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Haeri's P.O.V

What was a date?

Was it two people watching movies and eating out?

Was it two people running through the white-sanded beach?

Was it two people cuddling on bed?

Was it two people ing each other throat out?

I didn’t get it. I couldn’t get it.

But whatever it was, it shouldn’t be like it. It couldn’t be like this.

It shouldn’t be Luhan - who was completely occupied by his watch and phone - and me. We were walking side by side, but there was not a single word was uttered. We were literally close, but practically miles apart.

He wasn’t here. He didn’t want to be here. It was as easy to find as spotting a candle among blinding darkness.

And was it wrong of me to feel worthless? Was it wrong for me to feel unneeded?

So there we were, seated while facing each other inside a coffee shop. More like me, eyeing every wariness Luhan pointed out. Me, counting every restless taps of Luhan’s feet. Me, calculating how many times Luhan had glanced at his Fossil watch.

Was it that suffocating to be near me? Was it that unbearable to sit close to me? Was it sickening to see me? Was it too uncomfortable to talk to me?

I knew that I wasn’t that pretty that the world had to pause to adore me, but I wasn’t that bad either . I knew that I wasn’t that skinny, it took me pilates and yoga to keep me in shape, but I knew I was kind of attractive too. I knew that I was nowhere near as perfect as Soojung, but I knew I wasn’t too far either.

Was I that worthless?

Every silent second passed like a million years. I was in a verge of tearing my eyes out.

If I didn’t know the reason of his manners, I would calmly and easily ask him what was going on and got over it. But the problem was, I knew. And I loathed it to death.

That man was worried about Soojung. I was a million percent sure about that. After what Kai suddenly informed when I was going to ran out from the gym - with a date with Luhan in mind - just back then at school. I suddenly got the idea.

I lost. I lost Luhan to Soojung.

“Can I take your order now?” The waiteress broke the deafening silence, being super insensitive of the frosty air on the table. I nodded, clamming my eyes on the menu even if my attention was least there. I pointed a random line of cake, cannot bear to let out a word because my throat was too dry. I was afraid I might break down if I were too speak a word.

Luhan gave the waitress a soft nod, mumbling that he ordered the same as mine. I won’t let my hopes high - he was just too lazy and preoccupied to even think of something to eat. I bitterly smiled and the waitress once again left us with a cold silence.

Should I give up now?

But I don’t want to give up on him just yet, though.

But still, my lips were sealed tight. Words were already on the tip of my tounge, yet it won’t roll out. Half of me wanted to ignore my pride and forced any words, and the others were struggling while commanding my feet to ran far away from here.

Just calm down and speak. Plase.

As I was about to strike  a conversation, Luhan beat me to it.

“I know it’s rude of me to say this.” He spoke rather calmly, the orbs of his were filled with fear and worry for a girl that we all know. I knew what he was about to say, I did. But it couldn’t cease my hope that it was something different.

“I know I am out of it, right now. I have someone important sick that I need to visit. Can we, push the date later?” He pleaded, eyes turned glassy. For a moment, the pain was so unbearable that I thought even breathing could kill me.

“Ah. Someone importent.” I croaked, giving my best effort to supress a frown. No - this wasn’t me. I wouldn’t be this worse for someone. Anyone.

I am not weak. I am definitely not weak. Not for Luhan, foremost.

“Go.”

He gave me a thankful smile and dashed before saying any goodbye. Wow, that jackass-

er! ! Son of a !

The innocent, kind and cute Luhan had extinct. It was only Luhan who was blinded by his ing love for a ing . to all of them.

I was tired, mentally and physically. I knew, Luhan won’t do any good for me. I knew that it had to end. The emotion, crush and fondness I had toward Luhan must end here. He was a jerk, and I knew that more than once could destory me more than I already was.

But still, among those mixture of anger and disappointment, an emotion of sadness was within them.  A wave of melancholy crashed inside of my mind, as the filter inside my eyes fell out and a tear slipped out. Joined by another tear. Joined by soft sobs which made me had to stifle them between the folds of my arm, not to receive any attention from another coffee shop’s guests.

you, Luhan. you and your spoiled manner. to all of you!

“Miss, are you alright?”

I looked up as someone softly knocked on my arm. , I must be looking super hideous right now. Especially when I was wearing a full mascara and eyeliner, only to impress someone that wasn’t even paying attention to them.

Wow, thinking about that really gloomed my head once again

“I am sorry to say, but we think that you should leave, miss. It was a little bit uncomfortable to the other costumer.”

. Did I cry too loud?

I quickly packed my belongings and hastily threw them inside my bag. My cheek flushed in embarassment of the eyes that were pinned on me. Great, now everyone had to know how much a loser I was. “I am sorry, I will leave right now. I just-“

“Stop. Sit first.”

I looked up, only to find a man heroically stood a feet away from my table. He walked a little bit closer, only to made my eyebrow rose in confusion.

What the hell is Baekhyun doing here?

“What did I tell you about every costumer is our priority.” He scolded the new-looking waiter and glanced down at me. “Especially this girl. Not that she is a high-schooler you can shoo her like that.”

“But-“

“No buts. Just get another table served, I’ll take care of this one.”

The waiter shamely nodded and scurried with his head down. Now I felt bad that someone had to deal with my .

“Are you okay? Nothing hurt?” Baekhyun asked, took a seat that once belonged to Luhan. I felt a sudden hit in my chest, suffocating from the sudden realisation. Oh, how great it would be if changing feeling was as easy as changing seats.

Stop the ing melancholy, Haeri! It's