Chapter 43: Award Ceremonies

“Ashin, are you really not coming?” Gina asked me for the hundredth time as she got inside my room.

She’s talking about the Award Ceremonies of the Basketball Season this year that Minhyuk has been busying himself to. I guess, he will be awarded as a part of the Mythical team but I’m not quite sure. These days, I’m not sure about anything. About myself, or my emotions, or my heart, or the people around me. Not even Kris.

“Nope.” I replied nonchalantly as I flipped the pages of this music magazine.

I know that she knows how I don’t want to come. I don’t want to go because I know that Kris is there. I don’t want to see him. Although I want to hear his speech. I want to see how he got his MVP award. I want to be there and feel proud for him.

But no.

I heard Gina sigh. “Alright,” she uttered defeated. “I’ll just see you at school then?” She asked.

I looked at her and smiled. “Yes. See you at school.” I replied as Gina left to prepare for the award ceremony. She’s Minhyuk’s guest and partner so she has to make herself beautiful tonight.

I sighed hard and set the magazine aside with only one thing in my mind.

I miss him.

But I can’t see him.

I’m afraid of what mistake I will do again if ever I saw him. I was trying my hardest to keep him out of my system. I’ve been trying my all to forget how deep I have fallen for him because once I’m reminded of how much, I tend to succumb to the feeling. I tend to get weak again.

I have been seeing him everyday but I am trying to ignore his existence. I know that he’s trying his best to make me say yes to him again. I know that he’s trying to make it up to me to the best of his ability. But I am trying to ignore this feeling I have growing inside me. I needed to make myself whole again.

That day when my car broke down and he offered to drop me by the school, he looked so broken and sad and lonely. But at the same time, he looked so eager to bring me back into his life. His eyes looked at me as if I am the most fragile thing in the world. Though at that moment, I was the most fragile thing in the world.

I felt as if I would break with the mere contact with wind because I am deeply hurt.

Until now.

“Ashin, aren’t you going to eat yet?” Mom was at the door.

Honestly, I feel really bad because I had not told my mom about any of this. I don’t know why it’s hard for me to open up to her when I know that she would tell me the words that would calm me down.

I guess I can’t let her know how weak I have been. She had been telling me to guard my heart and be responsible of everything that I am about to do. But here I am, hurt and weak.

I took a deep breath and went to the door to come down to eat. I never had the appetite to eat since but I know for myself that I need food. I need to eat to get better. I need to eat to gain strength.

I swore to myself that I won’t be like other girls who would even commit suicide because of a guy. I won’t because I believe that no guy is worth a girl’s life.

There is no woman who deserves to cry because of a man. (From: L.Joe’s Bride) Hence, there is no life that deserves to get wasted for a man who hurt you.

“I heard Minhyuk would be awarded today.” Mom told me as we ate.

I smiled and nodded. “Yes. I heard he’s part of the Mythical 5.” I replied as I ate quietly.

She smiled. “I wonder how proud his parents are for him.” She beamed happily. “Are you not going to watch him personally?” She asked me.

I smiled and shook my head gently. “I got things to finish for school.” I reasoned out. Well, half-lying, of course. I have school works but I can finish them in less than an hour.

She looked at me with narrowed eyes. “You actually chose school over your beloved cous