“I don’t know what happened and I don’t wanna be involved in any of it, but I thought it was better to let you know where he was in case of…”

“In case of what?” asked Donghae, suddenly worried.

Silence. It’s when Donghae realized something. If it was Hangeng who called and met him then it meant that Heechul wasn’t very far away, and if it was so then it meant that…

“What did Eunhyuk and Heechul do?”

“For now nothing… But they reconciled and are closer than ever.”

Heechul had his favorite dongsaengs back and now they had a common pain of have been betrayed by the same person, which meant a common enemy. This kind of hateful feelings could only lead to bad things… Eunhyuk was going to become his past self again…

“Hey, airhead! Are you listening to me?”

“Hum? Sorry, what did you say?”

“Eunhyuk is back on the gang now, so there will be no easy way out. But maybe you can reason him.”

“Why are you doing that?” asked Donghae, honestly curious.

“Because I want Heechul to stay as far away as possible from Leeteuk or his little brother.”

He said that with a neutral voice, without letting show any emotions. Because Donghae wasn’t saying anything, he cleared his throat and continued.

“It’s not that I don’t like Hyukjae, he is a good boy, but his brother is a poison to Chullie.”

Donghae raise an eyebrow.

“And you aren’t?”

At the moment he said that he bit his tongue. What was he trying to do? To be beaten up again? But Hangeng had a bitter laugh.

“I know what you think? You must’ve heard a lot of things by that blabber mouth of Sungmin, and so of course I made Heechul become like this and enter this life. But the truth is that he was in this life way before I did. When I met him Leeteuk had already broken him…”

“You know what happened between them?”

“Heechul doesn’t talk about it, but it’s not hard to guess that it’s a love wound.”

“But now you’re the one he loves.”

“Even so, those wounds are difficult to heal…”

Donghae nodded. He was surprised to hear all that come from Hangeng. When he talked about Heechul his face changed totally and softened.

“All I want for Heechul is for him to free himself of the past and get out of this life, to finally move on.”

That’s what everyone was trying to do right now… It seemed to be their life’s goal.

“You really love him…” Donghae commented.

“He is my whole life…”

For a moment Donghae was jealous of Heechul. Despite their lifestyle and their character, they had something precious, which was love and respect of each other. The brunet wished we could have the same relationship with his Eunhyuk… But each time Donghae believed they had reached somewhere, all his dreams were broken into pieces again and again. That’s why he had lost hope once, and Eunhyuk had come to bring him back. Well now it was his turn. He would bring back Eunhyuk and this time it would be the right one.

“I want to see him.” Donghae said suddenly.

“I don’t think it’s a good idea…”

“Good thing I’m not asking for your permission!”

Again Donghae slapped himself mentally! He wasn’t talking to anyone, he should be careful with his tone. But again Hangeng didn’t take offense and smiled softly.

“You’re brave kid. If things were different I might have liked you.”

“So you’re going to tell me where Eunhyuk is?”

“Better. I’m going to take you to him.”

***

“Just to warn you, you won’t like what you’ll see…” said Hangeng as they approached the hangar.

They were a bit outside town in front of an abandoned building.

“This is your hideout? Isn’t it a bit cliché?”

“It’s not a hideout, me and Chullie live here and we let others say from time to time. Not everyone has a place to go. It’s one of my dad’s buildings.”

“So you’re really from the Chinese mafia!”

Hangeng stopped and turned to Donghae, smiling.

“I could tell you, but then after I would have to kill you!”

And then he continued his way, laughing at Donghae’s shocked face. They entered the building and went to the second floor, there was a long hallway.

“Eunhyuk is over there.”

Donghae looked at the room he was pointing at with a bit of apprehension. Hangeng put a hand on his shoulder, almost friendly.

“Everything is going to be just fine. You just stay away from the room at the end of the hallway.”

“Why?”

“It’s Heechul’s.”

The boy nodded and after taking a long inspiration he went in Eunhyuk’s room.

It was a big room with a mezzanine and below it there was a couch where the dancer was sitting, playing with his phone.

He didn’t even raise his head when Donghae approached him.

“Hey hyung, you’re back? What are we eating tonight?” Eunhyuk asked.

His voice… his face… everything… he seemed completely fine. Like nothing had ever happened. Well, Donghae knew it could be just an act, but he could feel that somehow the atmosphere around Eunhyuk wasn’t the same. Because he wasn’t answering the dancer finally looked up. And for a split of seconds their eyes met. And in a millisecond Eunhyuk’s eyes hardened.

“Oh it’s you…”

That was it? After some time without talking or even seeing each other that was the only thing he could say? Donghae was starting to wonder if it was really a good idea to have come here.

“How are you?” was the only thing the brunet could say.

“I’m pretty fine.”

And that was all. An awkward silence fell upon the two boys. Eunhyuk got up with a sigh.

“Geng-hyung sent you? He is afraid that Heechul-hyung and I will do something. But rest assured I don’t wanna see Leeteuk, not even to get revenge.”

Well, that was good right? At least it was a start… But even so, being around Heechul was a bad idea.

“When are you coming back?”

“I’m not.”

Donghae feared that answer.

“Eunhyuk… getting back to that life isn’t a solution.”

“I seriously don’t wanna hear your lecture today! All you always do its lecture people instead of looking at yourself!”

“Like what?”

“Like you’re totally messed up and you think you can judge people!”

“I’m not judging you… I’m just saying…”

“Stop.” Eunhyuk interrupted him. “Just the sound of your voice gives me a headache!”

Donghae frowned but didn’t say anything, because he didn’t came here to pick a fight.

“Just let me be, will you.”

“I don’t want to…”

“We could never stand each other anyway!” said Eunhyuk exasperated. “So why force something that it’s not? Isn’t it what you told me?”

“I was wrong…” Donghae said sadly.

He really regretted those words, and if he could get them back he would.

“I think on the contrary that you were totally right! I don’t want to have anything to do with you! I just don’t care anymore…”

“Why?”

“Why should I?”

That was a good question… why should they care about anything? They must have a reason… but Donghae couldn’t find any…

“Because people care…”

Eunhyuk didn’t seem convinced at all. And that only made him angrier.

“People are hypocrites; they only care about something that can be useful to them!”

Unfortunately, the brunet couldn’t argue with that.

“Not everyone is like that…”

“Don’t try making you sound better than others! You’re as low as we are, as broken as we are and as insignificant as we are. And most of all, you’re a total freak.”

Donghae was a bit hurt by those words, even if it wasn’t the first time hearing them. He felt the needed to defend himself.

“Let me explain something to you… Do you know why I became claustrophobic? Do you know why I have those panic attacks?”

“No and I don’t care so…”

“Those walls terrify me.” cut Donghae. « It’s like they were caging me into something that I’m not, it’s suffocating. Exactly like people do… If you don’t understand that even if I don’t cry or scream my heart out it doesn’t mean that I’m not broken inside, then you didn’t understand anything! But still, I know that I can’t live by giving up.”

Eunhyuk stared at him. He came closer and then when he had his face inches from Donghae’s, he whispered.

“You’re suffering too? I know… But what you have to understand is...” Suddenly a smirk grew on his face. “… that I don’t care one bit!”

Then he turned away and went back to sit on the couch.

“I realized that I only needed you because somehow you reminded me of Minha, and I couldn’t get over her. But now things changed and all is left is that you’re a pain in the . So get lost!”

Donghae’s heart had stopped beating from the time Eunhyuk was so close to him until now. He was unable neither to breathe nor to speak. The thin dancer was being mean, not a jerk like he usually was, no this time he was really mean and hurtful. And indeed he didn’t seem to care if he was or not.

“I don’t like you and I never did.” he continued. “I just thought that I could have a bit of fun. I did and now thanks, bye! »

Donghae clenched his fists. His sadness was being transforming in anger as Eunhyuk spoke.

“You’re so fake!” he said.

“Says Minha’s shadow.”

Donghae stared shocked at the boy.

Maybe indeed his Hyukkie, the gentle but clumsy Hyukjae that he loved had disappeared for good… Maybe he never existed and that Donghae had deluded from the beginning.

“Why are you being like this?”

“Because maybe this way you will leave me alone.”

“You want to be alone? Alright I’ll leave you alone, I’ll let you be…” Donghae’s heart sank as he was saying these words. “But what about your friends? Sungmin and Junsu are waiting for you and Rinha too! What are you going to do about them?”

“Yeah Hyukjae, what are you going to do about us?” said a voice behind them.

The two boys turned around to see Sungmin.

“What are you doing here Min?” asked Donghae surprised.

“I followed you… I came to eat lunch with you and saw you going out of the room, I followed you after that and saw you with Hangeng, from then I understood you were coming to see him.” He said pointing at Eunhyuk.

But even with his friend there, Eunhyuk didn’t seem to change expressions; the same perkiness was in his eyes. He sighed.

“Great… another one!”

“I came to see it with my own eyes.”

“Min you sho