I look at myself in the mirror. White porcelain skin, long silky dark hair and elongated legs that look like it goes forever. Face with no pores, big eyes, pointy nose and juicy lips that never cracks. I look perfect… I am perfect. As I study myself, wearing my Equipment’s leopard print washed-silk that shows off my milky legs, I am certain I look flawless.

So, why do I feel self-conscious all over again? Like a little girl in her middle school, too scared to face her classmates and too afraid to be humiliated again. The torment, the embarrassment and the hurt, it is all coming back to me. His name brings back the painful memories that I successfully buried inside me. Junsu. Han Junsu. What will happen to me tomorrow?

I shake my head, trying to get rid of the thought. It’s been almost 10 years since that nightmare passed and I am a new woman. A powerful and confident woman. Nothing can bring me down. People bow down to me. I am no longer the object of humiliation; I am no longer the inadequate Koo.

I get out of my walk in closet, into my bedroom. The time is already 12, which means that I’ve spent at least one and a half hour inside my closet and wallowing in my own fear. I need to get the nightmare out of my head.

As soon as I let Junsu slip out of my mind, a new but reoccurring face pops up again. I sigh. Another troublesome man intrudes my head. Every time my head is empty, he comes popping in out of nowhere, making me anxious. Every time his face shows up, whether it is in reality or simply in my head, my insides dances.

Idol. That idol. Contradicting, bold and completely confusing. I recall the event that unfolds today and wondering why do I feel the way I felt. When he insults me, my systems feel like its tearing up. It stings, it hurts. The way it hurts is different. Different than what I usually felt and I was not prepared.

After the hurtful comments he spat to me, he turned around completely. He became caring, protective but still moody. The way he took care of me, making sure I don’t get hurt, it was soothing. It was assuring. It makes my insides warm and my toes curled. But… What was that kiss for?

As I drown in my own thought, my phone vibrates and waking me up from my own thoughts. I pick it up from the nightstand and turn it on. The notification tells me that I have four miscalled and six new messages. I frown. It’s 12 at night, people are usually smart enough not to bother me during this time. Except Mika.

I open the call register expecting Mika’s name on the miscall list but what greets me surprises me.

Idol (4)                             11.48 PM

Mobile

The idol called me? Why?

I open my messages and got further surprised. It is from the idol. Again.

From: Idol

Don’t forget to put ointment for ur hand

From: Idol

Have u put them on yet ?

From: Idol

Why aren’t u replying ?!

From: Idol

Are u sleeping already ?

From: Idol

Why aren’t u answering ur phone ??

Are u okay ??

From: Idol

I’m sorry but is this Koo HyuRi’s number?

I chuckle, reading the idol’s excessive messages. In only one and a half hour, the idol managed to typed six messages and called four times. All of that simply because he wants me to put ointment onto my burnt skin? This idol. Is this what a person who thinks of me as a sister does?

To: Idol

Hello to u too.

Yes this is Koo Hyuri’s number.

A few second after I presses send, my phone vibrates non-stop. The caller ID shows the same overly caring man, who thinks of me as a sister.

“Yeobuseyo” I answer.

“Ya!! I called you twice and you didn’t pick up!” He scolds immediately.

I chuckle, “Four”

“What?”

“You called four times” I lengthen.

“Ah…” He startles, “Well, four then. Does it make any difference?! The point is, you didn’t pick up!”

“I was getting ready for bed”

“How long does it takes for you to get ready??!” He is still mad.

“I’m a princess. I have my rituals” I answer calmly which shuts him up. “What’s up?”

“Err…” He seems surprise by my question, as if he didn’t prepared to answer. If he doesn’t know why he’s calling, then why does he?

“I already put on ointment, if that’s what you’re wondering about”

“Oh…” He says, “Good”

“Is that all, idol?”

“Umm… yes…”

“Alright then, bye!”

“YAA!!!” He shouts the moment my thumb grazes the end button.

“What?” I return my phone back to my ear.

“Why are you ending the call??!” He says, annoyed.

“Well, didn’t you already got what you wanted to know?”

“Can’t we talk?!!” His voice shows his irritation.

“Oh. You called because you wanted to talk?”

“Well… yeah” His voice shakes in nervousness.

“I thought you called to know if I’ve put my ointment or not”

“… That too”

“So, which one?”

“YA!!” His voice rises again, “I don’t need a reason to call you, okay??! If I wanted to call then I can call! I don’t need any justification!”

“Okay! Geez calm down!!” I had to put my phone afar from my ears to save it from his shouting.

“Pft. You’re annoying” He says. I can already picture him pouting.

“How am I annoying?”

“I don’t know, you just are” He says with the same sulking tone.

I involuntarily smile upon hearing his tone. “Where are you?”

“Studio” He answers, still sulking.

“What time is your flight tomorrow?”

“Ten” The sulking man replies.

“In the morning??”

“Yes”

“Shouldn’t you get some sleep by now??”

It took him some time before he answers, “Are you worried?” His tone is no longer sulking. He is teasing