“We are here! So what do you think?”

“It’s big. Are you sure your friend doesn’t mind us being here?”

“Nooooooo. He lives in China, this is just the house he’s staying at, when he comes back from time to time.”

Rich people… Donghae thought.

They had just arrived at the chalet of Siwon’s friend, after one hour trip. They had gone back to the dorms to get some clothes and then they had gone on this trip. The house was over a hill build in a very good location and literary in the middle of the nature, in the middle of nowhere. Now that the both of them were alone, Donghae started to regret his rushed decision; maybe it wasn’t a good idea at all. Not that he was scared of Siwon, but Donghae neither wanted to give the taller false hopes nor torture him.

“Are you sure you don’t want any pain killers for your hand?”

“No, don’t worry; I can barely feel it anymore.”

When they had headed back to the dorms, Donghae patched up his hand earlier and now only the pain remained. But he welcomed it happily, it was a way to remind him of what happened and the decision he made. It was a reminder, that from now on he would never let Minha stop him from getting what he wanted and being happy in his life. She didn’t deserve all the pain he suffered for her, not after the things she’d done… Well Donghae wasn’t innocent either; he didn’t have the right to judge anyone, since he was in love with the exboyfriend of his dead sister. But the brunet would never be able to betray someone he loved like this… no matter how much that person would hurt him, Donghae considered himself as a loyal person. He thought about Heechul. How much he must have suffered because of those two, seeing his best friend, the person he loved, betraying his own brother like that. He must’ve been so disgusted by Leeteuk, that he prefered leaving and becoming the bitter person he was, than staying with him. Donghae was somehow happy for him, he’d at least found someone to help his broken heart; Hangeng was what must’ve saved Heechul from being completely destroyed from the pain.

“Would he ever be that person for Eunhyuk…?”,Donghae asked himself.

“What are you thinking about?” Siwon asked. “You didn’t say much since the cemetery. And you didn’t tell me how you got that.” He said, pointing at Donghae’s injured hand.

“I fell.”

“On your hand?”

“Yes.”

Siwon didn’t believe that lame excuse for a second, but let it go, since he understood that the boy obviously wanted anything else but talking about it.

“I’m going to take a shower and then we can eat dinner.”

“Ok.”

Siwon went to take a shower, while Donghae stayed in the living room, watching the country side view out of the window. Suddenly his phone rang in his bag so he turned around to get it.  21 missed calls from Leeteuk. The brunet was absolutely not in the mood to have a conversation with him nor hearing the other one out; He was shocked, and not ready to face more of the facts. The cellphone rang again. Donghae sighed angrily; he couldn’t avoid him forever.

 “So better to get over with it”,he thought.

“What do you want?” he said in an unfriendly voice.

“Hello to you too.”

It was a female’s voice, not Leeteuk at all. Donghae was surprise to hear her.

“Rinha?”

“In a bad mood I see?”

“I’m so sorry; I thought that you were someone else…”

“Someone like Eunhyuk?”

Donghae didn’t answer. No, he wouldn’t have talked like that too Eunhyuk, now less than ever. He wanted to hear his voice, but he was afraid to talk to him, after getting to know this secret.

“So how are you noona?”

“Stop it with the noona thing, I’m not older than you.”

“But you are wiser.”

“Hummm, you’re right I agree! Call me whatever you want.” She said laughing.

Donghae was happy to hear her laugh. He really liked that lively girl, and what he needed now more than ever, was someone to light up his mood.

“So if you wanna know I’m fine, my fiancé is coming over next week so we can announce our wedding to my family.”

“I’m happy for you.” Donghae said, sounding as sincere as he could.

“You sound like it… So how are you since… you know… the incident?”

It took a few seconds for Donghae to understand what incident she was talking about. Eunhyuk’s kiss with another girl had completely slipped his mind. It seemed so meaningless right now, after the bomb that Leeteuk had thrown on him. Rinha thought he was still mad about it, because he wasn’t answering.

“Do you wanna talk about it?”

“It’s not that important…” he said.

“I really don’t understand why he did that! He can be so weird sometimes!”

“Weird wouldn’t be the word I’ll choose… it would be more…”

“Lunatic.” They said at the same time.

Donghae and Rinha laughed a bit. But then she stopped.

“I wished I could’ve done something for you… I heard you had a huge fight with Eunhyuk after.”

“Yes… We had…”

“Are you sure about your decision?”

“No.”

Donghae let out a bitter laugh. He wasn’t sure about anything anymore…

“If it makes you feel any better, Eunhyuk is miserable.”

“Yeah I heard about it… but it doesn’t help me to forget him and to know he is miserable because of me… I only feel guilty.”

Even more, now, with this huge secret he had to carry around…

“Maybe you don’t have to forget him.” said Rinha. “I think you would be great together.”

“Eunhyuk and I… we are not meant to be together… it would only destroy us.”

“Was it that bad being with him?”

No, these were the best moments in his life…

But now things had come to a point where it was difficult to just get back the way they had been before. Suddenly Siwon turned up from the bathroom.

“I’m finished. You can go take a shower too, if you want. I’ll prepare dinner while you are gone.”

“Ok thanks.”

“Oh sorry you were talking to someone?” he apologized noticing the phone in Donghae’s hand.

“Yes I’ll just finish and go; do you want some help preparing dinner?”

“No, don’t worry go and relax a little bit. I’ll call you when it’s ready.”

Donghae smiled at Siwon and took his bag with him to the bathroom.

“Are you with someone?” Rinha asked. “I didn’t want to bother you.”

“You’re not bothering me; I’m with Siwon, a friend of mine from my class. We went to the mountains for the weekend.”

“Just the two of you?”

“It’s not what you think.”

“Oh I’m not thinking anything! Just asking…”

Donghae sighed and still couldn’t help but smile at her cuteness.

“It’s not the first time that I hear about this Siwon guy. Do you like him?”

“He is a good friend.”

“Just friends?”

Donghae thought carefully before answering.

“For now yes, but maybe things can change…”

She took it into consideration, what he said and decided to change the topic.

“So where are you guys?”

The brunet explained to Rinha where he and Siwon were and what the both of them had planned for the weekend. Then they hang up after some banalities.

When Donghae got out of the shower he went to the kitchen where Siwon was still cooking.

“Smells good... What are you cooking?” he asked drying his hair with the towel.

Siwon turned to him but then stopped doing what he was doing. He stopped and stared at the half Donghae in front of him. He looked at him from head to toe judging...

“You are really handsome…” said the Siwon out of the blue.

It made Donghae blush hard.

“I’ll put my pajama…”

He was going to walk away but Siwon grabbed him before he could.

“Wait, put this on. And help me.”

He put an apron around Donghae’s waist and gave him a knife.

“Cut these carrots for me please.”

The brunet did, still embarrassed of not having a t-shirt and especially of the fact that Siwon seemed pleased with that fact

***

The scene kept coming back, like a tide playing with his sanity. The gruesome image in front of him, her eyes continued to stare at Donghae, pleading and accusing at the same time…

It had been weeks since he last dreamed of his sister and the accident. He saw the same images again and again, just the same he was used to see in the past. He was chocking and sliding deeper in those black waters, but the difference was that this time, he wasn’t afraid to die.The thought that everything would be easier if he just disappeared; that life would stop being so hard, crossed his mind. It was as if he took Minha’s place. Again, he was only a face. Minha’s face. It was, as if a million of arms where pushing and pulling him to be someone that he wasn’t: Minha. Only because they had the same face and she was calling him to be with her.

But then Eunhyuk’s face appeared in front of him. Donghae didn’t want to die! Even if he did terrible things he wanted to be with that boy. He wanted to be with him and he wanted to be his. Then he started to fought for his life and for air, swimming as hard as he could to regain the surface. Donghae couldn’t go far, because suddenly something grabbed his foot. He looked down and saw his sister with pleading eyes to help her, but then she smiled at him and let go. Donghae tried, with his unconscious half, to catch the hand of his sister. But he fell down from the bed, which made him snap back to reality, as his body hit the hard floor.

Panting hard, Donghae layed there for a moment not moving a single muscle. Sweat was beading on his forehead, but he was cold, very cold. The moonlight pierced through the curtain