"We would like to offically announce the departure of Wu Yifan from EXO and SM Entertainment. He has raised false claims and betrayed us as well as filing a law suit which will mean that this matter will go to court. EXO will continue on without 'Kris'. Their comeback will happen as planned. Members, during this period, are forbidden from contacting Wu Yifan or mentioning him in interviews and shows until allowed by the company." 

~

They were pushed into last minute adjustments and changes to the comeback. Any thoughts of having some sleep and eating well flew through the window as they practiced for hours without stop, their minds numb and their bodies exhausted. It was during one of their rare breaks that Jongin finally got to sit down. His breathing was irregular and his heart beat fast. His entire body was sweaty and the drops fell like tears from his face. He took in deep gulping breaths and closed his eyes, pushing his hair back from where it had stuck on his forehead. 

Dancing had always been his thing and while the other members always yelled about being sick of the choreography and the tiring dance practices, Jongin had never said a word. He loved dancing. The movements, the feeling, the reactions from the fans; everything about it. But recently, it was like a burden. With his waist problem, he couldn't enjoy the dancing. He could still do the dancing, could still move flexibly and fluidly; it just hurt a lot more. Every movement he made would cause sharp stings to his mind, blurring his vision and dizzying him to the point that he couldn't be too sure whether he was still standing or on the floor. 

He tried not to complain too much about it. Complaining worried the members and irritated the managers. Complaining wouldn't help him get a much-needed visit to the hospital. Complaining wouldn't fix the pain. And so, he would hold it in. When it got too much, he would close his eyes and pretend to sleep. The members and fans lightly for it. Kai, Kim Jongin, the boy who always seemed to be sleepy. But whenever he closed his eyes, he wouldn't be sleeping. Instead, he would pretend he wasn't there. Wasn't dancing on stage. Wasn't in an interview despite having only an hour of sleep. Wasn't in an airport with a thousand fans surrounding him. It made things easier. Forgetting that he was there. 

Unfortunately, it didn't always work. This was one of those times. He couldn't help but think of Yifan. He had known the tall boy for a long time, long enough to know that what had happened hadn't been his fault. Yifan had a lot of bad qualities, he was clumsy, cold, oblivious and rude, but he wasn't selfish or disloyal. When he had first about the whole thing, he hadn't really been sure how to react. Honestly, he wasn't sure whether he believed what the managers said to them. All the talk about betraying, that is. 

He was upset, how couldn't he be- Yifan was gone. But he wasn't upset for the reasons that one would expect. He wasn't upset that 'Kris' had left. He was upset because his friend, Yifan, was no longer here. Yifan, the silly and goofy giant, the loving and dependable leader, he was gone. Jongin sat there numbly trying to process the fact and failing once again to understand it. To come into terms with it. 

It was difficult to believe that the boy was gone. But in ways, it wasn't exactly unexpected. Everyone knew Kris had been struggling for the past few months. They just hadn't realized how bad it was. Idiot, Jongin thought regretfuly. You should have realized. You should have helped him. 

~

It was late at night. Much too late. But it was only then, that they had been given permission to go to bed. But first, everyone hit the showers. Sehun lied about wanting to get something to drink before showering and everyone, distracted by their own thoughts and feelings, left. Sehun sighed once the dancing room was empty. He walked up to one of the mirrors and stared at his reflection in the mirror. His hair was glistening from sweat and his clothing stuck to him uncomfortably. He probably stank as well. But none of that really mattered as he leaned against the wall, turning so he wouldn't see his reflection. 

"Yifan hyung." He spoke quietly into the large dancing room. No one responded, obviously. You will never be able to say that again. He's not here anymore. These thoughts appeared in Sehun's head suddenly. He wasn't clueless, no matter what the other members thought. He knew that SM wasn't the best company, he knew they could be unbelievingly cruel. He'd known all that before he had even auditioned. 

But you didn't really realize. You didn't fully understand how bad it was until you were actually an idol working for them. Even as a trainee, things hadn't been so bad. The pressure, the lack of everything (money, sleep, food), it really made the person wonder whether it was worth it. Sehun had accepted the life, not knowing what else he could do. If he spoke honestly, he didn't really have anything else going for him in his life. He had never been smart or sporty. Being an idol was his best shot; his only shot. Yifan hadn't accepted the life, it seemed. 

He had spoken against it. He had always been the type to voice his views, whether good or bad, whether normal or abnormal. Sehun was reminded of the first time he had met the older boy. It had been a year or so before EXO was formed. Joonmyun hyung had introduced them. "This is Sehun, my dongsaeng. He's one of the youngest here. Sehun, this is Yifan. He's your sunbae, so remember to respect him." Joonmyun hyung had instructed strictly. Sehun had been slightly awestruck by the man. After all, everyone had heard about the handsome Canadian guy who all the girls were after. Sehun had been a bit scared of the boy's intimidating expression and had cowered slightly. "Yes, Joonmyun hyung. Hello, Yifan sunbaenim." He had said politely, bowing his head to an almost 90 degrees angle. 

Yifan had responded by laughing slightly and grabbing his hand before shaking it slightly. "Ah, Joonmyun, don't make the boy so scared." His Korean was still a bit rough, but it was understandable. Yifan turned his gaze to Sehun and suddenly, it didn't seem so intimidating as the boy smiled. "Sehun, you don't need to call me 'sunbaenim' or 'hyung'. You can just call me Yifan. You Koreans are too worked up over age." He had said, looking straight at Sehun before turning to gaze pointedly at Joonmyun who had flushed. Sehun had been shocked. Never in his life had he ever been told that, drop the honorifics. The idea was, strangely, nice. Joonmyun had immediately put an end to it, insisting Sehun would use the proper honorofics. And Sehun had. 

But, at times, when he and Yifan were alone, he would drop the 'hyung'. Only once or twice though, he didn't want to push his luck. Every time he had said it, he had held his breath, almost afraid the boy would get angry. But Yifan had never done that. And for that Sehun was thankful. No one in the group understood how horrible it could be, being the maknae. Always following the hyungs, always using bloody honorifics, always being forced to do aegyo. But at least, Yifan had helped. He had treated Sehun like they were brothers, like they had no restrictions between them. 

Sehun sighed once again and got up, walking sluggily to the changing room. When he entered, he saw that most of the members were gone already, probably off to sleep. Joonmyun remained and was sobbing in the corner. Zitao was in another corner, staring with dried tears at the older boy. Sehun decided to leave them and headed to the showers. 

As soon as the hot water touched his body, he relaxed. The hot water washed the sweat and grime and dirt away from his body and almost seemed to massage his sore muscles. Sehun leaned his head against the wall. The hot water, although loud, still didn't mask the sound of Joonmyun sobbing. Suddenly, Sehun felt irritated by it. Why are you crying so much? Why do you always cry? Be a leader! Get us answers! Do something! Bring him back!

Sehun was filled with thoughts and memories of Yifan. Lazily pretending to stretch when they weren't bothered, talking about their favourite bands, comparing heights (Yifan would always tell him that Sehun would become taller one day), sharing food. All the little and big things, all the important and unimportant memories flicked through Sehun's mind like a stupid movie ending as he switched from hot to cold water. 

The cold water hit him and shocked his senses, immediate goosebumps forming on his body. Along with this, came the realization that Yifan was actually gone. The tall handsome boy who had understood Sehun completely and had never asked anything from him. The one who Sehun could be with and not do anything and the atmosphere would still be comfortable. 

He was gone. 

And to the sound of Joonmyun's sobbing, Sehun began to cry, silent tears falling down his face, blending in with the water from the shower. He's gone. 

~

Jongdae was strong. He wasn't someone to get easily scared or cry over something easily. He didn't panic or get angry easily either. These were qualities that he had always been proud of and relied on. He was back at the dorm, sitting on the dining table with all the Mandarin revision material he had been given to revise from in preparation for the comeback. He could faintly hear Kyungsoo clanging away in the kitchen, probably preparing dinner. 

Jongdae read over the lines in Chinese over and over again until his mind was numb. But no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't remember what he had read. His thoughts would always drift back to Yifan. When Jongdae had entered SM Entertainment, he had only trained for an year before being put into EXO. At first, he had been ecstatic. What an accomplishment, to get into a group just an year after training. He hadn't realized that he was going to be put into EXO-M. He hadn't realized that instead of singing in Korean, he would be given Mandarin lines when he didn't even understand half of the lines he was so passionately supposed to sing. 

He had relied on Yifan then. He would batter the boy with questions on pronunciation and grammar, eager to do well and stressed out from the lack of time he had. Yifan had been a pillar then. He had stayed up with Jongdae until they had been too sleepy to even speak. He had highlighted key vocabulary, corrected his grammar, perfected his tones and taught him sentence structures when the tutor hadn't explained it well enough. When Jongdae had fallen asleep, too stressed and tired of the Chinese language, it had been Yifan who had carried him to his bedroom or draped a blanket over him. When Jongdae had a sore throat from singing too much, practicing too much, it was Yifan who would give him warm honey water, gently reminding him to rest. He had been a true leader. 

He was never appreciated though. Not enough. Jongdae thought sadly. During their promotions, Joonmyun would proclaim himself to be the leader of EXO and Yifan had followed along, probably because it was easier than explaining the entire thing. Besides, two leaders could make things slightly difficult when it came to opinions. Joonmyun and Yifan, had at the start, been slightly confused about what to do. Jongdae had watched as Yifan had quietly stepped away and told Joonmyun that he should just go on and lead when they were all together. 

That small gesture, which probably hadn't meant anything to other members, was one of the most vivid memories that Jongdae had of their early days. It was at that moment, that he had realized just how amazing this tall boy was. Ever since then, Jongdae had, in his own way, tried to help out the boy. When Yifan would be teased by the members, Jongdae would stop them. When Yifan got slightly upset and would turn away from the members, it was Jongdae who would go to the older boy, his leader, and bring him back. I won't let you go, my beloved leader, my beloved friend. 

Jongdae sighed. The clanging from the kitchen was getting louder. Jongdae stood up and walked over to the posters that had been hung up by Joonmyun and Chanyeol. They were posters of EXO. In each of them, Yifan smiled at the camera. Jongdae glanced at his leader. "What are we going to do without you?" He asked out loud. All of the Yifans just smiled back. Jongdae wasn't going to cry. He knew that. Yifan wouldn't have wanted him to. Jongdae was going to help the other members, yes, that's what he would do. He would help them the way that Yifan had helped Jongdae. 

"I don't blame you." Jongdae said to the pictures. "You left all of us without even saying goodbye. But I can't be mad at you." Jongdae laughed bitterly. Jongdae took a deep breath. "I'm going to have to say goodbye to you instead. Goodbye, Yifan hyung. Thank you for being there for me, for all of us. Sleep lots, eat lots. Be happy. 'Fighting' for the battle. It's not going to be easy going against SM. I'll be rooting for you. Don't- Don't forget us. I will never forget you. You were the best leader. Remember that." He said. 

I won't let you go, but what am I supposed to do if you let go?

~~~

How upsetting.

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Bye!