Donghae opened his eyes. Lying there on his bed he stared at the ceiling trying to get a grip of things. All the events of the past days seemed to be like a dream to him, an awfully long and complicated dream. Where had they gone? How did things become like this? Everything was foggy and almost unreal…

It was the day of their finals.  Since Siwon broke up with him, Donghae focused all his energy in studying and catching up with his lateness. So he was ready and determined to nail his tests. And he wasn’t the only one making efforts… The brunet woke up this morning to his roommate, who had been for the last days, sleeping in their room. They still weren’t talking to each other but it showed at least that Eunhyuk was becoming himself again. It was incredible, how easy it was to ignore someone when you got used in doing so.

But he didn’t know what to do about that other someone… He hadn’t seen Siwon since their break up and honestly Donghae was dreading it. He didn’t know how to face him, but he just let it be, he would figure it out on the moment. He went to class earlier than anyone else, he couldn’t sleep much and well anyway… looked like the dream catcher and the cleaning stone had abandoned him too… 

One by one, students came into the class obviously stressed about their upcoming exams. That’s when that top model like figure passed the door and came to sit at his usual seat next to Donghae. In the beginning the brunet didn’t dare to look up, because he knew his heart would sink again if he saw his ex-boyfriend and closest friend. When their eyes finally met, Siwon was watching him with sadness but he didn’t say a word, he just looked away. That was it… Donghae’s heart tightened but he tried his best to keep a neutral face.

Nothing would bring him down today! He had already frozen his smiles and iced his tears. Suddenly, he was shocked to see Eunhyuk coming to class to take the test, both Siwon and Donghae looked at him surprised but he just ignored both of them. Then the first test of the finals began.
After a whole day of tests Donghae got out of there proud of himself. It was finally over and he did well in most of the subjects. They were free now, no more classes, no more rules, it was vacation time and everyone was celebrating. But Donghae wasn’t in the mood to see any of his friends, he was drained and only dreamed about going back to his room and get some sleep. What he did. Just before going out of the classroom, he caught a glimpse of Siwon leaving with someone that looked like Eunhyuk… but that wasn’t possible… so Donghae just ignored it… Siwon looked at him, smiled and just like that walked away...

***

It was the middle of the night and Donghae’s phone started to ring, but it didn’t wake him up since he was incapable of sleeping. He looked to the side; his roommate was missing, as his usual… He looked at his phone to see that it was a text… from Siwon. He hesitated between reading it or not, he didn’t want to talk to him. But in the end his curiosity won. It was a goodbye message. Right, Donghae remembered him saying something about going to Hong-Kong after the finals were over; he never thought that it would really be so soon. It was saying that he was already in the airport and that he wished him the best. At measure he was reading the long text, Donghae got angrier and angrier.

How could he after all that they’ve been through just leave without a word and just a text message? Did it mean that earlier was the last time he saw him? Mad Donghae didn’t even think about what he was doing and dialed the boy’s number.

“Yes?” he picked up.

“It that all?! You’re so coward that you send me a message?”

“I’m sorry Hae…”

“Stop saying you’re sorry and don’t you dare to make an excuse! You left me you choose to break up with me but by respect for me you could’ve at least…”

His voice broke. He was upset and hurt… He missed Siwon, it hasn’t even been a few days that they got separate that he already missed him and now he wouldn’t be able to see him before God knew when! Angry tears started to fall on his cheeks, he was unable to stop then and Siwon could hear then clearly.

“Are you crying?” he asked sadly.

“No...”

“I’m not abandoning you Hae. I’m giving you the opportunity to put your life back together. And when you do then I’ll be back, if it’s meant to be then we’ll be together again, if not then I’ll always be your friend. But be sure that I’ll come back to your side.”

This only made Donghae sob even more.

“You’re a bastard you know that?”

He could almost hear the smile at the other side of the wire.

“I know.”

“Be safe Won…”

“You too Hae.”

Then they hung up. Donghae needed a few minutes to calm himself down until Heechul called him for a raid. After writing an address, he hung up and jumped out of his bed. A few minutes later he was at the address Heechul gave him and he found the boy, with Minho and others.

“Hey my new favorite dongsaeng. Ready for your last raid?”

“Last?”

“Well now that Eunhyuk quitted everything there’s no need to continue like this is it?”

“Eunhyuk quitted?”

Donghae couldn’t believe that he really did. So if it was true, indeed he didn’t need to do any of that anymore… but what would he do with his life now? His boyfriend, the only person that seemed to like him for what he was, broke up with him, his friends were being distant, and the guy he did all that for went MIA from his life and didn’t want to have anything to do with him… Same old, same old. Heechul suddenly put an arm around his shoulders.

“Unless you want to stay with us? Because you found your place.” he said with a honeyed voice.

Donghae smiled at his hyung.

“Let’s go take care of those idiots then!” Heechul said.

They got in the abandoned parking lot. This raid was a bit different from others, there was a new gang who was trying to claim superiority on them, and Heechul wasn’t going to let that happen. And that was exactly what Donghae needed. Since he got dumped, he had the need to punch something, and some idiot’s youngsters, that thought to be better than everyone, was just perfect! Surprisingly Heechul stayed back, letting Donghae lead the thing. As soon as the others spotted them they came calmly walking towards him. A chubby boy stood out of the bunch and the brunet understood he must be the boss.

“So… that’s Heechul’s crew that terrorizes everyone? Seems harmless, since it’s composed of a bunch of fags. You guys know the rumors right?” he asked turning to his mates. “That Heechul like so much man, that not only he shares his bed with one but he only people of the same taste with him.”

Donghae smirked.

“That’s an interesting rumor and just so you know… yes you’re totally right.”

The chubby boy was taken aback and all the boys from the other group looked at their boss surprised. They weren’t expecting him to say that. But suddenly Donghae lost his smiled and became really serious.

“But you’re wrong about one thing... We are far away from harmless.”

Saying that we didn’t think about it twice and throw a punch at the boss. After that it was war. Everyone started punching and kicking everyone. Between blood and dust, Donghae was only focused on his victim. With one punch he had let out his frustration and sadness but it wasn’t enough. He started punching, punching again and again. The poor chubby boy tried defending himself but Donghae was obviously stronger, so he changed tactics and tried to protect himself from the other. He lost balance and fell on the ground, it was obviously over for him but Donghae didn’t stop there. He sat on him, took him by the collar and was going to punch him again when he saw something in the other’s eyes… fear and disgust. That was what drove Donghae over the edge. Was he so disgusting that no one could stay with him? He was as disgusting as his sister? Why everyone was abandoning him? Why no one loved him enough to stay with him? Was he bound to be that miserable? He should just die…

“Stop!” yelled Heechul.

Donghae didn’t realize that he was punching the boy over and over again before the thin boy yelled at him. Everything was over around him but he kept fighting. Minho ran off to the brunet and grabbed his hand to stop him from hitting the other boy again.

“Hyung! Snap out of it! You’re going to kill him.”

That simple sentence made Donghae realize what was going on. His eyes widened at the realization that he was beating a guy to death. A guy that he didn’t know, and that didn’t do anything to him… He got up losing a bit balance, his head was spinning fast and he couldn’t detach his eyes from the plum that was the other boy’s face, lying on the ground almost lifeless. Blood… there was so much blood around him…

Minho finally let go of him. The brunet leaned on the wall trying to catch up his breath. His hand hurts, his face hurts, his back hurts, almost all his body hurts. Heechul walked between the bodies on the ground and approached Donghae.

“Are you alright?”

The boy didn’t answer; he fixed the carnage they did on the floor. He could sense all the eyes fixed on him. He almost killed someone. He actually beat a person so much that he almost took his life away… He was going to be sick. That wasn’t what he wanted… that wasn’t what he was expecting… How did it become like this? Everything was so messed up now… The brunet was almost forgetting why he was doing all this… Why was he doing that?

***

Donghae barely got back to his room. He was trembling and on the verge of passing out. As soon as he opened the door he could see the lights on, he felt relieved. He stepped in and Eunhyuk jumped out of his bed.

“Donghae, you’re bleeding?!”

The brunet looked at his hands, yes there was still blood on it, and he didn’t even dare to imagine his face…

“What happened?” Eunhyuk asked.

The boy seemed to be sincerely concern and that’s what made Donghae give in. He fell forward and Eunhyuk caught him just in