The Truth

15 January 2015. Seoul

There is actually no valid reason why should I want him.
Why I crave for his love, his attention, his touch.
He was never here. He is out there, living a free, single, ing live.
He is indecorous. He is vile. He is heartless.
So why does every day come and go like ing scourge?

He is a rose. Pretty to see, hurt to touch.
But now, I am ing addicted to that pain.
I am numb.
Whenever it stick its thorn inside me,
Whenever droplets of blood start trickling out,
I actually felt somehow relieved .
Cause what am I, without that pain?

If he is somewhere out there, I don’t want him to see any part of me broken.
Not because I want him to see how strong I am. Good heavens, no.
It is simple, yet complicated.
It is senseless. It is irrational.

Cause I would rather stay and murdered a million times—over and over again—than to disappear, living a live without that ing pain.

That ing, brainless, heartless, vile, wicked pain named Kai.

It was quite a bright day, 180 degree contrasted with Haeri’s face. She was mentally and physically drainet, yet she forced herself to get out of bed and get ready for school. Not because of the studying—hell no—she just wasn’t ready to be left alone. After realizing what had happened, she started to realize that she despised loneliness. After all, she was still mourning for the dream that seemed like a reality.

What the is wrong with me? She cried inside her head. Why did she take the dream way too heavy? So yes, it was only a dream. So why did it hurt so in much that whenever that dream slipped inside her mind, she always had the urge to cry?

She wasn’t in love with Kai.

She couldn’t be.

“Hey! You okay?”

Her far off mind was slowly getting back to reality, only to find a damn worried Sehun shaking her fragile shoulders. Wow, she sure was damn submerged inside her own piece of mind that she didn't even realize how Sehun could now standing infront of her. Still, dhe forced a smile and mumbled some incoherent that even her couldn't understand what.

But, the agile Sehun must have solved the puzzle immediately as he growled, looking infuriated. “Damn it, Haeri! You, that ing Kai dan Baekhyun are so in frustrating! Can you guys please, just go back the way it was? I miss you guys. I miss us, hanging out together and not caring about all of this love triangle .” Sehun pleaded, his eyes were screaming fury and resentment. But still, the lass was still top off to hear his trainwreck complains.

“Get off her back, Sehun. She doesn’t need all of your now.”

Suddenly, a familiar voice was vaguely heard inside her mind. Oh, she recognized the voice.

It’s Baekhyun.

“Oh, now the prince charming has come to save the damsel in distress.” Sehun mocked, getting his hands off Haeri’s shoulder with a betrayed smile. With a clear sadness and hurt inside his tone, he slowly backed out. “Just have your way, hyung. We never happen, right?”

“It’s not like that, Sehun-a.” Baekhyun pleaded, but all to late because Sehun had disappeared before he could say a thing. He didn’t mean it like that, but he got caught way too bad with Haeri’s weak and frail self. He just couldn’t bear to look at the face that belonged to his loved one. But the maknae seemed to miss what he had meant.

“Hey. What’s the matter? You look off.” Baekhyun whispered, leading her to the outside where there was no one to see him and Haeri whom was a married woman together. He knew it all to well that every missed step he make would only lead to more and more scandal. The media was somehow thirsty and being all indecorous about finding spicy events about famous people’s live.

“Baek.” Haeri breathed, feeling a substance on her lungs made it difficult to even breathe. “I.. I don’t know what to do..” That was when she started to sob uncontrollably in his arms. Baekhyun immediately enveloped her inside his arms, while she buried her head, trying to supress the sound of a roaring cry.

And the source of her sadness wasn’t all about Kai and his ing, villanous doings. It was more about how she reacted to it. It was all a dream, she knew. But how could it felt so real? How could all she felt when she woke up was sorrow? Was a damn, thick loneliness?

Loneliness was always there for her. Loneliness was the one who befriended her when no one else cared. Loneliness was something that she already got used to. Loneliness was a part of her self.

So now, how could she betrayed it? How could now, she felt like she hated being all alone?

“I know you are very down right now. But please, can you say something? I swear I won’t push your buttons, I just need to know you’re alive.” Baek whispered on her scalp, loosing all tensed muscel on her buddy. She somehow bursted in laugh and tighten her arms around Baekhyun’s waist.

“Baek, do you love me?”

Baekhyun felt a deadly bomb dropped inside his head, halting all her brain movements. But still, he tried to keep his composure, even if he knew that he couldn’t nail it. It was all to sudden, and he wasn’t prepared nor jubilant about it.

“W—Why do you ask so?” Baekhyun stuttered with all left inside his scattered thoughts, his arms which was already got cold, was still burying Haeri inside. Damn his nerves!

“I never thought about it, but when I really though about it, it made sense.” Haeri whispered, closing her eyes and inhaled his wonderful, yet masculine scent inside. That may be the last time she could enjoy the lovely scent of Baekhyun. “You were always there for me, Baek. You abandoned the exo because of me. You cared too much about me, when nobody even cares if i live or not. You took care of me well.”

“Do you love me?”

“Well—Do you.. Do you want me to?”

Baekhyun was going to say yes. He really did. He could have said yes, and there, he confessed about the love he had posessed for her. He wasn’t thinking about Kai, that was the last thing he cared about—he knew how arranged marriage works—But he knew what it was leading to. She was in the state of devasteted, and it was not actually a thing you asked when you feel atrocious.

He was scared about what her response would be.

And he should.

“No.”

Ouch.

“Cause if you were in love with me, I would have to let you go.” She let go, and look him straight in the eye. She was no saint. But she already had enough of being a villain of every story. Especially the story of those who were nice to her, and those who she actually cared about.

“No one should you throw because of me, Baek. Es