Chapter 26

The next day Yonghwa went to his old apartment. He saw that Seohyuns hummer was parked at its usual spot. He battled himself many times if he will see her or not. He asked himself many times what he would say when he see her. Seeing her at the hospital only made him want to be with her more. He can still remember her face when she bowed at them during the engagement party. How his heart ached when he watched her turned her back and walked away. It was the same at the hospital and it’s like having a wound that has been scraped over and over again.

 He took a deep breath and got in the elevator. He stops at the front door thinking of trying the old keycode or just knock. He entered in the old code and the door unlocked. She hasn’t changed it yet. When he went inside, it was quiet. Some things where on the sofa, the kitchen is clean. She’s still probably sleeping he thought; He checked his old room and found it clean. He then went to the sofa and sat. Can I just take a peek at her face then leave? He stood up and gently turned her door knob. He opened the door as carefully as he can but was surprised to find Joohyun nowhere. He opened the door widely and stepped in. Her dresser is empty a knot formed in his stomach, he checked her cabinet and found only a few clothes left. Her laptop is also gone from its usual spot. He checked her luggage and it was also gone.

‘Where are you?’

 But her car is still here. He thought for a moment on who to contact and ask about her where abouts when he remembered seeing Taeyeon with her yesterday he dialed her number but she was not answering. He thought of another person

“Oh Hyung!”

“Jonghyun you know where Taeyeon is?”

“I think she mentioned meeting Yoona this morning. Said they have to do something important I don’t know they’re girls so I don’t want to know. Why?”

“Okay, did she mention anything about Seohyun?”

Jonghyun paused. Does he know already of the pregnancy? But why would he look for Taeyeon? He swallowed and answered “No she didn’t why are you asking all of a sudden?”

“I’m here at the apartment, Seohyuns car still downstairs but her things are no longer here and I just saw her with Taeyeon and her friends yesterday at the hospital”

Jonghyun was speechless. What the hell is Taeyeon doing with Joohyun at the hospital? She never mentioned anything about hanging out with Seohyun.

“I see, I’ll ask Tae later when she drops by then I’ll let you know.”

“Ok thanks”

He hang up and closed the door of her room when he heared a couple of voices coming in from the front door.

‘she here’ he thought and breath a sigh of relief only to be met with the eyes of the person he was just looking for

“oh Yonghwayah” Taeyeon can feel the panic creeping up her body

“Where’s Seohyun?” he looked at her without a hint of a smile

“uhm” she nervously looked at Yoona who was looking down

“Where is she Taeyeona?”

She sighed, she can’t hide the truth from him especially since they are seeing each other so often. She walked to the dining room leaving Yoona to do her job. She motioned for him to sit down and once he did she sat across him

“so?” he asked as he follows her every move

“So she left Yonghwa” There she said it, bluntly yes but yes she said it.

“Left for where?”

“Home”

“Home where?”

“Where is else? In the US of course”

“Why?”

“Why not Yonghwa? And why are you even asking?” she replied irritatedly

“Because I need to know if she’s okay, I saw you in the hospital yesterday and I thought she might be sick well turns out I guess Hyoyeon is having a baby”

It was the one of the biggest relief in her life. Yes they had to lie to Yonghwa because Joohyun asked them to never ever let Yonghwa know that she is pregnant but not to be interrogated of why they were in the hospital yesterday was a burden lifted from her shoulders.

“Well exactly you know she’s fine so why bother coming here and look for her. Let her be Yonghwa”

“I just wanted so see her that’s all”

“She’s on her way to her family; let her pick up the pieces of what was left of her. Forget her if that’s what you have to do, you said you never loved her, those words came from you so act like it. Act like she was just another person who you used to know.”

“Why are you suddenly saying this Taeyeon?”

“You are first and foremost my friend Yonghwa, I’ve known you way longer than I’ve known Seohyun and that’s exactly why I’m being like this to you. Do you know how worried the other guys are about you? They would sit for hours brainstorming on what the heck happened to you to be like this and to choose this path” she continued looking at him across the table. He stayed silent thinking about what he just heard

Knowing that he is still digesting everyword that came from her she continued “You know what’s the worst part of it? The guys think that you don’t trust them enough to let them help you, you are more than bandmates, you’re brothers and trust that if anyone can help you out of whatever situation, if there is a situation, that you are in, it’s them”

“I’m not in any situation” he replied without skipping a beat

“Then you’re not I’m not in a position to tell you what to tell me or not but what you say contradicts exactly what you do and it’s not helping any of us”

“Do you think she’s ok”

 “She’ll be fine as I’ve said earlier she will be with her family, the people who truly loves and care for her

“How was she?”

Taeteon groaned in frustration, just exactly what she said a few seconds ago

“Would you really like me to answer that Yonghwa?”

To which he only nod. He wanted to know. He needed to know, his reason? He doesn’t know either, he just wanted to hear anything that has to do with her,to grasp that last moment he knew she really existed and was a part of his life.

“You’re funny why do you even want to know? You wanted to know how many days she spent thinking what the hell she did wrong? How she recalled every minute she had with you dissecting each of it wondering if that’s where she messed up? Or how many sleepless night she had crying and berating herself of even questioning who Shinhye is to you? Or jus the mere fact that she sometimes hated herself for being her?” she was now on the verge of tears because of her rising anger recalling how broken Joohyun was.

She remembered the couple of nights she stayed over just to keep Joohyun company, she woke up in the middle of the night not finding the pregnant girl beside her. She walked through the dark living room only to here a crying sound from Yonghwa’s old room. She’d find her on the floor with no lights on crying.

“I wish you could’ve seen her maybe you could be as shattered as her” she said gritting her teeth

“Atleast I know now that she will be fine and free myself from any guilt feeling” he looked at her with somber face hiding the pain he was feeling after hearing Teayeons words

Taeyeon lost it as soon as she heard the word free from guilt “You are really something Yonghwa!” she stood up form her seat and Yoona instantly went to her side calming her

“Taeyeon let’s go this is not the place and time” Yoona whispered as she held her in her arms guiding her to walk away but she refused and removed Yoonas hands from her shoulder

“No he has to hear this” then glared angrily at him

“Joohyun got into a car accident after she left for your freakin engagement party! It was not wise of her to race at that state but what you did to her broke her to pieces that not even you can imagine! What if something bad happened to her that time huh Yonghwa? What if she died in that accident?! What do you think will happen to Ia and Maki?! Losing their mother who they weren’t even able to see?!” She was furious as hell

“ No Yonghwa, you don’t have any right to feel guilty in the first place! Not at all! You said so yourself she doesn’t mean anything to you! You have no right to feel anything for her not even pity. You have no right to be the person she gave her heart too, you don’t deserve her Yonghwa, you are exactly with the person you need to be with, a trash like Shinhye!” her tears where now flowing freely from her eyes but her glare never left Yonghwa

“You don’t deserve any happiness Yonghwa and I pray as your friend that you will eventually realized the big loss that you have and will have so you can stand on your own but until then do not even dare think about her!” she was breathing heavily because of anger when she stormed out of the apartment followed by Yoona leaving Yonghwa alone in the house.

After what seems to be hours sitting and looking at nothing, he walked lifelessly back to their old bedroom and lay on her side of the bed. He saw his shirt that she wears to sleep on the floor and pick it up. He laughed bitterly, it’s now worn out. He remembered treasuring the Rolling Stone shirt since he bought it from their tour in the UK. She loved wearing this shirt, she said she feels comfortable and safe with it on her. Lying on the bed feels like she’ll walk in through their door any minute now, nagging him on how it’s late and he’s still lying around.

He took a deep breathe to prevent any tears to start forming in his eyes when he caught her scent