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Managing You & MeI'm officially back to work and I don't know how I should act...
Dakyung unnie can't stop thanking me these days, telling me all the nice things happening.
I just smile and nod, being glad she's finally taking steps toward what she literally has been chasing after. Today, I have to go through thorns in my heart again.
For unnie, for unnie.
" Ahn ah? is that you?!"
I hear Junghwan oppa's voice.
I turn around and say " Yeah I'm here again!" I try with visible effort to smile a bit.
Gongchan oppa hugs me from the back and says
" I missed you so ... so much."
" I missed you too"
I apologized to all the B1A4 oppas.
Jinyoung oppa kept avoiding eye contact.
It's better that way for me too.... i think.. but it still hurts.
Dakyung unnie comes next to Jinyoung oppa and starts giggling and talking but his gaze is somewhere else.
I hope unnie doesn't think he's ignoring her. He's listening ... I think.
Like usual, we go over the schedules and plans for the upcoming week.
Today, there's a photoshoot which means we have to travel long to places and stay there for a lotta hours.
We get straight into the van and Minhyuk (remeber him? lol!!) oppa entered the highway.
I was sitting next to CNU and Baro oppa, playing Anipang (popular Kakao Talk game app) on my phone when Minhyuk oppa said he had to go to the restroom so we decided to take a break.
When I came back from the restroom myself, I asksd Jungwhan oppa what's going on with Jinyoung oppa.
" I don't know Ahn ah, he looks a teeny bit off today. He'll get better later though! Lets get a sandwich!!"
So I got like 8 sandwiches for everybody and headed back into the van.
This time I'm sitting with Chanshik oppa and Jungwhan oppa.
We eat our sandwichs and eventually fall asleep. And no, I couldn't sleep.
I laid my head back.
All these flashbacks rammed in my head , the time when Jinyoung oppa held my hand, when i first hugged him, When oppa touched my cheeks softly.
I realized how much I miss the happy me, the one who can be happy and true around Jinyoung oppa....
I cried silently again.. like a helpless baby. Then, I forced myself into a dreamless sleep.
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I wake up and Minhyuk oppa announces we're almost there.
Jinyoung oppa is awake and he's looking thru a window.
His face looks so.. empty.
I feel so guilty and bad that I'm the one who made Jinyoung oppa believe that he's just an idol to me.
I would feel better if he just sad bad things to me and ignored me.
This would be better for Dakyung unnie too.
The van stops and Minhyuk oppa and Dakyung unnie starts to wake everyone up.
Unnie wakes up Jinyoung oppa, who closed his eyes,
unnie softly shakes oppa's shoulders and whisper to him to wake up.
He doesn't even look at unnie and gets out of the van.
I turn my gaze to pretend like I didn't see that.
I wake up both Gongchan and Sandeul, being glad I can at least be happy around them.
We all get out of the van and into the building.
Dakyung unnie keeps glancing at me.. did she see me see her and Jinyoung oppa ?
I brush the thought off and walk into the main photography room.
The photographer and his crew greets the B1A4 oppas and then comes up to us and askes
"Are you Miss Ahn ah? I'm glad you agreed to join our photoshoot today! Just like the talks of today, you are beautiful!"
" Tha..Thankyou! Uh what to u mean i'll be jo..."
Dakyung unnie pulls me out of the conversation before my reply was spoken and says
"Oh mr.choi! (photographer) she's gunna blab about how thankful she is of your compliment! We need to get ready so please excuse us!" and she pushes/dragges me into a dressing room.
" Un..Unnie! what does he mean by me joining photoshoot? its just me monitoring the oppas!"
Unnie fumbled with her words " Okay. I can explain this. I knew you would turn down the offer and that this would be a chance for you to dream bigger and everything... It would be good for you to be on public once! Everybody now knows who you are and its just you who doesn't realize how popular you've gotten! So you have to do this !! please?"
I look into Dakyung unnie's pleading puppy eyes and I still can't believe I gave in.
So the makeup artists, hairdressers, outfit coordinaters, and the concept manager all comes in while I'm wearing this sillky gown.
The concept manager and the group introduces themselves.
Manger unnie wanted me to call her Miss. N because her real name is Na-mee, which she hated.
The outfit coordinater unnie, Marie (ikr! english name! yay!) unnie and I got close because she was so funny and she thought i was just so adorable.
Marie unnie measured me and started picking out all the outfits.
The hairdresser Unnie clipped on front hair bangs, and lots of back extensions on me so perfectly that I didn't know that it was fake hair.
I got into this white and pastel pink outfit with the B1A4 fan-good buttons clipped on crazily on my top and skirt.
there was a gold color B1A4 logo written straight across my shirt and this really wrapped my recent life in one outfit. After evrything, I looked into the mirror
and first cringed and said
" I can't go out like this!" Then everyone told me how good it looks on me and I felt more confident.
Dakyung unnie said i had to do an interview and told me to just be myself. Which I'm good at.
I head out to the main photography room with the hair and makeup unnies following me.
I saw 5 pairs of B1A4 eyeballs getting as big as they can and Gongchan oppa ran towards me and hugged me.
"Ahn ah!! you're so cute!!"
I blush like crazy and laugh akwardly.
I walk toward the oppas and they all tell me how cute I look.
Jinyoung oppa softly said "You look beautiful Ahn ah"
My heart crumbled into a tiny ball of sadness ... he had guts to say that even though I broke his heart.
The director-nim's voice echoed through my over-thinking mind.
"Let's start ! Miss Ahn ah, just be comfortable and act like you always do around the boys, and boys! be comfortable around miss Ahn ah!
We all know she's pretty but you guys know how beautiful she is insde and out! The more beautiful she is, get more attracted to her!"
As soon as he said that, I blushed out of embarrassment of such an overwhelming compliment.
All the oppas took a big step towards me to represent the attraction and I blushed even harder.
If that's possible.
We laughed and just acted natural like always. The pictures were turning out great .
_________________________
The director-nim announced "Okay! Take a break!"
I went to get a glass of water and joined the oppas to monitor the pictures.
The director nim showed us his favorite, It was a picture of me, CNU, Sandeul, Baro, and Gongchan oppa looking straight into the camera with all cutesie an bright smiles while Jinyoung oppa was looking at me and smiling.
I realized most of the pictures had me either looking into the camera or avoiding Jinyoung oppa while oppa was looking at me and standing near me.
I blushed and this time, I couldn't help my smile. Jinyoung oppa caught that and smiled too.
Dakyung unnie tapped me on the shoulder and said " Ahn ah... can I speak with you?"
I followed her without a word while the oppas continued looking at their pictures.
Dakyung unnie started with a sigh ,
" Ahn ah, you're not in trouble. I have to tell you this. Yesterday, I confessed to Jinyoung and that I had a crush on him for as long as I've known.
After telling him everything, I felt like I should move on. I told Jinyoung thank you for everything and that now I feel much better. So i don't want you to worry bout me anymore.. I'm going to move on now to find an oppa for myself so you can go ahead and be happy again. I hated seeing you keeping yourself from being happy."
I said " Really? unnie! u actually did? I'm proud of you!" and hid the secret fireworks happening inside me. I can be myself fully again.
Dakyung unnie signaled me to go talk to Jinyoung , who we all know had been sad lately.
I walked up behind Jinyoung oppa and said "...oppa.. I want to talk to you.."
He nodded and we walked off to the dressing rooms.
I said " oppa. I'm so so so sorry. I never meant to say that you're just an idol to me, u mean so much more and I thought you didn't want to be seen with me or anything . After all, I'm just another BANA. But I feel so happy being ... happy around the oppas but when I couldn't even smile to you, my heart just broke and when you talked to me at the cafe, I felt like hugging you but I had to keep myself from that. Can you please forgive me?"
Jinyoung oppa just laughed and put his arms around me, into a tight hug.
"you don't have to call me oppa. And I thought you just thought of me as an idol and i knew it wasn't true.
I missed you so much Ahn ah. You and your beautiful smiles."
I scoffed, breaking into my familiar grin and I blushed like them TNT dynamites and those words set my bombs on fire.
I don't have to call him oppa? What?
I laughed and put my arms around oppa too and said
"I missed you more" .We smiled at each other.
We went back to the photo shoot holding hands.
Director-nim said "Miss Ahn ah! It's time for your interview now!"
Dakyung unnie saw us as we walked out and winked with a thumbs up at me.
I giggled and looked at Jinyoung oppa as he nodded and let go of my hand as I headed to my interview.
-interview-
I answered basic questions about my birthday, bloodtype (A.N -its a stereotypical judging concept in Korea like the blood type A is shy, B is proud, O is cool/chill AB is weird ) and my lifestory. Then, we went into the question and answer type of an interview.
( I is the interviewer and A is Ahn ah)
I: when did you figure out you'd be the manager of B1A4?
A: I knew I would be a manger, but I never knew i would be a manager of B1A4. It came as a nice shock to me, since ,of course, I'm a BANA.
I : *laughs* So who's the silliest member? Since they are all oppas, do they pretend to be all responsible and mannered?
A : I'd have to say all of them . I know , lame answer but they are all equally silly, just that CNU oppa is teensy bit more mannered. The oppas are like my family and I treat them the same, so we all act immature and just be ourselves around each other
I : Who would you pick as an oppa if you had an oppa?
A : It's weird, but the maknae oppa. Gongchan oppa is so cute and dongsaeng like to almost everybody but he takes care of me and makes me feel so comfortable. He'd also be my bestfriend. You can just say anything and everything to him and he'll make your troubles happy somehow.
I : it seems like you're the dictionary of B1A4. Every BANA is so jealous of you right now. To top it all off, you're known to many idols and non-celebrities as pretty, smart, and funny. How do you feel about that?
A : I always thought it was an overwhelming compliment I don't deserve and the BANAs don't have to worry about anything. I'm just their donsaeng, like their sibling.
I : ohhh come on, theres almost nobody who will buy that story~~ so to be honest, who's your number one boyfriend choice?
A : I'm keeping it a mystery not only from the public, but from the oppas too so I can't answer that!! haha
- end of interview -
the Interviewer thanked me for my time and we continued shooting.
This time, I looked at Jinyoung oppa with a smile. I was so happy I can now.
I was completely myself and realized it has been long since I felt this complete again.
Directer-nim said "NICE JOB! That's it for today! Miss Ahn ah you were fabulous, B1A4, it was awesome working with you guys. "
We said our farewells and headed into our own dressing rooms. I changed from my totally adorable , customized outfit into my regular drabby ones. It was so fun today and I might miss this. Marie unnie, the outfit coordinater said
"hey Ahn ah! I want you to keep the outfit and this!"
she rolled a full rack of outfits.
I stuttered " w..wha... Un..unnie! I can't accept this!"
Marie unnie said "Just take it! nobody's going to be wearing these since you're so skinny! Just take it and if it doesnt fit in the van, just stuff the clothes in. They are all machine washable and you can iron them.
I threw my arms around Marie unnie and said " THANK YOU SOMUCH UNNIE!! I lovee youu!!"
Marie unnie laughed and handed me her business card
"you're like the little sister i never had! call me anytime you get a stuck up coordinater! I'll always make time for my little Ahn ah!" she said and left, waving her hand towards me.
I got Minhyuk oppa to help me put the outfit in the van and we went to get the oppas.
The oppas changed too, but they still looked so handsome ;) all of them hehe
Dakyung unnie and Minhyuk oppa went to the van with B1A4 stuff and we all followed them. Sandeul oppa came up behind me and said " you still look pretty beautiful even without that outfit! Even the makeup you're wearing now doesn't matter!"
I laughed and said " Oh so I just looked the same old me? drabby and boring? is that what your saying oppa? that i didn't look any prettier?"
we all laughed and I said I'm just joking as Sandeul oppa went into great denial.
CNU oppa gave me a fist bump and said
"you were great. A natural I'd say"
Gongchan and Baro oppa came up behind me with side hugs and sung to Beautiful Target
"Oh my beautiful Ahn ah~~ You zoom zoom my heart like a rockett~~"
We all finished the chorus together with lots of laughing.
As Baro oppa and Gongchan oppa went ahead to catch up with Sandeul oppa and Cnu oppa,
Jinyoung oppa hooked his arm to mine and said "You were amazing today! I loved seeing happy Ahn ah again! "
I said "I loved seeing happy Jinyoung too" .
He stood in front of me and brushed my cheeks with his hand like before and said "So beautiful..."
I grinned and quickly pushed him along so we can get to the van.
In the van, we were saying things we would do when we go back home.
So it turned into a game called when we go (..home in this case) .
You say when we go home, there's food , and the next person adds on it and the person who gets the chain of answers wrong,
they get a set punishment of choice.
it was Jinyoung oppa's turn and he said "When we go home, there will be food (Sandeul), Baro's daramjwee, clothes (CNU), and no Ahn ah (that was oppa's answer) .
Everybody agreed , oohed and ahhed while I laughed and said I still have oppas in my home cuz i have posters of them.
Gongchan oppa said we should make a poster of Ahn ah. CNU oppa said we probably would as soon as the magazine with the photoshoots of today comes out.
A tought slipped by me that i'd be seen by everybody. Most people already know me but
having a magazine, it's a whole new level.
Time flew as we were chatting and joking and we were home. Like usual, we got all B1A4 stuff and went up to their dorm and unpacked their things.
Every time, this house is so .. untidy.. haha .. I told the oppas they should clean cuz Im going to come over sometime to do a clean check.
Sandeul oppa said "Ooh! you should! I'll make the house messier so you can stay longer and help us clean!! yay!"
Gongchan oppa said " Thats so smart hyunggg!!"
i giggled and said "I'm gunna go guys! bye!" and waved towards them and left with Dakyung unnie. oh! Almost forgotten about it! I got my own clothes from the van and into unnie's car.
On the way home, Dakyung unnie and I were talking about B1A4's shedules and how they will definitely be much more famous.
We might get a new manager.
We laughed about it and stuff as we rode home.
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