Chapter 21: Pictures are captured memories.

My mother always taught me that loving includes pain. No one loves without hurting. No one loves without crying.

She told me to take care of my heart by not letting anyone get through me too quickly and too easily. So I took her words to the heart. And maybe that built a big wall between myself and to everyone who tried to get to me.

I was always the aloof one. I only have Minhyuk, Gina, my bandmates and sometimes Luhan. And I wasn’t even the first person who approached them. They came at me. I welcomed them the hard way. Even Minhyuk who is my cousin.

This is the reason why I don’t just let anyone inside my life. Not my classmates. Not our neighbors. And of course, not strangers.

But then Kris Wu came.

I didn’t know why he was able to break my wall. I didn’t know why he was able to get close to me – to my heart. I don’t know how he did it. I guess, he barely did. He struggled enough to get close to me. And I may not show it often times but I am really happy that he made it.

I just hope that whatever he is showing me now is going to last until the end. Because that’s the problem with me, when you’ve started to get to me, I’ll try my best to hold on to you with all my abilities. I’ll try my best to never let you go. I won’t be able to let go. I may not be able to handle and suffer the pain of being left behind.

Perhaps, aside from my fear of rats, this is my biggest fear in life. I don’t want to be left behind. I don’t want to be alone.

“What do your parents do?” Kris’ mom asked me when we were eating dinner.

She cooked a lot and everything is delicious. And she seems very happy. She was really happy that her son is here – her son visited her.

I smiled. “My dad’s a business man while my mom’s a doctor.” I replied.

Kris’ mom smiled and nodded. “You’re from an educated family.” She told me. “Yifan’s father is also a business man.” She told me.

Yifan?

She chuckled. “Oh I mean, Kris. His dad is also a business man.” She cleared. “Sorry. I call him Yifan from time to time because that’s his Chinese name.” She told me.

I nodded in understanding. So, Kris is his English name? How weird is it to have a lot of names? How hard would it be for you to be called by different people with different names?

“Mom, you don’t have to tell her what dad does.” Kris whined.

His mom narrowed his eyes on him. “Why not? Your dad is a good business man even though he’s an sometimes.” She told him then chuckled back when she looked at me.

I smiled at her.

Why do I feel so warm when I am around her?

She makes me feel that same motherly aura that I feel with Mom. Maybe because she’s like my mom. Independent and outgoing.

“You don’t have to mention that neither.” Kris told her in frustration. But his mom just chuckled.

I looked at Kris and he was just shaking his head at his mom. Maybe he isn’t over their divorce yet. I wonder if that’s the painful memory he was talking in the beach.

I don’t know why but when I think of it, I get nervous. I don’t know where my instinct is taking me. Should I even be like this? I shouldn’t. Because I don’t roll like that. I’m always cool. I don’t act panicking. I don’t act tensed. Well, aside from the times when Kris is too near to me.

I don’t know how he does it. But I stammer and get anxious when he is too close to me. Hell, how does he do that?

Kris suddenly looked to me and smiled. That smile that would make your heart want to leap out of your chest. That kind of smile. It’s not heart-melting, that’s for harems. It’s heart-accelerating and heart-jumping. The Kris Wu way.

“So,” his mom spoke again. “When have you been together?” She asked us with a smile.

I gulped suddenly and looked at Kris alarmingly.

We are not yet dating.

I d