Flashback: Tuesday, March 24, 2015

Haylee drives home from the library after an afternoon of ditching Tuesday choir/theater practice after school, and walks in to find that the house is brightly lit, the smell of warm food in the air and people moving around. This surprises her because the only people she ever sees walking around are the two nannies/maids that come every day to remind her to get up in the morning and go to school and does other stuff like clean the house and do laundry. Also, the other person she usually sees is the butler/driver that she has, that she's relieved of from his driving duties so he can relax and not have to wait in the traffic so long. Haylee understands. It's boring as hell. But they don't even stay the whole day, plus she's noticed the disgustingly flirty atmosphere between the butler and one of the maids and so why not?

As she nears the living room, Haylee hears the sound of a familiar ringtone, one that reminds her of her father's and suddenly she feels annoyance boil in her. Haylee recognizes the sound of heels tapping on to the tiled kitchen floor and the sound of two women talking while she peeks over and finds a man seated on a leather couch speaking into his phone. Her father dressed in his usual suit and tie, watch clasped on his left wrist and the sign of gray stuble on his face, probably forgotten or neglected because of his trip back home. Haylee glances to the kitchen, where she can visibly see her mother, recognizing that familiar bun on the woman's head that Haylee always thought made her look uptight as her mother was dressed in a white long sleeve, and one of those tight work skirts that always had Haylee wondering if she went to work to work, or to get the eyes of men around her. Either way, she doesn't give a if anything goes wrong between her two parents anyways, which there might be, considering the fact that they're too busy with themselves and work to even look at each other and ask how their day was.

Why the are her parents here and when the hell did they plan on ever coming back to this horrid house?

She slips off her shoes as quietly as she can and hooks them on to her index and middle fingers while she makes her way to the left, hoping that no one hears or notices her as she walked past the living room and kitchen and up the spiral of stairs that led to her room, away from everyone else's. She can still hear her mother talking to the maid and asking her about how to cook a particular dish. Haylee had heard it. It was the recipe to her favorite food. She'd rolled her eyes and snorted because it seemed to be another one of her mother's attempts of making it up to Haylee once she came back from wherever the hell she'd gone off to for work. When will that woman learn that it won't ever work? It's not what Haylee wants.

The one thing she absolutely hates about this house is that there's about zero sign of privacy or security, considering the fact that there wasn't even a wall that seperated the living room and the kitchen downstairs and that fifty percent of the lower half of the house was basically window after window leading out to the backyard and pool outside. Haylee thanked the gods that her parents had the second floor redecorated so there weren't as many of those large windows that left Haylee thinking she was living in a glass cube. It was a little too simplistic, her parents not wanting too much clutter or cleaning being done, thus why the walls were bare except for a few pictures of Haylee when she was young, that Haylee had taken down a few days ago in her own attempt to make it up to herself. The house had little decoration and it looked just like a picture from a magazine, kind of like a bachelor/ette's penthouse just for Haylee.

Haylee sometimes felt like someone was watching her, most of the time it was just her being paranoid, even when she knew her house was gated and secured. She'd often find herself closing blind after blind just to feel a bit safer after the fact that she was the only one in the house most of the time. Or maybe it's just that the walls seemed to echo when she wanted to talk on the phone or watch TV downstairs and it felt like everyone could hear or find out what she was doing.

Not that she cared or anything.

It's only four thirty and Haylee knows that the house maid has it ingrained in her mind that Haylee comes home at around an hour from now on Tuesdays and Thursdays. But even if she didn't come home at that time, the house maid is only there to cook meals and watch over Haylee for an hour or two, which she thinks is dumb because what the hell is an eighteen year old like Haylee doing still being babysat?

To be honest though, she doesn't like ditching choir practice. Singing and being with people who have the same interests as her, makes her feel like she finally belongs somewhere. Singing's been her way out of everything and music is what gives her life. Music and song give her reason to express herself without directly expressing herself. What she means is that, music, the words that artists join together, form a story or create a meaning that she can relate to, without having to think about what she wants to say. There's always going to be someone talking about love and sadness, singing about friendship, longing for something bigger, and dreaming of happiness while battling the past and looking forward to the future. Whatever it is, it's all been said, still being sung, still being expressed and Haylee can sing them all. She can sing to whatever her heart desires and if anyone asks, she can just say that she's feeling the song, likes the music or something. She can both hide behind a song and express herself in a way that she can't express herself through simple words, because it's hard. It's hard for her to express herself when there isn't anyone to listen or anyone that'll respond. It doesn't help that because of her transformation to some kind of introvert, she's slowly becoming socially awkward.

Now that she cares about.

Haylee had ditched last Thursday's after school practice because just as usual, she'd hoped that her parents would arrive a day before her birthday so they could celebrate her eighteenth together. But when the next day struck and Haylee finally turned eighteen, she didn't wake up to the loudness of her parents cheering for her and yelling that it was her birthday. They haven't since she started middle school, too busy with their new job promotions. She didn't wake up to a candle stuck in the middle of a small chocolate frosted cupcake, with her parents singing happy birthday and making her day of birth the most embarassing of all the three-hundred sixty-five days. 

She ditched today hoping that she could avoid the looks from Luhan and Kyungsoo, their not so quiet whispers audible to Haylee who thinks that the two guys shouldn't be gossipers, considering how they're the student body leaders. What a way to set an example. Thank god no one else knows, or remembers anything about Friday except for them. One of the reasons why Haylee thanks whoever is out there for the existence of alcohol and it's relationship with teens seeking fun.

Haylee wanted to avoid looking at Chanyeol looking like complete and to avoid feeling like complete herself for causing all of it. Haylee's never been the type to want attention, she only likes it when she wants it. And especially after a while of not getting enough from the two people she actually cared for the most, she's just come to the conclusion that she hates it. She hates turning around to see Luhan or Kyungsoo glancing at her from across the room or by the hallway in passing period. She hates how they act like as if they're right and she's in the wrong, like as if they know her enough to be giving her those judging looks. Those two weren't even there when it first started, Luhan was just an exchange student back then and Kyungsoo was as irrelevant to Haylee like the teenage girl drama her classmates were having. And right now, she'd give anything to wipe those looks off their faces, a mixture between frustration, disgust and judgment that Haylee didn't want directed at her. Who are they to think they have the upper hand in this? This isn't their business in the god damn first place.

Haylee hates looking at Chanyeol because all she can see is how ed up she was in messing up the giant's relationship with Baekhyun, hates how with that one simple kiss that she shouldn't have given in the first place, all hell goes loose and suddenly her ex boyfriend gets his heart broken once again. And when she'd watched Chanyeol yesterday, watched how he'd cried in the cafeteria while she saw that Baekhyun had gone to the vending machines, a part of her wanted to slap Baekhyun on the face, make him realize what the hell was in front of him. Make him realize his boyfriend was hurting.

She'd heard Luhan and Kyungsoo, like hell she wouldn't with how loud Luhan likes to talk, the Chinese male can't whisper for . So of course Haylee would find out that Baekhyun had gone over to Chanyeol's house that same night and in her opinion, cried like a and thought that his break up with Chanyeol was just a "nightmare" he'd conjured up with all his insecurities. What the is that ? What type of silly nonsense? Did the alcohol cause some brain cells in Baekhyun's head to die or is Baekhyun being a selfish douchebag who thought he could break up with Chanyeol and break the other's heart one minute and come running right back and mend it the next? It pisses her off how Baekhyun can pass it all off as a nightmare when Haylee knows that Baekhyun's been noticing the signs of Chanyeol's real emotions when the giant would forget that someone was watching. And the silly honor student still doesn't realize he's the reason for it all.

It pisses her off more that Baekhyun brushes it off because his boyfriend assures him that he's fine, that nothing's wrong and Chanyeol just acts like everything really is alright, like as if Baekhyun didn't just do some childish like running away from their problems all because Haylee had to ruin it all by kissing the giant at the party.

Watching Baekhyun act all happy when he notices that Chanyeol isn't acting as usual pisses Haylee off.

How selfish of him.

If it were up to Haylee, she'd have told Baekhyun by now and would've helped Chanyeol get over the god damn ing unnecessary heartbreak. 

And so she will, is, because when Chanyeol had texted her last night, asking her if they could talk, she understood what he meant, and something in her felt like talking to Chanyeol would help fix things.

She's going to fix things. She doesn't know how. And it may be out of guilt for what she did to Chanyeol two years ago by ing him over or maybe it might just be because she sees much more potential in Baekhyun's ability to make Chanyeol happy.

She's going to fix this.

Lying down on her bed at six in the evening while scrolling through her phone, as it was way past when she usually comes home, Haylee finally sees a head poke through, and recognizes the black and white uniform the maids usually wears before she hears a knock and people flow in. She sees her mother and father, now dressed in comfortable clothing, faces and ears unattached from their phones, smiling, smiling directly at her while they hold a chocolate frosted cupcake with a candle formed in the number 18 stuck in the middle. Haylee's door starts to slowly open as she sees her dad's holding balloons of Haylee's favorite colors while her mom's holding the cupcake. The two looks absolutely happy and enthusiastic with their daughter's reaction and Haylee knows, because is slightly hanging and confusion's obviously plastered on her face.

Something in Haylee causes her to freak out as she stands up from her bed and walk towards her door because what the hell is this? Why are the maids and the butler smiling at her as they leave her with her parents like as if they planned this all along? Like as if they know this is what she's been wanting? And why are her parents finally here, singing happy birthday and making obnoxious noise that hurt her ears and making her want to mash to faces into the cupcake? God why are they here acting like as if this is what they usually do for every one of Haylee's birthdays? For the ones that they've missed or sent gifts with apologies of them being busy and wishing they could be there with her. Haylee isn't ready. She's not ready. No, no, no. This isn't how it's supposed to work. She's supposed to finally get the courage to yell at them at the right moment, make a scene or something, say things and mean things and get things across their heads that she hates how it's been for the past four years. She hates the feeling of loneliness and longing for attention from her parents. She hates missing them when she doesn't want to and she hates loving them still despite how many choir performances or small little things like Haylee getting an honors award they've missed because they were busy. It's all going out of order and it's scaring Haylee to be bombarded by all this happiness while she'd wallowed in sadness for quite some time.

And with this realization, she pushes her parents out the door before they can come any closer, slamming it on their faces while they gape at her and locking the door before they can demand entrance and give her what they usually give. Something that Haylee always looked forward to as a kid. A hug that made her feel special, wanted, and loved.

She's not ready, she thinks while tears trickle down her cheeks.

No, she's not.

About two hours later, once Haylee finally hears her mother has stopped asking her to open the door and her dad isn't trying to apologize for whatever the hell they did, Haylee finally takes off her earphones, leaves her phone on her bed and gets up to open her bedroom door, peeking out to see that the house is finally empty and hearing no sign of other people. She's about to walk out and get some juice from downstairs when her foot hits something and she hears a clank and the sound of plastic crunching. Haylee looks down to find her birthday cupcake placed on top of a white plate, the candle still there although some wax has trailed down. She bends down to pick it up, her long brown hair flowing past her shoulders and as she does, she picks up a juice box as well. A chocolate cupcake with a melted candle and an apple juice box. Her favorite things. How ironic could it be that her parents still remember?

Looking around to see if anyone's watching her, a small smile makes its way to her face as she goes back into her room. She pads over to her closet and doesn't hear the ring of her phone, telling her of a new message. Haylee places her cupcake and juice on her table and searches for one of her lighters she uses for her scented candles. Finding it, she takes it out and lights up the candle on the cupcake.

"Happy late 18th to me. Happy late 18th to me. Happy birthday dear Haylee. Happy birthday to me."

Blowing the candle out and feeling a rush of happy memories go through her, Haylee thinks of how silly she's being as she bites into her cupcake and grabs her juicebox to eat on her bed. She takes out her phone beneath her, having sat on it in the process and opens it to play some music that'll bring her mood up. And as she does it, she finally notices a new message, a message from the guy she'd met in the library a couple of hours ago. She smiles, a feeling of excited adrenaline rushing through her that she's surprised is even there. Whoa, what the hell?

The guy had sat next to her for a bit, reading a book and glancing at her every few seconds, which Haylee would find amusing if she wasn't so engrossed in pretending she wasn't paying attention to him. Which she surprisingly was. She'd noticed his dimples first and wondered why she felt like she knew him. Was he an old friend? But basically, after a couple more sneaked glances and the sight of Haylee smiling, the guy had finally spoken to her, and they'd ended up talking about the book she was reading. It was fun, something different for a change, and she'd noticed how easy it was to talk to him. Their conversation was cut off when the guy had looked at his watch and gasped, saying he had basketball practice to go to. Haylee can't say she was disappointed, because she isn't. In the process of the guy cleaning up and leaving, he'd asked for her name and number and Haylee happily gave it to him. A change is good right? The guy had left the library, waving and smiling to her and telling her he'll text her later. Haylee had waved and smiled back.

From: Unknown Number  8:30 p.m.

Hey, it's the stranger you met at the library today (: You up?

To: Unknown Number 8:31 p.m.

Yeah I'm up, stranger. You know, I never did get your name earlier. You struck a conversation with me and didn't even introduce yourself. How rude, lol

From: Unknown Number 8:32 p.m.

Haha! You're right! I was too distracted by how pretty you are that I forgot

Haylee blushes at this. How in the world is this dimpled stranger doing this to her? She replies after slapping her cheeks to rid of her smile. Definitely a contrast to her earlier mood. But before she could send a new reply, her phone rings again and she opens the new message.

From: Unknown Number 8:34 p.m.

I hope I didn't scare you... haha. But if you must know, I'm in your grade. We don't have classes together though :p

To: Unknown Number 8:35 p.m.

You still haven't answered my question. How am I supposed to know if you're not just some weird creep who got my number from somewhere?

Haylee teases.

From: Unknown Number 8:36 p.m.

Pshhh, I'm no stranger or creeper! :o  I'm just someone you met at the library and stole his reading spot from. But no biggie, I'd let you steal my favorite reading spot every day if I could talk to you.  

Haylee turns red and tries to hold in an amused smile, feeling something within her she hasn't felt in a while. Actual interest. Oh god, she's not ready. No, no, no.

From: Unknown Number 8:37 p.m.

Oh, and if you must know, my name's Lay (:

#HAYLAY!!!!!! this is a giant unchecked mess. channeling into haylee and lol, here's the update, sorry if it LOOOOOOOL. HAHA, oh! and a majority of y'all said i should just finish the fic, so here i am, already planning how to end this damn taking too long fic. few more and i'm done! finally! agh, peace! xxjuly