I stood there, numbly watching my boyfriend blatantly kissing another girl. The bright lights flashing onto both of their faces as the numerous reporters desperately photographed the moment. Isn't he supposed to push her away?  I thought to myself while Jongin had his eyes wide open, clearly not expecting the public display of affection from Krystal. He took away my first kiss just a couple days ago and now he's doing the same to another girl. Was this anger I felt? Perhaps jealousy? I felt a pang in my chest as I watched Krystal push Jongin further into the kiss before releasing him. She then encased him into a tight hug, and my eyes widened as I realized that Jongin had spotted me in the crowd. His lips parted, as if trying to explain himself right there and then, on stage, and even though up until a few minutes ago he was ignoring me, his eyes were ridden with guilt. My grip on the camera loosened and a hand came up behind me, grabbing hold of my shoulder. 

"Jay, let's go home," L stared at me worriedly before sliding his hand down into mine, pulling me through the sea of reporters. He kept his back to me while we walked through the crowd, and as soon as we made our way towards his car, L looked back at me with the same worried expression. "You didn't deserve to see him like that," he whispered. I couldn't find the words to reply to him, making him pull me into a tight hug before opening his car door for me to get in. 

The car ride home was silent. Mostly because L knew I wasn't in the mood to talk, but also because I didn't know how to react to the whole situation. Should I be crying? I thought to myself as I realized that a few drops of my tears were already rolling down my cheeks. It wasn't like I could vent to L because it would be extremely unfair to him if I complained about the man I chose over him. The man I let myself be hurt over when I could be treated like a princess by someone as great as L. Before I knew it, we had already pulled into the parking lot of my apartment. 

L bit his lip, placing his fingers underneath my chin to turn my head towards him. "I'm really sorry Jay. I wish I could have stopped you from seeing that, but I didn't expect it myself."

The tears that I had forced back made its way out again as soon as L had said those words. "Why are you sorry? You shouldn't be apologizing to me. If anything, I should be apologizing to you for letting you see me this way." By that point, the tears were flowing nonstop, and L tried his best to wipe away most of them. "Why are you so good to me L? I don't deserve to be friends with someone who helps me in times like this." 

"Because I'm in love with you." 

I blinked back a few tears and let his words sink in. "Y-You're in love with me?" I stuttered in disbelief while L gave me a small smile before wiping away another tear. Receiving love from someone should make me happy, but at that moment I almost felt even worse knowing that I'm hurting L everytime Jongin is hurting me. "I'm sorry Myungsoo, I'm so sorry," I kept repeating. 

"I can't choose to stop loving you Jay," L spoke softly, "so please stop hurting yourself so that you won't hurt me." 

Throughout the night, I kept a movie playing on my computer screen as I stared at it blankly until I had become sleepy. At least I could listen to the words of someone else instead of listening to my own thoughts. Just a minute of sitting in bed without any exterior sounds made me think back to the way Krystal was kissing Jongin and the way he didn't bother to stop her. It's better this way. I'm glad that it happened. Isn't this just following my plan? I continuously tried to convince myself while I let my thoughts drown in the loud sounds of the movie. The next morning I arrived at INB already expecting what I was going to dread the most. 

"Here's your script," Ailee said