Chapter 33: Can’t Look Back

The next few days seemed normal but were honestly terrible.

Kris was always there in the morning to drive me to school and was there to pick me up and drive me home – every single day.

To some, it could be sweet but to me, it seems weird.

And he’s still cold. He doesn’t really talk to me during the drives and he would just tell me that he’ll drive me home or pick me up. He tells me he loves and he smiles at me but it doesn’t reach his heart. It’s as if he’s doing that because it’s his responsibility.

“I’ll see you, later.” Kris told me as he pulled over the school. “Take care. I love you.” But he is not looking at me. He’s looking straight ahead.

I just nodded and didn’t utter a word as I stepped out of his car. I didn’t dare look back because I was afraid that the tears I am trying to hold in would fall.

I walked to class with a heavy heart. Kris is hurting me – to the core. Can’t he just tell me what’s up so that we can solve the problem together?

“Ashin,” I stopped walking and looked at Oh Sehun who’s blocking my way.

“Move.” I told him nonchalantly. Please, I don’t have time and energy to argue with this kid this time. I don’t want to hear his wise words because that would just make me realize how stupid I am becoming these past few days.

I heard him sigh but he didn’t move away. “Ashin, please,” I don’t know why he is begging me but I don’t want to talk to him. In fact, I don’t want to talk with anybody.

“Oh Sehun, please,” it was my time to beg him to move away and bother me some other day.

“I’m starting to get bothered of what you are becoming.” He told me. I looked at him. Why do I feel like he knows what’s up?

“What exactly am I becoming?” I asked him.

He sighed. “That,” he retorted. “You’re becoming stupid in love.” He told me.

And it hit me, not because I am pissed but because he hit a nerve. He’s right. When have I become this foolish when it comes to handling myself? When have I let other people control me and my emotions like this?

I’ve lived my life strongly and right now, I’m like a totally different person.

“Ashin, he’s just a guy. We’re just boys. Don’t let us get to you. Don’t let him ruin you.” He told me with a serious tone. “Please, take care of yourself, Ashin. Because I don’t know what I’d do to him if I saw you destroy yourself because he’s being an .”

I looked down and hiss words sank in my mind.

Would there comes a time even? That I would be destroying myself – my own self that I have took care well enough – because of a guy?

“I’m always here, Ashin.” He told me. “You can count on me.”

I smiled weakly and walked away. I don’t know what to tell him. I don’t know why he’s telling all these stuffs. But his words get to me. His words reach my heart. He has all the point that I am needing right now. And I just can’t believe it.

The time passed by so boringly because we only get to listen to boring lectures. Our history teacher kept on talking about the Mesopotamian era and it was hell. She was too excited to narrate the story of how Asia was formed but no one seemed to be interested in it. I pitied her so I listened.

I didn’t remember what happened next because the next thing I knew, I was walking to the gates because it’s dismissal and found Kris waiting for me already.

I sighed to myself as I marched towards him. He’s looking at me and opened the door of the