fifty-seven

—

leo.

"God, seriously!? Did I really ruin it!?"

Jae Hwan clutched his hair so tight that some of it might even fall off. He had this very irritated expression - his eyes were shut so tight and he gritted his teeth so much I think that they had been thoroughly sharpened. "Can I cuss?" Out of the blue, he shifted his head towards Hak Yeon's direction. The elder gave him a slap on the back of his head. "Yah! Do you have to ask me that?" 

"So... Is that a yes or a no?" 

"I can't believe my Taek Woonie's growing up so fast." Hak Yeon faked a sob and ignored the younger, "But to be honest, you should've said your feelings earlier! It's so crystal clear that you two like each other very much!" "Just so you know, my growth spurt was halted by that idiot over there." I informed, making Jae Hwan shout in anger again. "Agh!!! You should've told me you were gonna confess!" He pointed a finger at me and I rolled my eyes, standing up from the floorboards of my room and searched around for something to get me occupied. "Wait a minute. If you look at it closely, it wasn't my fault. It was yours!" He then pointed his finger at Hak Yeon. "Pointing fingers is bad." He then slapped his hand away.

"Look at it this way. If you didn't order me to go around the school to look for the two because the ceremony was about to start, then probably they'll be dating right now!" 

"What!? So it's my fault now!?" The tanned man gasped.

I could hear them bickering out loud behind me. Geez... They're in another person's house yet they had the courage to go shout around like this at eight in the evening. "Have you no shame?" I wanted to ask them that and see how they would react. I'm starting to regret I even took them to my place for the night. Their blaring voices could wake up a whole neighborhood! "How about a movie?" I looked at both of them. We left the school at around 6:30 pm and the two had to go home to get their belongings so we reached home at seven. By the time we got to my house, we did nothing but settle down and chat with each other, so actually doing some kind of activity to make it feel like a sleepover is good. That's my opinion at least. The movie could also serve as some sort of liaison between the two. It would shut them both. "Sounds good." They nodded in unison. And that's how we ended up watching "Maze Runner" with my sister's USB. Of course, with subtitles. If anyone's gonna ask, it's my sister who's a freshman in college since I have three. I'm just honestly glad the two forgot about their little fight.

—

"I want more movies!" Jae Hwan demanded while we were going downstairs for some food and drinks. We spotted my sister in the living room watching TV. She's the sister who pleaded me to accompany her to an errand and I got to meet up with Soo Ah at that time. "You got home early?" I neared her and asked while the other two bowed at her and said their "hello"s. "Surprised?" She smiled and hurriedly stood up from the couch. "Omo~ Look at little Jae Hwan! You've grown so much since I last saw you! You were a little cutiepie back then but now you're... well, you're still a cutiepie but a much more handsome one!" She pinched the younger's cheeks while he laughed it off, complementing her back by saying "No one could top you noona! Years are passing by yet you still look young! I think you're aging backwards!" 

The two were having their own fun time so I headed towards the kitchen with Hak Yeon tailing me, throwing a fit because no one was paying attention to him at all. "You're here almost everyday. Don't expect to get a fancy welcoming or something." I rolled my eyes and looked for some chips at the top shelf. Hak Yeon didn't say anything more and helped me looked for something to munch on later on, unlike someone here. "Mom's gonna be so glad to see you." She ruffled the boy's hair. "Where is she anyway?" I asked.

"She's on her room making a call. I think unnie's gonna visit tomorrow."

Okay. Let's just get this straight: I have three elder sisters. The eldest is married, the second is working and has a job, and the youngest is in university. There! Any more questions?

"I hope she stays for long." I mumbled and my sister nodded. "Noona, auntie already saw this idiot earlier, so you don't have to worry about that." Hak Yeon said with a hint of jealousy in his tone. 

"Really now~" My sister cooed and diverted her attention back at Jae Hwan. "How's school going for you?" 

Hak Yeon scrunched his eyebrows and gathered all the food and drinks he could muster. I smirked, thinking that he's going to relieve his stress and sadness of not being noticed by eating a lot later on. "I miss your older sister. She likes me more than that big nose over there. She had good taste." "She's married." I shot him a glare and he scoffed, "Aish Taek Woon, I'm not thinking of that. You're too overprotective that I'm starting to worry how your relationship with Soo Ah would be in the future." He shook his head. "Could you not get any louder!? I think someone in Mars didn't quite hear you!" I hissed. "Hey~ I wanna watch "Spiderman" now!" Jae Hwan pouted so I gave him his fair share of Doritos and Mountain Dew and we went back upstairs. "Noona, when you need me I'm upstairs."

"Sure~!" She replied back.

"I think your sister likes me."

"Not a chance."

"But I like "Spiderman" more! Pew! Pew!"

"No Jae Hwan, we're going to watch something hot~"

"That reminds me, you have a red tape, right Lee Jae Hwan?"

"I don't have a clue what you're talking about."

—

Hak Yeon plopped onto my bed and opened his bag of barbecue-flavored Piatos right away, "Hey Taek Woonnie~ What are we watching?" Jae Hwan sat just right in front of the TV. I got inside my room last and fished out for my cellphone. "Something." I replied back and got the remote controller, scrolling through a bunch of foreign and local movies. "Hey, I've never heard of that one! Let's try it." The youngest pointed at a certain movie. Realizing what it was and I was sure that they would enjoy it, I flashed a smile and selected the film dear Jae Hwan wanted to see. I pocketed the remote then headed towards the door.

"Where are you going?" The tanned elder asked.

"Out. I'm gonna make a call. I'll be back in a few minutes." I waved my phone at them. "If you'd like to relieve yourselves it's the second room at the left."

"Oh! And don't go through my stuff, got it? Strictly prohibited."

"Yes sir! Bathroom's the second room at the left and we can go through your stuff." Hak Yeon said, not even facing me as he watched the screen and munch on a hexagon-shaped junk food. I shot him my trademark pockerface.

"Wait, why did you have to let us know where the bathroom is again?" The boy with full lips and puppy eyes asked.

"You're clever." I smiled at him and closed the door, leaving them with a horror movie playing in the television without them knowing.

—

Jae Hwan's actually quick-witted. I thought as I kicked some dirt on the ground while waiting for the ringing to stop. I heaved a heavy sigh, trying to gather my thoughts together. It's cold tonight, and I obviously did a good job of choosing to wear a sleeveless grey hoodie and blue shorts with white horizontal stripes on it. I eventually stopped fiddling with the zipper of my hoodie when someone picked up.

"Hello?" That familiar clear and mellow voice sent butterflies down my stomach.

"Hey." I smiled widely to myself. "How are you?" Gosh, stupid me. Out of all the things I could say, I started with the lamest. 

"I-I'm fine. Uhm... Is something the matter?" She asked on the other end of the line. "Nothing. I just wanted to, er, hear your voice. It's been kinda hectic today." I leaned on a pillar beside me, waiting for her to answer. "Oh... Yeah, it kind of was."

"You did get home safely, right?" I inquired, "Ji Eun told me the two of you were going to this ice cream parlor earlier."

"Yep. It was great! There were all kinds of flavors, and the shop looked cute! Though the place was crowded..."

"Now feel like going there some time." It feels like my smile was growing wider and wider for every single letter she speaks.

"Uhm, I heard that Hak Yeon and Jae Hwan are going to your place tonight."

"Mhm. They're here. And because of that, I couldn't get some alone time. They've been so noisy all night. That's why I'm outside..."

"Taking your alone time?"

"Yeah."

"...But you're talking to me, so technically, you're not alone?"

I let out a small laugh because what she said sounded like a question to me. "Well, I'm kind of physically alone."

"...And it ..." I followed. After a while, I waited for her to say something. I could hear her breathing from the other end of the line, and it made me feel relieved, because she had no plans of hanging up on me, and that made me feel like she actually wanted to talk to me. "...Yeah. It does." I heard her whisper. Some rummaging followed right after. Before everything would get any more awkward, I opened my mouth to speak. "Hey."

"Yes?" Soo Ah questioned, curiosity evident in the tone of her speech.

"I like you." 

There.

At last.

I finally said it.

And right after I did, all I could hear were the crickets' soothing chirping and the beeping of cars at the distance. 

I was starting to think that she hung up on me because of what I said.

But she didn't.

Because I could hear her every breath.

I tried my best to wait for her answer, but I failed myself miserably and uttered something along the lines of "So, uh, yeah... I'm sorry if I disturbed you or something. Uhm... I have to go now, Hak Yeon's making a mess of the house. Er... Bye." And when I ended the call, I stood there for a long while, occasionally scratching my head or my nape and looking up at the full moon directly above me, pocketing my hands and exhaling the cold autumn air, covering my face because of the embarrassing thing I did, and so much more that I couldn't even count. I think I did a whole lot of standing there, gazing at the houses in front of me plus a lot of contemplating. I don't remember. I don't know if I should feel kind of relieved because I wouldn't get hurt is she rejected me or feel bummed because I didn't have the patience to wait for what she was gonna say. I had no idea what she was gonna say... That thought itself made me feel unfathomably anxious. I don't even know if I should be proud of myself because I had the courage to say those words or get mad at myself because I chickened out and did something cringe-worthy and stupid. 

Aish Jung Taek Woon, don't think of those stuff right now!

Think of a solution to stop the ticking of your little time bomb-heart before it explodes into a gazillion pieces!

I felt weak to my knees and dropped down at the floor. Is this how people who confess feel? If it turns out to be, then I should decide if I would like to keep on feeling like this or not. I'm like this now, but what's going happen if she accepts me? The feeling would be much more extravagant and inclined than this I suppose... Scratching my hooded head in annoyance, I looked at my cellphone one last time before bringing my knees on my chest and resting my burning head on my arms. My lips were shivering; either because it's cold or I'm feeling very happy. Or nervous. Or all of the above.

Dammit! There's no turning back now...

"Ahh... I've said it." 

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