Donghae settled down on his bed and ran a hand through his hair, sighing. In front of him was standing the hallucination of his dead sister. 

“So… what are you going to do?” Minha asked.

“I don’t know… I have no idea…”

“I thought that when you would be confronted to the alternative of choosing life and death you would choose life.” she said.

He let out a bitter laugh.

“And I thought that, you, being part of my imagination, would know better.”

She frowned, visibly vexed by the boy’s words. She leaned on the wall and crossed her arms over her chest. 

“You didn’t change at all in the end…” she commented.

“What are you talking about?” Donghae asked annoyed.

“You’re the same foolish boy that tried to kill himself in a swimming pool. What did Eunhyuk say to you back then?”

The boy thought about that day carefully. But all he could remember was Eunhyuk’s kiss and his touch… he would never be able to feel him again.

“What did he tell you?!” she insisted.

“I don’t remember, ok?!” he snapped.

She came closer and leaned over him, their faces just inches from each other, and then she whispered to him.

“You don’t decide who lives and dies, life does. And for now it has a wonderful habit of letting you live.”

The words had come out of the girl’s mouth, but it was Eunhyuk’s voice that Donghae heard. All he could do is stare at her in shock. She rose up half smiling, proud of herself. Then she asked him.

“So… if life is letting you chose, why aren’t you choosing to live? Tell me the reason.”

“There is no reason… it’s just not that simple.”

“Tell me the reason Hae!”

“I don’t know!” he said, visibly agitated.

“TELL ME!”

“WHY ME?!” he finally snapped.

She smiled at him while he tried to catch up his breath. That imaginary dead sister of his was upsetting and confusing him. But she was getting somewhere that Donghae never dared to go to. She was making him ask the questions that scared him so much.

“Why me?” he repeated, a hand on his face. “Why am I allowed to live, when you… I mean, she, isn’t?”

“Is this still about your sister?”

“It will always be about her…”

“You’re wrong… you are making this about her as you make everything about her… Because you are scared of admitting that you are a person of your own. Because that would mean you’ll have to take responsibility for all that you do, and all that you are, and that scares the hell out of you…”

Tears started to form in the boy’s eyes and his chest hurt. He didn’t want to hear it; he didn’t want to know what was deep inside his soul and heart.

“Stop making everything about your dead sister.” she said, detaching every word. “You said yourself, that no one should be dependent of a person, so stop being.”

She was right… He was always so dependent of his sister and what she represented... she was so right that it made him mad!

“For a hallucination, you talk too much!”

“And you, not enough. Say it. Say what’s eating you up, say what you have in your heart, it’s not like anyone could judge you. You’re alone facing yourself right now, Donghae; it’s your turn to be honest.”

He closed his eyes and inhaled deeply, letting the air fill his lungs.

“I don’t know who I am…”

“Don’t know or don’t want to know?”

“I don’t like what I’ve become…”

“Then change.”

“Fear is not an easy thing to change…”

“Try.”

He looked annoyed at her and she just smiled at him. Guess that’s what it was to argue with yourself.

“I just don’t think I’m worth living. I don’t think I’ve done a really good job until now and I don’t see why I keep having these second chances. It is so hard to live, to deal with people and to deal with myself every day.”

“No one said it would be easy…”

“But no one said it would be this hard... I’m not sure I can do that anymore.”

“Didn’t you do it until now? What changed?”

“I don’t now…”

“What changed, that turned you into a coward, Donghae?”

The boy frowned, not liking where she was going with this.

“I’ve always been a coward I guess.”

“No. You survived. Now what is making you frightened? What changed?”

“The accident?”

“No.”

“My phobias?”

“NO! You know exactly what it is!”

There was one more thing that came into Donghae’s mind. But it couldn’t possibly be that… Or could it?

“Hyukjae…” he whispered.

Again she smiled proud of him.

“Love.” she said. “Loving someone, let it be your friends, your family, or anyone else and being loved in return is too overwhelming for you. Why? Is it because you think you’re going to disappoint them? Or that they will disappoint you?”

“Because they can disappear…”

“So it’s the fear of loss that makes you hate yourself and want to die?”

“Seriously what the hell are you? Are you my conscience hallucination or my freaking therapist?”

“I guess a bit of both.” she said confidently.

He shook his head, helpless. She wasn’t going to let him get away with anything.

“Just head to the point Minha…”

She sat beside him and caressed his face tenderly.

“It’s your point Hae… you have to figure it out or else you won’t be able to decide what to do next.”

She was right of course. But, to stop lying to yourself was harder then it seemed. Minha laid out a hand.

“Come with me.”

“To where?”

“I have something to show you.”

Hesitating for a second he ended taking her hand and at that moment he was swapped up in a tourbillion and when his head stopped spinning he found himself in front of the doorsteps of his house.

“What are we doing here?” he asked.

She put a finger on her lips, telling him to be quiet. Suddenly he heard children, he turned around to see a younger him and Minha, running through the front door, laughing. Donghae didn’t know exactly what they were doing here, but he understood that it wasn’t real. He went to the door and entered the house, to find the whole interior decorated.

“It’s Christmas…”

He walked in the living room to see a giant tree and many gifts under it. Suddenly the two kids entered the living room behind him to throw themselves on the gifts. Donghae was scared for a moment that they could see him, but Minha reassured him.

“They can’t see us.”

So, he stood there watching the kids, that was none other than himself younger, opening his first present.

Voices shouted from the kitchen.

“Kids, don’t open the gifts before we are here!”

“Mom! Pali! I want to know what I have!” shouted the young Donghae.

A few seconds after, his mom came in with a plate of Christmas biscuits and she laughed.

“Don’t be so impatient, baby!”

“When is dad coming?!” asked Minha, as impatient.

“I’m here, I’m here!” said