twenty-three

—

leo.

I didn't get it.

My body moved on it's own.

The time I saw her - The time I saw the girl whom I was missing on, I ran towards her, like running towards a puppy I've lost for how many years. I didn't want to further tire myself and my struggling feet, but then these two weary feet decided to approach her. It felt like I wasn't tired at all... As I shouted her name, she lifted her chin up, all the way up to here just to blink twice at me, looking like a confused and lost kid. I felt a small smile linger around my face. I reached for her hand and grabbed it, running towards the sink at the nearest building I could possibly find.

The reason was either I was so disgusted with my sweaty face that I really, desperately, needed to wash it...

Or was too embarrassed to be seen by the public turning red.

I turned the faucet and thoroughly washed my face as she stood there waiting for me to finish. I'm just so glad that I got out of soccer practice... And from that sunbae who kept on clinging unto me. Even the mere thought of it irks me. It makes me cry. Sunbae was worse than Hak Yeon... Though he had good intentions, hers was just pointless. As I finished, I straightened my back and darted at Soo Ah. All the negativities in my mind suddenly washed away. Without me having a slight clue of my actions, I surrounded her with both hands and rested my head on her shoulder. I muttered how tired I was... I also frowned and whispered how I missed her so much, though I could see Soo Ah everyday. I really wanted it to last longer.

—

"Heh. You look cute." I got my head up and smiled at the girl in front of me. I wonder why I never get tired of smiling at her when I've always thought that smiling was the dreadest thing for me to do. I hated the verb "smiling". I hated to enforce the verb "smiling", much less in front of others or a camera.  I would always think that maybe it wouldn't hurt if I smile in front of Soo Ah. And it didn't... It never did. It fact, it felt like healing... 

We were so close. I mean, so close that I turned pinkish. "What am I saying?" I asked myself and rubbed my neck. This is how I really am - When I'm tired, I tend to speak my mind. I would say things out of nowhere; things that are meant to be kept, not spoken. In other words, I say things that would make me embarrass myself, which is truly a bad habit. I reached for her head and automatically ruffled her hair. After that, I bid goodbye and ran back to the field, still feeling unsettled.

A few of my teammates raised their hands for a high-five. Such a thing was normal. 

I gave them some, and their smiles got wider. 

I blinked at them with my stiff face. And they all laughed.

"I can't believe Taek Woon is talking to her." One shouted. It was that clumsy teammate of mine. Lee Jae Kyung I believe. "Pardon?" I blinked again. "You know, Jung Soo Ah... She's a real beauty, right?" He asked the others, they all nodded and swooned. "What luck, huh Taek Woon?" The captain put a shoulder around me. I nodded and flashed them a smile. All of them.

"Yeah... What luck..." I said sarcastically.

—

soo ah.

I do have to admit that I was kinda, in a way, envious.

Why? Because I was the only one without plans. I just thought that I also had to do my very best since everyone was doing so. Hak Yeon was focusing on his studies, Taek Woon on his club activities, Hye Jin - a sunbae - was focused on "supporting" Taek Woon, and Ji Eun is thinking of joining the basketball club. "What's a good sport for me?" Ji Eun asked me as she took a big bite out of her club sandwich. "Why all of the sudden?" I asked, looking too shocked. 

"I guess you could go for basketball..."

"Oh yeah! I heard they're looking for a manager."

"Why don't you become their manager instead?"

"Ack!" Ji Eun almost choked. I rubbed circles on her back. "You mean to tell me that I would have to serve those guys? No thanks! And besides, the manager couldn't even play for the team. She just... You know, manage." Ji Eun nodded at me, saying "Thanks" with her eyes. "Is that so..." I mumbled to myself. "Noted."

 Today is the last day of soccer practice, and tomorrow is finally the big day. 

"The whole school will be supporting the soccer club, right?" 

Ji Eun nodded, still devouring. "...Shall we make a banner?" I asked her while she gulped. "The club is in charge of that, idiot." For a while, she fell silent. It looked like Ji Eun regretted what she said. "Oh... You mean for Taek Woon-ssi?" She clapped her hands and beamed. "I don't know... Maybe it'll be too much." I sighed and played with my fingers. "Nothing's too much when you're in love." Ji Eun nudged me playfully. I asked, "I-I'm not in love... But..."

"...Even the butterflies?"

"Even the butterflies."

—

author.