The Us that never exist.

To believe that everything happens for a reason, is merely unconvincing.

The steps I took towards you—praying to turn back the time—is  one step further away from you.

Have you ever miss me?

Have you ever felt the emptiness when I wasn’t on your side?

Have you ever mourned over sleeping with a wide space beside you?

Why do I have to get all emotional about you? We are married with a business purpose. Loveless.

Does marriage mean we have to love?

Does being husband and wife intend that we have to be attached with each other?

No. I couldn’t stand it. I couldn’t stand this artificial relation between us.

Our relationship was merely based on obligation.

So why do we expect it would be something more?

*

When Haeri and Kai was still in the process of mending the pices of their heart, monday once again struck their half-lived life. School wasn’t the only option, but some peculiar expectation of seeing each other triggered themselves to attend school.

Truth to be told, last night wasn’t easy on both of them. It seemed like spending one wonderful night beside each other was already an habit. The saddest thing, that as time passed, the forfeit Kai percieve started  to dominate himself. Hey might have had let his anger and pride took the best of him, but subconciously, he started to miss Haeri more than he had ever been. He missed their conversation. He missed their small fight. He missed her smile. He missed her stubborness. He missed her everything.

It was the first time in months had Kai arrived in school before the scheduled time. As he entered the hall, the admiring eyes of girls were simultaneously at him. He was in a white wifebeater—which clearly enlight his toned arms and chest—a black jeans, along with a pair of adidas sneaker. It was not like he desire the attention. He refuse to be reminded of her by seeing her stuff on their dressing room. Not to ignore that he was already too exhausted, due to the fact that not even a minute had he slept throughout the night along with no piece of food went inside his mouth since yesterday.

While on the way to his locker, his visions suddenly turned blurry and his steps were unsteady. It felt like his leftover energy was till the last drop.  Luck on his side, someone placed his arms on Kai’s, preventing him from falling down. He had never been more thankful.

“Hey, Kai. You hear me? Are you okay?”

It was Kyungsoo, looking back to him with his doe eyes, which shown evident worriness for his dongsaeng. To prevent any attention on them, Kyungsoo took him to the backyard and placed him on the bench.

“What are you doing? I never thought you would arrive in school this fast.” Kyungsoo offered him a bottle of mineral water which Kai gladly accept. “In a wifebeater, atmost.”

“Shut up, hyung.” Kai rolled his eyes while drinking the water, feeling the refreshing water sliding his throat . “I’m so ing hungry right now. I haven’t eat since yesterday. Could you please buy me something to eat?"

“Telepathy?” Kyungsoo chuckled for himself to hear. “This. A fangirl give me these food this morning. I am already full, just it eat.”

Kyungsoo offered him a container of variety of food. It was the second time he had seen something and felt his heartbeat rushed—the first was unmistakable. Kai rushed to open the lid and started eat them, and his appetite was no joke. It was the first time Kai had been so eager at eating food.

“Is it that delicious?” Kyungsoo asked with a wide smile on his face. He was surprised by the strange, refreshing side of Kai that seemed to be lively and humanely. Kai was unmistakably satisfied with the food. “You look like having the best food of your life.”

“It is.” Kai smiled, closing the lid after he had finished, feeling the energy finally kick in. He stood on his spot, placing the food container on the bench. “I wish I could eat this everyday.”

“Hyung, I will be going. Tell that fangirl I’m thankful and enjoyed the food.” 

As Kai left with a steadier step, Kyungsoo scrutinized the food container with a huge curiosity. He shifted his view to Kai’s fading back before turning it back to the container.

“Could he had found out that these was from Haeri?”

*

Fifteen minutes ago...

After Tara escorted Haeri to her school, she entered it without no further ado. It was fortunate that Tara had moved from Busan to Seoul, since she decided to enter business school instead. If it weren’t for her, she wouldn’t know where to go or have a roof over her head. There was no way she could come back to her father's home. He would be very worried about her and it would affect his health.

“Haeri-ya!”

Haeri turned her back to see the one who was calling her name. It was Kyungsoo.

“Where is Kai? Shouldn’t he go with you?”

Haeri shook her head, feeling the tamed headache suddenly explode after she was reminded with the name she had cried all night for. THe struggle made her hard to even breath.She didn’t want Kyungsoo to further question the situation she and Kai was in, thus she told him half of the truth. She believed Kyungsoo would understand the situation well.

“Actually, we got into a pretty big fight.” Haeri chuckled, trying not to sound griefing. But it seemed like Kyungsoo wasn’t going to be fooled, as he instinctively took a step closer to scrutinize her pale face and red, swollen eyes.

“Have you even sleep last night?”

“Of course.” Well, if one hours counts too. She really couldn’t sleep last night. Her head was aching and her eyes was poignant. Her brain was too busy to even take a rest, cause all she could think about was Kai.

The saddest thing that as time suddenly passed, the missing and longing feeling Hari felt was starting to dominate herself. Haeri may have loathed him for kissing Soojung that day, but without her consent, she started to miss Kai more than she should have. She missed their small conversation. She missed their small fight. She missed his smile. She missed his cockiness. She missed his everything.

“I brought you this, oppa.” Haeri took the food container on her backpack and offered it to Kyungsoo. “Please eat this well, okay?”

Haeri knew that Kai must have passed breakfast as he was home alone, with no one to cook for him. Eventhough she was still not talking to Kai, she still have the duty to take care of him, just like she promsied. Eventhough she wasn’t directly giving the food to Kai, she knew Kyungsoo understand her intention.

“Okay. I’ll eat it well.” Kyungsoo nodded, and they seperated.

Kyungsoo strolled to the main hall of their school, when he spotted Kai with his pale face and red eyes, unsteadily walking on the hall.

*

The bell intending the end of school for the day finally rang. Even though the lesson passed without unordinary events. But while between lesson, one thing had been made sure by Haeri. She was going to confront Kai today. Whatever happen afer it, she refused to take too much thoughts. At least she tried. Just maybe, she wouldn't feel this miserable anymore. The emptiness on her heart was unbearable. Some part of Haeri already abandoned her pride. None of it matters. Pride would never make her feel safe like Kai does. She just want everything to go back the way it was, no matter what it takes.

Haeri stepped away from her class and walked to Kai’s current literature class, his last class of the day. It suddenly occured to him that she somehow remembered her schedule.

Right, because he told me about that, that day.