Flashback: Friday, March 20, 2015

Haylee rubs the wet yellow stain on her clothes and curses when it doesn't come off, complaining of how Satan's going berserk in Kris' bathroom and of her make up running, how she feels sticky and smells a hell lot like she took a bath in beer. Whatever effects that may have been from alcohol though, were long gone from her system, replaced with feelings of total crap.

She'd been invited to a few parties here and there, and she'd always be disgusted-if she chose to accept the invite-by those who'd ruin the night by making a scene or drinking themselves senseless they'd walk around like some drunk bum who didn't know their place. If you're going to go to a party, at least know your tolerance. She didn't have her fair share of partying with the rest of her class or the bonds they'd made for the past three years because she'd barely finished her first semester of their first year of highschool, before hearing the news that her dad got transferred to a job in the States. There, she spent her first one and a half years living with her parents, who'd been gone on business trips or meetings and too busy pay attention to her that she resorted to going to parties with whatever friends she made to ignore whatever crappy life she had. It was fun for a while, until she had a run in with a guy who'd been pursuing he and drunk at the time, only to get bitter and force himself on her when she finally rejected him. If it wasn't for the spray in her purse and a couple of sober guys around, her life would've been a lot worse than just being a child with parent issues.

What disappoints her now is that she'd become exactly like those people she tried to avoid. The very people that became her reason for kindly refusing party invites or silently watching in the sidelines as she drank while watching her friends laugh at some stupid joke. Haylee cringes especially at the thought of how she looked earlier, in the middle of the living room with a seething ex-boyfriend and his equally frustrated lover, drunk and causing a scene because of her selfishness and jealousy. 

Out of all the parties, she chose this one to finally go to.

That was a big mistake.

Parties were never really in Haylee's comfort zone.

Nor seeing people surrounding her, seemingly happy while she questioned why she remained, slightly bitter and completely alone.

What causes her particular dislike to parties is how people find a reason to be so comfortable, find reason to drink or dance or talk with people they may or may not even know, just for the sake of fun and the additional adrenaline that consumed alcohol gave them. Haylee doesn't understand why people her age think that highschool parties were their form of entertainment. They find a reason to drink their emotions or frustrations away from a stressful week and she can't grasp how easily they can do that. She hates parties because no matter how much fun they can possibly be, or how many cute guys there were for the taking and how much alcohol was out there, she just couldn't forget reality, even for just one night. The reality that even if she could drink all of it away, the hangover would only bite her in the and she'd still wake up alone and worthless. 

Frustrated, she stops rubbing at the stupid beer stain and looks up to the reflection in the slightly foggy mirror, seeing her face and recognizing very little of it. Her eyeliner ran in dry little trails on her cheeks, her eyeshadow could've been better, and there's beads of sweat on her forehead. Her usually pretty brown hair that was once held back in a bun was loose and she tries to slick back her bangs that slipped out in the process of making a scene and running away earlier. Haylee takes one last look before sighing and throwing the hand towel she'd used to the side. Kris would have to clean the whole house up anyways. 

Disgusted with herself and feeling pretty regretful she came to the party, Haylee sneaks out of Kris' house by the side door, searching her purse for her car keys once she breathes in the cold night air and determines she's sober enough to drive home. Taking a glance at her classmates partying and hoping they'd be too wasted to remember the scene she'd made earlier, Haylee sighs a second time, turning towards the front of the house. Not like she has any real friends to drive her home anyways. She doesn't notice a Chinese male, with calm features and a dimpled smile, sitting down alone at one of the tables near the pool, glancing at her with surprised interest.

Just as she's about to walk down a short trail that led towards the front of the house, Haylee sees a group of four boys standing around at the foot of the stairs that led outside. She looks towards where they're worriedly looking at, only to find two familiar boys, a tall and a short one, yelling at each other.

The ty feeling inside her intensifies.

Standing at the first step, she lingers behind the group of boys, recognizing a pair as the two student council leaders and another, two basketball players she'd seen goofing around the halls like immature second years. The commentaries of the boys which she could hear loud and clear, simmered to a faint buzz as she focused on the two figures yelling at the top of their lungs. She cringes at the yelling and the breaking of voices that seemed to hint of tears being held back. 

Just as it looked like the two figures were making up, with the giant embracing the smaller figure who then kisses him, everything falls into a fast blur and the next thing Haylee sees is her ex-boyfriend, Chanyeol, falling down to his knees and sobbing at the sight of which she can see as the smaller male, Baekhyun, running away. Her mind ran at the sight of Chanyeol who had desperately attempted to hold on to Baekhyun just seconds ago, only to fall heartbroken. She'd seen the tears being held back in Baekhyun's eyes and saw how he'd swiped at them as he ran away. She watches the four men seated below her now running over to Chanyeol, who was crying and struggling to keep his sobs steady, with who Haylee now recognizes as Jongin and Sehun, Chanyeol's bestfriends, holding him up.

She continues watching, and she doesn't realize the clenching of her fist on her purse, or the tears welling up in her eyes and the slight pain in her chest as she watched her ex-boyfriend, struggle with reality. Because that's just what it is, no matter how much people try, we can't escape the truth in reality. 

Hayle looks up and notices that Luhan was looking at her, and she observes how the Chinese male leaned over to whisper to Kyungsoo, who then looks her way. Kyungsoo looks pissed and as he and Luhan manage to help their boyfriends deal with their giant mess, Haylee watches Kyungsoo march over with Luhan in tow, and prepares for what's to come.  He doesnt give her , only a glare and a determined snap of "Do you feel accomplished? I hope you're happy that you just ruined not only a relationship, but a worthwhile friendship and the hearts of my two bestfriends! Are you finally ing happy now?!"

She flinches but says nothing and waits until all the small male could do was sigh and walk away. Haylee watches as Luhan gives her a look and shakes his head in disappointment. Jongin and Sehun follow, with Chanyeol finally on one of their backs as they take him back inside. Jongin gives her a glance and Haylee can't decide whether he's sympathetic or disappointed. Sehun doesn't hesitate and yells at her "Why couldn't you just leave them alone?!", roughly brushing their shoulders as he walked past her.

Haylee manages to walk to her car and unlocks it, sitting down in its leather seat and taking a deep breath, recounting what had happened. She remembers seeing Chanyeol alone on the couch, the first person she saw when she'd arrived at the party. She remembers downing a cup  of alcohol before walking over and placing a kiss on her ex's lips. She remembers how pissed he was and the splash of alcohol on her face. She remembers the hatred burning through her and the immediate regret of having called Baekhyun stupid names in her anger and embarassment. She remembers seeing Chanyeol disappointedly looking at her before running off to find his boyfriend. Luckily there were only a few who'd seen the scene, but it was enough for Haylee to feel small and vulnerable.

And she realizes with a sting, that she was the one that caused it all to happen. What once would have been something she wanted to occur months ago, because she'd so desperately wanted the one person that saw something in her back, wasn't as fulfilling as she'd pictured it. And suddenly, she felt the consequences of her actions, feeling every bit of remorse for breaking something as beautiful and real as Chanyeol's relationship with Baekhyun. 

She doesn't notice the same dimpled stranger she'd passed by, just about to tap her window, wanting to ask her if she was okay or needed someone to talk to. She doesn't notice and leaves him standing there, with a hand up to wave bye as he watched her car speed away.

Haylee's hands tighten around the steering wheel and she drives away with tears in her eyes, blasting her music and lowering down her window to free her mind as she cloaked her senses with the cold night air. This was the only thing that really got her Alice in Wonderland moment, a slip out of reality.

She hates parties and being drunk. She hates feeling alone and worthless. 

But she hates crying more.