Monday, March 23, 2015

Having a group of friends dating each other seems like a good deal in the makings of imagination. You have a significant other, your friends have a significant other, you're all happy. Although, just like the TV show FRIENDS, Luhan's learned that at times it's the complete opposite. Having his friends dating means couple fights that involve everyone in the whole group or arguments between friends that may cause the group to split up for a while. But generally speaking, things go well between all the guys, Luhan thinks. And it's more beneficial, Luhan has people to complain to when Sehun's being an or he could go to Baekhyun and Kyungsoo for advice. But, based on the past few days, they really should make an official rule book about how not to date friends, bestfriends for that matter.

It's been three days since Kris' party last Friday night and even if Luhan doesn't try, he'd still think that Kyungsoo was a little bit pissed off with him. He can tell by the way Kyungsoo doesn't try to speak to him, even when they're sitting right next to reach other, eating lunch with their friends. They'd had a small argument at Kyungsoo's house after Chanyeol had called them on Saturday and told them what'd happened between him and Baekhyun. Now it's Monday and Luhan had thought that Kyungsoo would've understood by now. Of course, Luhan is on Kyungsoo's side, like always, only this time, Luhan had branched off and told Chanyeol to wait in telling Baekhyun about what really happened Friday night, instead of jumping to the conclusion that Chanyeol should confess without thinking things through. Kyungsoo's only slightly annoyed because he wanted to tell Baekhyun first thing. He's not bestfriends with Baekhyun for nothing.

Luhan tries to get a reaction from his small bestfriend by placing an arm on Kyungsoo's shoulder as if to give a silent truce and feels Kyungsoo tense before relaxing into Luhan and giving him a small smile. With this, they read each other's minds and Luhan knows he's forgiven. He gives Kyungsoo's shoulder a small squeeze and a smile before paying attention to his surroundings, looking at a particular couple before poking at his food with thoughts running and lower lip between his teeth.

Sitting with Kyungsoo are Luhan to his left now mindlessly poking at his food, Jongin to Kyungsoo's right watching a video of his favorite choreographer, Sehun across Jongin annoying Tao who's complaining to his boyfriend Kris who's busy thinking about basketball plays, and Chen who's messing with Minseok. The usual. But all he really cares about is the pair sitting in front of him. Sitting beside Tao and Kris is a black haired Baekhyun with moon crescented eyes and a mouth in a smile while looking up to his equally black haired Chanyeol but slightly taller...boyfriend? smiling down at him.

Kyungsoo still doesn't understand how Chanyeol can stand this. He doesn't understand how Chanyeol can put up a wall and pretend his heart wasn't just broken over the weekend while Baekhyun doesn't remember due to his drunken state and laughs beside the giant, still believing that it was all a nightmare that Chanyeol assured would never happen. Well that's just ing stupid because it did and it annoys Kyungsoo watching Chanyeol deal with his still broken heart by himself, to the point that Kyungsoo wants to spill everything. But he knows that it'd only make things worse. Kyungsoo just doesn't understand why Chanyeol won't tell Baekhyun that no, the dream wasn't just a ing nightmare, and yes they'd had their first fight that ing blew up, and that yes, Baekhyun had broken Chanyeol's heart by running away from their problems instead of dealing with them.

He knows that the whole thing will blow up if Chanyeol were to stall, with Baekhyun thinking that Chanyeol was a liar for not telling him and feeling like a fool for not knowing and acting like everything was fine. Baekhyun would feel like crap, feel unworthy of Chanyeol's love after he finds out he'd broken the giant's heart that night, all because seeing Haylee kiss Chanyeol had put his insecurities to the test and succeeded. Kyungsoo knows that Baekhyun would be shocked for not knowing what was wrong with someone he's claimed to know every inch about for as long as he can remember. Especially after not having seen the signs.

But Kyungsoo also knows Chanyeol's view of the whole thing. He knows that Chanyeol would rather deal with the unnecessary pain he experienced over the weekend and have Baekhyun smiling at him, than tell the truth and have everything fall into pieces when they could just pretend it was a nightmare. He understands Chanyeol wanting to be selfish, especially when things are becoming so much better between him and Baekhyun now.

Because Baekhyun had confessed his insecurities to Chanyeol that Friday night, Chanyeol was beginning to pay more attention to the older male, surprising him by picking him up from class this whole day, or giving him kisses when Baekhyun doesn't expect it, and most importantly, avoiding anything or anyone that may add to the insecurities. Though it's only been a day, Kyungsoo can tell that Baekhyun's happy with attention, Kyungsoo knowing that the elder had been sad and jealous for the past two months with being ditched. And Kyungsoo can tell that Chanyeol's trying. He can tell that Chanyeol doesn't just want to choose to do things with Baekhyun in mind, but he also thinks of how Baekhyun would react, pays attention to whether whatever he was doing was necessary. He can tell that Chanyeol understands that all Baekhyun needs to be happy is Chanyeol beside him, not a Chanyeol that's rehearsing lines or going off somewhere just so he can surprise and impress Baekhyun.

Baekhyun stands up, stealing a kiss from Chanyeol first before declaring he was craving a chocolate chip cookie from the cafeteria's vending machine. He gives his boyfriend another peck on the cheek, the giant chuckling before he leaves. He makes his way past three tables, hearing a group of girls talk about their weekend before glancing back and finding Chanyeol slouched over, face in his hands. Baekhyun's smile deflates and confused, he watches Sehun pat Chanyeol on the back soothingly, hands going in circular motions while Luhan walks over and sits beside Chanyeol to talk to him. 

Baekhyun stares at his boyfriend from a distance and with the way his boyfriend's body was shaking, it looked like Chanyeol was crying. Worried, Baekhyun takes a determined step forward, the cookie forgotten, and suddenly feels like as if he's experienced this before, like as if he's done the same thing, watching Chanyeol slumped over with the same two people comforting him. He doesn't know why, because Chanyeol never cries, at least not in front of Baekhyun and tries to think of what might have caused it. Because for all Baekhyun knows, Chanyeol is always happy and there hasn't been anything these days to cause Chanyeol to cry.

He stops and ponders over the strange feeling and finds why he feels the dejavu. He remembers that in his nightmare, after breaking up with Chanyeol and running away to the corner of the block, he'd paused and looked back, and saw that Chanyeol was on the ground, crying, with Luhan and Sehun kneeling beside him. Baekhyun remembers how much he'd wanted to run back but his pride stopped him but now that he knows that it was all a nightmare and Chanyeol vouched that it wasn't real, he lets it slip from his mind and walks forward.

The male sees Kyungsoo point his head towards him and Luhan turning a second after, waving to Baekhyun and mouthing something about Chanyeol choking on his food and giving Baekhyun an eye roll. His worry disappearing, Baekhyun shakes his head and says something about dejavus and cute clumsy boyfriends before turning around and walking towards the vending machine again. He continues smiling, thinking that only his boyfriend would choke on fries.

Chanyeol slumps and tries to stop his tears from falling while he feels Sehun rubbing his back and hears Luhan whisper comforting words in his ear. He doesn't know why he chose this time to cry and he can just feel the other guys staring at him, worried and confused with only Luhan, Kyungsoo, Sehun and Jongin the only ones who knew what was going on. The lie has been running through his mind the whole day, the guilt surging through his veins even though it's only been two days since he's told the white lie. The way Baekhyun looked so happy had been enough to distract him from his thoughts while he was there, hurting inside. Chanyeol doesn't even know if he should consider himself still dating Baekhyun, when the smaller had broken up with him. But does it really count if Baekhyun believes it to all be a dream? Chanyeol had been thinking that maybe he should distance himself from Baekhyun, like he'd asked that night; maybe find a way to tell the other that he wasn't just dreaming and they actually broke up and that Chanyeol was hiding the truth because he was being selfish. Is it that bad to keep Baekhyun his, and his only?

It's not entirely his fault that they'd broken up. He wasn't the one that kissed Haylee, she was the one that kissed him. All he's guilty of is not paying attention to his boyfriend and ditching Baekhyun for Haylee. But he only did that because he wanted to see Baekhyun happy with his theatric efforts and see that Chanyeol also likes the project as much as Baekhyun does. Chanyeol's been trying to find something right in that reasoning all day but all he can think of is that he's clearly in the wrong. Maybe Baekhyun had overreacted because of the alcohol or maybe he chose to break up with Chanyeol because of Haylee. Maybe it was because Baekhyun was fed up with Chanyeol not paying attention to him. Or maybe, what Chanyeol thought had been a lie that night and has come to fear is true, maybe Baekhyun was telling the truth when he said he didn't love Chanyeol anymore. Maybe just like him, Baekhyun had been thinking different scenarios with how Chanyeol was spending time with Haylee. Maybe he was thinking about how possible it could be that Haylee would steal Chanyeol away from Baekhyun and maybe he was thinking that Chanyeol would leave. The thought hurts and there's a lot going in his mind but he pushes it aside, because how could Baekhyun not love him anymore? When they've been together as bestfriends for years now and Baekhyun had just sat beside him minutes ago, hugging him and holding hands? Chanyeol understands that maybe Baekhyun was being selfish with his feelings too, just like him.

A part of Chanyeol wishes that Baekhyun is actually conscious, conscious enough to know that everything was real but came over that Friday night and pretended it was all a nightmare because he regretted breaking up with Chanyeol, that he loves Chanyeol enough to not leave. Because although they've only dated for less than three months, all those years of being together as bestfriends was enough. This thought of Baekhyun loving him too much to leave kept Chanyeol going through the day, despite the worrisome thoughts. But the pitiful, knowing looks from his friends were enough to bring him to reality and the guilt was brought back to life. And he'd been so determined over the weekend with his boyfriend, that he could believe it was a nightmare too.

Thinking about Baekhyun and how he might see, Chanyeol takes in a short breath and quickly sits up, rubbing his eyes and cheeks and pretends once again that everything was fine. He tries to smile only to end with a grimace. Tao, Chen and Minseok stare at him while Kris narrows his eyes at Chanyeol and tells him, "We're going to talk about this later Chanyeol," while he takes Tao and leaves the table mumbling something about basketball. Chen and Minseok follow to god knows where and leave the five alone. Chanyeol only nods to Kris and takes in a breath to calm himself, feeling like as if he was being watched and making eye contact with Kyungsoo. He knows what's whirring around the smaller male's mind but chooses not to think about it. He knows Kyungsoo wants him to tell Baekhyun the truth anyways. A part of Chanyeol is hurt enough to not want to say the truth to prevent any more heart break, but another part would rather tell the truth and admit fault rather than fool Baekhyun. He'll tell the truth, Chanyeol knows that's for sure. He just, doesn't want to right now.

Baekhyun comes back and Luhan moves back towards his seat, watching as Baekhyun teases Chanyeol about choking on his food  while fondly wiping and kissing the giant's pink tear streaked face, believing Luhan's lie about why Chanyeol was teary. Luhan watches Chanyeol reply with a choked laugh and place an arm around his small boyfriend?, who feeds him a piece of the chocolate chip cookie. It frustrates him how Chanyeol can just cry one minute and act like nothing was wrong the next. He clenches his hand while he watches his bestfriend naively happy while his giant boyfriend beside him was feeling like . Luhan's fingers dig into his skin and his eyes sting until he feels a hand on his clenched one and finds Kyungsoo shaking his head. They both observe Chanyeol and Baekhyun and think the same thing.

That even though it's only begun, things would get worse if Chanyeol were to keep going with the white lie.

That this whole thing was too selfish and stupid.

That the truth needs to come out.

What did I write? I think my mind was somewhere else. LOL. So like guess who just found out they have an A+ in chemistry? Idk how, it's so boring. Anyways, does this chapter make any sense? If so/not please comment below wtf you think I'm going with because I personally don't right now. Haha! Sorry! Thanks for reading & comment below! (: peace! xxjuly