I have to go now." He said sadly into the phone. Yixing nodded, smiling bitterly. "Oh." He replied.

Yifan was just about to finish his goodbye when Yixing spoke up. "One last thing!" He said quickly into the phone. "What?" Yifan asked curiously. "I'm going to write a song. I want you to listen to it when it's finished. Can you promise me that?" Yixing asked him. "I wouldn't miss it." Yifan replied and they said their goodbyes, keeping it short and simple but sincere all the same. 

Yixing placed his phone back on the table and walked back to the piano, gazing at the keys curiously. "Looks like we have some work to do." He said. This will be my promise to you. This song. It is for all of us. EXO, Yifan, the fans. I am going to write this. Yixing took a deep breath and pressed the keys down.

~~~

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