*a/n: Chapter 66 EDITED :D

banner credits to anonyMOES via twitter :D

 

o=o=o

 

“J-jae? I was just wondering. . . .” I mumbled.

 

“About what?”

 

“I-if you. . . you could accompany me. . . .”

 

“Dara, Bom told me that I can’t expose you outside because of the-“

 

“I know that but being here or out doesn’t really matter, does it? If Sulli feels like killing me now, she will”

 

“Dara. . . .”

 

“This’ll just be quick, I promise”

 

He looked at me for a while, calculating. Then, he sighed. “Where to?” he asked.

 

“I. . . . I. . . . . I-I want to see. . . . . .” I stammered and swallowed hard as a big lump in my throat started forming just by thinking of his name. “I want to see. . . . him”

 

“Dara” he sighed wearily.

 

“It’ll be quick, just a glimpse” I pleaded. “Please? T-this. . . . this would be the last time. . . .”

 

“You’ll only hurt yourself”

 

“Please, Jae? I just want to see if he’s okay”

 

“But we don’t know where he is right now”

 

I bowed my head. He got a point.

 

“Okay, how about his. I’ll go out and look for him first, in my crow form then I’ll fly back to fetch you”

 

“We’ll fly?” I eagerly asked.

 

“No” he shook his head. “We’ll be using a car”

 

“Oh” I mumbled. “I guess. . . . I guess that’s okay. Be careful, though”

 

“I will” he smiled and left.

 

I don’t know if what I’m doing is right. Actually, I don’t think I know the difference between right and wrong anymore. So many things have changed. I can’t laugh that loud anymore, I can’t smile genuinely anymore, I’m not that talkative anymore and I prefer to be alone most of the times. Right now, I got this weird craving for black clothes, for rock music, for pancakes, for. . . . no, stop right there, Dara.

 

It’s been what, days or weeks since Jiyong broke up with me. I’m actually quite surprised with myself. I was expecting to lurk in my room forever. The pain I’m feeling goes beyond words to describe but there’s something keeping me up. I’d like to believe that I just got good coping mechanisms, that’s why but there’s just something that I can’t point out.

 

Or maybe, I’m starting accept what Bom said about me being destined to be with Jae?

 

Ugh! I don’t want to think anymore!

 

 

 

 

Jae came back much later.

 

“Did you find him?” I eagerly asked.

 

“Yes” he nodded gravely. “But I don’t think you-“

 

“Let’s go” I cut him off.

 

“Dara” he stopped me. “Are you sure about this?”

 

I took a deep breath. “Yes”

 

“Okay”

 

He led me out of the house and to his car. I was anxiously clasping and unclasping my hands. I was afraid that Jiyong might have left from the place where Jae had last seen him so I told Jae so step on the accelerator.

 

I can’t help the excitement that rose to my chest. Stupid, I know. Jiyong made it clear that he’s done with me already, that he’s tired of me. And yet here I am, getting excited with just the thought of seeing him again. Am I really this desperate? But the memory of Bom’s words curtained my excitement, momentarily making me confused. I glanced sideways at Jae. It’s still there – the angelic beauty that captured me before. I felt myself smile a little as I watched the softness of his face, the tenderness in his eyes, the gentle look of his lips. I can’t believe he’s a shadow. He just doesn’t seem like one. Maybe that’s why it took me longer to accept that Jae’s a shadow that my acceptance of Jiyong being one. Right from the start, I already had this weird image of Jiyong being a fallen angel. A fallen angel who appears bad but got a soft spot inside.

 

Pain gripped my heart again. I clutched the pendant in my chest and looked up ahead. As I did, we turned into a corner where a few abandoned buildings were lined up. The place gave me the creeps. It looked like the place which bad guys in the movies uses as a hideout. The car smoothly glided down the road until we turned into another corner. Jae suddenly pulled to a stop and retreated a little to hide the car from view from a group of guys gathered up ahead. I recognized one of the guys from the news years ago. He was linked to some cases in the place. As he stepped back, I saw HIM.

 

My heart suddenly went loud and wild in my chest, it’s as if it was screaming his name. Jiyong laughed at something one of the guys’ said. Another wave of pain came over me. I know I should be happy seeing him laugh like this but why does it hurt so much? I balled my fists as I saw that he was smoking. I know he drinks but he doesn’t smoke!

 

I don’t like what I’m seeing. I don’t like how the cigarette touched his lips or the way he blew the smoke out. And I definitely don’t like the fact that he’s hanging out with a gang of rapists. But no matter how much I don’t like what I’m seeing, I can’t seem to take my eyes off him. I can feel every part of me, every inch of my body calling for him. Maybe I’m stupid or foolish or just in love because the moment the group of guys waved to Jiyong and left, I quickly got off the car, ignoring Jae’s protests.

 

“Jiyong!” his name automatically slipped from my mouth. He looked up and the moment our eyes met, everything he did was shoved out of my mind. I felt a smile tugged the corner of my lips. And before I could stop myself, I was running towards him, my arms automatically went around him. I buried my face in his chest and started tearing up. I marvelled on his warmth, his scent through the smell of cigarette, everthing! God, I missed him so much. But just as I was rejoicing, he pushed me away.

 

“What the ing hell are you doing here?” he cussed then puffed his cigarette, the smoke blowing my face. Then, he looked past by me. “I told you to keep her away from me, didn’t I?”

 

“I insisted” I quickly said as Jae stood beside me.

 

Jiyong smirked. “Okay. Now go away”

 

Angered by his attitude, I stole his cigarette and crushed it in my hand. I felt it burned my palm but I ignored it, I just kept my fist tightly closed. I’m in much worst pain right now that I was numb to everything else.

 

“Dara!” Jae gasped and grabbed my wrist. He tried to pry my fingers open but I pulled my hand back.

 

“Why are you doing this?” I asked Jiyong.

 

“I want to” he shrugged.

 

“STOP IT!” I screamed. “Stop acting like this!”

 

“What are you talking about?” he snorted. “I’m not acting. This is a real thing. This is the real me”

 

“No!” I cried out. “This isn’t you!”

 

“!” he bellowed. “When will you accept that this is the real me?!”

 

“I saw the real you!” I returned. “All those times when we’re together, that’s the real you. The Jiyong who held my hands; the Jiyong who kissed me; the Jiyong who made a necklace for me; the Jiyong who hugged me; the Jiyong who made me laugh, smile, cry; the Jiyong who annoyed and irritated me, who made fun of me and the Jiyong who made love to me. That’s the real Kwon Jiyong!”

 

He suddenly burst out laughing. “You got it bad, huh? Well, you’re wrong! You got it all ing dam wrong! THAT Jiyong you’re talking about was an act! This Jiyong you’re seeing right now is the real one!”

 

“No!” I cried, getting desperate now. “You’re lying!”

 

“I’m not lying!”

 

“Yes, you are!” I screamed. “Please. . . . stop lying already. . . . you’re hurting me”

 

I finally succumbed to tears, to the pain that’s been trying to escape from me. I felt Jae’s arms around me as he pulled my head to his chest. For a second, I wanted to keep myself in Jae’s arms and cry everything out but a stronger voice drowned it. So I pulled away and angrily brushed my tears away before facing Jiyong again. As I faced him, I saw something flashed in his eyes but even before I could recognize what it was, it disappeared.

 

“Jiyong. . . .” I began. “I. . . . I don’t know what I did wrong to make you like this. . . . whatever it is, I’m sorry” I paused and took a deep breath. “But please, stop this. . . . you can call me stupid but I love you and I’ll do anything you ask to forgive me”

 

“Just stay away from me, Dara” he quietly said.

 

Silence.

 

“You don’t mean that” I finally whispered.

 

“I already begged you to let me go, didn’t I?” he gritted. “What else do you want me to do? Kill myself so you’ll believe me?”

 

“No!”

 

“Then just stay away from me”

 

“But why?” I choked at the lump that rose to my throat.

 

He didn’t say anything. Instead, he turned around and started walking away.

 

“I want to know” I called out as another stream of tears went rolling down my cheeks.

 

Jiyong stopped in his tracks and kept his back to me when he said, “Because I’m better off without you”

 

A gasp of pain escaped my mouth. Not long after that, my body started shaking from the intensity of the pain, from the intensity of my cries. My knees wobbled but before I even stumble down, two arms caught me and carried me. There’s a desperate part of me that wanted to keep on fighting, to go and run after Jiyong but the heartbreak and the pain left me weak that I just let Jae carry me, I just let my head leaned on his chest, I just let him hold me tight. All the while, at the back of my mind, I was wishing that the arms carrying me were Jiyong’s, that the chest I’m leaning on were Jiyong’s and the one who’s holding me tight was Jiyong.

 

The travel back to Jae’s house was quiet except for my cries. I can’t seem to stop myself from crying. I started pounding my chest with my fists to stop the pain. Two hands suddenly gripped my wrists, stopping me from what I’m doing.

 

“Dara, stop”

 

I looked at Jae with my tears continuously flowing down. I saw that he was also suffering and I hated it. But I can’t help myself from crying, from hurting, from loving Jiyong instead of him.

 

“I’m s-sorry” I cried.

 

“You should be” he said, making me gasp in shock. He took one of my fists and uncurled my fingers. He gave a weary sigh at the sight of the crushed cigarette on my palm.

 

“J-jae, I. . . .”

 

“Like I said, you should be sorry because I won’t let you hurt yourself like this again” he scolded me.

 

o=o=o

 

My eyes strayed to Jae. He was sitting beside me as we watched a comedy film. I know he’s been trying to divert my thoughts from Jiyong and he’s doing his best to make forget the pain. As the corner of his lips lifted for a smile and his eyes lit with laughter, I can’t help but remember what Bom said about me and Jae I looked up at the TV again. Am I ready to accept what she said?

 

I sighed. I glanced at Jae again. Should I bring the prediction to life so I can forget Jiyong? So I can forget the pain?

 

Jae has been kind to me, patient even. He obviously cares for me, too. So what am I waiting for?

 

“Jae?” I called out softly.

 

“Hmm?” he glanced at me, chuckling at something from the movie.

 

“Can you. . . . can you take me away from here?”

 

He straightened up. “What do you mean?”

 

“It’s just that I want to. . . . get away for a while”

 

“Are you sure?” he asked.

 

“Yes” I nodded.

 

“Where do you want to go?” he asked.

 

“Anywhere” I quickly answered.

 

A smile tugged the corner of his lips. “Would you like to go to Europe?”

 

My eyes rounded. “I’d love that! I’ve never been to Europe before”

 

“Okay, Europe it is. But first, we have to call your parents to inform them about our-“

 

“Oh my God!” I exclaimed. “I totally forgot about calling them”

 

“You can call them now” he chuckled.

 

My face fell. “I don’t have a phone anymore. Sulli took it” I mumbled.

 

“Oh” he let out. “Here, use mine for the mean time. Your parents’ numbers are here. I’ll buy you a new one before we leave for Europe”

 

“You don’t have to-“

 

“I want to” he cut off.

 

I managed a smile. Yes, I can do that. I will smile and laugh for Jae – for everything he did for me. And if somehow along the way I’ll learn to accept  what Bom said about my destiny, then I’ll make sure that Jae and I will have nothing but happy memories.

 

I heard a few rings before hearing Mom’s voice. “Mom” I greeted at once.

 

“Dara?”

 

“Yes, it’s me. I-“

 

“SANDARA PARK!!” she suddenly shouted. “HOW DARE YOU CALL US JUST NOW? W’VE BEEN TRYING TO-!”

 

“My phone got stolen” I raised my voice slightly.

 

“Stolen?!” she breathed aghastly. “Are you alright? Did-?”

 

“I’m fine” I said. “I’m sorry if I-“

 

“But we called the phone at home but you weren’t answering! If you’ve forgotten about us already because you already got a kwon Jiyong in your life, better think twice, young lady. And oh, that reminds me. I just received a phone call from your school a week ago. Is it true? You dropped out?!”

 

I closed my eyes for a moment. “I’m currently staying at Jae’s house and yes, I dropped out”

 

“What?”

 

“You heard me” I said. This was greeted by silence. I immediately jumped to it. “Oh, by the way, like I said, I’m fine. I’m not going to linger for a chat because I know you’ll just scream at me and it’s not really good for your health. Anyways, I also want to tell you that I’m going to Europe with Jae. I’ll call you soon. Please send my love to Dad. I-“

 

“Dear” Dad’s voice entered my ears.

 

“Dad!” I breathed, getting teary eyed. “I missed you! How are you?!

 

“I’m fine, dear but your Mom’s not doing good. But I missed you, too. Why are you staying at Jaejoong’s place? You’re not having two boyfriends at the same time, are you? I know we didn’t approve of Jiyong before but it’s not right to play with-“

 

“Dad” I choked and closed my eyes. I don’t think I can say it out loud. To say it out loud would really put an end to everything. But when I opened my eyes and saw Jae smiling at me encouragingly, my mouth formed the words that my heart can’t accept. “We broke up” I heard myself say. “Jiyong broke up with m-me”

 

There I said it.

 

It really is over.