“You’re what…?” you dropped your spoon, and stared at Jongin while he took a seat beside you on the sofa.

“I’m a member of Exo,” he said again, slower this time, “you probably didn’t know that because our group didn’t have an official name…until today.”

Your thoughts were all over the place at that moment, and you were glad that Jongin had stayed silent for a bit as well. You knew what your job was, and you knew what you had to do, but you didn’t know that the person who you would harm would be Jongin. You thought back to your high school memories and the number of lessons given to you during your reporter courses about staying strong and separating your personal life from your life as a reporter.

Flashback

“Jay, I believe that you could become one of the top reporters,” your favourite teacher, Mr. Gonzales had made you stay behind after class to talk to you about your future. You were surprised by his words that he spoke so surely of, “I know that you may doubt yourself right now, but I want to tell you this because I know that the future for you is going to be a bright one.”

You nodded slowly, as he took a seat on top of his desk, “What is it Mr. Gonzales?”

“Being a reporter…It’s not an easy job,” he lowered his gaze onto the floor, sighing.

“I’m well aware of that, I’ve alrea-“

“No, Jay listen to me,” he shook his head, silencing you in an instant. “The most important thing that I learned while being a reporter for over twenty years is that you need to know how to separate your personal life and feelings from your life as a reporter.”

You stood there speechless, unable to say any words because your entire life, you had been told to be true to yourself and even when reporting something, you should put your own personality to it as well. “I…Don’t understand…”

Mr. Gonzales sighed again and looked at you straight in the eye, “I don’t expect you to understand right now Jay, but just know that when you’re out there, being an amazing reporter that I know you’re going to be…don’t hurt yourself. From now on, there will be Jay, the reporter who mindlessly and relentlessly will expose secrets and gossip about the people around you. But there will also be Lee Jaein, the caring and sweet young girl who knows nothing about your own counterpart.”

You took a second to take all of his words in, but you knew that you were scared on the inside. Being a reporter means that you would have to throw away any pity that you feel or will feel for the people that you expose.

“Promise me Jay, that you will separate yourself,” Mr. Gonzales said again, this time in a softer tone.

“I…promise.”

“I…promised,” you repeated aloud. Jongin blinked at you with curiosity as you sighed, “I promised that I would separate my life from my profession.”

His face hardened immediately, “So you’re seriously going to take the job?”

Am I? I’ve worked nine long years just to get this position…But on the other hand, Jongin has been working his entire life to become a celebrity…

“Why not?” you spoke softly, almost as if you were contradicting your own words. You felt guilty, it was obvious, but you wanted this just as much as Jongin wanted his dream.

Jongin stared at you for a moment, observing your expression before he finally spoke, “because if you do, there’s no us anymore.”

His words hit you like a ton of bricks, unexpected and deathly. Maybe it was because Jongin had a passion for his dream just like you had a passion for yours. You inspected his face as well, and realized that he was dead serious about his own words, and there was no room for jokes.

“There was no us in the first place,” you said coldly, almost as if it were part of your instincts to act that way. He seemed taken aback by your words as well, standing up from the couch but his eyes never leaving yours.

“That’s one thing that we can agree on.”

You felt a billion pins and needles jabbing at your heart, but Jongin seemed like he could care less. He tore his eyes away from you and walked out of the living room, and up the stairs to his bedroom. You wondered why it had hurt so much. The way he said those words that were just agreeing with yours. You wondered why you felt heat in your body, rising up from your feet all the way to your head. All of your thoughts were interrupted however, by the tears that dropped onto your lap.

“Yah, are you okay?” Ailee frowned at you the next morning when you had walked into the green screen room. The rest of the boys and the staff were preparing for your first broadcast, matching up the wires, perfecting the lighting and even cleaning the chair that you were about to sit on.

“Of course I’m okay, what makes you say that?” you faked a smile and tried to move past Ailee when she caught your arm.

“Jay, you’re wearing sunglasses…” she pointed at your shades that were parched on top of your face.
“S-So?” you shrugged and pushed  the glasses up further on your nose, “I like wearing sunglasses inside.”

Ailee let out a sigh and shook her head, “I don’t know what happened or why you’re upset but…cheer up! It’s your first broadcast for goodness sake, and I know you’re going to rock it!”

You were thankful for Ailee and her bright personality, but at times like this, you really didn’t want to start a conversation with anyone. Jongin had been ignoring you since the morning, walking straight out of the house when you had come downstairs for breakfast. His eyes never met yours, but his expression was cold and stone-like.

“Thanks unnie, I’ll try my best,” you smiled warmly to her and headed to the makeup room after giving her a small hug. You opened the door to the makeup room, feeling down and lifeless, and the last thing you needed were mirrors surrounding you, telling you about how terrible you looked.

“Jay!” L’s voice piped from one of the makeup tables. Your eyes shot up to him, and you let out a small gasp at L’s appearance. The makeup artists had done a fantastic job, covering his dark circles and even giving his hair a little trim. He was good looking to start with, but with the new makeup and hair, he looked even better than before.

“L…you look…” you stared at him in awe, as he began to laugh.

“I know, the makeup